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Post by Babu Baboon on Sept 7, 2014 10:08:58 GMT -6
The Monkey Alliance continue to run as ears of corn rain down on them from all directions. "Youch!" MH exclaims. "I think we might actually be in trouble!"
"Who knew corn could actually be used as a weapon," Babu says.
Zeke squeals happily as one ear of corn lands between his butt cheeks.
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Post by mh on Sept 23, 2014 16:28:53 GMT -6
"this way!" yells yoder, picking up skye & zeke and running thru the corn stalks. just as the sun comes up they come to a clearing with a house, and with old timey farm equipment strewn about.
"unnn, i think i overdid it." says yoder, "all the drinking & punching an' all ..." then he passes out.
"babu, fly him to the hospital!" exclaims skye.
"... too drunk," rasps babu, "and all those blows to the head and no sleep ... catching up with me .." he slumps to the ground near yoder.
"there's got to be a horse & wagon around," says zeke. "hang on my furry gladiator!" and he runs toward an old barn.
as mh & doc quantum are lifting babu to his feet, several farm dressed youths carrying odd looking farm implements surround them.
"look, a nice group of agreeable teens!" says mh. "hello agreeable teens! am i glad to see you! if you can quit texting long enough to let me use a cell-phone, har! you crazy kids ..."
"mh, you might be more right than you know. these not look like normal teenagers, "says the donger.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 14, 2014 10:54:58 GMT -6
Hah! Says Amost, hidden as he watches from the cornrows. "Now they face the Amish Assassin trainees. They shall surely fall."
"How?" Saus says. "THey have tossed our finest around as if they were nothing!"
"Because our trainees have been trained since birth to be unstoppable killing machines. And the Englishers' own code of honor won't let them beat up on children!"
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Post by mh on Oct 14, 2014 21:54:09 GMT -6
"hey hep-cats! if you young rapscallions ...," begins mh, and a lethal looking farm implement flies past him inches from his head and into the wall.
"ghaaa!" yell the monkey alliance and their guests, as they run into the house and begin barricading themselves.
"hand me some more of them weird square ol' timey nails horoush!" yells dave of the 'insurance guy alliance', as he hammers them into the door.
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Post by mh on Oct 14, 2014 22:10:46 GMT -6
"i wish we could get babu awake, "says mh. "he'd know what to do. i can't use my incredible array of weapons or head-kicking techniques against them. they're only kids! if only kenny & buddy were here! they could create a machine to make us all teenagers!" mh sighs deeply," and i'd never go back."
"i'm a teenager," rasps yoder, getting to his feet and looking embarrassed.
"what?" exclaims skye.
"yeah," he continues. "i'm kind of a ... genius. i graduated high school at 14! i'm only 17 now .."
skye points out the door to the attacking horde of psychotic teens, kisses yoder on the cheek and says,"sic 'em!"
"gosh!" exclaims yoder, reddening deeply.
suddenly, as the teens attack and smash into the cottage with their weapons, the front door explodes from the inside, and yoder steps out.
"it's clobberin' time!" he exclaims.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 15, 2014 8:30:56 GMT -6
Teenagers start flying everywhere as Yoder lays into them. The air is filled with the sounds of cracking voices wailing in terror.
"Amos is destroying our horde of teenaged assassins!" Amos wails.
"Yoder!" Amos calls out from his hiding place. "Cut out this outrageous behavior or you will surely be shunned when the bishop hears of this!"
"Shunned?" Yoder gulps.
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Post by mh on Oct 22, 2014 1:12:58 GMT -6
skye runs out into the horde of amish and yells, "yoder! don't listen to them!"
"she is the cause of this!" cries amos, "get her!"
"ghaaaa!" yells skye as the amish desend upon her. "if i only had my rake!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 22, 2014 6:22:45 GMT -6
"Skye! Think fast!" Dakota yells as she tosses a rake taken from one of the unconcious teenaged assassin trainees.
"Ack! The she-witch is armed again!" AMos shouts.
At the same time, Yoder seems to snap out of it. "Yoder smash!" he growls.
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Post by mh on Oct 22, 2014 22:43:50 GMT -6
the amish stand incisively, not knowing whether to attack or retreat. just then dave pulls out his .38 and fires a few warning shots.
