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Post by mh on Oct 26, 2013 23:21:18 GMT -6
'the klinger paradigm' featuring:
SanDeE*, amber, dakota, taffy, and skye, the m.a. interns
 the klinger paradigm starring the m.a. interns:
an exciting m.a. interns adventure part 1
the m.a. interns, after a busy morning were all sitting at a booth at "meaty McGee's", a favorite all-meat restaurant of the monkey-alliance, and an important sponsor, having lunch.
"the waitresses sure are rude here," says skye.
"I know," replies amber, "but the cooks are so nice! look at all these t-bones! I couldn't possibly eat them all."
grinning, blinky, one of the cooks, sticks his head out of the order window & gives amber a finger wave.
"gimme," says taffy thru a mouthful of flank steak, and rakes them onto her own plate.
"so, beauty queens, are you about done? i ain't had a tip since you walked in -- and i'm the hot one!" says a waitress.
she walks off angrily.
"see!" says skye. "anyway, like i was saying earlier, i transcribed about 175 klinger's crazy jokes this week, but now there are 206 more than there were when i started! i don't get it. and the newest ones are all dated 2002. it doesn't make sense. anyway, let's go."
they go to the register, and corky, another cook, shows up to tally their bill.
"ladies, "says corky, "on tuesdays, pretty girls eat for free! it's "pretty girl tuesday!"
"we're always so lucky here, "says dakota, "it's like we never have to pay."
as they leave, "hope you enjoyed everything ladies!"
after they are gone
corky: SanDeE* said "bye corky!" omg, she knows my name! do you think that means anything?
waitress: listen -- i'm hot! i'm tired of you guys & everyone else going mental whenever those chicks come in!
corky: yeah, you're hot. but you're 'justice' hot. those girls are new york or 'east justice' hot! damn! i'm bleaching my apron, in case they come back tomorrow.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 27, 2013 22:00:24 GMT -6
As they're walking to the company mini-van the Monkey Alliance let's the interns use, a paper airplane hits Skye in the head. "Ow," she says, "Who threw that? That's not funny, y'all."
Taffy picks it up. "It's a note!"
"What does it say?" Amber asks.
"If you want to know why the supply of Klinger's Crazy Jokes never ends.... " Taffy pauses, "There's a map."
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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2013 8:27:12 GMT -6
they all stare at it for a good minute.
"this is an old 'long john silver's' restaurant kids map!" says Dakota, the smart one. "but it's been altered. the 'start' had 'gold fish pond' written on it. that must mean the wishing well fish pond at out mall!"
they make a pact to follow wherever the map leads after work.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 28, 2013 18:34:04 GMT -6
"My fingers hurt," whines Taffy as they left Monkey Alliance Headquarters.
"There were more Klinger's Crazy Jokes to transcribe than ever!" Skye exclaims.
"This is really getting out of hand," Dakota says. "We need to follow that map and find out what's up!"
Dakota studies the map and says, "the first arrow leads to The Waterbed Shed."
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Post by mh on Oct 30, 2013 0:46:47 GMT -6
later, 4 of the interns meet at the coy fountain, facing the waterbed shed. after a few minutes taffy is seen hustling past the arcade, swinging her familiar gray purse around.
"sorry i'm late guys, "she explains, "mh needed me to help him with some old boxes of files -- i swear, i had to bend over so many times! oh, one sec, let me get a pretzel!" and she scampers off.
"that mh, "says dakota (the smart one), "and he put up that memo yesterday about today being "shorts thursday" -- i'm starting to wonder ... nah! anyway, we take "fiddy" -- i swear to g-d they wrote 'fiddy' instead of fifty! -- paces toward the waterbed shed. then we are suppose to read the first clue on the back -- taffy c'mon! lay off that nacho cheese dispenser!"
meanwhile back at the monkeyhouse offices, babu is sticking papers in the shredder.
"thank zeus for your super speed, "babu says to drivtaan. "we got all those "no underwear friday" memos down before the interns noticed. that mh -- what the hell's he thinking? we could get our asses sued off!"
