|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 10, 2016 14:17:18 GMT -6
Suddenly, Fat Naked Guy pokes his head back in. "Are you guys talking about the Yothers?"
Yeah, why?" Babu asks.
"When I first landed on the island, I ran across those little blue bastards and they hit me with a rock. The next thing I knew, I woke up with asplitting headache, a blonde wig, and my clothes had been taken and replaced with an angora sweater and skirt! I eventually escaped, but since they'd taken my clothes, I had to walk around naked!"
"You mean you'd rather go nude than wear what they gave you?" Amber asked.
Fat Naked Guy covers himself with his hands when he realizes he's naked in front of a strange girl and says, "Hey, it's a tropical island! Angora is freaking hot!" With that, he blushes and leaves.
"Hey, I just realized, that's Jim Gaffigan," Steve says.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Aug 12, 2016 0:18:58 GMT -6
back at the tiki bar sal says to kenny and buddy, "i think we're in the eye of the hurricane! the winds have calmed, and i seen a naked fat guy go past, and also a naked contused guy! wearing a blonde wig and a pig nose. the yothers must have got him. he's a goner."
"hey btw, would you guys like some draught, flood, or yothers insurance?" asks sal. |
|
|
|
Post by mh on Aug 12, 2016 0:38:07 GMT -6
later, sal/joe crusoe heads out to get some swizzle sticks.
"i can't believe we used that many swizzle sticks!" sal exclaims. "i like the ones with the totem guys on 'em."
suddenly, he runs into a gypsy woman who has been instructed that the island is awash with hobos, and the only way to rob them of their mighty hobo cunning is to make sweet sweet love to them.
"come hobo!" cries tasmar,"let's fornicate!"
later, hearing noises, babu & mh wanders over to a nearby hut.
"great," says babu baboon, peeking in, picking up a box of swizzle sticks, "now, not only are we going to have to listen to sal's unnecessary graphic ex-wife sex stories, but also his unnecessary graphic gypsy in a hut sex stories."
"don't feel so bad," says mh. "these steries should be fairly tame. there ain't no sex stores for sal to get lots of strange and crazy fornicating equipment out here. still, that gypsy sure is makin' lotsa noise."
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 17, 2016 14:04:31 GMT -6
"Whew! After that, I for one am pooped!," Sal says, stepping out of the hut.
"Gaaah! What the hell has happened to you?!!" MH exclaims.
"I got laid. That's what," Sal says.
"She done sucked out all yore essence!" Kenny says as he and Amber walk up.
"Har, you can say that again!" Sal chuckles.
"No, look!" Amber says, holding up a make-up mirror.
"Omigod! No!" Sal says. "My face is my moneymaker!"
Babu facepalms. "So our most emotionally stable member is now walking around crazed and thinking he's Tina Yothers, we've got a hurricane bearing down on us, for some reason, there's a naked Jim Gaffigan on the island, and now Sal looks like a freaking mummy.
"Oh yeah, and Jesse's wondered off," Amber says.
"Freaking great! Oh yeah, and there's a Gypsy sorceress after us, too," Babu exxclaims, gesturing wildly. "I wish the Huntress Diana were here. At least we'd have a member here who can hit a woman without us getting bad press!"
"Oh, don't worry about that," Amber says. "I'll straight up smack a bitch."
/font]
|
|
|
|
Post by Doc Quantum on Aug 23, 2016 10:22:33 GMT -6
It had been a strange day on Misplaced Island for Doc Quantum. Already he had been caught up in a typhoon, dropped into the jungle, and delivered into the hands of a group of small, blue-skinned creatures -- the Yothers -- who made him the object of their worship. They kept on chanting, "Yothers! Yothers! Yothers!" And Doc began to wonder, after being knocked on the head a few too many times, if he was really Tina Yothers.
While the village of little folk busied themselves, Doc managed to slip away, not realizing that a group of stealthy ninja Yothers were secretly following him to ensure that no harm came to their deity.
