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Post by mh on Feb 13, 2014 14:36:36 GMT -6
the many spooks of doctor quantum!  a butt-spankingly fearful journey into the unknown
starring the monkey alliance
"okay, i give up," says babu as he enters monkey alliance HQ with the fabled 'stapler of destiny', which had been relieved from 'the slamai monster' after a terrible battle. babu was carrying it with oven mitts.
"i know i've been gone a while, but why are these camera people here, why are there dozens of turtle-necks and tweed sports coats in out closet? and why doc quantum, is there a 1970 citroen in yer parking space,
and why do you have a commander rikker goatee?"
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Post by mh on Feb 13, 2014 15:08:18 GMT -6
doc smiles at the camera people & says, "just a minute!"
then he follows babu into the cursed object section where babu is locking the stapler in a box in the blessed lead cabinet.
"it's ain't a rikker goat-ee exclaims doc lowly, "it's a supernatural guy goatee! while you were gone, my idea of "ghost hunters: monkeyhouse, starring doctor quantum" that everyone but me agreed we should not do, has really took off! (then noticing how scuffed up babu looks) by the way how is everyone?"
"oh thanks for asking!" replies babu. "lesee, drivaan came out of his coma, mh is been okayed for solid food again, they finally got super-jesse's head pulled outta hairbutt's butt, hairbutt stopped peein' blood this morning, oh, and amber has an owie on her knee! that 'slamai monster', "says babu with a cringe, " -- the thing's a holy terror!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 13, 2014 20:05:48 GMT -6
"Well, I'm glad everyone is okay," Doc says.
"Okay?" Babu says incredulously. "Did you not hear what I said? Jesse's head was literally stuck up Hairbutt's butt. Do you know how hard it is to wheel a guy into the hospital when he has another person's head lodged up his ass?"
"Well, no..."
"If Jesse hadn't had his super powers, he would have smothered. He's probably going to need months of therapy, though," Babu says with a shudder. "What the hell is all that racket?"
"Oh, it's just the electrician," Doc says.
"Electrician?" Babu asks.
"Yeah, we're having to redo the wiring. It couldn't handle running all the TV equipment," Doc says.
"How much is all this costing us?" Babu exclaims.
"It'll be worth it!" Doc says. "Just think of all the publicity we'll get when they film us as we go around chasing spooks!"
Suddenly, the electrician turns around. "What the hell did you just say?!!"
"Ghosts!!!" Doc yelps. "I was talking about ghosts!!!"
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Post by mh on Feb 13, 2014 21:25:15 GMT -6
"gosh!" exclaims doc quantum, "why is everyone so touchy for? if i used 'the many ghosts of ..' doctor graves might sue my ass! he's very litigious! in the 70's he sued the 'scooby doo' cartoons because shaggy was wearin' a goatee!"
 
when they get back upstairs, the interns come in & amber is limping with her pant leg rolled up, "oww, oww, oww," she says sitting in a chair, and spotting babu baboon, she yells, "babu! i need you to kiss my owie again!"
"no!" cries babu. "hell no! yer gunna get me in trouble with the mrs! no more owie kissing -- i don't even see a mark!"
"babu, you're mean!" exclaims taffy.
"i'll do it!" cries mayor bruce campbell, who has just come in.
running over & dropping to his knees, he begins kissing away. "smooch smooch, ... babu, this ghost hunter thing is huge! yer gonna finally put 'justice' on the map! obama just called me! smooch, smooch, ... obama! he loves it -- and now he loves me too! listen, justice is picking up all yer expenses."
the electrician walks by & him & bruce campbell slap hands.
"sir, i think my boo boo's better, "says amber.
"lemme be the judge of that baby," says mayor bruce campbell.
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Post by mh on Feb 13, 2014 22:49:34 GMT -6
the phone rings & gilda, the former "transcribing lass" runs in & picks it up.
"doctor quantum's!" she exclaims, "what spook related problem can we help you with?"
one of the electricians looks over at her warily.
"what the heck is she doing here?" asks dakota angrily.
"oh, she works for the mayor's office now, "says mayor bruce Campbell, between knee kisses, "i loaned her out to the doctor since you girls were indisposed."
just them mh comes limping in.
"how're you feeling pal," asks babu.
