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Post by mh on Oct 20, 2016 21:51:30 GMT -6
norbert's lovely fiancée, the future wife of mel sr. of 'mel's waterbed shed' and the mom of regular mel of 'mel's waterbed shed' leaves,
once they get downtown to get herself one of them huge astronaut wife hairdos on preparation of their upcoming nuptials --
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Post by mh on Oct 20, 2016 21:57:07 GMT -6
one of the women leaving the beauty parlor stops and looks thru the back window at mh, fascinated by his red jumpsuit which suddenly looks far more in style and cooler than it did in 2016.
"damn! hoochy mama!!" cries mh, "we're living in the wrong era! those big astronaut wife hairdos are driving me crazy! quick norbert! get us outta here before i have to rub one off!" |
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Post by mh on Oct 20, 2016 22:15:29 GMT -6
moments later norbert pulls up beside a theater, jumps out of the car and yells, "c'mon, hurry! it's about to start!"
perplexed, the monkey alliance follow.
"you see," as they enter the theater, norbert says, "every tuesday me and my modeling friends rent out this theater to watch a film -- commercial and print actors like myself have been doing it for decades."
babu looks around and notices several guys he'd seen in old speed-stick, and rite-guard commercials.
"usually it's porn!" says a guy in a turtleneck who overheard. "the worst kind ... straight porn!"
"ah, but tonite," says norbert, "it's the most chilling and fascinating film from my childhood. which has haunted me for my entire life. "the dog-head man!"
the macho-looking guy in the turtleneck shrieks like a frightened lady and runs into the bathroom.
"this is perfect!" says doc quartum. "if the monkey-alliance and sixty or so 1970's male deodorant and cologne models can't figure out this conundrum, nows seriously, who can?"
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Post by mh on Oct 20, 2016 23:06:43 GMT -6
getting seated with their popcorn, candy, and pre-diet cokes, as the film begins babu notices mh whispering to the guy who plays gorton's fisherman. 
"you fishstick sellin' mackerel snapper!!!" cries mh. "you mean to tell me that they spray so much 'aqua-net' into their hair that sometimes yer hands get stuck in there when you're doing it?" the gorton's fisherman smiles and nods. "i'm losing my mind! that's not even fair!" cries mh. "guys from my era get nothing like that! i got a freind who's girlfreind razor-cuts one side of her head! it's a turn-off! you spoiled, spoiled, man!"
"shhhhhh, mh!" says babu. "the movie's about to start! get off the astronaut wife hair stuff! at least we don't have to cut off our cell phones. ha. ha. ha."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Mar 9, 2017 8:43:35 GMT -6
"I got to admit, I'm still a little confused," MH says as everyone walks out of the theater.
"Me, too," says the Gordon's Fisherman. "But I never miss a chance for a gathering. I'm a people person. Well, ta-ta for now!" With that, he walks off.
"I never would have guessed the Gordon's Fisherman for a ta-ta-er," MH says.
"Never meet your heroes," Doc Quantum replies.
Suddenly, they here a wheezing coming from the building across the alley. It's the familiar wheezing that would come from the sort of time engine you'd find in the Doctor's Tardis or Rip Hunter's time sphere.
They race into the entrance leading to a large room in the abandoned building. A time machine begin's to materialize. Out steps a young middle-school aged Gary Degaton. He looks a lot like Danny Partridge.
He steps out followed by several historical figures. "All these famous historical figures are sure to help me ace my history report and pass the 6th grade!" he says excitedly.
"You!" Babu says, incensed, as he stares at on historical figure in particular.
"What did I do?" James Joyce exclaims.
"You messed up my GPA in college!" Babu says. "My Irish lit professor spent toe whole quarter jacking off to 'Ulysses' and hardly spent any time on any of your other stuff that made any damn sense!"
"Ulysses?" James Joyce exclaims. "I was all torn up on absinthe when I wrote that and 'Finnegan's Wake'! Even I don't know what the hell they're about!! But convince enough people you're a genius and critics will appily eat up any shit ou serve them. Har! Most otherwise straight professors would happily blow me given the chance!"
"That's it!" Babu says, grabbing Joyce. "You and me are going to 1992 so my Irish Lit professor can blow you and then give me an A!" He throws James Joyce over his shoulder and takes off running.