"Am I really Tina Yothers?" Doc now mutters to himself. "Can I really be that beloved actress-turned-alt-rock-singer-turned-reality-tv-star? Everyone knows about Tina Yothers -- the greatest actress of her generation! Even little children can recite the details of her rise to fame: Beginning a career as a child actor at the age of three, she is best known for her role as Jennifer Keaton on the hit NBC series Family Ties, as well as for her roles in numerous television films throughout the 1980s and early 1990s including The Cherokee Trail, Crash Course, and Spunk: The Tonya Harding Story among others."
Suddenly, Doc stops in mid-thought as a beautiful but strangely repulsive woman dressed in Romany-style clothing stood before him.
"Why, hello there!" the gypsy says with a slight accent. "What brings you here, sailor?"
Doc frowns. Something in her tone of voice sounds menacing, but he's not sure why. He waves and says, "Hi. How's it going?"
"My sisters and I are looking for a few good men to make sweet, sweet love to," replies the gypsy. "You wouldn't happen to... know of any, would you?"
"Hmmm..." says Doc, stopping to think. "I'm not... sure. Have you thought of Craigslist?"
The gypsy looks confused, but persists. "Your hair, the way you're dressed, that Canadian accent... you're someone famous, aren't you?" she says. "Are you a member of... Platinum Blonde?"
"Hmmm..." Doc says as he stops to think about the question. The gypsy taps her foot impatiently. "I don't think I was a member of that band, but surely you must have you heard of my own band, Jaded? Our 2000 release, Confessions, was the best-selling album of all time!
"My name is Tina Yo--"
"Just come here, big boy!" the gypsy practically snarls as she rushes toward him and plants a wet, sloppy kiss on his mouth. A second later, she cries out in shock and reels backward, her eyes wide and her face frozen in sheer terror. "You--! You--! You're one of the Yothers!"
Doc shrugs. "That's what I was trying to tell you." He reaches out his hand again and said, "Pleased to meetcha. I'm Tina Yothers... I guess."
The gypsy runs off screaming into the jungle as her skin begins to wrinkle, suddenly covered with liver spots. "NOOOOO!" she cries, and trips on a log. Seeing a puddle of water on the ground, she looks into it and watches in horror as she quickly ages into a senior citizen well past ninety years, and growing older with every second.
Then she looks up to find herself surrounded by a group of very angry, very small ninja Yothers. One of them rushes at her with a bow and arrow, screaming all the while.
"Yothers! Yothers! YOTHERS!!! NOOOOOOOOO!" she screams before she is punctured by several tiny arrows, seconds before she dies of old age in the middle of the jungle.
Back on the trail, Doc shrugs and says, "I guess she must've been scared off by my fame. Oh, well. Hope she finds what she's looking for. Now, where was I going?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Doc Quantum on Aug 23, 2016 12:17:40 GMT -6
Meanwhile, Doc Lemur (also known as Gary) sits around trying to find a way to save everyone.
And Fat Naked Guy, also known as Jim, wonders if his laser nipples from his Pale Force days would come in handy right about now.
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Sept 14, 2016 20:24:11 GMT -6
"Hey, Sal! You're back to your old self!" MH says.
"Something must have made that gypsy woman loosen her hold of me!" Sal says, touching his face.
"Hey, why is Fat Jim Gaffigan done squeezin' his man boob and going 'Pew pew'," Kenny asks.
Babu walks up to him and says, "His pupils are all dialated," Babu says, looking at him.
"So are Doc's," Amber says, leading him out of the woodsby the hand. "And he just keeps saying 'yothers' over and over again.
Thursday/Hourish comes out of the woods carrying the hot gypsy. "I found the gypsy woman Sal made sweet love to. She was rolling around on the ground screaming that the yothers had gotten her and she was dying of old age."
MH's jaw drops and he says, "They're all...."
"Tripping balls," Babu finishes.
"She's got some of Doc's lipstick on her, so she must have gotten whatever's in Doc's system," Hourish says.
"Well, that explain's Naked Jim's glow stick necklace," Steve says.
"But how'd they get whatever it is in their system, anyway?" Gil says, still looking slightly singed from the earlier storm.
