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Post by Doc Quantum on Oct 10, 2013 14:45:48 GMT -6
Doc Quantum walks in, looks around, sits down, and can't help but notice the giant banana in the middle of the social room.
Doc: "Hey, guys. So... what's up with the big banana?"
Babu Baboon turns from a conversation with Drivtaan and notices the new arrival.
Babu: "Doc! Hey, glad you could make it! Did you have any troubles finding the place?"
Doc: "Nope. Just used that link you gave me, and it transported me straight here. That Proboards registration guy at the front desk is a bit of a twat, though. Gave me a hard time trying to register. The only way that I got it to work is by accepting a bunch of cookies. They tasted awful, and there was no glass of milk around to wash 'em down, either."
Babu: "Well, settle in and make yourself at home. These are our new digs!"
Doc: "Cool. Cool cool cool. So..."
Babu: "Yes?"
Doc: "What's up with the big banana?"
Babu looks confused. "What big banana?"
Doc: "The big banana in the middle of the room. The big yellow one with brown freckles all over. It's about 30 feet long. Can't miss it."
Babu: "Oh, you mean THAT banana! Well, it's not really a banana. I mean, it may look like a banana, and it may smell like a banana, but it doesn't have the same texture and taste as one. Please don't try to eat it. It's actually a machine -- a very special machine that does wondrous things."
Doc: "That's cool. I just have one other question."
Babu: "Shoot."
Doc: "What's up with the big banana?"
Babu: "Well, that's a bit of a long story..."
Doc: "That's no problem. Start talking, and I'll catch up with the story later."
Babu: "All right, well, it all started back when.........."
TO BE CONTINUED ....... ?
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 10, 2013 15:15:43 GMT -6
Babu paused as the red-headed intern walked into the room and brought coffee to the two of them. Doc watched, bug-eyed as she wiggled out the door.
Babu: Put your eyes back in your head, Doc. As I was saying, it's not really a banana. It's a transdimensional teleportational device created by our old foe, Gary Degaton. It was meant as a booby trap. He disguised it as a banana to try and fool me. Kind've racist, really. I mean... jus because I'm a baboon...
Doc Quantum: Did you say gary Degaton? Not Per?
Babu: It's his son. You know how Lex Luthor has the hair thing? His is being named Gary.
Doc: Why not call himself Professor Degaton? Or even change his name?
Babu: Too proud. Anyway, the trap got most of the old MA. Except MH and I
Doc: MH?
Babu Baboon: Manhunter. He's a Paul Kirk clone. Though a little off...
Doc: How so?
Babu: Well, you know how when you make a copy of a copy... and copy that copy and so on and so on?...
Doc: ...ah....
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Post by Doc Quantum on Oct 10, 2013 15:43:08 GMT -6
Doc: "That's cool. Cool cool cool."
Doc Quantum walks around the new Monkey Alliance Headquarters, checking out a few of the trophies from past adventures of this intrepid team.
Doc: "So... I sense I'm walking into a place with a rich history."
Babu: "Yep."
Doc sighs. "I used to be part of such a group -- the Message Board League. Then came the Crisis. And then there was another Crisis. And another after that. Our continuity was written and rewritten so many times I lost count. I think I died as an old man in the original continuity (if there is such a thing as the "original continuity" at all). But now I've come back in this continuity as a man-monkey with a quirky personality. I'm haven't got my personality down yet, though, so anything could happen."
Babu: "Sounds a bit like the Doctor."
Doc: "Sort of, yeah. Say, is that red-headed intern single?"
Babu: "Don't even think about it, Doc."
Doc: "No worries, no worries. Can't do anything about it, anyway. I just remembered that, in this continuity, I'm a married monkey-man. Still, nothing wrong with looking, right?"
Babu: "Hey, no judgment here."
Doc: "So... what's up with the big banana... now? Did that Gary Degaton fellow leave it activated? Is it still a threat, or what? It kind of reminds me of a MacGuffin."
Babu: "A what?"
Doc: "A MacGuffin. Something that drives the plot along. It could be anything -- a shiny object in a suitcase, like in Pulp Fiction, or the eponymous statue from the Maltese Falcon. It doesn't matter what it is. All that matters is that it motivates the characters to the next plot point in the story whenever things start to slow down."
The social room is large enough to hold many people, but only a few have shown up so far at this mixer party. But everyone in the room suddenly grows quiet because of the odd sound that was emanating from the big banana in the center of the room.