"uggg, i've taxed my manhunter healing factor to it's very limits, "says mh, "i think i might be in the process of growing new pancreas! uggg. that damn slamai monster! it stuck super-jesse up hairbutt's butt, then tried to stick hairbutt & super-jesse up my butt! uggg. what a battle. my 1916 mauser is gunna need a new firing pin. uggg. i busted so many caps. i'm gunna go into one of the guest rooms & lay down. uggg."
"how's super-jesse and hairbutt?" asks babu.
"they'll be okay, "says mh, "but they can't look each other in the eyes yet."
"that's understandable, "replies babu sadly.
"you poor gurls, "says mayor bruce campbell. "it must've been a tramatic experience. amber, i think yer all done. anyone else got owies? taffy?"
"lay off mayor," rasps mh from the corner of his mouth, "that one's mine ... uggg."
then to be certain she's safe from the mayor's advances, mh staggers, and gasps, " ... i feel faint!"
"ouuu! poor brave mh," exclaims sandee as her & taffy who are closest run over to steady him.
"i'm pretty sure he'll be okay, "says mayor bruce campbell, giving mh the skunkeye shaking his head.
"doctor quantum!" yells gilda with a big smile, "we've got another case!"
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Post by mh on Feb 14, 2014 12:23:54 GMT -6
"I have the address, "says gilda, "it's from the ritzy part of 'east justice' -- ca-ching!"
"what was all that noise, "babu asks sandee as she comes in and sits down, looking guilty.
"well, mh said he could have solid food, so I brought him a salami sandwich!
... I feel terrible! but he did finally stop screaming. he used to like salami."
"we all used to like salami, "says babu with a shudder.
"taffy's reading him 'the three billy goat gruffs'. he'll probably go to sleep now."
"listen," says doctor quantum, "you know i gotta edit out all this slaimi monster talk! i need to put together my team. i'll need gilda ..."
"yes!" exclaims gilda.
"and steve, my ghost tech ..." steve comes out holding some ghost tracking equipment.
"steve!" cries babu, "he's not your ghost tech! and where are kenny, buddy, and gil?"
"umm, the last adventure was a bit too much for them," says quantum, "they're at your house, boarded up in that pillow fort of yours! yeah, we got in a little over our head. show him the film! YIKES.
"omg!" exclaims babu.
that's why I gotta pick our strike team carefully. oh btw, mrs. baboon called. she doesn't sound pleased."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 14, 2014 19:53:55 GMT -6
"Oh great. I'm going to have to really pull one out of my ass this time to smooth things over with the Mrs.," babu says.
"Didn't you say your wife and daughter are big fans of those ghost hunter shows?" Doc says. "If you help us hunt ghosts, you'll look like a big hero to them."
Well, I guess so," Babu says. "It couldn't hurt."
"This is the old Bumhaus estate!" Gilda says excitedly. "That's supposed to be the most haunted house in Justice City!"
Gilda and Steve start jabbering to each other excitedly and Mayor Bruce Campbell turns to Doc and says under his breath, "So how's Gilda working out for you?"
"Pretty good," Doc says. "She's a real hard worker. Smart, too."
"Yeah,...." the Mayor muses. "You know, I wasn't going to hire her at first, since she was so lacking in the sweater stretcher department. But then she dropped her pen, bent over to pick it up, and I realized she had a freaking caboose that would make Jessica Alba jealous."
"How was her resume?" Doc asks.
"Resume?...." Mayor Bruce Campbell says, looking puzzled, then winks and says, "Oh! ...Yeah, right.... her resume."
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Post by mh on Feb 14, 2014 20:30:11 GMT -6
"dang, somehow I never noticed, "begins babu.
"well i noticed," says a voice behind them & it's 'falafel lad'. "i got your order sir, a super-sized bag of falafels."
'falafel lad' lowers his head, not making eye contact.
"wait! why isn't he in jail?!" asks doc quantum.
"oh, he's still a young man & we didn't want to ruin his life, "says mayor bruce campbell, taking a falafel. "plus the falafel's at 'falafel hut' sucked after he left! we have him on an ankle bracelet. he's on probation & sentenced to delivering a bag of falafel's to the monkey alliance until he's served his time. it comes out of his pay."
"ummm, delicious," says babu, biting into one.
on his way out, 'falafel lad' says, "hey gilda."