"But what about my report?!!" Young Gary Degaton wails.
Hey guys!" Doc says, spotting Jo-Jo, the famous dog-faced boy from the 1880s. "I think I solved our mystery!"
"Never mind that!" Kenny cries. "Babu's done gone crazy and and kidnapped James Joyce and is gunna stranded us in the 1970s!"
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Post by mh on Mar 9, 2017 15:46:01 GMT -6
"ghaaaa!!" screams mh, who has a real problem with human oddity.
"wait, the dog boy isn't really there," says doc. "there are other images now! this sawed off little danny partridge wannabe's time machine has accidently created a time portal!"
"i know you and have foretold your coming!" cries young gary. "at five i created a 'monkey alliance' coloring book! then i colored all your outfits pink! mh, i drew one where you and hYPE kissed!"
"ahhh!" screams mh again, and breaks a glass case with a fire-axe in it and begins chasing lil' gary and swinging the fireaxe furiously.
"aiiieeeeee!!!!" screams gary.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Mar 9, 2017 21:52:37 GMT -6
"Don't kill him, MH!" Kenny says. "We's gonna need his time machine to go after Babu and James Joyce!" Kenny says.
"No we don't!" Doc says, pointing at Jo-Jo. "I told you these are just time phantoms!" Suddenly, Jo-Jo chomps down on Doc's finger.
"Yee-ow!" Doc screams. "He bites hard for someone who isn't really there!"
"Jeez. And people call me a dumb kid," Gary Degaton says.
"Gareth Tiberius Degaton!" a voice suddenly booms. "What are you doing with my time machine!"
MH, Doc, and Kenny turn to the doorway. "Omigod, it's his father," MH says.
Standing in the doorway is the one, the only... Per Degaton.
Only, it's not young badass Per Degaton. It's middle aged Per Degaton with a paunch and a comb over. Jo-Jo lets out a whine and runs to Degaton's side.
"Have these bad me been scaring you, my poor Jo-Jo," Degaton says, stroking Jo-Jo's head.
"You ...uh... you two know each other?" MH says.
"Of course!" per Degaton says. "I've been bringing Jo-Jo to the present for visits for years! We're good friends!"
"At least since the 50s, I suspect," Doc says, rubbing his sore finger.
Meanwhile, babu is still racing towards the place where the old-timey time machine is hidden. "Stop! Stop!" james Joyce says.
"Nothing doing!"
"Look! If I'm going to let this happen, I'm going to need drinks! Lots of them!" Joyce says. "Trust me, I know!"
"What? How many professors have you let blow you?" babu asks.
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Post by mh on Mar 10, 2017 0:55:05 GMT -6
"oh, there's a nice watering hole!" says joyce, changing the subject.
babu carries joyce into 'studio 54' and props him on a barstool.
"barkeep, 7 triple shots of 20 yr. old irish whiskey please!" says joyce.
pouring the shot's the barman, wearing a leather vest & chaps, says, "that'll be $12.50!"
babu gives him a twenty and says, "keep the change!"
"wow! thanks sexy!" exclaims the barman.
babu says, "pricey liqueur was so cheap in the 70's! good thing i had the foresight to bring plenty of 1970's money." |
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Post by mh on Mar 10, 2017 1:09:23 GMT -6
as joyce is working on his 3rd shot, no other than norman mailer and truman capote wander up.
"holy dubliners, "exclaims mailer, "are you really james joyce?"
an hour later the three hardrinking authors and babu had gulped down half of "54's" stock of irish whisky, and babu was explaining his dilemma.
"not taking anything away from joyce," says mailer, "but if anything, your lit professor should be demanding to blow me!"
"listen," says capote, "if it'll help i'll blow your lit professor and half the faculty! your transcripts will have nuthin' but straight A's!"
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Post by mh on Mar 10, 2017 1:34:04 GMT -6
"you can hardly blame james joyce, babu, "says john updike, who has joined them sometime later.
"of course his work is almost 100% incomprehensible, ..."
"i take umbrage to that!" cries joyce, from the floor.
"but you may be suffering from time travel related synopses damage, causing you to be irrational. it's possible nobody needs to blow anybody."
