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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 6, 2013 13:38:03 GMT -6
"It can't be any of these guys. They can barely write their names. Much less new Klinger's Crazy Jokes," MH says.
Suddenly, they hear a wheezing voice call out, "What the almighty hell are you doing to my boys?" followed by the whine of the motor of an electric wheelchair.
Babu looks in the direction of the speaker. "It's the town founder, Jebediah Crawford!"
"He's still alive?" MH exclaims.
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Post by mh on Nov 6, 2013 23:06:32 GMT -6
"you got a lotta gall showin' yer non-crawfordville type faces 'round here again, " jeremiah crawford tells them.
"we was jus' about to frow them outta here colonel, "says gooch crawford, "but they brought some kinda' fembots with them & one done almost kilt poor dell!"
"yeah, "says stumpy crawford, pointing at taffy, "look at the hair on that one! it's obvious that ain't no real gurl!"
taffy, with a squeak of rage, picks up an old beer can and draws it back as she races toward stumpy to bounce it off his head. stumpy yells with fright and turns to run, smashing into the old mustang and knocking himself semi-conscious.
"enough!" cries jerimiah crawford. "call off yer she-assassins! what business do you have here?"
"alright colonel, "says babu. "someone has directed us here. someone with knowledge of crazy jokes, computer databases, long-john silvers maps, skittles, and possibly time travel."
the crafty old rascal strokes his beard and eyes babu thoughtfully.
"the answers you seek are that-aways, "he says pointing with a knarled hand, "east crawfordville. i hereby grant you non-crawfordville folk free passage."
taking some "guests of crawfordville" badges from a pouch from his chair, he buzzes person to person sticking on their chest.
"hey! watch the hands grandpa!" cries dakota.
"sorry girly, "crawford responds, "*cough* heh, heh, heh. now head there to the old hickory-hut, and order slush-puppies. they'll dump skiddles in there so drink extreee careful. be sure & ask fer extree skiddles! good evenin' to ye."
he glides off, and when he passes behind amber she jumps & yells, "hey!!"
as the crawfordville badasses follow colonel crawford, gooch & griff dragging dell, and stinky mike leading stumpy, stinky mike asks, "colonel, what will they find?" jeremiah crawford answers, "why their destinies!"
"hey colonel, "asks stumpy, "ain't that from 'planet of the apes'?
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 7, 2013 19:34:04 GMT -6
"This is really where Jesse grew up?" Sandee asks as they walk down the gravel road. Eyes peer suspiciously from the curtained windows of ramshackle houses as they pass.
"There must be a law in Crawfordville that you have to keep all your major appliances on your front porch," MH says.
Finally, they get to the Hickory Hut and walk up the wooden steps to the entrance. As they open the door, there's an elderly greeter in a blue vest to greet them. "Hi, welcome to Hickory Hut," he says. "Get yer S--t and get out!"
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Post by mh on Nov 8, 2013 21:53:25 GMT -6
"he's a little testy, "says dakota.
they all take seats at the dirty old timey drug-store type counter, and babu says, "give us all slush puppies."
"oh, "he adds, "with extra ... i mean extree skittles!"
the dull looking counter man turns pale, and a guy leaps out of a back door.
"selfish lockey heads!" he sputters, "that'll use up 7 boxes of skiddles! we won't even get another shipment 'till tuesday! are you people on an evil spell?!"
"joe hallen!!" exclaims babu.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 10, 2013 10:14:23 GMT -6
"Y'all are trying to use up all the skittles!" Joe Hallen cries.
"No," Taffy says. "Jebediah Crawford told us to come in here and get Slushpuppies with skittles!"
"That rat fastard," Joe sniffs. "He knew what that would do to me."
"This is the most I've heard Joe Hallen talk in ...like... ever..." MH says.
"The guy's passionate when it comes to his skittles," Babu says.
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Post by mh on Nov 10, 2013 21:38:59 GMT -6
"joe," says the counterman looking scared, "you shouldn't ..."
"oh yeah, "says joe hallen. "it's a good thing yer a wasting all my skiddles. yeah, no need to get mad."
"okay hallen, "says babu," slamming a printed ream of paper full of crazy jokes on the bar, "what do you know about these?"
"you shouldn't ought to done that, "says joe. "ouch" he says wiggling his fingers. "oh, my carpal tunnel."
"you got carpel tunnel joe?" asks mh.
"yeah! we all do, "he answers. "too many crazy ..."
suddenly a big pulsating banana appears. then words above it.
"it won't let us stop!!" yells joe. "crazy jokes all the time -- now yer all are stuck here forever! you can run off, but it'll just teleport you back. it won't let nobody leave! jesse had a cunning plan to lead you here. thought u might could help us."
"he could've just asked, "says babu.
"not the way he does things!" replies joe.
"are them secretaries?" joe asks looking at the interns.
"yeah, sorta," replies babu.
joe runs over & starts kissing their hands. "umm! umm! smack! smack! now we got somebody to write all them crazy jokes for us! thank you gurls, thank you!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 12, 2013 18:52:44 GMT -6
"It's the Klingrebot 5000...." Babu gasps.
"Klingerbot?" Dakota says. "It doesn't look like Klinger. It's a big banana!"
"That's just a hologram," Babu says. "We had banana's and bamboo and all sorts of jungle themes decorations in the old days. The Klingerbot would write the crazy jokes and then they'd be transcribed."
"But what's the Klingerbot doing here?" MH says.