Doc: "Say, Babu...?"
Babu: "Yeah, Doc?"
Doc: "Um... hate to repeat myself, but... what's up with the big banana?"
A strange whirring sound began to grow louder and louder.
Babu: "Oh... THIS can't be good..."
TO BE CONTINUED!
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 10, 2013 16:19:47 GMT -6
Babu plunged his arms into the glow nd they seemed to sink into the banana. When he pulled them out, a pair of hands were holding onto each wrist. With a quick yank, two figures came flying out. One was wearing a baseball cap, t-shirt and jeans. The other was wearing white coveralls ad had a mustache.
Babu: Kenny! Buddy! I told you not to toy with that thing!
Doc: Who...."
Babu: The one with the baseball cap is Kenny. The other one is Buddy. They're our maintenance/ jack of all trade guys.
Kenny: I know you done tole us not to fool with it, but I think we gots something!
Buddy: You gonna be real happy!
several images flashed around the big banana. One was a squinty eyed kid with glasses wearing a Superman T-shirt, red shorts and a cape. Another was a bald man with red eyes and short red devil horns. More figures flashed by until it stopped on a figure that looked sort of like the swamp thing but with a big pot leaf on his chest. His image grew larger until there was a big flash and he was standing in the room with them.
Doc: Who is..."
Doc stopped talking when he realized smoke was rising off the large plant man. He began to feel lightheaded,
Babu: He's my brother!
Babu ran and grabbed his brother in a bear hug. He clasped him by the arms staring at him as if he couldn't believe he was back. He remembered, then, that he needed to step back from him and not inhale so much. "Welcome back, Highness"
Highness: Thanks. You know, I'm kind've hungry. I could go for pizza. can we order pizza?
Doc: (slumping in his chair) I kind've could, too.
Babu: There are doughnuts in the breakroom. Kenny and Buddy will show you where.
Higness, Kenny and Buddy leave
Doc: How can he be your brother? He's not a Baboon
Babu: Not anymore. Where Degaton infused me with the DNA of other super heroes for powers like Supe strength and flight, he infused my brother with tons and tons of enhanced cannabis extract.
Doc: and he's a team member?
Babu: .... well... when he can remember to show up.
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Post by drivtaan on Oct 10, 2013 16:38:34 GMT -6
Drivtaan comes out from behind the big banana.
Drivtaan: Well, it doesn't actually taste like a big banana.
Babu: What do you mean it doesn't taste like a big banana?
Drivtaan: I was curious.
Doc: You know what they say about curiosity, don't you?
Drivtaan: That explains the dead cat back there.
Babu: Did you actually try to bite the big banana?
Doc: You know this is stating to sound a bit dirty.
Drivtaan: It gets worse...but only for a moment.
Babu: Holy crap. You licked the big banana. Please tell me you didn't lick the big banana.
Drivtaan nods.
Doc: I gotta hear this.
Babu: What did it taste like?
Drivtaan: I'm not sure. When I started to touch my tongue to it, something happened. I thought it was starting to taste like banana, then it felt like I had stuck my foot in a bucket of water while licking a package of 9 volt batteries. I think I burnt my taste buds off.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 10, 2013 17:15:15 GMT -6
Babu Baboon: (to Drivtaan) You really shouldn't lick the banana.
MH: (walking into he room) And you shouldn't be lecturing new members on their lifestyle choices!
Babu Baboon: (points)We were talking about an actual banana. Well, a transdimensional apparatus disguised as a banana...
MH: Oh, well yeah, he shouldn't lick that. He's liable to get cast into another dimension.
Doc: So you're MH?
MH: Yeah, has Babu talked to you guys about benefits?
Babu Baboon: After you've been here a year, you're eligible for the 401K. Our health, dental, and vision is through BC/BS..... handled by the insurance guys on the other end of the strip mall.... over by the Korean Massage Parlor.
Doc: About that.... isn't it kind of weird for a super hero team to be in the same mall as a massage parlor?
Babu Baboon: I thought so, too, but our old member, EDM, probably would have quit if we had run them out.
Drivtaan: EDM?
Babu: Explosive Diarrhea Man. I'm sure you'd rather I didn't go into a lengthy explanation of his powers.
Group: No thanks!!
