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Post by mh on Apr 29, 2016 0:04:07 GMT -6
para-abnormal simian activity pt. 2: an unrelenting glimpse right into the devil's junk starring: the monkey alliance and assorted guest-stars
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Post by mh on Apr 29, 2016 0:42:36 GMT -6
again it was time for babu baboon's annual 'cable ace awards' party, and babu, mh & doc quantum were shivering under the kitchen table, while hostesses amber and skye were setting up beers in an inflatable pool full of ice, and microwaving burritos.
"dakota!" cries amber, "you need to get over here! no guests have arrived yet, but babu, doc & mh have been pounding down fermented beet juice from the chechnya republic, and have been watching, the classic, "the dog-head man" on turner classic movies all day! and they're freaking out!"
in the end, millionaire playboy connor bain and his fiancée are headed to the polo lounge for drinks.
"no! no! no!" screams babu. "connor bain is the 'dog-head man'?!! i never saw that comin'!!"
"but we watched it six times!" exclaims doc.
"yeah, but it makes no sense!" cries mh, reaching from under the table to get some funions.
"connor bain -- the dog-head man?! no!!! hell no!!! he's like a young prince! surely there's some trick!"
"let's watch it again!" cries babu. "let 'em try & fool me a seventh time!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Apr 29, 2016 17:28:27 GMT -6
An especially tense scene comes up and MH jumps back and lands hard on the couch. Everyone groans as the satellite guide pops up.
"Dammit, MH! Babu says. "You sat on the remote again!"
"Omigod!" Doc exclaims.
"What's the big deal? You just hit select again," MH says.
"No, look what the guide says!" Doc exclaims. "The Dog-head Man is based on a true story! And it took place right here in Justice City!"
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Post by mh on Apr 29, 2016 23:07:42 GMT -6
"listen!" cries skye. "the cable ace award's are beginning in about an hour and babu, you are up for the 'life achievement' award! your guests will be arriving soon!"
"calm down skye, "says babu. "with the fam out of town and with you and amber setting up the spread, i got plenty of time to solve the 'dog-head man' mystery and still enjoy the cable ace awards! and i got an email that they're way behind schedule -- as usual. it seems perennial caw host martin short has been riding the white pony -- again! he apparently shaved his head and went on some sort of banjo playing tour! they'll be hours stuffing him into a wig and getting him into hosting shape."
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Post by mh on Apr 29, 2016 23:24:25 GMT -6
almost immediately ike berg from para-abnormal simian activity part 1 bursts in.
"babu! bubula!" he cries cries and throws his arms around babu. "i'm so glad you invited me my old friend! omg, burritos!"
being hugged babu mouths, "did you invite him?" to skye & amber, who shrug.
ike grabs a paper plate, and piles it with microwave burritos.
"hey ike," asks babu, "have you ever heard anything about the dog-head man?"
"yikes!" cries ike berg, nearly dropping his plate of delicious burritios. "i can't believe you brought that up! remember, i was norbert's assistant on his old wildlife show. he dedicated three episodes to solving the mystery of the dog-head man! but was not successful. what a time. i was scared out of my bell-bottoms! those episodes are on 'net-flerks'! the 'justice city version of 'netfliks'! i ain't been able to bring myself to watch 'em. we was in way over our heads."
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Post by mh on May 2, 2016 0:42:38 GMT -6
babu drains the last of his chechnyan beet beer
and switches on 'net-flerks'. quickly he goes past 'justice city' favorites such as 'meaty mcGee: after dark', 'mayor bruce campbell's celebrity bowling', 'the velma chronicles' (?), ' ....
... and finally find's norberts, "animals! animals! animals!"
after the intro
"ike and i are in 'justice city'! at the 'tally ho club'! once a hot-spot for young 1950's yuppies, and the last known citing of the dog-head man."
"wow ike! you were a hottie!" cries amber, seeing the young ike in a red turtle-neck and denim jacket.
"yeah, heh heh, "replies ike. that was our local video-tape show in the late 1970's! way before cable. thank goodness norbert's legacy -- these fabulous works of genius! -- have not been lost to the world."
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Post by mh on May 2, 2016 1:19:45 GMT -6
"25 years ago "the dog-head man" held 'justice city' in his canine grip of terror!" exclaims norbert.
"that's good stuff!" exclaims ike watching the screen as he gobbles a microwave burrito. "he was a b-astard, but the man knew how to get the good stuff on tape! but you know, the suits -- he never got along with them. they were afraid of a perfectionist!"
"okay, okay!" says babu, calming ike, "let's just watch. the "cable ace awards" are looming, and i need to get to the bottom of this fascinating "dog-head man" mystery."
minutes later onscreen, norbert and ike are crouched in a dark coat-room, waiting for some sign of 'the dog-head man'.
"damn. this is getting boring," says mh cracking another beet beer. "can we watch 'the velma chronicles' for a while?"
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 18, 2016 8:00:08 GMT -6
"It's obvious what we have to do," Babu says. "We need to go back in time and find the dog-headed man!"
"How is that obvious?" Doc exclaims.
"How do we even do that?" MH says.
"Hey, Buddy. Do you and Kenny still have that old time machine you picked up?" Babu asks.
