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Post by mh on Oct 27, 2013 11:27:40 GMT -6
"the anthropoidal fraternization", a ripping monkey alliance yarn
starring the monkey alliance
"you what?!!" exclaimed mh to babu baboon in the conference room of monkey alliance HQ in 'the mall of justice'. where you can always count on low low prices.
doc quatrum, hairnutts, and drivtaan all sat staring, aghast.
"why I gave the gimble & gimble barrel hoop company a 99 year lease on the old monkey alliance HQ! what's the problem? the place was just going to waste. and we could use the revenue -- the way Kenny and buddy go thru toilet paper is a crime! and gimble & gimble were our first sponsors. they always treated us square. what's the problem?"
"shouldn't you have consulted us?" asks doc Q. "I only joined up a few weeks ago -- what next? are you gonna trade the monkey-mobile in for a mini cooper? stick us in lime green uniforms?"
"lime green huh ... , "says babu sheepishly, pushing the box of new lime green uniforms he'd ordered under the table with is foot. "umm, anyway, we all head over there tonight to meet with old man gimble -- they'll probably put out a big spread! lots of imported beer, babes and BBQ and stuff. I don't understand why you guys see this as a negative. honestly! gimble has deep pockets. he might want to sponsor us again."
babu leans over & notices mh is texting -- "taffy, would you like to ..."
"no!" exclaims babu. "hell no! no taffy, no amber, no kenny & buddy ... especially no kenny & buddy! he only wants us!"
outside the conference room, where buddy is holding a glass to the door with his ear to it:
kenny: what's wrong buddy? why're you cryin'?
"and no smoking jackets!" continues babu. "they want is in costume -- for christsakes, let's not screw this up."
hairbutts, who had already slipped on a smoking jacket & ascot, and was enjoying a nice pipe exclaims, "gosh -- I was gonna send my suit out to the cleaners! i'm not happy about any of this!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 27, 2013 22:57:34 GMT -6
Look, until one of you turns into a millionaire playboy or a genius scientist who can pull patentable ideas out of his ass, we need revenue," Babu says. "And that means corporate sponsors. And sponsors who don't expect us to run around with their logo on our asses are few and far between. So I expect you jackasses to suit up, smile, and look like the goddamn Justice League for our pals at Gimble & Gimble because we need their money!"
"C'mon, Babu..." MH say.
"Have you seen the monkey-mobile lately?" Babu says. "It's hard to strike fear into the hearts of the criminals of the city of Jusice when our ride's oil pan is dripping on everyone's heads!"
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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2013 12:53:57 GMT -6
"good point, "says doc Q, "sometimes there's a puddle under the thing that can't exactly be identified. i thought it was barium, but the toxicity is 1000 times higher!"
"so everybody, "says babu, "bring your A games tonite. drivtaan, no off color stories. doc quatrum, not espousing about how you think the planet should be cleansed of cats, hairnutts, if theres a fountain, don't wallow around in it, and mh, put on your damn girdle, you look liek val kilmer!"
later, they arrive at old monkey alliance HQ, pausing at the doorstep babu said, "we look fantastic! you guys clean up good. let's have a good time, and give old man gimble his money's worth."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 28, 2013 15:53:47 GMT -6
Babu rings the doorbell and an old butler answers the door. "We're the Monkey Alliance. Mr. Gimble is expecting us," Babu says.
The butler directs them to the large reception room and announces them. "The Monkey Alliance." In the center of the room is an enormous ice sculpture. Next to that is a champagne fountain.
"Open bar... woo-hoo!" MH says, heading off.
A shudder passes through Babu. "What's wrong?" asks Doc Quantum.
"I was just thinking of all those Three Stooges episodes where they tried to mix with high society," Babu says.
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Post by Doc Quantum on Oct 28, 2013 16:39:08 GMT -6
Doc Quantum sidles up to Drivtaan, who looks uncomfortable in the surroundings. "Hey, buddy, what's up? This is the first Monkey Alliance 'mission' you've been on in a while, and you've hardly said one thing."
"To tell you the truth, I'm a bit nervous," says the super-speedster detective. "I've long admired the Monkey Alliance from afar, but now that I'm part of the team and walking in the original headquarters with all its history... well, I can't help but wonder if I belong."