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Post by mh on Oct 10, 2013 18:06:44 GMT -6
"Oh what he hell, "says mh, "and goes behind the banana, and with that begins licking with all his might, and staggers out looking dazed.
Babu: Okay, gimme! What'd you pick up?
mh: well, being a clone of a clone of a clone, i'd probably have trouble distinguishing between a big whirring banana from say, Rosa Parks. i'm only slightly less imperfect than that master shake clone from aqua teen hunger force episode 'major shake'. did you see it? classic!!
Drivtaan stares and stares.
Babu: Dammit mh! did you get anything?
mh: oh yeah. my tongue ain't much on tasting, but it reads braille. crazy huh? someone scratched, "desk-boy! was here. eat it" on the thing. what'd you think it means? oh, taffy! i could use a cup of earle grey. my tongue feels funny.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 10, 2013 18:41:25 GMT -6
Doc Quantum: "Who's Desk-boy!?"
Babu: "e's another old member. "He's an arch-demon. He was the lord of office cubical malaise."
Doc Quantum: "An arch demon named Desk-boy?"
Babu: Well, his real name is unpronounceable
Drivtaan: So what's he doing scratching messages on the side of the banana?
Babu: Probably to let us know he's still out there. He's from another dimension already. If anyone could find their way back, it's him.
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Post by Doc Quantum on Oct 10, 2013 22:03:04 GMT -6
Doc: "So it's a transdimensional teleportational device, eh?"
Babu: "Yes. I told you that several posts ago."
Doc: "Sorry. I'm a slow thinker sometimes. Hey, do you think we could use it to travel somewhere? Or someWHEN?"
Babu: "Maybe. I'm still waiting for a few others to show up first."
Doc: "OK."
At that, Doc Quantum walks over to the big banana and starts licking it.
Babu: "HEY! What are you doing?!"
Doc: "I've still got the taste of those awful Proboard cookies in my mouth. I thought licking the big banana would help get rid of the taste. Everyone else seems to be doing it." Doc looks at Drivtaan and MH.
Drivtaan: "Well... it wasn't all that great, to tell you the truth. I can't taste anything now."
Doc: "That's what I was hoping for." Doc goes back to licking the big banana.
Babu: "Jeez! Listen -- everyone, do not lick the big banana! I repeat: stop licking the big banana!!!"
MH: "Hey, what did I tell you about lecturing new members on their lifestyle choices? It's a free country, man."
At that moment, Doc Quantum disappears in a flash of light.
A moment later, he reappears two feet away.
Doc: "Whoa. That was... that... was... cool. Cool... cool... cool..."
And he falls to the ground, unconscious.
TO BE CONTINUED!!!
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 11, 2013 6:41:15 GMT -6
Doc Quantum lay on the floor seemingly unconcious
Doc: .... Jesse... Jesse...
Drivtaan: Who's Jesse?
Babu Baboon: The kid you saw with the glasses, Superman t-shirt, and cape. Superman's other cousin, Super Jesse. Secret ID, Jesse Nitshke. Kryptonian name, Jes-El.
Doc: We had a Kryptonian on the team? That must have been awesome!
Babu: (shakes head) Well, a Kryptonian with Aspergers. He was like an unpredictable force of nature. If he got mad enough, he was just as likely to attack us.
Babu: (Shakes Doc by the shoulders Jesse! Did you see Jesse?!!
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Post by mh on Oct 11, 2013 9:04:32 GMT -6
when doc quantum opened his eyes, they were like this
"Jesse .... Jesse .... yahoooweee ..." he says, and passes out.
Babu shakes him once more, but there's no use.
"he's probably weak from hunger, "says mh. "probably why he was talking about macguffins earlier. i could sure go for a sausage egg & cheese macguffin my own self."
Drivtaan: That's not what he was ..."like what they had in the briefcase in 'pulp fiction', that they stole from 'kiss me deadly' ... those movies were lots of years apart ... baboon, how long can a briefcase fulla egg macguffins last?"
Babu: Hmmm, I dunno. Let's see ... wait a minute! This has nothing to do with the big banana or Jesse!
Just then, Kenny & Buddy burst thru the door.
Kenny: We're back! And we got a whole bag full of egg, sausage and cheese MacGuffins! 
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 11, 2013 10:17:18 GMT -6
Babu turns to Kenny and Buddy
Babu: What's with all the McMuffins?"
