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Post by mh on Jul 31, 2016 22:40:33 GMT -6
meanwhile, kenny and buddy are crawling from the muck, and two strangers reach down and help pull them out.
"greetings castaways!" cries the one in the hat, carrying a thatch umbrella, "i am joe crusoe, and this is my friend thursday!"
"no you ain't!" cries kenny. "you're done sal from 'the insurance guy alliance' who pretended to be hamish the amish guy, and his freind horouish!"
"dammit! it's my fault sal!" cries thursday. "i'm too recognizable! curse these flashing eyes and perfect profile!"
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Post by mh on Jul 31, 2016 23:03:10 GMT -6
"i'm having a beautiful summertime dream of a past event, "says buddy. "you and horouish was going on a deep sea fishing trip, and we and the monkey alliance done went down to done wish you bon voyage!"
"as we waved from the dock, we could done see you had two beautiful gurls with you." adds kenny.
"those were mannequins!" says joe crusoe.
"baboon said they looked kind of stoned," says buddy.
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Post by mh on Jul 31, 2016 23:13:07 GMT -6
"my ex-wives were hounding me for alimony, and i'd started a couple of ponzi schemes that blew up in my face -- so i got lost at sea! it was my only option." joe crusoe/sal explains.
"and i came along, because, let's face it, without sal, the 'insurance guy alliance' is nothing." adds thursday/horouish. "seriously -- ain't no sunshine when he's gone."
meanwhile back at basecamp, doc quartum says, "amber, for some reason i keep wondering if my home-owner's policy is large enough. what do you think that means?"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 6, 2016 10:40:39 GMT -6
"So what do y'all does out here?" Kenny asked.
"What do you mean?" Joe Crusoe/Sal asked.
"I mean, how do ya pass the time?" It's ganna be pretty durn boring out here," Kenny continues.
"Why... hah hah.. the same thing I've always done! I'm an insurance man!"
"I think he's losing it," Thursday/ Hourish says. "Yesterday I found him writing a homeowner's policy on a tree for a lemur on the back of a leaf."
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Post by mh on Aug 6, 2016 22:13:17 GMT -6
"dammit to heck!" cries sal, "did that lemur ever pay his premiums?" and he goes running off.
"ummm. yeah," says horoush, "lucky we built a 'tiki lounge'! sal's going to need to suck down a few tonite."
horouish points cross the way.
"who's done ther babe?" asks buddy, looking at the brightly colored tiki bar.
"oh, she came with us on our ocean voyage," says horouish, "what a navigator she is! her name is penelope, she was a friend of one of your interns -- sandee."
"i done remember her!" says kenny. "she took off to work for one of our sponsors farmer vincent for a while and gained a bunch of weight. but look at her now, she's done skin and bones!"
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Post by mh on Aug 6, 2016 22:38:39 GMT -6
"kenny and buddy!" screams penelope, and runs over and gives them both hugs.
"lucky i'm here, usually i get tuesdays off!" exclaims penelope.
"penelope, why are you done here on a deserted island running a tiki bar?" asks kenny.
"i had to get away, "says penelope, "farmer vincent broke my heart! that over-the-hill corn-pone chicken-fried casanova! i needed to get away and get my head together."
"and i'm about to shut down. you'd better get in! i'm batting down the hatches. according to one of the turtles i saw at the lagoon, a huge storm front is coming on!" says penelope, "he was swimming in circles. obvious that means a typhoon is on the way!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 7, 2016 22:21:54 GMT -6
Ten minutes earlier, the gypsy Kenny and Buddy met earlier is reciting an old gypsy inantation. The extra pounds she is now carrying are suddenly tranferred to a Lemur in a nearby tree. The branch holding the Lemur snaps and it falls to the ground.
Sorry about that, my furry friend, but I must keep my girlish figure," she says. "Now to avenge myself upon those hobos and my sisters upon the Monkey Alliance!"
She throws her arms into the air and lightning suddenly crackles as she conjures up a storm. The fat Lemur squeaks in fright and runs off.
"Wait!" she calls out. "You forgot your leaf!" SHe looks at it, squinting. "Is this... an insurance policy?"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 7, 2016 22:33:02 GMT -6
"Where the hell did this storm come from?" Babu exclaims.
"We've got to get to cover!" Steve cries.
"Good thing we built that shelter!" Doc exclaims.
They all race for the bamboo and leaf hut they made earlier.
"Guys! Wait for me!" Exclaims Gil, clinging to a palm tree and waving in the wind as if he were in an episode of Gilligan's Island.
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Post by mh on Aug 7, 2016 23:59:19 GMT -6
mh peers into the sky and pulls out his 1921 mauser.
"uhhh, mh -- whatcha doin'?" asks babu. "you weren't planning on shooting at the typhoon were you?"