"Yeah, we done got it at that estate sale for that crazy old mad scientist that done died," Buddy says. "But it's one of those old wood-burning time machines"It'll do in a pinch."
"You guys will stand out looking like that," Norbert says. "Luckily, I've still got my old wardrobe from 'Animals Animals, animals," Ike says.
"Oh boy! It's like 70's dress up!" Skye says.
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Post by mh on May 23, 2016 0:49:24 GMT -6
"the time machine is done from the 1700's. we done found a carving that says 'ben franklin' underneath," says buddy.
"damn!" cries mh. to gear up for the journey and to leave nothing to chance, while kenny and buddy busy themselves working out the kinks on the ancient wood burning time machine, the monkey alliance members watch 'hot tub time machine' continuously over & over for a 24 hour period.
"so!" says babu, "i guess that didn't help at all. let's try the 'back to the future trilogy."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 6, 2016 14:35:06 GMT -6
Going over the wood burning time machine, Kenny lets out an excited yelp.
"What is it?" Babu says, cracking open another malt liquor as "Back to the Future" plays on the Monkey Alliances old betamax.
"I done found a note on old looking paper.," Kenny says.
Kenny's voice suddenly takes on a regal tone as he read. "One wishing to operate ye time machine must have no less than three bushals of wood. Then one shall turn ye handle of thine flux capacitor clockwise if thou wishest to break yon time barrier..."
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Post by mh on Jul 12, 2016 22:10:08 GMT -6
"this settles a mind-numbing mystery," says doc quatrum." as a former high-level paranormal investigator, i'm privy to the fact that in benjamin franklin's secret personal effects they found a framed photograph of franklin wearing a "1964 world's fair" t-shirt, and eatin' a corndog! a shocking mystery! as in his lifetime photography, t-shirt silk screening, and corn dogs had not been invented yet."
"well we absolutely have to go now, "says babu.
"why?" asks mh.
"because the cable ace awards ended yesterday!" cries babu. "i missed it!"
"okay calm down big boy!" says doc. "we'll set this for two hours. and carry three extra bushals of wood! we'll return yesterday.two hours should be enough time for us starmen of the future to solve the 'dog-head man' mystery."
and with that doc sets three bushals of wood aflame, and they hop into the time-ship and take off.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 14, 2016 16:15:58 GMT -6
After they get in to take off, they set the date and wait. "Nothing's happening," MH says.
"I think you done forgot to turn the handle Kenny says. MH hops out d grumbles something about cheap-ass time machines and then grabs the crank handle and gives it several turns.
"That did it!" Doc exclaims. "Hurry up and get in!"
MH jumps back in and the time machine lurches with a puff of smoke and takes off, cracking the time barrier.
As they watch the numbers on the dial spin to earlier dates, they hear Kenny exclaim, "We's going so dang fast!"
 Get your head back in the damn window, Kenny!" Babu exclaims. "This aint no road trip to Wally World!" THe time machine lurches to a stop and they look around wide-eyed as they find themselves in the Justice City of the 1970s. 
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 20, 2016 21:20:31 GMT -6
"This is all fun and everything," Doc says, smoothing out the folds of the jacket of the leisure suit he had put on, "but shouldn't we have gone to the 50s?"
"No," Babu says, changing into his leisure suit. "We need to hook up with Norbert. From what Ike said, he might be able to lead us to the dog headed man."
Once they're all changed, they hit the streets of 1970s Justice City. MH bumps into a guy with a giant afro. "Hey, watch where you're goin', you jive turkey!"
The guy looks over his shoulder, giving MH the stink eye as he walks away, doing a "Freddy 'Boom Boom' Washington from 'Welcome back Kotter' walk.
"Wow. I've never been called a jive turkey before," MH says.
"We didn't need to done go to the 70s," Kenny says. "I coulda done told you you was a jive turkey."
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Post by mh on Sept 29, 2016 21:58:08 GMT -6
45 minutes later they find norbert on a break from his male modeling gig, and explains the situation. he immediately accepts their incredibly bizarre story.
"that makes perfect sense!" says norbert. as they sit in his '77 Ford LTD with him & his hot fiancé' and listen to the song "car wash" on 8-track over & over. "you guys must really be starmen from the future like you say!"
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Post by mh on Sept 29, 2016 22:20:26 GMT -6
"the dog head man was the preoccupation of my boyhood!" exclaims norbert. "the walls of my room were covered in grainy photos and maps! dammit, this time i'll finish the job & track him down!"
"wow norbert,"says babu, "i knew i could count on you. you appeared on my busted talk show in the early 1990s -- babu & you!"
"talk show? what?" exclaims norbert. "i was doing the talk show circuit? did i become the new robert redford like i always dreamed i would?!"
his fiancée' looks at him & squeals excitedly.
"uh, yeah!" replies babu, "you're bigger than dustin hoffman!"
"taller anyway, "he murmurs to mh.
"norbert's film/modeling career crashed in '78 when he began losing his hair, and his fiancée dumped him at the alter for the somewhat wealthy sleazebag mel sr, of 'mel's waterbed shed'!" mutters mh.
"home of low low prices, "babu mutters back.
"then later, in his wildlife show comeback, norbert was eaten by squirrels on my show," adds babu. "do you suppose there's any way to break that to a guy gently?" |
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