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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 15, 2016 16:34:43 GMT -6
"It's so exciting to meet the world famous Manhunter," Valentijn gushes. "Didn't you team-up with Batman?"
"THat was my, uh... yeah, yeah... that was me!" MH says, sucking in his gut and standing straighter.
"Can I get your autograph?" Valentijn asks.
Suddenly, Mrs. MH walks in. "MH, honey, Babu asked me to check and see if you were .... what the hell is going on here?"
The Gaydar suddenly starts beeping madly. "Gah! It's a damn conspiracy!" He grabs hold of Valentijn's hand and says, "C'mon! Lets get out of here!" and runs off.
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Post by mh on Jan 15, 2016 19:26:50 GMT -6
"where're we going? and who was that?" asks valentijn de hingh. "there's an escape tunnel underneath the coy pond!" says mh.
"and that was one of the monkey alliances deadliest villains -- the uh ... 'old ball & chain'! heh. heh. we have to go!"
shoving valentijn into the the coy pond tunnel, mh grabs his phone and buzzes buddy.
drunkenly mh carefully, in a screaming voice, explains his dilemma to buddy, "bhundy! mhy wiives haves been replaecd by a killr fembovt trhanny! thnell maboon! call thme natiocnal ugurad!!" |
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Post by mh on Jan 15, 2016 20:05:40 GMT -6
"babu," mh called!" says buddy, who can translate drunk to english better than anyone on earth, except Kenny, and possibly valentijn. "he said his wife has been done replaced by a killer tranny fembot!"
"oh hamburgers. the 'tranny-detector 500' strikes again." says babu. "did you explain?"
"yeah," replies buddy. "i told him they wouldn't just send one, there's probably done a whole damn army of fembot trannies after him."
"what?!" cries babu.
just then babu's phone phone rings and mrs. mh is on the line.
"okay we'll handle it," babu says, suppressing a snicker. and she hangs up.
"doc!" says babu, "you won't believe it! mrs. mh caught him in the jungle room with transgender model valentijn de hingh!"
.jpg/266px-TEDxAMS_Valentijn2_(cropped).jpg)
babu snickers and snickers, and out of earshot sitting on a cushion across the room, andrej blows him a kiss.
"yummy yummy." he sighs.
wait? i wonder what she was doing there, "queries babu.
"oh we hired her!" says doc. "we had a little extra cash laying around, and she's going to re-design the jungle room! did you know there's nothing in there giraffe themed at all? anyway, she's checking it out to make sure she wants the job. if so, it's only going to cost us $70,000 dollars a day! I mean seriously, what a deal."
"ghaaaaaa!!!!!" screams babu.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 15, 2016 21:59:31 GMT -6
As Doc walks out of earshot, Babu waves Lothar over. "Did you hear that?" Babu exclaims. "Doc Quantum has lost his freaking mind!"
"Well, $70,000 a day does sound a little excessive," Lothar says. "But don't we get money from the government?"
"I'm sorry, does it say Justice League on our sign? You know... the sign above the space we have to rent at the strip mall because we can't afford the upkeep on this dump? Because we ain't getting Justice League money. Hell, we're barely getting Inferior Five money. Just to make sure we get by, I've been padding our files with adventures from old issues of 'The Mighty Crusaders'."
"But you've got Superman's cousin on the team!" Lothar says.
"Yeah, and I make sure I put SuperJesse's name in the case file every time whether he went on the mission or not.," Babu says.
"So how do we keep Doc from bankrupting the team?"
"We can't let Buddy tell the truth about the Gaydar 5000 to MH," Babu says. "If MH and Valentijn fall in love and get hitched, she'll probably do the jungle room for free!"
Babu snickers to himself, "Honestly, I can't believe MH, falling for a trannie. Of all the..." He looks over at Andrej who blows another kiss. "Gosh... is it getting hot in here?"
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Post by mh on Jan 16, 2016 0:33:28 GMT -6
then baboon's phone rings.
"mh!" he cries. "where are you?!"
"i've locked myself in the confines of the 'janitor's closet'!" yells mh. "which is good, because it's a fembot proof safe house! and has a fully stocked bar! and valentijn can really knock back the 'cristal'! she can't get enough of the stuff!"
"oh, i didn't tell you!" exclaims mh, "i've lost my heart to someone!"
"yeah," says babu gazing at andrej, who blows him another kiss, "lot of that going around."
"i need you to break the news for me," says mh.
"to the mrs? urrr, i don't know ..."
"no! to jani, of jani's fashion party !"
"she'll be crushed! of course we never consummated the relationship, but some weird stuff happened."
babu wonders absently of jani might be a tranny too.