Suddenly, Jesse appears, "Hey, y'all! Look what I found!" He's holding a map and protractor. He hands it to MH.
"Who do I look like? Magellan?" MH says.
"Let me see that?" Naked Jim says. He begins moving the protractor across the map. "Heh, heh... pointy leg man."
Buddy snatches the map from him. "I can done read it!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Sept 14, 2016 20:46:39 GMT -6
After the group traipses through the jungle for some time, they come across a cave deep in the heart of the jungle. "Are we actually going to go in there?" Sal exclaims.
"If it'll get us off this island, I'm game," Penelope says. "It that gypsy bitch awake? I don't want her casting a spell on us in there."
"No, she's still out of it and moaning about the yothers," Hourish says.
As they progress through the cave, it grows darker and darker until they can barely see their hands in front of their faces. Some feel their way along the walls while others lead the blitzed Doc and Naked Jim along.
"What's that noise?" Sal says.
"It sounds like... Skrillex?" Amber says.
"There's a light up ahead!" Babu says.
They all head towards the light and feel heat dust hitting them in the face. They exit into some sort of metal construct. It looks like the inside of some sort of large metal sculpture.They find an opening and each squeeze through.
"Well, this explains things," Babu says.
This place is awsome," Naked Jim says. He throws up his arms and runs off. "Burning Man!! Woooooo!!!"
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Sept 16, 2016 1:36:39 GMT -6
"how the heck did we end up here?" mh exclaims to doc quatrum, who is having a beautiful summertime dream.
"unn, yothers ..." murmers doc.
"i guess lower echelon star jim gaffigan can go back to his somewhat glamorous teevee actor lifestyle," says babu.
"wrong!" exclaims gaffigan, appearing behind them wearing beads and a 'deadpeace' t-shirt. "this wondrous event has inspired me! i'm moving into film -- i'm gunna do a sequel to tom hanks' skully 'miracle on the hudson' movie! in it we'll see the real unvarnished skully. a fat, drunk, skirt-chasing cad with an imaginary lemur friend!"
jim gaffigan holds up doc lemur (gary), who snarls, "neek gurr. roon kak!"
"hmm," says superjesse, looking dismayed. "if i still remember my lemur, he said, "my plan worked. you're welcomed!"
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Aug 4, 2017 22:00:42 GMT -6
an hour later kenny & buddy have fixed the boat, and the ragtag groups of alliance members, insurance guys, and what-not are beating a hasty retreat back to civilization.
"that was the best vacation!" says superjesse, eating a chicken tikka masala wrap.
"ah, couldn't we have stayed longer?" asks doc quantum.
"no!" says babu. "we were getting pulled in. we've all got coconut oil in our hair! did you see what happened to the gypsies? apparently the aging thing wore off, but they've become 'sparkle ponies'! we won't have to worry about them anymore."
"and when elon musk and mark zuckerberg show up surrounded by techno snobs, it's definitely time to leave," adds penelope. "maybe i can put up a tiki bar in justice city."
"i'm glad we done left jim gaffigan there, "says kenny. "that hot pockets routine is done so 2007."
"can you believe tina yothers used shampoo? wow, that crowd turned ugly fast." says amber.
"yeah," says mh. "they were beating her with hula hoops -- we barely got her out of there alive!"
"wait ... gaffigan & tina ... they were really there?" mutters doc. "i thought him, her, the smurfs and the lemur were just from all the stagnant island water i drank."
"it was 100% natural shampoo made from free range cow milk curds -- screw them!" says tina yothers, crawling out from behind a sail, and holding a fat lemur.
meanwhile back on the island, steve and gil, completely forgotten by the others, are covered in dust, and blending quite well. steve is getting preachy with a bunch of 'stardust vagabonds' who nod in agreement.
"burning man died in 1996!" says steve. "the culture was ruined by celebrities carrying pink umbrellas, rich one-percenters, 'the kids', and skrillex!"
"damn straight!" yells gil and the vagabonds.
THE END
|
|
