What's up with the big banana?

A second later, Doc Quantum pops back in.

Doc: "Hey, guys! I'm back!"

The others continue eating and talking, completely oblivious to his presence.

Doc: "I bet you're wondering how I got back so quickly, huh? Well, it's a neat trick. I'm still getting the hang of these new powers, but I managed to teleport myself from two hours in the future to this time! Then all I had to do was make a few short teleportation trips until I was here at the mall! Pretty neat, huh?"

But nobody seems to be listening. It's like he's not even there.

Doc: "Ignoring me, huh? Well, screw you guys!"

Doc Quantum turns and is about to walk away, when a four-foot-tall girl with huge glasses and carrying a tray from Quizno's passes right through him!

Doc: "What th'--?!"

Then realization sets in.

Doc: "Crap. I forgot about the first rule of comic-book physics concerning time travel -- that you can't exist at the same time as your earlier self, and if you do time travel into a time when you already exist, you end up turning into a phantom! Hmm... Right now, my present-day self is at home eating in front of the TV and watching recorded new episodes of The Walking Dead and Downton Abbey. Shoot. That means I'm going to be an invisible, immaterial ghost for the next two hours!"

Then realization sets in.

Doc: "Whoa. That means I'm going to be invisible and immaterial for the next two hours! Lingerie store, here I come!"

After Doc Quantum leaves, Babu turns to MH and says: "Where's Doc going?"

MH: "I dunno. After that half-blind girl walked through his immaterial form, he said something about going to the lingerie store."

Babu: "Hey, you don't suppose he actually thinks he's also invisible, do you?"

MH: "Hmm... maybe."

Babu: "Should we warn him?"

MH: "... Nah."

A few moments later, screams can be heard from the lingerie store. The Monkey Alliance members all laugh.

Moments later, the cop stops at a 'donut corrall' for a cruller and a couple of bear claws, opens the van's back door and asks Tempus Fugit,"you okay in there?"

"umm nee nu no noo nu nathnoom!" says Tempus Fugit.

The cop, having delt with many perps who were "leicter-ed" understood everything and replied, "the bathroom? Listen, don't try anything with me. Just because i'm a 'gentleman of size', don't think you can get anything past me."

"nuu, nu noo neight!" says Tempus.



"I look great?" The cop asks, eating a powered donut. "Thank you! I can tell you really meant that. You're not such a bad sort. What'd you do anyway? The m.a. guys didn't bother to tell me -- to tell the truth, they seemed a little stoned. But ever since they took down the Crimson Mullet, as far as the mayor's concerned it's like nickels are falling outta their butts."

"nigh nee mee-ed numbody's nouse."

"You TP-ed somebody's house?! You punishment seems a bit extreme to me, "says the cop. "Here lemme get you outta this so you can take a wee wee."   

THE SECRET ORIGIN OF TEMPUS FUGIT!!!

Tempus Fugit stewed in his own juices in jail as he waited for his day in court. It would be a while. But he didn't plan to stick around for that long.

This powerful super-villain had once been an ordinary young man, a 98-pound, bespectacled comic-book shop employee named Stanley Ficklestein, who had never had the courage to speak to a pretty girl in all his life. Because of that he had harbored resentment against all those who were cooler and more powerful than he. The only outlet for his inner rage had been his precious PS3 and all his wonderful games. In that gaming world, Stanley became a master, a god. Still, he began to wonder if he could ever become one in real life.

That was when a brilliant scientist stepped into his life. Stanley had been trolling the local Craigslist ads for months, but it wasn't until he answered one particular ad that his life would change.

Although the ad didn't word it as such, the scientist essentially needed a human guinea pig to experiment upon. But despite the promises of possible wealth and power that he offered, that scientist had received nothing but crank emails in response. But just as it looked like he would have to renew the ad for another month, an email popped up in his inbox. It was from one Stanley Ficklestein, whose email read as follows:



The evil scientist grinned as he typed his response and hit send:



A moment later, another email from Stanley appeared:



Another series of pointless emails followed, and finally the evil scientist invited Stanley to his newest hideout, Gary Degaton's Lair #57, for that evil scientist was none other than...

Dun-dun-dun-DUNNNN...

GARY DEGATON!!!

...

(...oh, crap. I should've waited until the big reveal before saying that the evil scientist's hideout was called "Gary Degaton's Lair #57," shouldn't I? Yeah. I should probably edit this whole post and make it a bit more dramatic. But... nah. Let us resume.)

Stanley Ficklestein arrived at Gary Degaton's Lair #57, located beneath the windmill at the local pitch-n-put. When asked why he was so late, Stanley explained that it hadn't occurred to him that he didn't have to play through all 22 holes just to reach the windmill. Gary facepalmed and led the young man inside.

Gary Degaton didn't go into any great detail about what he had planned for Stanley after his transformation, only that Stanley would have all the muscles and power that he'd ever want. The chicks would finally dig him. If he wasn't sold on the idea already, Stanley was now.

Hours passed as Stanley received several treatments of radiation while strapped down on a gurney, the occasional golf ball from the windmill above striking his head during the course of that Saturday pitch-n-put tournament day. Degaton had explained that, while the golf balls hurt his head NOW, the sign that the treatments were working would be when Stanley would hardly feel them hit his head at all. (In reality, though, the lair beneath the windmill was really cramped, and that was the only place Degaton could fit the gurney; although the evil scientist didn't realize it, he would have fit in well on an episode of HOARDERS, unable as he was to throw out anything at all, including used paper food boxes from the local Chinese restaurant.)

Finally, by the time the last golf ball of the day struck Stanley's head, he hardly noticed it at all. The 98-pound weakling had become a 250-pound, massively muscled man surging with all kinds of powers. But something still didn't sit right with Stanley -- literally.

At the beginning of the procedure, Gary Degaton had to place a metal tube up Stanley's... uh, well... up his rectum. The metal tube delivered a steady current of electricity into Stanley's body, acting as a catalyst to the radiation and chemical treatments throughout the day. The only side-effect would be that, unlike the rest of his now-powerful body, Stanley's rectum was vulnerable to harm. As long as he made sure no one poked him in the ass, he'd be fine.

Gary Degaton had also placed two electrodes on Stanley's... uh, well... on his nards, to put it delicately, for much the same reason as the metal tube up his sphincter. This had the effect of making his nards nearly as vulnerable as his butt. So, as long as Stanley could keep anyone from poking him in the ass or kicking him in the nards, he'd be fine. And since neither the police nor super-heroes generally fought dirty, his weakness would likely remain unknown.

Finally unstrapping him from the gurney and taking out the metal tube and the electrodes, Gary Degaton looked proud at his newest creation.

"I dub thee TEMPUS FUGIT!" he said, and the newest enemy of the Monkey Alliance was born.

(oh and later he put him in the big banana and sent that as a kind of trojan horse to the monkey alliance in a more or less successful attempt to dismantle the team for a few years until finally a decade later the big banana was reactivated and tempus fugit was released to wreak havoc upon the world oh and tempus fugit has all kinds of other powers that havent been seen yet and i hope you took the hint that hes going to escape his captivity soon through some unknown means to return as a formidable foe in the future okay im out gotta run bye bye)