"ahhh! retreat!" yells amos.
he stops briefly and cries, "you've beaten us english! but he who walks among the rows be real! we have spied him! he be a frightful sight. none of ye will escape alive english!"
with that he picks up his fallen big black hat and runs.
"wot happened?" slurs sal, emerging from behind a persimmon bush, and rubbing his new mo-hawk.
"and wot happened to my hair?"
"your amish friends thought you'd stolen their cheese secrets pally, "says dave, helping sal to a porch swing.
"what's this cheese you speak of?" says sal. "the word is completely unfamiliar to me."
"he's been brainwashed of all cheese knowledge," gasps baboon.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 3, 2014 22:31:05 GMT -6
Babu looks out the window and spies a shadow among the rows of corn. "What the...?" he says, stepping onto the porch.
The shadow grows, taking up the empty spaces between the closest stalks. A deep gutteral growl fills the air.
"Guys, I think we've got a problem," he says.
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Post by mh on Nov 13, 2014 21:26:57 GMT -6
the daylight disperses, and it seems to somehow descend into twilight.
"jeeze, that's probably just a large hedgehog, "says mh, looking slightly frightened. "don't you think? anyway, i'm on an incredible roll tonite! i've got this."
"wait," begins babu, but staggers from his lack of rest and debauchery, and falls into a faint.
"take care of him, " says mh. then taking skye's rake, he mutters, "just in case." then draws his 1916 mauser in the other hand and disappears into the black shadows of the cornfield.
"mh, be careful ...." rasps skye.
within seconds, "blam! blam! ghaaaaaa!!!" they hear shots and a blood curdling scream.
the rake flies out of the shadows of the cornfield and lands at skye's feet.
picking up the rake, skye looks over at yoder and taking a breath says, "c'mon. it's clobberin' time."
"anything for you," says yoder and they walk into the darkened cornfield.
"this is so romantic!" shrieks zeke, tearing up a little bit and grabbing a discarded sythe he runs to catch yoder & skye. "i'm coming too my crimson duke!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 6, 2015 15:27:55 GMT -6
Sal shakes Babu awake and everyone follows, running to where the scream came from. When they get to a clear spot in the cornfield, they see he who walks between the rows standing above a curled up MH.
"MH? Are you okay?" Skye exclaims.
"He kicked me in the jimmy!" MH gasps. "Look at the size of those feet!"
Suddenly, Zeke and the thing's eyes meet.
"Hey, where that romantic music coming from?" the Donger says.
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Post by mh on Jun 20, 2015 23:58:05 GMT -6
as they start to embrace there is a metallic zink, and "he who walks between the rows" falls over.
"noooo!" cries zeke.
then a beautiful brunette leaps from the cornfield, and kisses zeke on the mouth.
"ghaaaaaa!! get away!" cries zeke.
as she laughs, three other girls come out of the cornfield.
"who're you girls?!" demands mh.
laughing, the brunette says, "we're the "he who walks between the rows" interns! and he's sort of the ultimate scarecrow. or was until you perforated him."
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Post by mh on Jun 21, 2015 0:23:55 GMT -6
"but what's this all about?!" rasps mh.
"oh, that's sassy, i'm shay, that's lamber-mae, and that's topeka! and this farm is a front for an illegal corn liquor distillery owned by the koch brothers! they hired us for our corn shucking and transcribing skills, and our big feet!"
"ahhhhh!" cries zeke sobbing.
sassy leans down and says, "mister -- sorry that thing kicked you so hard. you shot him up good. you got a owwie you need me to kiss?"
his "hee haw girls" fantasy finally coming true, mh glances sneakily over to babu, who, hungover, has settled into a hay bale with his eyes closed. mh whispers, "good idea sassy! but i can't get up -- quick -- you and one of your friends take my legs and drag me behind that barn so you can administer some of that hee haw first-aid."
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Post by mh on Jul 2, 2015 22:51:49 GMT -6
"dammit mh," rasps babu, getting to his feet.
just then, "wait!" yells an older man stepping out of a limo they just noticed. "i'm charles Koch!"
"this is an illegal moonshine distilary!" exclaims babu.
"but we're on the road to legalization," says koch. if you will let us slide for a while, i will use my incredible negotiating skills to help solve your problem!"
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