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Post by mh on Jul 30, 2017 1:03:36 GMT -6
"time to go hard," says doc, and he slams a boom box on the table.
gilda clicks in on and it begins playing "stuck in the middle with you" from 'reservoir dogs', and she begins dancing around the creature provocatively with the super soaker.
"yeah, I didn't really expect this," says babu.
then, before the creature can react, she moves in, pulls his tattered ghost pants open and squirts holy water down his britches.
"kelly clarkson!" it yells.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 31, 2017 6:58:07 GMT -6
"Who was the big fat ghost that harassed Linda!" Doc Quantum demands.
"What big fat...." the creature starts.
Ginda delivers another blast of holy water down his britches.
The creature hows in agony. "It was my sister, okay? Please don't let that crazy bitch blast my winky again!"
"But what did she want? Linda says. "And why was she naked?"
Suddenly, a CD player can be heard turning on upstairs and the Indigo Girls start playing.
"I've got a pretty good idea what...." Babu says.
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Post by mh on Aug 1, 2017 22:39:59 GMT -6
just then super-jesse wanders in looking up with his x-ray vision and eating a dang quesada.
"great caesar's butt!" he exclaims. "a bunch of meteors is done headed toward crawfordville! unless a plane has lost a shipment of frozen turkeys again. ha ha ha. i gotta go pluck chickens!"
running outside, he yells, "up up and away i'll tell you!" and flies off. but in the process he tracks up the salt circle.
"freedom!" screams the horrid entity, and disappears in a puff of smoke.
"dammit!" screams gilda. then she runs outside and yells into the air, "you're the lockyhead!"
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Post by mh on Aug 1, 2017 23:42:38 GMT -6
"what a horrible experience!" exclaims lucy morgan. "i need to get a six inch inside me!"
"finally," says mh, "a girl with reasonable expectations!"
later, everyone is at subway, and lucy explains, "a six inch turkey club always calms me down."
"i'm glad to get out of that place for a while," says Dakota with a shudder, eating a cold cut combo.
"what do you think the thing that visited you meant by, "this is an evil place'," babu asks lucy.
"well I was going to kingston," says lucy, "then after my dream, my landlord suggested dorset. and that's where the events of my dream happened for real. but really, i don't know."
"where's taffy?" asks mh.
"they're still working on her blt," says dakota.
at the counter, taffy is pointing at her sandwich & saying, "more bacon!"
"miss, i got customers waiting! and there's already more bacon on this sandwich that the law allows!" exclaims the beleaguered counterman.
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Post by mh on Aug 1, 2017 23:58:23 GMT -6
suddenly a plump lady rushes over & exclaims, "well hello lucy! imagine running into you here -- i wondered what happened to you!"
"oh, hi mrs. sims!" says lucy. "miss sims, this is babu baboon and some members of the monkey alliance. babu, this is mrs. sims. the landlady of the place in dorsey i was looking at."
"is she weird, or is it just me?" doc quantum whispers to mh.
"no you're weird, "mh whispers back to doc, "but it isn't just you -- she is too."
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Post by mh on Aug 2, 2017 0:29:59 GMT -6
taffy comes to the table with a samich so big she can barely close it, then sits down & starts eating.
"damn taffy, that's a lot of bacon!" says gilda, "what'd that cost -- fiddy dollars?"
"no," says taffy, scarfing down her sandwich, "it was free! the guy just wanted to get me out of line. and bite me."
"yewwooo!" says mrs. sims, making a cat noise, and eyeing dakota, gilda, and taffy. "are your three sassy friends moving in with you, lucy?"
before lucy can answer, working on a hunch dakota says, "yes -- our other three friends want to move in too!"
she hands mrs. sims a photo.
"yowzah!" she exclaims. "tell you what, all you seven girls can move in for fiddy dollars a -- year! yeah, it's rent controlled. the sleeping situation is up to you. and our imaginations. am i right people?"
and older man sitting nearby with his wife, nods & smiles.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 2, 2017 22:24:49 GMT -6
ater, Lucy, Gilda, Dakota, and the interns show up at Mrs Sims place with their luggage. "Oh, good! You're here! I have just the place for you! Ivan, take their luggage."
"Hmm. There's something familiar about that bellboy," Glinda thinks.
She leads them to a big room that has a bunch of single beds. Their luggage is waiting for them. "I figured you would want to room together," Mrs Sims said. "This room was last used by a group of nuns that helped the local homeless." SHe leaves the room and they start to unpack.
"Hey, my pajamas are gone!" Linda says.
"Mine, too!" Taffy says. I couda sworn I packed them."
"This is weird," Skye says. "I forgot mine, too."
Suddeny, Mrs Sims reappears. "I couldn't help overhearing that you all forgot your pajamas. Fortunatey for you, the nuns left theirs! Aren't you lucky! This will be fun. Like one big slumber party."
"Hey, these are all sheer baby doll nighties!" Dakota says.
"They were a very liberal order," Mrs Sims says.
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Post by mh on Aug 3, 2017 8:51:41 GMT -6
suddenly, using his transporting powers, doc quantum appears on one of the bunks.
"these are comfortable!" says doc.
"i hope you brought less revealing nightwear, "says sandee.
"doc!" exclaims gilda, had you appeared seconds before you'd have seen me in all my nakedness!" she pulls the flimsy nightgown to her seductively.
"it's okay," says doc, "I brought smokin' jackets!" and he pulls the jackets from a duffle gag and hurls one at each of them.
"great!" says syke, putting on a jacket. then pulling out a pack of pall malls from a pocket, she goes over to a window & lights up.
"you don't necessarily have to ..." begins doc.
