|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 6, 2016 13:21:12 GMT -6
It's a typical day at Monkey Alliance Headquarters. Doc Quantum is busy overseeing the interns as they organize the latest case files so they can get their government stipend.
Babu walks in with MH. He was carrying a styrofoam carton which he brings over to the desk of the newest intern, Andrej.
"Oo, what's this?" the new intern says, looking up at Babu through thick eyelashes.
"You've been working so hard, I thought I'd bring you something back from Meaty McGees," Babu gushes.
"Oh, you sweet monkey man. You are such a gentleman," the statuesque blond says in a slight Bosnian accent.
"Hey, no fair. We've been working hard, too!" Taffy exclaims.
"Don't worry. I've ordered pizza," Doc Quantum says from his office. A cheer goes up among the other interns.
"Still no fair Andrej ot Meaty McGees," Taffy pouts.
"About this new intern," MH says under his breath as he walks up to Doc Quantum's desk.
"I know. I know," Doc says. "Thanks to Obama, if we want to keep our government funding, we've got to make sure the LGBT community is represented on our payroll.
"Yeah, but did you notice Babu?" MH says. They both look over to Andrej's desk where Babu is leaning in to chat up the new intern. "I don't think he knows Andrej is a..."
"Yeah, I'd better say something before he finds out the hard way," Doc says.
"Not yet," MH says. I want to see how this plays out."
Babu walks into Doc Quantum's office lookin starry eyed. "MH, I finally understand how you could get so smitten over an intern," he says. "Andrej is a dream. That radiant skin.... those pouty, kissable lips... I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl, I tell you!"
MH's eyes go wide and he suddenly turns green. He covers his mouth and runs out of the room.
"Huh," babu says. "I guess something he ate didn't agree with him."
"Yeah, that's probably it," Doc says.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jan 9, 2016 22:41:28 GMT -6
"i can't imagine this ending well," sighs doc quantum.
peggy, babu's personal secretary who's been with him for years, walks past and looking at andrej with a jaundiced eyes rasps lowly, "i don't like this one bit! mh and his thing about taffy -- i can understand. he's pretty screwed up."
"um umnnn!" says mh clearing his throat as he walks past peggy, "manhunter super hearing!"
peggy rolls her eyes. "this'll play itself out peggy," says doc. "there's uh, more to andrei than meets the eye."
"i hope you're right," says peggy, and she goes back to her office.
just then gilda, from the mayor's office, burst in carry a large apparently heavy box.
"hey everybody!" cries gilda. "i found a cachet of old 'klinger's crazy jokes' on floppies shoved away in an old filing cabinet in the mayor's office!"
"that's unbelievable! thanks gilda!" exclaims dakota. "we're going to need to put in some overtime. there must be a couple hundred floppies in there! and those crazy jokes are a piece of history. absolutely fascinating."
"uhhh gilda! just sit them over in the corner. beside babu." says mh.
"watch this doc, "whispers mh.
inches from babu, gilda leans down and sits the box in a corner.
"damn ...", says doc, "babu didn't take his eyes off andrej for a second. he didn't even blink!"
suddenly looking concerned mh says, "time to bring in the big guns!" mh moves over to taffy and says, "taffy! it completely slipped my mind! today is 'taint top' day!"
taffy becomes enraged. "sh-t! first meaty mcgees, and now i'm missing 'taint top' day!" leaving in a huff taffy takes off to the monkey alliance locker room.
"there, now i feel better!" says taffy, returning & walking over past babu & andrej and bending over to pick up the box of floppies.
"damn mh, the big guns," says doc. "you weren't kidding! those things ought to pry babu loose from that breathtaking pre-surgical lady-man's spell."
"hey babu," says doc, "check out those floppies!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 10, 2016 7:28:30 GMT -6
"Never one to pass up an opportunity to pass up a nice rack, Babu looks over. MH and Doc breath a sigh of relief.
"That's a good sign," Doc says.
Suddenly, Babu gets up and moves behind Andrej. "You look a little tense, there, honey. Probably from all that hard work. Let me massage your shoulders," Babu says.
"Oo, you're so good to me, monkey man," Andrej says. "You're the best boss ever."
"Hey, no fair!" Taffy exclaims.
"This is getting serious," MH says. "Maybe you should call Mrs. Baboon to come over and knock some sense into him."
"Already tried that while you guys were at lunch," Doc says. He holds up his cell phone and the sound of Mrs. Baboon still laughing her ass off can be heard from the other end.
"We need a case to distract him," MH says.
Suddenly, the phone rings and Dakota picks it up. "It's the mayor!" she exclaims.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jan 11, 2016 23:15:39 GMT -6
seconds later mh and doc quartum are headed to the supermarket in the monkey wagon.
"mh!" cried doc, you can't legally call this thing the monkey wagon."
"can too!" exclaims mh. "baboon used it to pick up some teak furniture his wife bought! it's officially part of our rolling stock now."
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jan 11, 2016 23:28:03 GMT -6
"fine!" says doc as the park and get out of the car. "whadda you think the mayor wanted?"
"search me," says mh. "i hope he wasn't calling because 'vanity fair' wants some pichurs of me a'sittin' on ther terlet!!"
which obviously he does.
doc picks up a 'vanity fair' and points at the cover.
"damn!" cries mh. "i gotta go in the bathroom and rub one off!"
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jan 11, 2016 23:40:51 GMT -6
"you better now?" asks doc.