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Post by mh on Nov 12, 2013 19:23:13 GMT -6
"look!!!" cries taffy.
the klingrebot 5000 comes out. his cardboard klinger faceplate must've fallen off years ago.
he says, "well I guess yall must HATE klanger."
'what do you mean," asks babu.
"i don't see nobody a typing up no crazy joakes!" his arms outstretch. "well, i don't leik it!"
he shoots an electric blast that knocks babu 10 feet, and takes out a sno-cone machine.
"ummm," groans babu. "*gasp* did someone throw a radio in the tub while I saw a takin' a bath?"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 12, 2013 21:01:28 GMT -6
"The Klingerbot's out of control!" MH says.
"That thing's supposed to be in storage with all our old stuff!" Babu groans, rising. "What the hell's it doing here?"
"You dipwads should keep a better eye on your stuff!" Joe Hallen says. "That thing's done enslaved the whole town!"
"Enough jibber-jabbering!" the Klingerbot screeches. "You've got crazy jokes that need typing up!"
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Post by mh on Nov 12, 2013 23:10:01 GMT -6
"ouch! ouch!" says joe hallen as he gets on one of the work stations.
"but this is my lasts ones, he says, "you gurls start thinking up some crazy joakes about klanger! them people in west crawfordville like the crawfordville badasses are lucky they are illiterate."
skye got on a work station & wrote, "klanger went in his tent to get some camouflage trousers. he couldn't find any."
the klingerbot went over & read the joke.
"naaa, haa, naa, haa! naa! haa! haa! that klanger! what will he did next?!! that's crazy! ummm, that's good stuff. i'm sendin' this one thru time back to 2002 right now!" he pats skye hard on the head (ouch!) and disappears out the door.
"look," says babu, "we need to stop this without damaging the klingerbot 5000. it's not it's fault and he's an invaluable piece of monkey alliance memorabilia. we need a plan."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 13, 2013 13:40:12 GMT -6
"The Klingerbot 5000 has a switch on the back of its head. If we could just get close enough, we could switch it off," MH says.
"How do we get close enough without it blasting us?" Babu says.
"Hmmm.... if one of us could just distract it," Drivtaan says.
"One of us interns could use our feminine wiles on it!" Sandee says.
"It... it's a robot," Babu says, pinching the bridge of his nose as if he's getting a headache.
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Post by mh on Nov 14, 2013 10:50:09 GMT -6
Dakota gets on a terminal & starts typing away. when the kingerbot returns he reads:
how does the 4077 change a light bulb?
klanger stands on a chair with wheels & holds the bulb, and radar & father mulcahy turn the chair while trying not to look up klanger's dress.
"na! ha! ha!" cries the klingerbot's static metallic voice. "klanger, will u never learn?!"
he pats dakota painfully on the head and says, "the reast of yall ain't a writin' no crazy joakes!! I doan liek it!! get to werk!"
then he goes out.
"where's he going, "babu ask joe hallen.
"he goes house to house making sure everyone is typing crazy jokes! "exclaims joe." and he makes us shower over & over while he yells, "use more soap hawkeye!" and sometimes I have to get on the speakers & yell 'CHOPPERS!', and everyone has to run over to the city hall & play about 100 'operation' nintendo games he's set up. to think, I used to like mash. dang."
"the klingerbot is malfunctioning badly, says babu. "did you notice he paused when he read dakota's joke & his eyes flashed off & on? that might be out chance. everybody get on a terminal & start pounding out crazy jokes for all your worth."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 14, 2013 15:46:17 GMT -6
Everyone gets to a terminal and starts typing away as fast as they could. Some creat new jokes. Some take old jokes and just shove the name Klinger or MASH references in anywhere they can. Eventually, everyone has a stack two or three phonebooks thick.
Suddenly, the Klingerbot 5000 reappears in the doorway. "Y'all got some new jokes for me?" it asks.
"Lots!" Babu says.
"Ya-a-ayyy!!!" Klingerbot cries, moving from work station to work staion. As he reads, he repeatedly pauses and his light's flash on and off.
"Any moment now...." Babu says, getting ready to punce. He stops suddenly. Smoke starts to rise from Klingerbot's head."Uh... That's not supposed to happen...."
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Post by mh on Nov 14, 2013 22:57:32 GMT -6
on an obvious 'crazy joke' overdose, the klingerbot 5000 crashes thru the wall & heads west of town. he confronts virgil, one of the crawfordville badass cousins, his head smoking badly.
"ain't yall learned writin' yhet! I gived you 'run, spot run' books! wheres my crazied joaskes?!!"
"shut up you big tin can," says virgil, "you cain't boss no crawford!"
the kingerbot rolls over and picks up the 1970's mustang, and throws it thru the crawford house.
"well, tahke cared, "he says as he rolls away, with virgil staring in shock.
stumpy crawford runs out of the destroyed house wearing only his long-johns.
spotting him, the klingerbot rasps menacingly, "whaers mie crazied joaks?!!" and begins to chase him.
stumpy screams, and runs until he spots babu baboon & the others and fall down in front of them on his knees.
"pleas, you gotta help me, "he yells. "that things gonna kilt me!"
"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 15, 2013 14:39:07 GMT -6
babu swoops in and snatches Stumpy out of the path of the Klingerbot 5000."
"Do not interfere with the processing of the crazy jokes!" the Klingerbot says menacingly.
Drivtaan races towards Klingerbot preparing to switch him off when Jebediah crawford suddenly throws a piece of lumber in his path, tripping him.
"What the hell did you do that for?" MH asks.
"I didn't activate him so he could conquer the town for me just so you could switch him off!" Jebediah Crawford says.
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