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Post by mh on Aug 3, 2017 8:59:43 GMT -6
there's a knock on the door, and dakota exclaims, "quick doc, under a bunk!"
"my bunk!" says gilda, and she all but shoves him under it.
dakota opens the door and it's the bellman, carrying a large box.
"oh, there's bath oils in here, extra pilla's for pilla' fights. blowdryers, expensive conditioners, lady norelco razors -- and paddles. personally, i don't get the paddles. oh and mrs. sims told me to tell you something about a landing strip -- i don't remember. i didn't even know there was an airfield near here."
"are you gonna take your mask off or what?" asks gilda.
"are you?" retorts the bellman.
gilda gives him a frightful vulpine stare, and although no fan of gilda, the interns, angered at this glaringly unchivalrous bit of behavior against a fellow mademoiselle, circle the hapless bellman with blood in their eyes. skye has somehow found a rake.
"oh sorry ladies, don't get sore, he quicky adds. "i ain't suppose to but ..."
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Post by mh on Aug 3, 2017 9:44:46 GMT -6
"conan o'brien?" exclaims taffy.
"no my fellow ginger," he says, "i'm his much more talented cousin, seamus o'brien!
i'm starring in the 'justice city players' summer-stock production of 'the music man'!"
i had some extra time on my hands and saw an ad in the local penny-saver for an actor to play a bellman. the money's fantastic! the old girl must be loaded."
"why the mask?" asks dakota, the smart one.
"oh she wants to keep you girls -- what did she say? all goose-pimply! i'm sure you've noticed how cold she keeps it in here."
"yeah, without the smokin' jackets this could be embarrassing." says sandee.
"believe me, they're not helping!" says seamus o'brian, replacing his mask.
the girls all put their hands over their chests.
back at the old money alliance HQ, babu, mh, and shelia, the drive-thru manager at mr. smileys, who has nicely dropped off an order of delicious cheeseburgers on her way home, and who like gilda considers mh her best girlfriend, are watching events in the bedroom thru a kenny & buddy designed surveillance device that buddy had stuck inside taffy's hello kitty alarm clock.
hidden under gilda's bunk they see doc quartum cover his nipples with his hands.
"he knows on one can see him!" exclaims babu.
"we can see 'im," says shelia, eating a cheeseburger.
"but he doesn't know that!" exclaims babu.
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Post by mh on Aug 4, 2017 10:09:57 GMT -6
"these burgers are great shelia," says babu, thru a mouthful of a double smiley royale with cheese.
"yeah," says shelia, "i told 'em to use the real beef we save for ourselves, not that hyena meat we serve the customers!"
babu, mh, and shelia laugh uproariously.
"shelia, you so craaazy!" says mh.
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Post by mh on Aug 4, 2017 10:36:47 GMT -6
"anyway, what's that guy with the camera doin'?" asks shelia.
"oh fiddly sticks!" says babu, "doc has been filming ever since lucy morgan walked in! I forgot he was even there!"
"yeah doc only uses old 1960's tv equipment like his idol, doctor graves," says mh. "he thinks the film quality looks cooler! when dr. graves finally croaks, doc quantum, doctor spektor, and a host of other ghost hunters, including my favorite, boobs mcGhosty, will be fighting like letterman & leno to adopt the mantle of the world's #1 spook chaser!"
"ah, boobs mcGhosty," sighs babu.
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Post by mh on Aug 4, 2017 10:58:26 GMT -6
"well, I wouldn't count doc quartum out," says shelia, "he's got a goatee!"
babu looks at the camera and says, "i hope doc can edit this stuff into something usable. oh, um, we're here with special guest correspondent shelia, the drive-thru manager at smiley burger! shelia, using the skills of detection you've honed as drive-thru manager, what do you make of this situation?"
"well," says shelia, looking into the camera, "i think that landlady is a big dyke! i think she showers off the bronzer, takes off her wig and hits the hay. then she starts sleep walkin'! and her subconscious is looking for some hot hag on girl action! that's what i think."
"shelia doesn't mince words," mh whispers to babu. "doc will need to edit this out, but it might make the easter egg."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 17, 2017 21:13:05 GMT -6
"Doc's still doing that thing with his nipples," Babu says. "What the hell's going on?"
"Beats the hell out of me," Sheila says. "But it's starting to get me a ittle wored up. I wonder if this is some new signature move that's going to be a regular part of the show?"
"God, I hope not," MH says.
The bellman leaves and Skye hears pained moaning coming from under the bed. "What is it, Doc?" she says, looking under the bed.
"My.... my.... n-nips. The other night, I was doing jaeger shots with Kenny and Buddy and somehow we ended up at the tattoo and peircing place."
"Boy, I bet you regret getting those pierced," Dakota laughs.
"Not as much as the tramp stamp," Doc says. "And Buddy's peircing is a lot worse."
"Eeewwww..." the interns say all at once.
"Something has set off my portable proton spectral detector!" Doc says. "It's interacting with the nipple rings! I'm getting the living hell shocked out of me!""Oh, you poor thing!" Glenda says. "I think one of the tv crew probably has some wire cutters."
"Waitaminnit!" Dakota says. "If his spectra detector is going off.... doesn't that mean something is coming?!!
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Post by mh on Aug 19, 2017 22:43:23 GMT -6
seconds later a spectral figure appears.
"jeremiah singe?" croaks doc, still rubbing his inflamed nipples.
"hobos! i dare you abscond with my prized collection of smoking jackets! you'll be mightily flogged for this! ... er ... whoa! you ain't hobos! ladies wear my jackets as long as you like! sleep in them -- wrestle about in them! let them absorb as much of your hot young scent as possible!"
"oh, this is getting good!" exclaims shelia, back in the old monkeyhouse.
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