"Sure ya do!" says Doc. "You're the brooding detective of the group! Besides, that super-speed of yours comes in handy, even though I know you never wanted any super-powers."
"No, I never did," says Drivtaan, thinking back on how that Big Banana back at the Mall of Justice had changed a lot of lives.
"Maybe someone just needs a drink," suggests Doc. "You like vodka? Just wait here. I'll be back with a couple of White Russians -- and maybe some drinks to go with those hot babes. Heh." Doc shakes his head as the joke falls flat, and he goes to join MH at the open bar.
Drivtaan nods and walks around, avoiding the others. His keen analytical mind always works best without distractions. As he looks around, he begins to frown. Something is bothering him, he realizes, but he can't figure out what it is. Long ago Driv had learned to trust his instincts, and right now his instincts are telling him that something is wrong with this picture. Can there be more to this building, party, or sponsors than it seems? Can Aulden Manfield "Old Man" Gimble, CEO of Gimble & Gimble Barrel Hoop Co., be hiding something from the Monkey Alliance?
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 28, 2013 19:15:43 GMT -6
Babu is sipping his champagne when he sees the mayor walking in his direction. "Mayor Campbell," he says, holding out his hand.
"I've told you, call me Bruce," the mayor says, shaking his hand. He looks around the room. "Great shindig Gimble puts on."
"Yes sir," Babu says.
"Just a heads up, your boy was eyeing the fountain with a funny look in his eye. We're not gonna have another incident are we?"
"No," Babu says. "I'll make sure he stays out."
Meanwhile, Drivtaan was still looking around furtively to try and see what it was that was making his suspicions rise. He noticed a dark suited man who appeared to be trying to leave the room unnoticed. As he stepped into the hallway, Drivtaan decided to follow him from a distance.
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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2013 20:59:14 GMT -6
as drivtaan trails the dark suited man, mh, who is washing down some royal beluga with his 4th gas of dom periguin passes hairbutt who has a familiar gleam in his eye.
"not the fountain!" mh rasps, i'll hose you off when we get back the 'the mall of justice' -- for as long as you want!"
a few feet away doc quatrum is taking to a small bald man. "you know, cat's are an abomination ... "
mh throws a cocktail weenie at him, and doc Q shakes his head as if coming out of a daze, and begins discussing hog futures.
an older lady walks up to mh, grasping his arm, "oh mh -- i've dreamed of this moment!" she tugs at the girdle under her dress. "confidentially, I can't wait to get this girdle off."
mh, tugging at his own replies, "oh, believe me honey, i'd like nothing better!"
"oh! just like i've heard, " she croons, "you are a rascal!"
babu, working the room with a nervous smile on his face as he tries to keep eyes on his team-mates, mutters to himself, "okay ... so far so good. von quantum needs to lay off those prawns. he knows they make him gassy. hairbutt dipped his pinky in the fountain, but seems okay. mh is talking to some old bag. wait ... where the hell is drivtaan?"
drivtaan stops near the "monkey alliance hall-o-trophies", as he watches the dark suited man stop & look around. then the wall opens almost imperceptivity in front of him. he steps in and it closes behind him. drivtaan, who's skills force him soak up reams of useless information recall from the blueprints he'd studied that the wall leads directly into the old m.a. control center.
babu baboon approaches drivtaan breathlessly. "there you are! what's going on?!"
drivtaan, feeling it's too soon to tell babu about what he's seen replies, "i had to get out of there -- i think I might've made 'trouser chili'!"
"omg -- trouser chili!" replies babu. "c'mon, the bathroom is back toward the party -- clean yourself up & pull it together!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 29, 2013 11:46:14 GMT -6
Babu watches as the old lady and MH chat. MH suddenly jumps. "Did she just goose him?" Babu thought. "That could be a problem. I think that might be old man Gimble's wife. Then again, if he makes her happy...."
Meanwhile, Drivtaan leaves the bathroom and heads back to the wall opening that leads to the control center. He feels around for the hidden button, presses it and the wall parts to let him in. Once he's in, he sees the man in the dark suit standing before the large terminal.