"no!" says mh. "there was a fat guy in there takin' a poo! that a hostile environment! let's get our groceries and head back. how much malt liquor did baboon say to get?"
"as usual, all we can carry. the walk-in cooler is getting sort of bare. which gives kenny & buddy the shakes."
"durn," says mh. "this andrej thing has me worried. baboon's gay-dar isn't working!"
"mh, there's no such thing as gay-dar." says doc.
"is too!" cries mh as he pulls an object out of his pocket.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jan 11, 2016 23:55:24 GMT -6
"what the heck?" says doc.
"buddy made it for me!" exclaims mh.
"as part of clone degeneration my gay-dar ain't working that good either! and turns out, trannies are crazy about manhunters! and you know how buddy worries about me! maybe trannies are into me because of the name 'manhunter'. who the heck knows?"
suddenly a pretty soccer mom with two kids and a mini-van walks up and asks mh to help her pick out a cantaloupe. mh pulls out the 'gay-dar 5000' and points it at her and it starts beeping like crazy.
"friggin' tranny! get the f-ck away from me!" cries mh.
back at monkey alliance hq, buddy is explaining to peggy, babu's personal assistant who has been with him for years, "yeah, the 'gay dar 5000' goes off if you point it at anybody! i need to make sure mh done stays a faithful husband."
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 12, 2016 15:46:58 GMT -6
MH and Doc arrive back at Monkey Alliance Headquarters with their malt liquor. Taffy volunteers to help them bring it in, so they walk back out to the car.
"Hey, maybe you should show the Gaydar 5000 to Babu," Doc Quantum says. "That could set things right."
"Good idea," MH says.
MH fires up the Gaydar 5000 and it suddenly starts beeping madly. His eyes grow wide when he realizes it's pointing at Taffy.
What's up?" Babu says, walking out to greet them.
"I don't know," Taffy says. "MH suddenly burst into tears and ran off."
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jan 12, 2016 23:27:22 GMT -6
seconds later, mh stalks into the garage and hops into the blue horse's old stuts bearcat, and takes off.
"ghaaa! ghaaa! ghaaa!" mh yells, racing to old monkey alliance hq.
"so wait!" exclaims babu. "you say mh saw a tranny someplace?"
"that's not exactly what we said," replies doc.
andrej looks upset.
"don't worry about mh! calm yerself my sweet dumpling!" says babu. |
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jan 12, 2016 23:44:39 GMT -6
"what the crap did you do doc?! mh has gone on the lam! we have to go and find that horse's ass," says babu.
"but listen, if he wants to go, "begins doc.
"dammit!" cries babu. "having a manhunter clone in our group, seriously -- it give us so much street cred! he's like a faberge egg! why do you think i take so much crap off him? yeah, i know, we love the guy, but damn! he's practically a friggin' unicorn!"
"durnit, we gotta get poor mh back and not scared of trannies anymore. that done almost maid me cry!" says buddy.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jan 13, 2016 0:08:25 GMT -6
moments later several monkey alliance members pile into the monkey-mobile, piloted lothar. including the interns, and andrej.
"i'll take they mayor's call later!" says babu.
"i'm frightened! cries Andrej, with a slight accent.
"hang on! i've got you! my sweet gourd of nectar." says babu.
"this isn't going to end well,"says peggy, on the ground, bbu's personal assistant who's been with him for years.
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 13, 2016 21:21:41 GMT -6
"Um... I'm sorry, Mr. Mayor," says Peggy, Babu's personal assistant who's been with him for years. "Babu's sort of tied up right now. He'll call back as soon as he can."
"I hope it's soon," Mayor Bruce Campbell says, looking out of his window at the view of he city. "It's sort of urgent."
 "Jeeze. Where the hell are those guys?"
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jan 13, 2016 23:37:08 GMT -6
suddenly the blue horse's stuts bearcat intercepts the nazi-bot.
"it's mh!" cries mayor bruce Campbell.
"what can he do alone against that thing?" asks gilda, who has returned to the mayor's office. "he has no super powers! justice city is doomed! deputy mayor alan sues is readying the atomic sub for our escape!"
mh, on a serious crying jag, is weaving around, and the nazi-bot steps on the stuts bearcat like a fat guy stepping on a roller skate in the dark. it falls hard, and smashes into a million pieces.
"yes! thank you monkey alliance!" cries mayor bruce campbell. "why did i ever doubt them? a giant nazi-bot with a chainsaw and a flame thrower was child's play for them! call in the clean up crew. it's getting close to rush hour."
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jan 13, 2016 23:45:20 GMT -6
"sh-t!" says mh suddenly slightly more alert. "my rear view mirror broke off! what happened? the blue horse will be pissed. I can't beleive taffy's a tranny! eddie murphy should move here! "ghaaa! ghaaa! ghaaa!"
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jan 14, 2016 0:11:30 GMT -6
mh haphazardly spins the blue horse's stuts bearcat into the driveway of the old monkey alliance HQ.
entering the fabulous old landmark, he picks up a bottle of scotch, and begins drinking. then heads to the 'jungle room'.
"hey!" cries a feminine voice. "who are you?"
"i'm mh of the monkey alliance? who are you?" mh slurs drunkenly.
"I'm valentijn de hingh! (transgender) model and fashion designer! doc quantum hired me to re-design the jungle room! not 'giraffe friendly' enough, he said."
"finally, a real woman," rasps mh to himself.
|
|