"oh btw, valentijn says she'll do the 'jungle room' ... and for free!!"
"yes!!!" cries babu.
"you know i've learned on thing," says mh. "i've learned that boobs are overrated."
"you and me both pal, "says babu, "you and me both."
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Post by mh on Jan 16, 2016 22:03:05 GMT -6
suddenly a phone box inexplicably appears in the janitor's closet, making valentijn choke on her champagne.
"stay back my little doe-eyed vixen!" yells mh as they break from some heavy smoochin' and he tries in vain to arrange his passion shredded costume.
then it transforms into a refrigerator, and gertrude degaton steps out. "hi sweetie! i know we can't be together because you're a loyal faithful husband, but i just had to see ..."
"... and just what the f-ck's going on here? and why are your clothes half torn off?!!" she rasps with rage, glaring at valentijn, who adjusts her skirt and giggles uproarously.
"whut a time for this to happen," mutters mh to himself, "i was headed downtown!"
then fully taking in his situation, "ghaaaaaa!!!" scream mh.
meanwhile, unbenounced to the other members, babu has whisked andreja pejic back to monkey alliance HQ and is canoodling her in peggy's office. farmer vincent's sister ida burst is and exclaims, "peggy! i have this month's endorsement money. tell that handsome babu baboon ...."
"... wait! what the hell?" ida rasps, seeing the lovely transgender model sitting in babu's lap in peggy's special back support chair for her herniated disc that no one is allowed to sit in but peggy. ida snarls lowly, and her eyes suddenly glare at andreja with hate.
"oh, hi ida," says babu.
"it that mrs. baboon? ghaaaaa!!!!" screams andreja.
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Post by mh on Jan 18, 2016 1:05:41 GMT -6
"no pumpkin," says babu, "this is one of our sponsors! good to see you ida. this is Andrej, our new intern. she and i were just, you know, ... talking."
andrej smiles and waves at ida, who glares menacingly.
"farmer incent isn't out of prison yet is he?" asks babu.
"no, not for a while," replies ida, still staring at andrej, quivering with anger.
"good," baboon rasps lowly to himself. "that old chicken-fried, meat-smoking, overalls-wearing, casanova has an odd power over the ladies! i don't need him on the loose right now."
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Post by mh on Jan 28, 2016 1:06:50 GMT -6
"heh ... heh," says ida." dear, you should visit our farm! there's more meat to you than meets the eye, i think." ida looks her over suspiciously.
"no ida," says babu, "andrej is in perfect condition! i mean urr, i mean to say for her interning duties."
andrej giggles into her hand. "umm, babu you're embarrassing me!"
meanwhile back at old monkey alliance HQ, mh and valentijn have escaped thru a trap door and emerge underneath a big plastic hedge shaped like a guy bending over and showing his fanny. they appear to climb out of it's rear end, and an old man look perplexed.
"come dear!" says valentijn jumping into her mini cooper, "i know a great place where we can get away from everyone!"
later they show up at a secret undisclosed location where all the beautiful people go.
"babu!" cries mh. "what're you doing here?"
"andrej brought me here!" babu yells over the music. "ida vincent dropped by with some smoked meat money! she didn't seem to like andrei at all. i wonder why?"
"yeah ... i wonder why," says mh sarcastically, not being able to believe baboon hasn't figured out ida is crazy about him.
"hey guys!" exclaims doc quatum, walking up. "i can't believe you're both here! wait'll you meet my new girlfriend! i know -- i'm a cad. but I don't care! i can't help it! we've been going at it like rabbits! but she's real shy, the lights have to always be off! i've never felt so alive. and here comes my sweetykins now ... she ain't as young as your girlfriends, she's a bit of a milf. her name is candis cayne. and she's a tv star!"
"snicker!" mh snorts lowly to babu, "omg -- she's a famous tranny! when doc finds out he's gonna go nuts! heh. *snort* this is crazy!"
babu rolls his eyes, since he knows mh is also dating a tranny.
"and she brought her friend kaitlin with her!" enthuses doc. "hey, have you guys seen deskboi lately? maybe those two could hook up."
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Post by mh on Jan 28, 2016 1:24:37 GMT -6
"so, have you and andrej done it yet?" whispers mh with concern, knowing she is also a tranny.
"no not yet, "replies babu, "but we almost did it in 'peggy's special back support chair for her herniated disc that no one is allowed to sit in but peggy', but ida interrupted us."
"damn! that hot!" exclaims mh, momentarily forgetting the whole tranny thing.
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Post by mh on Jan 28, 2016 14:07:48 GMT -6
"hey everyone!" says sassy tassels, walking up.
babu, doc & mh just stare in disbelief.
and noticing kaitlin. "damn! she's tall!" says sassy tassles. "them tall women do things to me! those legs go on forever! i'm asking her to dance."