".... no," says mh questioningly. "just to be clear, you're saying that's a bad idea?" then peers menacingly into the sky again.
"whew, that guy's past his fiddy-thousand miler checkup," whispers doc quantum. "he may need another one of them brain fluid transfusions."
somebody help gil!" cries steve, "my home slice just got struck by lightning!"
"durnit!" exclaims super-jesse getting up from his palm frond lounge chair, "my super-powers vacation is done over too soon."
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Post by mh on Aug 8, 2016 0:42:54 GMT -6
just then penelope crashes thru the hut, and inside her car are gil and a fat lemur.
"penelope!" cries babu in shock. "what're you doing here?"
super-jesse quickly replaces the wall, and after a hasty explanation about the tiki bar and kenny & buddy penelope adds, "so i left the bar to make sure the windows were rolled up on my car ..."
"you made a car?!!" cries amber.
"yeah. and don't worry about me losing control and crashing into your hut. i got full coverage thru my insurance agent joe crusoe! anyways, gary here," she motions to the lemur, "says a gypsy started the typhoon and transferred all this weight to him!"
"that's terrible!" cries amber.
"actually, he's fine with it," explains penelope, "now he doesn't have to put on weight for the winter! lemurs don't have body issues like you & i do. oh, and just between you and me, gary was already a bit of a couch potato. sort of my fault, i made him a couch. and a house. and a little tv with pictures of lemurs drawed on it."
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Post by Doc Quantum on Aug 9, 2016 12:33:00 GMT -6
Just then, a fat guy wearing nothing at all walks in and grabs a couple of wine glasses and a cooler full of drink. He stops, noticing all the people staring at him.
"Oh, sorry guys. I'm naked. Nice to meet you."
Fat Naked Guy walks out and back to his tent on the beach to make sweet, sweet love with his Fat Naked Wife.
"What the heck was that all about?" asks MH.
"Gentlemen, ladies, this may or may not be a nudist colony we've landed on," says Doc, starting to remove his clothing. "Don't judge. The weird ones are the ones with the clothes ON, you know."
"You mean--?"
"What happens on Misplaced Island STAYS on Misplaced Island," says Doc, "so, for the love of MH, don't tell Mrs. Quantum about this! Come on, girls -- do as I do, and follow me! Let's say hi to the locals."
"What about the typhoon?!" cries Babu.
"It's a tropical island!" Doc shouts from outside. "The weather changes from minute to minute in these places, right? WHOOOOOAHH!"
Doc is thrown up into the air by the wind, and soars off into the sky. A lightning bolt strikes him a moment later.
"Well, he's a goner... probably," says Babu, peering into the typhoon and seeing Doc's body flailing in the wind as he's carried off.
"What should we do with his clothes?" asks MH. He looks over to see the fat lemur putting them on. "Never mind. Problem solved. Say hello to our newest member: Doc Lemur! And I'm sure Fat Naked Guy could help out in a pinch!"
"Ugh. Don't say 'pinch'."
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Post by Doc Quantum on Aug 9, 2016 13:01:10 GMT -6
Sometime later...
In a closeup shot, an eye suddenly flashes open.
Doc Quantum sits up in a panic to find himself in the jungle, and the winds have started to calm down, at least in this part of the island.
"Where the H-E-double-hockey-sticks am I?" Doc groans. Standing up, he finds that he's still naked, and his whole body is covered with bruises, cuts, and contusions of all kinds, and much of his skin has been charred black from the lightning bolt. "Owww. My aching... everything! Serves me right for going 'Girls Gone Wild' on this island! Stupid instant karma. If I didn't know better, I'd swear that the missus used that old device I seized from Knight Lightning a few years back, when he was trying to take over Detroit Rock City."
The jungle is very quiet, with every little sound making him jump. Feeling exposed, Doc runs over to a patch of long grass and creates a makeshift "kilt" to wear, and then fashions for himself a bamboo hat. "Not bad, if I do say so myself," says Doc, twirling his grass "kilt" around a few times. "I've gone native!"
Hearing a rustling sound, Doc gulps as he tries to figure out where it came from. In every direction there were nothing but trees, making it impossible to figure out which direction is which. All he could do was pick one direction and stick with it until he reached the beach, then follow the beach all around the island until he found his friends.
"I'd better start looking for the others," Doc says, trekking through the jungle toward the unknown. "There's no telling what might happen if Fat Naked Guy starts getting hungry, and there's a shortage on munchies."
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Post by Doc Quantum on Aug 9, 2016 14:45:19 GMT -6
It's several minutes later, but Doc Quantum has only moved a few feet. Terrified of making noise and attracting any possible predators, he's trying to tiptoe through the jungle without breaking any branches. The jungle floor is soft enough for his bare feet, but it's too dark in the thick jungle to see everything he's walking on.