"don't talk to me criminal, "replies gilda.
"i thought we might go out, "says falafel lad. "i can go anywhere on my delivery route without getting tasered."
"no, "says gilda, "i'm sorry, but i've become emotionally invested in a ghost chasing genius. what a team we make! before this week is up, i hope to have whisker burns all over me!"
"doctor quantum? dammit!" exclaims falafel boy.
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Post by mh on Feb 14, 2014 22:30:38 GMT -6
babu goes in to check on mh, who is talking to mayor bruce campbell.
"yes mayor, "mh says, "i did notice gilda has a fanny more exquisite than a fabergé egg -- but only recently. but taffy ... she has a pair of 'baby feeders' that would make a toddler weep! you must understand these aren't easy decisions. it came down to one or the other. but in the final analysis, i think we made the right choice. i mean, those things are what, a 38C?"
"oh easily," says mayor bruce campbell. "they're quite mouth-watering. you guys had a choice to make and you made it. was it the choice i would've made? maybe, maybe not. i won't quibble ..."
"what in hell are you guys talking about?!" exclaims babu.
"nothing, gosh!" replies mh.
"the mayor's intern royce rushes in. "mayor!" he exclaims with a lisp. "the president in on the line again! he wants 'th-poilers' (spoilers) on the next epi-thode (episode)!"
"oh crap! i got the leader of the free world eatin' outta my hand!" cries the mayor. "i gotta go!"
"who's up with royce?" asks babu.
"oh, it's a long story," the mayor explains. "he's purposely acting a bit swooshy to give 'justice' a much needed inclusiveness thing. we been catching some heat from the feds. i worry though -- he might have gone out there so far he can't come back."
as they leave and the mayor & royce say their goodbyes to poor injured mh, royce exclaims, "em-eeith! (mh) don't you try to get out of that bed again! unless you want a severe spanking!"
"promises, promises!" exclaims mh.
"i worry about that guy sometimes, "says babu.
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Post by mh on Feb 15, 2014 21:38:17 GMT -6
"well, i guess we're as ready as we're gonna get," says babu. "i'm only doing this so the mrs. won't be screaming about a terrified kenny, buddy, and gil hold up in our guest room! they just need a little while to ... unwind."
"everything's loaded, "exclaims steve. "all our ghosting equipment. where's doc?"
steve tosses the keys to gilda, who does the driving, with quantum riding shotgun. she misses & bends over to pick them up.
"holy chiselled buttock clefts, batman!!" steve exclaims.
"huh?" asks gilda, rising up.
"seeing the whole thing from a reflection from the hall mirror, mh laughs uproariously. "ghahaha! ... ouch."
"where the heck's the doctor," asks gilda.
"i'm in here!" yells a voice from the bathroom, "i'm trimming my extended goatee*! it was going all grizzly adams on me! this is being telecast ... i must look my best!"
*extended goatee: smaller than a beard, larger than a goatee.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 16, 2014 13:36:07 GMT -6
Suddenly, they see Baboon Girl flying down with something shiny and metal in her arms. She sets it down in front of them. It looks like a shiny, light metal version of K-9, the robot sidekick of the fourth Doctor Who.
"Hey, honey, what have you got there?" Babu Baboon asks her.
"This is Kasper the ghost hunting robot dog. Kenny and Buddy got the idea for him after talking to the Doctor. They asked me to bring him over. He's got a built in EVP reader and everything!"
"Great! He'll come in real handy," Doc Quantum says. "Does he talk?"
"Yes, I talk," Kasper says. "I am a fully functional ghost hunting unit."
"Oh, and Mom said I had to come with you," Baboon Girl says.
"What? No way!" Babu says.
"She said she had enough to deal with with the three kids holed up in her guest room."
"We'd better bring her along," Doc says.
"Yeah, Dad. I'm not a kid. I'm 12!" Baboon Girl says.
"Plus, I've met your wife," Doc says. "If you call her up to argue about it, we'll never get out of here. And Drivtaan's already waiting for us there."
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Post by mh on Feb 17, 2014 18:05:16 GMT -6
"drivaan?!" exclaims an injured mh from a guest room. "he's there? he just came out of a durn coma!"
the robotic ghost hunting dog rolls into the room, a couple feet from mh, and begins barking.
