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Post by Doc Quantum on Oct 3, 2016 15:15:27 GMT -6
Part 3: Childhood Ruined
"I can't believe what just happened!" cried Doc Quantum, wiping dust off his clean-shaven 18-year-old baby face and his short buzz-cut hair. "Wub-a-lub-a-dub-dub! If I ever get married and have kids someday, I'll sure have a damn good story to tell them! That shit was off the hook, yo!"
MH pulled out his iPhone to Instagram his latest adventure. "My fans are gonna heart the shit outta this one!"
Babu Baboon dusted off his own runner's body-type physique before pulling out his own iPhone to check his Tinder app. With any luck he'd hook up with one or two sweet, sweet ladies tonight to work off some of his pent-up energy. Swiping his phone a few times, he put it back into his pocket and said to the others, "Hold up. We's got to do this teamin' up thang agin sometime. I ain't talkin' about startin' no team or nothin', but y'all are handy ta be aroun' when a brother gets hisself in a heap o' trouble."
"Word," said a high-pitched voice from behind them.
"Jesse, what'd I tell you about hangin' around wit' me?" said Babu in a stern voice. "You too young ta be fightin' crime and shit. Go back ta playin' skeetball or somethin'."
"I'm not Jesse -- I'm Super-Jesse!" said the eight-year-old leather-jacket-wearing would-be-hero as he flipped up his super-skateboard and put on his sunglasses.
"Go home to yer mama," said Babu. "Come back in five years or so, and I'll reconsider."
"Aw, man!" said Super-Jesse, and flew off despondently on his super-skateboard.
"Y'know, the boy does have a point," said MH. "He's got more powers than any of us combined. Could come in handy."
"I don't wanna hear it," said Babu. "And don't you start talkin' 'bout it none, either. That boy's got super-hearin', remember?"
"We could stand here and shoot the shit all day, broheims, but Hairbutt wants to see us," said Doc. "Just got a Snapchat. H.B. wants to talk to all of us about something called... The Monkey Alliance Initiative. What the fuck could that be about?"
"Dunno, but let's head out," said Babu.
"Word," said MH.
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Post by mh on Oct 3, 2016 19:25:41 GMT -6
"baboon," jesse whispers to babu baboon, "why is mh 34 years old?"
"'cause he was born as a clone, fully formed!" babu replies.
"daymmnn!!! he don't got no brroist-feddin'? dat' be harsh!"
says their next to youngest member, ronnie mcface, bursting in.
"sorry izzles! i wuz stuck at 'da playground, gee!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 11, 2016 12:42:51 GMT -6
"Super Jesse overhears with his super hearing and flies back. "Hey, if McFace gets to be in, why don't I?"
"McFace kind of forced his way in," MH says.
"Dang, yo? When did all our applicants get to be so young?" Doc says
"If you think that's weird, those two babies lunchin' on dem titties are our old members EDM and Mushmouth," MH says.
So what do you think Hairbutt wants ta see us fo'?" Doc says.
"His J Street Crew could be setting up a trap for us. Or maybe he just wants to start hangin' with some homies that keepit real," MH says.
Babu suddenly falls to his knees in a fog. "This... this isn't right... It... It's like somebody has messed with time... it's all wrong..."
"What's he sayin'?" Doc says.
"I dunno. He be trippin' yo," MH says.
From around the corner, a round yellow top hatted figure watches them. "Oh, you're rue the day you messed with Timer. Rue I say! Because I'm hankerin' for a hunk a' revenge! Bwah-hah-hah!"
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Post by Doc Quantum on Oct 16, 2016 1:27:03 GMT -6
AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR:
SHARK POWER!
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Post by Doc Quantum on Oct 24, 2016 2:36:09 GMT -6
Villo: "HA-HA-HA-HA! It is to laugh! I, Villo -- the vilest, most villainous villain ever -- have successfully rebooted the famed Monkey Alliance Universe, and now I am free to take over the world, while their greatest heroes have none of their many years of experience to guide them!"  Timex: "For the LAST time, my name is TIMEX, not BRAINEX! Sheesh! We may be partners-in-crime, Villo, but your memory ain't so good!"  |
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 25, 2016 5:35:48 GMT -6
Steve and Gill show up at Monkey Alliance Headquarters completely unaffeccted by the reboot. Not because they are impervious but simply because Timer and Villo forgot they existed.
"Guys!" Steve exclaims, "Word on the super hero forums is that Timer and Villo, his idiot step-brother who always tries to take credit for his accomplishments, are loose again.
"Step off, jack!" Babu says. I don't know no Timer! You be tryin' to mess wit's mah head!"
"Yeah, don't be trying to mes with homie's head!" MH says.
"This is crazy!" Steve says. Where's Doc. He's always the voice of reason.
"He just wen't to his room," Super Jesse said. He doesn't want to be disturbed during his special time.
"His special time can wait. This is important!" Steve says.
"When they open Doc's door music is playing. "Where have I heard that song before?"
"Would you f--- me? I'd f---- me. I'd f--- me so hard," they hear Doc mumble.
"Aw geez!" Gill exclaims as they see Doc standing in just a shawl in front of his web camera.
