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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2016 1:17:09 GMT -6
the halloween strip-mall terror!! a shocking tale of horror, revenge, deceit, and beheaded hooters waitresses starring a cornucopia of monkey-alliance members, barely remembered marginal characters from the recent & distant past, and several exciting new characters who will never be seen again
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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2016 1:51:21 GMT -6
on a balmy rain-swept day, doc quantum and three interns are at the old monkey-alliance headquarters with a reporter and camera crew from eye-witness justice city local news. as he does every halloween season, doc is giving the HQ a much needed "spook sweeping".
"i'm giving this place a much needed 'spook sweeping'!" doc tells the reporter. "this proud old eyesore is prone to pick up a few foul spirits over the course of a year. and they gather strength during all-hallows eve. better to be safe than sorry."
"so you do this every season?" asks the just out of journalism school reporter.
"of course!" replies doc quantum, stroking his "doctor strange" goatee. "who else? i am a practitioner of the dark arts! it's my gift -- and my curse."
the reporter looks at him dewy-eyed.
"wow -- doc sure loves the spotlight," skye whispers to amber as she sprays "doc quantum's ghost-be-gone" from an aerosol can.
"yeah," replies amber, "notice how he keeps his 'good side' to the camera! he really should be on one of them pourto rican supernatural soap operas they show on public access sometimes. he'd be a big heart-throb."
"doc quantum's ghost-be-gone, "says doc holding up a can to the camera. "for all yer de-ghosting needs! just $27.99 at your local mall. buy 3 cans and hickory farms will give you a free cheese platter!"
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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2016 2:10:56 GMT -6
meanwhile, at the mall of justice babu and mh are having "high-tea" with mel, of mel's waterbed shed.
"ouch!" cries mel as they watch the local news. "why did doc quartum take out beyoncé with that can of 'doc quartum's ghost-be-gone'?!!"
"hey! she stepped right in the way," says babu, nibbling a scone. "and there's film evidence -- i can see no grounds for a lawsuit here. none at all."
"does that stuff really work?" asks mel.
"maybe -- who cares?!" exclaims babu. "it costs like fiddy cents a can to produce. we're making a mint off that stuff! that goatee wearin' SOB has single-handedly solved all our cash-flow problems. i'm this close to buying another racehorse!"
"yeah, good ol' monkey-pete, says mh wistfully, as he sips his earle grey. "too bad we had to put him out to stud. ah, speaking of screwing -- what was beyoncé doing in the old monkey-house hq anyways?"
"celebrities," says mel, "they love the spooky stuff -- they can't get enough of it! and justice city is the most haunted town in america. a list and b list celebs are gunna be coming out of the wood-work this month -- sheesh ..." mel shudders, "i hope the 'headless hooters waitress stays away this year. it'll take a lot of vodka to get me normal if i see her again."
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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2016 2:22:57 GMT -6
as they finish their tea and go to the food court babu says, "that must be a pretty frightening apparition mel. are you sure you didn't drink a lot of vodka stingers before you saw it?"
"no!" exclaims mel. "i seen her right over there!"
"and she ain't the only headless waitress around!" says mel. "there's also debbie from 'the potato corner'."
"shut up! shut up! shut up!" says mh.
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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2016 2:36:16 GMT -6
"what?" asks babu.
"oh, i never told you about that, "says mh, sheepishly.
"yeah," says mel, "debbie was way into mh! she used to dump extra sour cream on his potato-baconator."
"she was crazy for you!" says mel as madonna's "crazy for you" begins to play on the mall speakers.
"crazy is rite -- she was nuts!" exclaims mh. "i was half worried i'd come home and find mrs. mh with her head cut off and some tater tots shoved up her butt!"
"but she was the one that ended up headless." says mel.
"ghaaaaa!" cries mh, as the image of a headless debbie appears in his fevered brain.
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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2016 3:18:47 GMT -6
"wow," i must have been out of town, "says babu, pausing to order a corndog. "did she have tater tots shoved up her butt?"
"i thought you hadn't heard this story!" exclaims mel.
"why would someone cut a waitresses' head off?" asks babu.
"maybe she was messin' with their man," says visiting superheroine "human centipede lass" in broken english, who overheard and who was eating a knockwurst from 'german weenies on a stick'.
"yeah," says taffy carrying a wienerschnitzel in each hand, and who has recently become friends with "the arthropodal titan" as she is known in bavaria.
"maybe they had it coming!"
"taffy! you wouldn't cut someone's head off for messin' with your man, right?" asks babu.
"hey ... i'm not on trial here!" answers taffy, and she and HCL disappear into victoria secrets.
"hmmm. should we consider testing the interns for personality disorders?" says babu, scratching his head. "wait -- did we even do background checks?"
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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2016 21:44:58 GMT -6
the halloween strip-mall terror part2 -- the ghost of quantum-stein!! or -- just as you thought things could not get more scary-ier the terror mounts
  
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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2016 21:57:14 GMT -6
meanwhile back at old monkey alliance hq.
"hey doc ... " says gilda as she enters the 'jungle room', who has taken a leave of absence from the mayor's office, "there some weird lookin' guy here to see you."
"show him in, "says doc, who is cutting out construction paper hooty owls.
