|
Post by mh on Mar 25, 2017 23:09:37 GMT -6
"you are the ghost of christmas past?" asks babu.
"no!" he cries in a rasping voice, straight from the tomb, "he couldn't make it so he sent me! i'm the 'ghost of pimpin' past'! and you guys haven't been doin' any pimpin'!"
he points a bony finger at them.
|
|
|
Post by mh on Mar 25, 2017 23:25:57 GMT -6
"wait -- i do too!" says mh.
"talking to a woman at the grocery store giving out cheese samples doesn't count!" cries the 'ghost of pimpin' past'.
"it's tuesday -- ladies nite! now go over to the bar and pimp hard!"
"i don't think anyone can see him but us," says babu, noticing a guy nearby looking straight ahead.
"no, i can see him," says the guy. "i'm just too terrified to move."
"c'mon," babu whispers forcefully to doc & mh, "let's get this over with!"
"they go the bar, and doc sits beside a woman and says, "hello. do you like depeche mode?"
"amateurs!" cries 'the ghost of pimpin' past'. "watch this!"
the ghost takes a seat between two women & says, "publican! pull some pints for me & my friends! and bring this mortal female a barcardi and soda. i want to get her drunk so that i can sleep with her!"
she screams and runs out.
|
|
|
Post by mh on Mar 27, 2017 22:45:23 GMT -6
he turns to the woman on the other side. "you are over-weight! you probably have low self esteem. i should be able to score with you easily. drink this bacardi and soda!"
she screams and runs out. and on it goes for 20 minutes or so.
"lets take a table," shrieks the 'ghost of pimpin' past.
"i'm exhausted! i've been pimpin' too hard! landlord -- bring us some more ales! and some hot wings as well at tato-skins. doc quantum, start a tab!"
"ghaaa!" yells doc quantum.
|
|
|
Post by mh on Mar 28, 2017 23:11:45 GMT -6
suddenly doc quantum is spat out of the door, and back to the entrance of 'groin-pull' studios.
"oy!" cries Hanukah harry.
"what happened?" asks steve.
"ah, 'the ghost of pimpin' past', club rats, my VISA card, long story! quick gil! get the blessed sword out of that potato sack under the seats of the 'monkey mobile', and attack those elves!"
"fine .." says gil shaking. he finds the sword and removing it from the potato sack, it pulls from his grasp and starts to revolve.
"why is it blue?" asks steve.
"because of the elves!" exclaims santa. "the bad ones hate anything blue! berries, birds, jeans, the sky, the ocean, eyes, smurfs, swede shoes! it drives them nuts!"
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on May 29, 2017 19:59:53 GMT -6
As Steve and Gil start to enter, Steve turns to Gil and says, "I think you should wield the sword."
"Why me?" Gil gulps nervously.
"Because you've got all the upper body strength," Steve says. "I talk big, but lets face it. I'm a shrimp. A 90 pound weakling! It's all up to you if it's going to work."
"Me?" Gil axclaims.
"Yeah, you, big guy," Steve says, handing him the sword.
Gil opens the door and suddenly, the sword jerks him forward as if it has a life of its own. "Gaaah!!!!" Gil cries.
The elves turn in alarm as they see Gil flying towards them.
One after another, the elves are quickly dispatched as the sword pulls Gil along.
"AAAAGHHH!!! Make it stop!" Gil cries. "It's so gross!"
"Jeez!" Babu exclaims, watching from a distance. "What a bloodbath!"
"Yep. That's Christmas magic," Santa says.
"Really?" Doc exclaims.
"Hell yeah!" Santa says. "I've ruled the North Pole for centuries. That place is huge! I didn't hang on to it by being a pussy, I tell you!"
"
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Jun 23, 2017 22:17:43 GMT -6
Later, Babu Baboon, Doc Quantum, and MH are having lunch with Santa, Hannakuh Harry, Brick Hudsonstein, and Ron Jeremy are sitting at Meaty McGees to celebrate.
"This Lager tastes like corned beef," Ron Jeremy says.
"Oh yeah, Meaty McGee's has the finest selection of meat enriched beers from around the world," Doc Quantum says.
"They have a Meaty McGee's where you live?" MH asks.
"No, but I've heard of them. They sent a buddy of mine a ceast and desist disorder so he had to change his porn name." He holds his bottle up and says "So alls well that ends well, eh guys?" "Here here!" everyone says, clicking their bottles together in a toast.
"Will your friend, Gil, be okay?" Santa asks.
"Sure," Babu says. "All super-teams are required to have a good mental health plan for PTSD. He'll be fine."
***********************************************************************************
"So, you... you ready to put the sword down?" Steve asks Gil, who is sitting on the sofa in the monkey Alliance break room. "Maybe take a shower?"
"So.... so much blood..." Gil gasps.
Suddenly, Taffy dashes into the room and plops down on the sofa next to Gil. "Scoot over, Gil! My favorite show s on!" She grabs the remote and turns on the TV. "The Happy Little Elves!"
"Gaaahhhh!!!!" Gil screams.
|
|