Hearing a rustling in the branches nearby, Doc's terrified reaction is to growl, which he does before clamping his hands over his mouth.
Dammit! Why did we agree on the "no powers" rule? he thinks as he starts walking again, glancing around in every direction but forward. This would be so much easier if I could just go back in time a few minutes to overlap with my timeline, then become immaterial -- or just teleport out. When did I become such a sissy, anyway? I've faced live ghosts dozens of times before! The jungle should be a piece of cake!
Suddenly, Doc slips on mud and falls off a small cliff, his limbs flailing as he quickly falls toward the bottom of a crevice.
"CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP!!!"
SPLAT!
Doc shakes his mud-covered head, feeling woozy but realizing that he's still alive, though now stuck in strange-looking, gold-flecked mud. "Hey, that wasn't so bad! That could've been a HECKUVA LOT WORSE!"
A rock from the cliff above then falls onto his head, knocking him out.
A few minutes later, the unconscious Doc Q -- covered in shining golden mud -- is surrounded by a group of very small figures in animal skins. Communicating quietly with each other and looking at him with AWE and WONDER, they throw a vine around him and under his arms, then pull him out of the quicksand to safety. Hoisting him onto a makeshift stretcher made of weaved branches and leafs, they take Doc through the jungle down a well-trodden path toward an unknown destination. The faint sound of drums can be heard in the distance.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 10, 2016 12:04:40 GMT -6
After some time, Doc finally wakes up, flat on his back. "Oh, my head. How much malt liquer did I have last night... wait, I didn't have any malt liguer. Aw jeez.... why did I go out in that typhoon."
He tries to move and realizes he's tied down with vines. "What in the hell?"
Suddenly, he feels movement on his chest and sees a small figure yelling at him in some savage language as it jumped up and down.
"This is turning into the worst vacation ever," Doc groans.
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Post by Doc Quantum on Aug 10, 2016 12:52:52 GMT -6
The little man on his chest, clearly agitated, keeps jumping up and down on his chest. For the first time Doc notices that there are other little folk around him as well, and they're carrying various objects that look strangely familiar, reminding him of his days as an TV occult investigator.
Doc frowns and says, "Waitasec. Is that... theatrical makeup?"
Then another blow to the head from a rock knocks him out cold once more.
***
"You've been on this island for a while, Sal, or Joe, or whatever we're supposed to call you," says Babu. "Is there a chance Doc might have survived?"
"Oh, sure, sure, there's always a chance, but I sure hope for his wife's sake that his insurance premiums are all paid up!" replied Sal. "Have you thought about getting a standard insurance policy for your teammates?"
"Later, Sal," said MH. "What we want to know is -- are there any unknown dangers on this island, besides the gypsies?"
"Hmm... well, there are the Yothers..."
"The Others?" asks Babu. "Like in Lost?"
"No, no, no... the Yothers," says Sal.
"Tina Yothers?" asks MH, raising one eyebrow.
"Oh, you've heard of them?" says Sal. "Legends tell of a lost tribe of little people on this island who found a huge stash of Family Ties merchandise left over from the '80s. You know, 'Alex P. Keaton for President' T-shirts and the like. They were just a strange little obsession for the little folk until the gypsies arrived and put a curse on a complete set of Family Ties videotapes!"
"What happened?" says MH, his eyes wide.
"The episodes came to life, playing over and over on every flat surface! It was as if a Family Ties marathon had taken over the little folks' entire society. The curse eventually lifted, but by that time they'd become fixated and obsessed with one character in particular: Jennifer Keaton, played by Tina Yothers. The little people's shaman also uttered a prophecy that Tina Yothers herself will come here to this island and rule them as their goddess for all eternity!"
***
Meanwhile, Doc awakes again, after coming out of his concussion, his head pounding worse than ever. He finds himself alone in what appears to be a hut, with dim light shining through the cracks.
"Oooh... did anyone get the number of that truck?" says Doc, rubbing the side of his head, when he notices that long, blonde bangs are hanging over his forehead. He runs his fingers through his luscious, permed blonde locks. "What th'--?! This ain't Saturday night!"
Looking down, Doc finds that he's wearing an angora sweater, and that's not all.
"I have man-boobs?" he cries, and feels his sweater. "Oh, just coconut halves. Whew."
Suddenly, the doors of the hut swing open, and the chair that he's sitting on is thrust forward. Doc looks around to find himself in the middle of a wee little village full of wee little folk, who are all bowing down before him and chanting a silly chant:
"Yothers! Yothers! Yothers!"
"Tina Yothers?" says Doc, feeling very confused, the repeated blows to his head causing some memory loss. He looks at his blonde permed hair, his angora sweater, and coconut boobs, and says to himself, "Am I... Tina Yothers?"
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