"what?" exclaims mh, "ghaaa! it thinks i'm a ghost! that means I'm gonna croak!"
"no mh," says baboon girl, coming in. "there's a can of WD-40 on that dresser. he wants it!"
"uhhh, here! gosh! why didn't it say so?"
"i'm a dog, "says kasper the ghost hunting robot dog, "and it just feels so good to bark."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 17, 2014 19:55:26 GMT -6
"Did I say Drivtaan?" Doc muses. "I meant Williscorto. I get those two mixed up when Willicorto isn't in that musketeer outfit of his." He hears MH scream and runs into the room.
"MH! Are you okay?" He trips over Kasper, bumps into Baboon Girl who squeals and bumps into the hospital tray Sandee left and the salami sandwich lands in MH's lap and falls apart.
Seeing the salami, MH starts screaming hysterically. "The Slamai monster is back! He's gonna get me!"
Kasper rolls forward and says, "Negative. It is ordinary salami."
Taffy runs into the room. "MH! Are you okay?" She trips over Kasper and flies into MH's lap.
"I'm better now," MH says.
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Post by mh on Feb 17, 2014 21:31:10 GMT -6
"ouch. that hurt so good," mutters mh.
"i'm so sorry! i'll be careful getting up," says taffy.
"no! better not to move, "replies mh. "all my vital organs are pretty fragile. better for us to sit quietly and let them continue to heal. oh, but don't stop jiggling! that will aid in the healing process!"
"baboon girl, avert your eyes," says baboon, taking her hand.
"kasper, can you do something about the salami? it frightens me!" exclaims mh, as they leave.
"i guess we're all set," says doc quantum. "i've alerted the other members, and if they feel well enough later, they'll join us."
he whispers to baboon girl, and after a second says, "c'mon, you can do it."
with a sigh she says, "i see dead people, i'll tell you."
"yes!" exclaims doctor quantum, grabbing his silver handled walking stick.
"genius!" exclaims doc's director. "it's a take! people -- we're on the move! get the remote cameras into the van!"
"where the heck did he come from?" exclaims babu.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 18, 2014 21:28:40 GMT -6
The van and the 1970 Citroen pull up in front of the Bumhaus Estate. Wiliscorto is waiting in front. With him are new members Neilencio and Lothar.
"Kenny and Buddy showed up with these proton packs they just finished," Williscorto says.
"Uhn, this thing is heavier than my backpack at school," Baboon Girl says.
"So where are Kenny and Buddy?" Babu asks.
"They're hiding in Kenny's van," Neilencio says. "We've been trying to coax them out."
"Did you try Scooby Snacks?" Baboon Girl asks.
"Ha! That's a good one!" Neilencio says before tripping over Kasper.
Babu leans into Doc Quantum and asks, "Hey, you think it's a good thing giving Lothar a proton pack? I mean, he's an unfrozen prehistoric hill person, for God's sake."
"We're short staffed," Doc says. "We use who we've got."
They walk to the front door and Doc says to the TV camera, "We're here at the fabled Bumhaus estate. The most haunted house in Justice. Nearly every generation of Bumhaus has met a tragic fate and it has been said their spirits haunt this house. The current heir to the Bumhaus Estate has asked our crew to come in, see what we can find, and if possible, de-haunt this house!"
".... and cut!" the director says, before stepping backward and tripping over Kasper.
Doc unlocks the front door and they step inside the enormous, high celing foyer. "How do you plan to draw the ghosts out?" Babu asks, as he walks in carrying Kasper over the steps.
"I didn't want to do this in front of the camera, because every ghost hunter would steal my method. He opens the supply trunk the gaffers brought in and pulls out a boom box and a clown mask.
"It's a little known secret that no ghost can resist the call of the Harlem shake." He pulls on the clown mask and hits the play button on the boom box. Doc starts dancing as the boom box plays.
"Con los terroristas
Ey Shake
Ey Shake
Ey, Ey, Ey, Ey
Shake, Ta. Ta
And do the Harlem Shake"
Suddenly, tons of ghosts appear out of nowhere, floating in the space above them and gyrating wildly. Even a ghost dog.
Shake, Shake
Ey
Shake, Shake, Shake
Con los terroristas
Ey, Con los terroristas
Ey, Ey".
"Quick! Grab your proton packs!" Doc yells.
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