Drivtaan steps forward, about to confront the man when he feels the barrel of a gun pressed into his back. "Hold it rigt there," a voice says.
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Post by Doc Quantum on Oct 29, 2013 15:53:05 GMT -6
The thought occurs to Drivtaan that he could use his super-speed to move out of the way and snatch the gun from the man behind him before the man's next heartbeat, but that's not the way he likes to do things. He had sensed something odd was going on, and this man might help provide him with some answers, whether he wants to or not.
So instead, Drivtaan raises his hands and says, "I'm unarmed."
"And I'm a flying monkey," says the gruff voice. The man's other hand reaches over to the wall panel and hits a button, causing the control center doorway to close. It makes a swishing sound exactly like the doors on Star Trek. "Turn around," the man orders.
His hands still in the air, Drivtaan turns around and sees the man holding a gun on him. His face looks familiar, and Drivtaan wonders if he's seen that face somewhere before, such as on a wanted poster at Justice City Police Headquarters. He is a middle-aged, gruff-looking man built like a retired quarterback with a nose that has obviously been broken a few times before.
"What are you doing, snooping around here like that?" demands the man.
"I was just looking for the bathroom," says Drivtaan.
"Looking for the bathroom, huh?" the man says disbelievingly. "That's a likely story. Listen, you Monkey Alliance types may have had control of this place before, but that doesn't give you any right to walk around private property."
"I apologize, if it makes any difference."
"It doesn't," says the man, still holding the gun on him.
"Uh... can I go now?" asks Drivtaan after a long pause.
"What, and tell your friends what you saw in there?" says the man. "Which was nothing, understand? Nothing to concern yourself with. No, I think the Vice-President will want to have a talk with you."
"Joe Biden is here?" says Drivtaan. "I knew this party was exclusive, but I had no idea. Take me to him. I've got a few gripes with him on how he and his government are running the country."
"Shaddup," says the man, motioning for Drivtaan to walk before him along down the hallway, his gun still trained on the hero.
Then it hits Drivtaan. He remembers where he's seen the man's face before. It was at Police Headquarters, yes, but it wasn't on any wanted poster. This man, who was apparently working as the head of security here, was a retired cop named Dick Macy. The reason he even recognized his face was that he knew from his police contacts that the man had retired in disgrace; he had been a corrupt cop.
Whatever was going on in the control room, Drivtaan was sure it wasn't on the up-and-up.
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Post by Doc Quantum on Oct 29, 2013 16:33:35 GMT -6
Meanwhile, Doc Quantum continues talking about pork futures with the small bald man, but he keeps on getting distracted by the man's strange appearance. The little bald man wears Coke-bottle glasses, has a terrible overbite and a hunched-over back, and never stops rubbing his hands together as he grins creepily at him.
"Say, has anyone ever told you that you bear a strong resemblance to Dr. Sivana?" says Doc.
"Who?" asks the man.
"Never mind," replies Doc. "So, what was it that you do for a living, again, Mr...?"
"Dr. Malum -- Augustus Malum, and I'm a scientist," the little bald man says. "The world's wackiest scientist, I like to call myself."
"Is that right, Dr. Malum?" says Doc, amused. "What kind of science do you do?"
"Biology, mostly," explains Dr. Malum, chuckling nervously. "I work for Gimble & Gimble."
"Really?" asks Doc. "That's strange. I would never have thought a barrel hoop company would have much need for a biologist on staff."
"Oh, there's much you don't know about Gimble & Gimble," explains the scientist. "Barrel hoops are merely our showcase product, but Old Man Gimble has his sights set on a much... heh-heh... broader spectrum of human development."
"You don't say..." Doc Quantum remarks. "Hey, tell me..." Doc adds, lowering his voice to a whisper, "...have you ever dissected a cat?"
"I dissect cats on a regular basis," replied Dr. Malum in a low tone. "In fact, I prefer to use cats in all of my experiments. Filthy creatures."
"I couldn't agree with you more," says Doc, thinking back on his "Catpocalypse" with a shudder. "Cool cool cool."