"stay out of this updike!" screeches capote, as he does a line of cocaine off the bar.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Mar 21, 2017 16:56:23 GMT -6
The Monkey Alliance and the Degatons show up, having used one of the elder Degaton's devices for tracking down time traqvellers. "Thre's Babu!" Doc Quantum says.
"babu, you mackerel snapper!" MH says. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"
Babu explains his plan to them and adds, "That class scarred me for life! This was my chance to make it right!"
'As many time travel adventures as we've been on, I can't believe this!" Doc exclaims. "We've got to get Joyce and the others back where they belong. Where the hell is he, anyway?"
"What?" Babu says. "He was just here a second ago."
"He just left with Deevine," John Updike says. "I'm not sure he new 'she' was a 'he'."
"Gaaah!!" MH exclaims, getting a mental image he'll never forget.
"You know, Gary might've plucked Joyce from before he wrote 'Ulysses'," middle aged Per Degaton says. "You could just leave him here to shack up with the tranny."
"Good point," Babu says.
"You're taking time travel advice from Per Degaton now?" Doc exclaims.
"Hey, I'm Per freakin' Degaton!" Degaton exclaims. "No one knows time travel like me! You show some respect!"
"He's not wrong," MH says. "That device of his should track Joyce down."
Suddenly, Capote knocks his drink over and it pours on Degaton's device and sparks start to shoot from it. "OOpth!"
"Gaaahhh!!" Degaton screams.
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Post by mh on May 29, 2019 23:33:35 GMT -6
suddenly a pink ocelot furred time machine appears before them. in it is quantum queen of the LGBT justice league.
"if you want to solved this dog-head man mystery, you must ALL come with me to the 80's!" she screeches girlishly.
guys?! can I come along?!!", asks the gortons fisherman, running up.
"omg! it's like grizzly adams had a love child with poseidon! jump aboard my prince of a craggy faced rain-slicker waerin' blue boy!"
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Post by mh on May 30, 2019 0:02:04 GMT -6
"but what about james joyce?" asks dizzily babu, still in a state of shock. "we'll pick him up!" cries quantum queen. oh, and we're going into an 80's discriminatory country club! so you'll need hound's tooth jackets, and some ox blood loafers! hopefully there'll be vendor's about.
"what exact time are we getting there?" asks babu.
"1986!" cries queen quantum. "falco will be there!!"
andy warhol, as well as conelia guest, the deb of the decade!"
"ghaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!" screams mh.
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Post by Babu_Baboon on Jun 28, 2019 17:20:13 GMT -6
"I found Joyce," Per Degaton says, walking up with the Irish author who is sporting lipstick smears and hickeys. "He was on his knees in in a coat closet while Deevine farted in his face."
"Yeah," Babu says, rolling in his eyes. "Most lit proffessors are so in love with him they're willing to overlook the fact that he was a demented ass-freak who loved to smell smarts." (*This is actually true.*)
"Such a heady aroma," Joyce says wistfully.
"Probably comes from being a tranny who eats dog turds on camera," MH says.
"T-t-tranny?" Joyce gulps.
"You got something against trannies, mister?" Quantum Queen says.
They all pile into Quantum Queen's roomier time machine. "Jeez. It's like the other one was a model T and this is a rock star's tour bus!" Doc Quantum says.
"She's got a fully stocked library!" Babu says, holding several books. "Hey, Joyce! I've got some authors I want you to read: Kurt Vonnegut, Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett..."
"Damit, Babu, stop trying to change the past!" Doc Quantum says.
"Hey, I had to take that class," Babu says. "That doesn't mean it had to suck."
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Post by Babu_Baboon on Jul 23, 2021 21:02:57 GMT -6
"So, are we going back to the present?" Quantum Queen asks.
"I have no idea if my old Irish lit professor is still alive in the present," Babu Baboon says. "We'll need to hit him in the 90s. Preferably just before I have to take his class."
"Wait a minute...," Doc Quantum says. "I've read enough bronze age Superman comics to know that we'll turn into phantoms if we try to travel to a point in time where we're already alive."
"Hmmm... good point," Babu says.
"Yeah," MH says. "The only ones here who would be solid would be Per Degaton and the Gordon's Fisherman!"
"Wha... wha... what?" Per Degaton exclaims.
"I'm gonna die?" the Gordon Fisherman chokes.
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