"Damn!, yo! Doesn't anyone knock anymore!" Doc says.
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Post by mh on Nov 4, 2016 0:44:47 GMT -6
"i wuz uh, jus' practicin' for the school play dogs!" exclaims doc, or as young doc quantum is sometimes referred to, 'baby doc'.
"wezzz doin' uh ... mrs. doc-fire," and he graps a vacuum and begins whirling it about haphazardly, his fertile mind fashioning a water-tight dike built of deceits.
"see, now that sounds reasonable," says steve, nodding his head. "just like i said, always the sober voice of reason."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 9, 2016 20:04:53 GMT -6
"Things seem a little weird around here to you?" Steve says as they walk from Doc Quantum's room.
"Doc seems okay," Gill says. "And his dancing's improved.
Suddenly, a figure appears in front of them, crackling with energy. "Steve! Gil! You're my only hope!"
"Drivtaan! Where you been, dog!" Steve says.
"Find me! Find me!" Drivtaan says as he suddenly seems to waste away and then dissappear.
"Holy...! What the hell was that?!!" Gil exclaims.
"We've got to find Drivtaan before it's too late!" Steve says. "We've got ourselves a crisis and Crisises are hell on speedsters!"
"What now?" Gil moans.
"Lets find Kenny and Buddy. Hopefully, they've made it through this reboot with their white trash charm intact," Steve says as they head into the lab. "Kenny! Buddy! You in here?"
"What the hell you want, fool?" a voice suddenly says.
"Aw jeez," Gil moans as two figures step forward. "Kenny? Buddy?"
"Sho 'nuff, G," Kenny says.
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Post by mh on Nov 14, 2016 0:49:05 GMT -6
it turns out, kenny and buddy are now 'klowny' and 'dark murda thug'.
"shizzle. this is going to be an adjustment," says babu.
"actually, i can't tell much difference, "says steve. "their white trash charm is as beguiling as always."
babu quickly explains the situation and klowny says, "dam boyee! me and buddy -- i mean 'dark murda thug' -- is done leaders in the juggalo army now -- we is done ringmasters! but if we is gonna do this, my boy 'thugg' and me is gonna need a smack-load of old vc are-ruhas! (vcr's) and a treadmill. and faygo! candy apple faygo! with vodka."
"what about malt liquer?" asks mh, confused.
"malt liquer is fo' chumps!" cries 'dark murda thugg'.
"wow! they really have changed!" says gil.
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Post by Doc Quantum on Nov 14, 2016 19:05:13 GMT -6
"Yo, dawgs, are... are we Millennials?" Doc suddenly interrupts, his head swirling in confusion as his speech pattern starts to change, making him sound older, more distinguished. "It's weird, but I distinctly remember watching the original Back to the Future movie when it was still in theaters. If I was actually born in the '90s, how -- how is that even possible?"
His eyes suddenly becoming as wide as saucers, Doc pulls out his iPhone 7 and flips open My Photo Stream. "Whoa, that's weird. Practically every photo in here is a picture of a floor, or a couch, or an empty high chair, or a playground -- with just the faintest hint of a small person the size of a midget, or -- or a... toddler..."
Doc begins to freak out as realization starts to hit him.
"No, no, NOOOOOO!"
And then he's hit in the side of the head with a frying pan.
"DA-amn! You took him out with a lightweight frying pan!" laughs Kenny.
"Magnetic induction ready cookware imported from France, my juggalo!" says Dark Murda Thug, flipping the pan around and catching it.
"Fuckin' magnets! How do they work?" said Kenny.
"Yo, why'd you go an' hit Doc," demanded Babu.
Dark Murda Thug shrugs his shoulders and says, "Dude was high on reefer -- totally flippin' out. Thought he needed a nap."
"Hmmm..." said Babu, staring at the unconscious Doc. "Somethin's goin' on here, but I can't put my finger on it just yet."
***
Elsewhen...
"It seems our plan isn't foolproof after all, Brainex," says Villo, the self-styled vilest, most villainous villain alive as he sits on his dragon throne. "The Challengers are slowly waking up from their new nightmare -- that they've become Millennials with their narcissism and their dependence on technology, and have none of their past experience to draw upon. We must not let them discover the truth, Brainex!"
"Listen, deadbeat -- for the last time, I'm TIMEX! And these aren't the Challengers, they're the Monkey Alliance -- or they WILL be if we don't stop them from coalescing their organization in this edgy new reality. Now get the hell off my throne and let me think!"
"OK, OK!" cries Villo to his stepbrother. "You don't have to be so MEAN about it! Gawd!"
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Post by mh on Nov 15, 2016 2:08:37 GMT -6
"yo!" cries ronnie mcface. "we done need some nicknames! all th' bangers got them some nicknames!"
"listen small fry," says doc, "whadda you know about nicknames?"
ronnie pulls on the waistband of his pants and starts throwing gang signs.
"jeezy, weezy, yeezy, breezy, mayor mc-cheezy!"
"dopey, sneezy -- helpful hints from heloise-y!"
ronny pulls his shirt off & throws it on the floor, indicating he ain't going no place.