Suddenly, this formerly boring conversation was becoming interesting... so interesting, in fact, that he forgets he was supposed to bring Drivtaan a drink from the open bar.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 29, 2013 18:58:28 GMT -6
Macy directs Drivtaan down a long dark corridor. At the end are two sliding doors. The doors part to reveal a large office. On the other side of the office is a large desk. On the other side of that desk is alarge leather swivel chair facing away from Drivtaan and Macy.
"Gimble and Gimble spent quite a bit of money to put on that party you were attending, Mr. Drivtaan," the voice of te man in the chair said. The chair turned around revealing a man with designer glasses ad an expensive suit. "So why, instead of enjoying our hospitality, are you snooping around?"
As Babu and the mayor chat, he looks around to see what the rest of the Monkey Alliance is doing. He notices Drivtaan hasn't returned. "Driv, where the hell are you?" he thinks.
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Post by Doc Quantum on Oct 30, 2013 17:21:15 GMT -6
Drivtaan decides that a modicum of honesty might help the situation. "Actually, I was merely curious about what a mere barrel hoop company would want with the high-tech former headquarters of a super-hero team. I know they dismantled some of the special monitoring equipment when the Monkey Alliance vacated the premises, but one glimpse of the control room told me that it was all back, with more besides. In its heyday, the Monkey Alliance used that control room to monitor emergencies and police situations in case their extra-special help was needed. But tell me, Mr. Vice-President, what is Gimble & Gimble using it for?"
The expensive-suited man wears a wan smile as he studies the detective crime-fighter for a moment. Finally, he replies, "Would you care for a drink, Mr. Drivtaan?"
"I don't usually drink with anyone who hasn't introduced themselves," replied Drivtaan.
"Forgive me my manners," the man says, turning around and pouring two glasses of scotch from the bar next to his desk. Facing Drivtaan once again, he hands him a glass and says, "My name is Damien. Damien Black."
"Like that kid from The Omen?" Drivtaan remarks, taking the glass.
"Hmm... yes. Quite," replied Damien, rolling his eyes after hearing the comparison for the millionth time. "I am the vice-president of Gimble & Gimble, primarily in charge of research and development. You're quite mistaken that we are a mere barrel hoop company. In fact, under my guidance and direction, over the past ten years Gimble & Gimble has expanded quite a bit into many sectors, from chemicals to food manufacturing to high-tech defense to bioengineering. Although we own a multitude of companies, we prefer to keep the trusted Gimble & Gimble brand separate from all other corporate entities under our umbrella. Thus, if any one of those companies were to... say, be sued for some reason, it would not affect the head corporation in the slightest."
"And why would you be worried about being sued?" asked Drivtaan, still holding the glass.
"Oh, there are always naysayers in every business venture," Damien says, his nose twitching in disgust. "You know the type -- grass-fed hippies, with their tie-dye shirts and granola bars and NPR. They always oppose true progress. I suppose putting up with the likes of them is a small price to pay for making the world greater than it is."
"This is all very interesting," says Drivtaan. "But you haven't really answered my question. What are you doing with the old Monkey Alliance HQ?"
"Call it a 'pet project' of mine," says Damien. "I want to make this high-tech building the cornerstone of Gimble & Gimble's new research and development division."
"You could have set up shop anywhere in this city -- anywhere in the world, in fact," says Drivtaan, his glass now nearly empty. "Why here? Why now?"
Damien Black smiles triumphantly at Drivtaan as he says, "Oh, the Monkey Alliance is an integral part of my plan. You see, Mr. Drivtaan, Gimble & Gimble's latest diversification -- its latest 'product line,' if you will -- is in military-grade metahuman bioengineering. And lucky you -- you will be the first one to assist us in this process. But don't worry -- your friends won't be far behind. As soon as you make a 'donation' of your DNA, we'll wipe all traces of your memories of what occurred on this night. As far as you're concerned, all you will think is that you had a lovely time at the party, and you may have had a bit too much... to drink."
"How do you think... you'll get away... with... this...?" Drivtaan says, his speech slurring as he begins to stumble.
"One drink at a time, my friend," says Damien as Drivtaan finally collapses to the ground, the glass in his hand shattering on the floor. "One drink at a time..."