"i wonder how he got in here?" asks babu.
"i don't know -- but kaitlin has really be checking out the ladies. i don't think sassy has much chance with her," replies mh.
seconds later kaitlin nicely accepts sassy tassles offer to dance. and all the other couples get on the dance floor. and fittingly, "never met a girl (liek you before)" begins playing.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 30, 2016 7:41:12 GMT -6
As babu dances with Andrej, he starts to notice the new intern is unusually tall. "Say, how tall are you." Babu asks.
"6'2. Why do you ask, my sweet monkey-man?"
"Oh, no reason. Hey, excuse me. I need to go hit the head," Baby says.
"Me too," Andrej says, smiling.
Babu walks into the men's room and saddles up to the urinal. Suddenly, Andrej walks in.
"Hey, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but what if someone walks in?" Babu says.
"Oh silly monkey-man. I really do need to go," Andrej says. Andrej walks up to the urinal and hikes up 'er' skirt and starts to go.
"Aaaaaaaaghh!" Babu screams,running out of the bathroom.
""What are you done hollerin' about?" Buddy asks.
"Andrej... Andrej...." Babu starts.
"Yeah, you done got a hot gurlfriend," Buddy says. "Nobody likes a bragger."
"No... Andrej.... hey, is that Mayor Bruce Campbell sitting at a booth with Andrej in his lap?"
He walks over to Mayor Bruce Campbell's booth and says, "What's going on?"
"I am sorry, my sweet Babu, but I am drawn to powerful men. And Bruce is a an actor AND a mayor. He's offered me a job in his office!"
"Sorry, Babu," Mayor Bruce Campbell says as he gets up with Andrej. "Come on, babe. I want to take you back to my office and show you all my awards. I've got a special one I think you'll like"
"Oh Bruce," Andrej says, laughing girlishly as they walk off.
Doc Quantum walks up. "What's up?"
"I don't believe it. I just got cock-blocked in more ways than one," Babu says.
"Are you going to tell him?" Doc asks.
"Nah," he'll find out soon enough," Babu says."Plus, his last check bounced."
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Post by mh on Feb 8, 2016 0:52:51 GMT -6
the next day the monkey alliance members have decided to take a tranny-free sea voyage.
"it's for the best," says babu, ans they lounge on the deck. "the sun & surf will make us forget about our close calls with gender reassignment."
doc quantum, covered in a blanket, pale and shaking, seems to be taking it the worst.
"but valentijn couldn't be a she-he!" cries mh. "she made my mrs. look like john madden! what a honey! there has to be some mistake."
"no mistake," says babu, "if you had made it downtown, you'd have ended up with yer hands fulla tallywhacker!" |
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Post by mh on Feb 8, 2016 1:05:51 GMT -6
"and I don't like it on the boat, "says mh.
"why not," asks babu.
"it's the cabin boy," replies mh, "they're all the same. he's a dirty little nipper!"
"i dunno mh," says babu. "tamera looks a little feminine for a cabin boy."
"that's what they want you to think!" says mh.
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Post by mh on Feb 8, 2016 1:20:22 GMT -6
"pipe down you guys!" says sassy tassels, lounging on the promenade deck with caitlyn jenner.
"my sweet pumpkin is taking a nap!"
"at least there was one female in that club," says babu.
doc quantum, the only one who recognizes the former bruce jenner shakes and mumbles.
"poor doc," says babu, "I wonder if he'll ever recover?"
"i dunno, but that damn cabin boy keeps starin' at me!" says mh. "damn -- "
"i know what you did to the skipper you little jerk!" cries mh.
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Post by mh on Feb 13, 2016 0:08:12 GMT -6
later in the ship's bar babu says, "well, deputy mayor allen sues called
and said the mayor found out about andreja, and freaked out! luckily, our loyal interns used their off time to build him a pillow fort in his office to help maintain his sanity. he's resting comfortably now." babu holds up his phone to show everyone.
"that's brandee, the official monkey-alliance pillow fort guardian!" says mh. "hey? how much do we pay her anyway?"
"jeeze, i dunno, "replies baboon, looking concerned. "she's been on the payroll for years!"
"omg!" cries mh suddenly. "look, by the juke box! another cabin boy! there's another cabin boy on this ship! look at him!! the drirty little nipper!"
"mh," says babu, "i know you've got a phobia about cabin boys, but that looks like ..."
"go away!" cries mh. "you ain't gunna circumcise this skipper!"
"unn, unnn, " says doc quantum, pale and shaky, as he drinks his mai-tai thru a straw.
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