"i can do this sh-t all day!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 16, 2016 22:28:47 GMT -6
Timer pulled up a remote control from a secret compartment on the throne and pointed it at the large monitor on the opposite side of the room. He flipped through the channels until he came to Cartoon Network.'
"The Amazing World of Gumball! Yea!!" Villo said, clapping eagerly.
Timer rose from his throne and Villo saat down in it, happily watching cartoons.
Timer left the throne room, flanked by several minions. Traversing the hall, he entered his large study. He pointed to a large scroll poking out from one of the shelves and said, bring that to the table. THe minions unrolled the scroll and an image appeared. It twisted and undulated, seeming to want to rise from it's 2-dimensional surface.
One of the minions gasped and turned away.
"You are wise to turn away," Timer laughed. "I stole this map of the untempered schism of time and space from the Time Lords of Gallifrey themselves. Lesser men have gone mad looking directly into it. I'll use this to plot my way to being the master of the multiverse myself.... or my name isn't Brainex...Timex... Timer! Dammit, now Villo's got me doing it. A Timex is a watch! Do I look like a watch?!!"
"Well, you're round and gold like a stopwatch," one of the minions said.
"GAAAHHH!!!" Timer bellowed. A bolt shot out from his finger, striking the minion who aged rapidly until he crumped to dust.
"Wow... I don't usuaally lose control like that. My step-brother must really be getting to me..." Timer said. THe other minions looked around nervously.
"Now where was I," Timer said, studying the map.
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Post by mh on Nov 18, 2016 21:30:24 GMT -6
"oops!" cries timer suddenly looking at his watch. "i got a house call to make!"
timer re-appears in a kitchen with assorted brothers & sisters.
"gulp ... says the mom, "it's uh, so nice you're back timer! what terrible -- er, wonderful thing will you do today?"
"where are the toothpicks & ice-trays!" cries timer, happily.
"no! there's that dummy bugger head again!" cries a little 5 year old, "my nerves are shot!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 25, 2017 19:46:11 GMT -6
Timer reappears in his headquarters and is confronted by an angry Villo. "What's wrong, brother? ... have you been crying?"
"You went away and the satellite stuck and I didn't know how to fix it and .. and... I got so angry.." Villo hicups.
Timer goes in and sees the smashed monitor. "*sigh*" He snaps his fingers and time reverses itself around the monitor and it fixes itself.
"Yea!" Villo exclaims, clapping his hands. Timer picks up the remote, turns it to Cartoon Network again and Steven Universe comes on.
"Steven Universe! Yea!" Villo exclaims as he starts to sing the theme song.
"That should keep him occupied while I continue to establish my plans," Timer says.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 21, 2019 23:12:32 GMT -6
"Yo DAWGS!" Klowny (the former Kenny) calls out. "Me and Dark Murder Thug and Steve-O gots some news to lay on you fools!"
"True dat!" Dark Murder Thug says.
"What is it?" Babu says, entering with MH and Doc Quantum.
"Me and Dark Murder Thug combined our mad skills with Steve-O's and we were able to figure out why everything seemed so F'ed in the A.
"Why? Doc asked.
"Someone's been messing with us, yo!" Dark Murder Thug says making a clown Posse-esque hand gesture.
"Yeah, this place has been, like, flooded all up in here with Chroniton particles and stuff," Steve-O says. "But we think we can reverse it."
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"No! No! No!" Timer exclaims, watching them from one of his many wall mounted monitors. "This won't do! I thought I could make them weaker by turning them into millenial snowflakes. But I forgot Millenials are technologically savvy! I just made their tech guys more powerful!"
He walks over to his Gallifreyan map , places his hand on a point on it and avatars of the Monkey Alliance grow larger. "If re-inventing them as millenials made them more dangerous, then lets see what happens if I do the opposite!" He flicks his hand and the avatars are flung across the maps.
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It's night at the village of Justice Shire as a figure rides up to the Monkey's Paw Tavern. He throws open the door and his hood falls back to reveal the rider was actually a 6ft upright baboon. "Gil, my good fellow. Meads all around. THe Dred Pirate Gareth Degaton has once again fallen to the knights of the Monkey Alliance!
"Aye, my lord!" Gil says. "Drinks are on Baron Baboon!"
Cheers rise up from the crowd.
Duc du Quantum and the palladin Knavehunter walk through the tavern doors. "A fine nights work, Aye lads?" Baron Baboon says, holding up his flagon of ale.
"Oui," Duc Quantum says. "I still have an ominous feeling, though."
"You French are so dramatic," Knavehunter says. "It is time to celebrate! We won a hard fought victory."
"Where are our druids!" Baron Baboon says. "Their arcane knowledge was instrumental to our victory! Kenneth! Buderick! Come drink with us!"
Two robes figures enter. "Ach! Na' so loud, me lord. Me head is a' killin' me!"
"You don't look so good, Duc du Quantum says. "Perhaps we should get you to the barber!"
"Ach! I canna take another bleedin', me lord!" Kenneth says.
"It was probably too much malted mead, anyway!" Knavehunter laughs, soon to be joined by the rest of the tavern.
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"Ha! Let's see them get out of this!" Timer says.
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