"no underwear friday -- dakota -- and she's the smart one ..., " drivtaan thinks to himself.
babu: drivtaan .. are you listening?!
drivtaan: huh?! oh, yeah. i was just thinking -- i overhead a couple of the girls discussing this map they found. they believe the number of "klinger's crazy jokes" are increasing, and this map will somehow lead them to the answer why. they are apparently being led -- for what purpose i don't know. they should be at the waterbed shed by now, and I feel our best course would be to lock up & follow them."
babu: we probably should. and it's gonna be up to us two. mh & hairbutt are busy courting a new sponsor -- "the pottery stable" -- and doc von Q just rushed outta here without a word. i wonder why?
drivtaan: wha-kha!! (imitating the sound of a whip)
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 31, 2013 14:41:30 GMT -6
The interns go 50 paces towards the Waterbed Shed and turn the map over for the first clue. "It says 'Crawfordville'," Dakota says. "What the heck is 'Crawfordville'?"
"What kind of clue is that?" Taffy whined.
"What are we supposed to do next?" Amber asked.
"Go 60 paces to the Pottery Stable," Dakota says.
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Post by mh on Oct 31, 2013 22:37:49 GMT -6
"wait girls!" cries mel from the waterbed shed. "stay out of that place -- once you get on their catalog list, your doomed! you'll never get off!!"
they all ignore mel, but the directions stop them right at the pottery stable entrance. a garbage can in front of the store has an envelope taped to it. dakota pulls it loose, and inside are 5 tickets for the movie "sack lunch" showing at the justice film-amark 10.
"another clue, "says dakota. "we'd better be at that show."
"it starts in five minutes, "exclaims amber, "we'd better hurry!"
"ouuu, " says skye as they reach the theater. "it's sold out! it must be good."
inside the theater is completely empty, except for two guys & a woman they've seen entering "the sassy dragon" chinese restaurant many times
"somebody must have bought out almost all the tickets, "says dakota, the smart one.
"i wish we had time to go to the snack bar, "says taffy, as they're taking their seats, her face getting pouty.
suddenly a fat blur bumps sandee, pushing past, and takes the seat beside taffy.
"hi girls!" says mh, shoving close to taffy. "it's so dark, i didn't notice you here! i love this movie, I've seen it 5 times -- hilarious! oh, i'm afraid i bought way too much stuff at the snack bar. what the heck was i thinking? i've got hot dogs, nachos, several large popcorns, some colas. oh, and here's an orange crush -- isn't that yer favorite taffy? could you girls help me eat this stuff?"
"look at that guy, "babu says to drivtaan from the back of the theater. "he's suppose to be at the pottery stable with hairnutts. dammit."
"maybe his highly acute manhunter clone powers sensed danger, "drivtaan suggests.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 1, 2013 18:25:14 GMT -6
MH sighs as the girls scarfed down the last of the food he had bought. They'd even gotten the "special' popcorn bucket he had planned to share with Taffy. He had cut a hole in the bottom so he could try out something he had seen in the movie "Porky's". Just as well, since Babu was always going on about lawsuits.
"Funny," MH says, watching the movie. "I thought Dabney Coleman was dead." Several people behind him shushed him.
"Why do you think we were supposed to see this movie?" Amber asks Dakota.
"I don't know," Dakota says. "The main character's name is Jesse. I wonder if that means anything?"
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Post by mh on Nov 1, 2013 20:34:01 GMT -6
 "this is intolerable, " says drivtaan. "dabney coleman is too old to play a police detective. and what is the origin of that giant sack? it's just kind of there. ponce de leon is starting -- babu, why don't we switch theaters?"
"we're not here for the movie, "replies babu, " we ... ha! ha! ha! ha!!! that fat kid just fell in the sack! he's got creamed corn all over him!"
"ha! ha! ha! ha!!," says taffy holding her stomaching from laughing so hard, "that kid's covered in corn!"
mh, laughing too, "that never gets old! i'm headed back to the snack bar -- nobody take my seat!"
as mh walks past, babu grabs him & pulls him into an empty adjacent seat, and quickly explains the situation.
mh: I knew something was up! when I saw taffy buying a pretzel, I got an odd sensation -- like something mysterious was going on, or that she'd gone out on a date with that flirty punk with the long hair & the tattoos from UPS. y'know, we should probably get that guy fired .... anyway, I guess my highly acute manhunter senses were kicking in.
drivtaan: that's what i said.
at that moment onscreen 'Jesse', dabney coleman's character was meeting his partner in a bar. it turns out to be jamie farr! and he's dressed as a woman as an ode to his old "klinger" character.
"are you on a stake-out," asks coleman. "no," replies Janie farr, "if you must know, i'm out on a date with detective murphy. what's a girl suppose to do, stay home every night? you never call!" with that Jamie farr hits dabney coleman with his purse and storms away."