And as two burly thugs come into the room to carry him out, Drivtaan thinks to himself, Good thing I didn't really drink any of that poisoned drink. It was pretty simple to slowly empty my cup into the potted plant at super-speed. Although he never saw me take a sip, to him it looked like I'd had almost all of it. Now to play coy and see where they take me.
***
Meanwhile, Babu Baboon excuses himself from the mayor and walks over to Doc Quantum, pulling him aside.
"Doc, do you have any idea where Drivtaan is?" he asks.
"No... oh, crap. I was supposed to bring him one of these drinks!" says Doc, looking at the two now-empty glasses in his hand.
"I haven't seen him in a while, and it looked like he was snooping around earlier," says Babu. "Can you use one of your teleportation tricks to look around and find him? Gimble & Gimble is our biggest sponsor, and I don't want a rank rookie member making us look bad, especially in front of the mayor!"
"Sure, no problem," says Doc. "But wait till you get a load of this! I was talking to that old Sivana-looking scientist over there, and he was telling me that Gimble & Gimble is into some serious sh--!"
"Shut your mouth!"
"I'm just talkin' 'bout shaft!" says Doc. "Er... shifty business. Did you know they're more than just a barrel hoop company?"
"So what?" Babu says, shutting him down. "Just go find Driv. This discussion can wait till later."
"Aye-aye, Mon Capitan," Doc says in a faux French accent before popping out of sight.
"Damn it," says Babu, swigging back another drink and getting surlier by the minute. "What part of 'no super-powers at the party' didn't he understand? I swear, running this team is like trying to organize a barrel of monkeys!"
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Post by mh on Oct 30, 2013 22:38:33 GMT -6
mh walks up, with hairbutt in tow. "that old broad pinched my ass! which i've discovered is a rather vulnerable area of this costume. ouch. hey where was is doc Q & driv?"
"doc is checking something out, " babu replies," drivtaan is missing."
"hmmm, "exclaims mh, "want me to use my special manhunter tracking skills to find him?"
"is it one of those skills that is at an acceptable level, or one that the repeated cloning process has weakened into near uselessness?" asks babu.
"only one way to find out!" replies mh, excitedly.
"okay hairbutts, "says babu, "you stay here, watch for doc, and keep these stuffed shirts happy -- eat all the mellon balls you want!"
mh, using his real or imagined tracking skill comes to a wall near the "hall-o-trophies, but on the opposite side of where drivtaan was taken captive.
"my jungle skills are really picking something up, "says mh. as he feels along the wall. a section suddenly spins, taking babu & mh with it.
babu & mh suddenly find themselves in a huge oaken office, filled with tasteful, priceless objects. and old man sits behind a desk.
"you must be gimble," eclaims babu.
"no!" exclaims gimble. "i'm gimble! gimble is my brother. we're gimble & gimble. my brother is a menace, and always has been."
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Post by mh on Oct 30, 2013 23:25:06 GMT -6
"babu baboon and mh of the monkey alliance, "says the very old man, "welcome to your destiny!"
"what do you mean, "asks babu.
"what you have been unaware of all this time," answers gimble, "is that your group has existed in one form or another for many decades! in the early 1920's, in this very structure, i was accepted into the 'anthropoidal fraternization'! we were 'monkey-mask jones'! spats malone! walking-stick wilson! the shadowy mist! and the undead rajah!"
"omg!" exclaims babu, "was the undead rajah an animated corpse?"
"no!" replies gimble. "weren't you listening? he was the undead rajah! he was very much alive! and he wan't even really a rajah -- he was from 'north justice'. he just liked the way he looked in a turban!"
"which were you?" asks mh.
"yeah, right!" replies gimble," tell you my secret identity? i don't think so. but no time for that! some great evil has descended upon 'the anthropoidal dwelling'!" and my senses tell my my brother is in back of it."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 31, 2013 16:43:59 GMT -6
Drivtaan is dragged down a long corridor. At the end of the corridor are two sliding doors. The doors part to reveal a large laboratory.
Still feigning unconsciousness, Drivtaan raises his head just enough to look across the room. He sees several cryogenic tanks. In two of them are Highness and Super Jesse.
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