"hello master!" cries eye-gor, entering the room.
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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2016 22:16:42 GMT -6
"eye-gor!" cries doc. "what are you doing here?! why are you still alive? how many times have you been shot and sentenced to be hanged by the neck until dead? and you worked for my great grandfather -- you gotta be in your 90's by now!"
"it takes more than that to kill eye-gore master!" says eye-gore.
"i need your help master -- only a quantum-stein can save my friend the monster!"
"my name is quantum, doc quantum!" screams the accursed doctor quantum-stein. "i'm in the monkey-alliance! my ghosting adventures are on dvd! i'm a supernatural puerto rican soap opera heart throb!"
"ah! you wouldn't want the public to know of your family's dark past!" replies eye-gor.
"blackmail! fine eye-gor, sneak the monster in and i'll look him over but I can't promise anything." sighs doctor quantum-stein.
"you are a quantum-stein!" exclaims eye-gore.
moments later, eye-gor slips the monster in, who looks very happy to see a quantum-stein after all these years.
"damn! what a freak!" croaks doc.
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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2016 22:33:26 GMT -6
looking the monster over doc says, "he's magnificent!"
"he's very weak," says eye-gor. "he was barely able to rip a dog in half earlier."
"he ripped a dog in half?" asks evil doctor quantum-stein.
"it was a mean doggie -- it growled at us." replies eye-gor.
"at full power he would have the strength of 100 men!" exclaims doc, his eyes glazing over and ripping a cord from a lamp. taking the live electrical end he tells the monster, "this won't hurt a bit!"
doc sticks it into the monster's left ear, and it jolts with electricity, and begins to smile. then lifts a fist and smashes the pepsi machine in the jungle room to pieces.
"doc quantum, you've done it! the monster is again at full power!" cries eye-gor.
"i'm not doc quantum!!" cries doc quantum, quivering, "i am ... doctor quantum-stein!!!"
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Post by mh on Oct 30, 2016 0:54:46 GMT -6
meanwhile back at the mall, mh and babu are discussing events with sheila, the drive-thru manager at "mr. smiley's".
"i think they should call the killer 'head removin' jones'!" she exclaims.
"well sheila, that's pretty good," says babu, "but i'm going with 'the de-noggin-nizer'."
"that's good too!" says shelia. "whadda you think mh?"
"i'm with you shelia," says mh. "although 'the gourd collector' has a nice ring to it."
then, headed to their cars, the trio is stopped in their tracks by a frightening apparition.
"hey!" says shelia, peering into 'gladys' sensible shoes'.
"hey gladys! what's wrong? are you okay?" she asks.
"of course she isn't okay, "says babu. "she has no head!" 
"well that ain't no good, "says mh.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 31, 2016 5:05:04 GMT -6
Meanwhile, in a darkened room, a shadowy figure is looking at the many jars sitting on a shelf in his lab. "Soon! Soon, my collection will be complete! Bwah-hah-hah!/;
One jar sits empty. It's label reads, 'Doctor Quantumstein".
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Post by mh on Oct 31, 2016 22:58:17 GMT -6
back at the mall, babu, mh and shelia rush over, and it turns out gladys, of 'gladys' sensible shoes' was wearing a fake headless mask that refracts light.
"you thought i really had my melon whacked off?!" cries gladys.
"well yeah gladys, "says babu. "there's been a lot of that going around lately."
"but everybody what had their melons removed was doctors!" replies gladys, of 'gladys' sensible shoes'. "or cocktail waitresses or both!"
"the headless hooters waitress was a doctor?" asks mh.
"sure!" replies gladys, "she was a doctor of mixology! she knew he bartendin' -- she could make a harvey wallbanger like nobody's business!"
"and debbie from the potato corner?" asks babu.
"oh, she was just nuts!" replies gladys. "she wasn't no doctor. but she was dead set on hookin' up with this red-suited jackass here," she says referring to mh, "most of us in the mall figure him or his mrs. did away with her. they must've. she wadn't gonna quit. it were their only option."
"aghhhhhh!!!" screams mh.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 2, 2016 4:59:15 GMT -6
Meanwhile, back at the old Monkey Alliance Headquarters:
"What the heck is that crazy monster doing now?"
"It looks like he's flipping through the couplon section of the the Justice City Herald, our local paper."
"What could he possibly want?" ays the perky young reporter.
"He's holding up a coupon for Cinne-bon" Eye-gor says. "That was his favorite in the old country!"
"They had Cinne-bon in the old country?" Glinda says.
"Yes," Eye-gor. "We're from Nebraska."
He's leaving!" the reporter yells to the crew. "He's going to the Mall of Justice! After him!"
"Oh great!" Doc groans, running after him. "I hope this doesn't affect my TV approval rating."
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Post by mh on Nov 14, 2016 2:16:10 GMT -6
back at 'the mall of justice', as sheila, the drive-thru manager at mr. smiley's drives off, babu says, "oh fiddly sticks! i just remembered this is tuesday -- and on tuesday nite me & the mrs. watch the classic tv series allie mcbeal -- dammit! i'm gonna be in the doghouse! i gotta go back in the mall & buy one of them fruit things that look liek a bouquet! that might get me back in her good graces."
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