"ha! ha! ha! ha!!!!" a familiar laugh explodes from the opposite isle. "i love a movie like this when klanger is so funny!!!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 3, 2013 18:30:42 GMT -6
"Hey, I think that's Jesse!" says SanDeE.
"It's Jesse watching a movie about a guy named Jesse," says Dakota.
"You just blew my mind," says Taffy.
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Post by mh on Nov 3, 2013 20:48:32 GMT -6
as the movie is ending, skye is struck on the back of the head with a small light object, and they see a guy darting from the theater carrying a steak knife
not so odd, since this was the theater's "steak night" -- a local custom that no other movie-house in the country has ever copied.
"c'mon taffy, "yells dakota, "we need to follow him!"
"gosh, "replies taffy, "i'm not done with my ribeye!"
"yeah, "run along gurls -- don't let him get away!" yells mh. "we'll catch up -- my old knee injury from saving the world from 'the puce apache' is acting up! don't wait for us, go!"
"my g-d, was that ... ?! " queries babu, approaching mh & taffy a minute later.
mh sighs deeply, "yes, that was him alright! and since you guys just interrupted taffy's delightful and titillating story about how she got her tuesday and thursday undies mixed up -- BEFORE she got to the good part btw -- I guess once she polishes off her ribeye we'll follow the others."
behind them, drivtaan picks up the folded piece of paper that he's seen strike skye in the head. "a clue ..?" he ponders to himself.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 5, 2013 15:35:41 GMT -6
Drivtaan's hands tremble with anticipation as he begins to unfold the piece of paper. One word is scrawled across it.
"Skittles?" Drivtaan exclaims. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
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Post by mh on Nov 5, 2013 17:38:47 GMT -6
"this is a long shot," thinks drivaan, as he heads to the theater's candy counter.
"dang, he got away!" cries dakota, as a rusted 1878 ford futura ambles out of the parking lot. it cuts off a BMW, which honks it's horn, and a voice from the futura yells, "kiss mah grits!"
"babu, mh and taffy join them. "they do a darn good ribeye for a multiplex," taffy says.
"and the map," sandee exclaims in frustration, "it ends here, right where we're standing!"
drivtaan walks up and says, "maybe this is the next piece of the puzzle." he holds up several boxes of skittles, all of which have "crawfordville" etched upon them with a sharpee.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 5, 2013 19:59:24 GMT -6
All f a sudden, Babu soars in from overhead in the Monkey-mobile. As it comes in closer to the ground, Babu says, "pile in, everybody! We're off to Crawfordville."
everyone piles in and the interns are chattering away happily about the twists and turns their case is taking. As the Monkey-mobile rises, MH says, "Are we really taking the Monkey-mobile out over Klinger's crazy Jokes?"
"Hey, it means a lot to the interns. Look how happy they are, bless their empty little heads."
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Post by mh on Nov 5, 2013 23:06:49 GMT -6
the klinger paradigm starring the m.a. interns:
an exciting m.a. interns adventure part 2:
Return to Crawfordville or Wakulla County Line
"well, " drivtaan says to babu, "i'm not sure that applies to dakota, she is after all, the smart one."
babu looks curiously at drivtaan then at mh, who shrugs & says nothing.
they land in Crawfordville minutes later.
the monkeymobile might be loud & stinky, "says babu, "but it goes -- we're here! now everyone stay together. (whispering to mh & driv) we're sheepdogs, they're sheep. keep them in a tight bunch."
as they walk thru the depressing maze of brown lawns and junk cars, they walk into a clearing with several overweight balding guys working on a 1970's mustang. they have cigarettes rolled up in their stained white t-shirts, and CB is stenciled on their backs.
"well, well, the monkey alliance *cough cough*," one of them says.
babu steps forward, "the crawfordville badasses." he exclaims. "dell? is that you? omg! really? wow, you guys have really let yourselves go."
"yep, it's me alright, "says dell, leader of the crawfordville badasses, "you all come back to get your butts kicked again ... *wheeze*?"
"butts kicked again?" replies babu. "we had one fight. while the rest of us watched, ronny mcface beat all you guys to hell with a bar of soap in a sock!"
"that was cheating!" dell exclaims, then coughs for a while & spits. then he hold his hand up for babu to wait while he breathes for a while.
"but tell you what. leave the pretty ladies and you three can go."
before babu can scoff at their suggestion, an angry amber steps forward and kicks dell right in the crotch.
as he sprawls sideways into the brown grass he gasps, "cheating ..."
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