Kenny: Well, we was sitting in the break room with that big smoky plant feller[like you done asked wen me'n Buddy done got the munchies somethin' awful. The big plant feller had done eatin all the doughnuts, so we went to Mickey D's. They aint got no decent burgers since they done got rid of the angus burgers, but they was still serving breakfast....
Babu: You know Highness is going to scarf all those down as soon as they hit the table.
Buddy: Aw, he's too busy scopin' out the hot interns that just went on break.
Babu: You left him in there with the interns?
Kenny: Yeah, I aint ever seen them gals so silly and giggly.
babu: Most of those girls are bulimic! They'll rip both Highness and each other to shreds to get at those McMuffins! Take some money from petty cash and get them to Meaty McGees. The bloody buffet should be stating right now.
Drivtaan: Meaty McGees?
Babu: They're one of our sponsors. The only all meat restaurant around. Even the salad bar is lunch meat and meat carved to look like vegetables. That should keep them busy for a while.
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Post by mh on Oct 11, 2013 12:13:42 GMT -6
The Monkey Alliance Round Robin Board, 'What's up with the big banana?" has been brought to you by 'Meaty McGee's'. Remember, "If it grows on trees, they don't serve it at Meaty McGee's." Now back to our exciting story.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 11, 2013 13:14:27 GMT -6
Babu, Doc Quantum, Drivtaan, and MH watch as Kenny and Buddy go to get Highness and the interns for their trip to Meaty McGees. When Kenny opens the door and a cloud of smoke pours out. Buddy helps Kenny back to his feet and then they all head off.
Doc Quantum: So Highness... he's a real super hero?
Babu Baboon: Well... there are only a few states right now where he can fight crime openly.
Doc: Funny power for a hero, though.
Babu: Are you kidding? He's got the best power! Once, he was in a bank when some guys came in and tried to rob the place. The police found them in the break room scarfing down snacks and watching Sponge Bob Squarepants.
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Post by Doc Quantum on Oct 11, 2013 16:59:26 GMT -6
Doc: "Speaking of funny powers, I wasn't sure if I had any in this incarnation or not. In my last few major incarnations as continuity has changed, I've been mostly powerless. My only real 'powers' were having a large brain and a scientific mind, able to invent any gadget I could think of. But I don't feel too smart this time. I hope that doesn't disqualify me for membership."
Babu: "Hmm... Well, it might not. Do you think you might have another power to compensate for your lack of super-intelligence?"
Doc: "That would be cool, but I can't say. I guess I'll find out when I find out. Still can't get the taste of those awful cookies out of my mouth. All my licking of the big banana did nothing except--"
*POP*
Babu: "Hey, where'd he go?"
MH: "He just disappeared!"
*POP*
"--give me a big headache," Doc says after reappearing seconds later in another part of the room. He looks around in confusion. "Hey! What's happ... oh..."
Doc begins to swoon as he starts to pass out again, but Drivtaan rushes forward at great speed and manages to catch him in his arms.
Drivtaan: "Well, buddy, I think you've managed to answer your own question..."
Doc: "You mean... who slipped me... a mickey...?"
Drivtaan: "No. You've obviously got some kind of ability to teleport, and possibly even make small jumps through time. Once you figure out how to keep from passing out each time, imagine all that gas money you'll be able to save on your way to work!"
Babu: "Congratulations, Doc! I think you've found your new incarnation's powers! And Drivtaan, based on the way you rushed forward, all that banana-licking might have given you a power, too -- super-speed."
Drivtaan looks puzzled. "You think so? I was hoping to be the mysterious, gritty, resourceful, but ultimately non-powered crime-fighting detective of the group."
Babu: "Well, now you'll be a speeding detective."
MH: "So licking this big banana grants super-powers, huh?"
Babu: "Uh... I'm not sure if--"
Three teenage girls and their old grandmother just happen to be walking by the entrance to Monkey Alliance Headquarters on their way to The Body Shop when they glance in.
MH: "HEY, GIRLS! COME LICK MY BIG BANANA AND GET YOUR OWN SUPER-POWERS!"
"Ew! Gross!"
"Sicko."
"Pervert."
"...okay, sonny!... Just let me take out my dentures..."
"No, Grandma! Come on!"
Babu Baboon just shakes his head.
TO BE CONTINUED!!!
[OFF-TOPIC: If Monkey Alliance HQ is in a mall, is it called the Mall of Justice?]
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