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Post by mh on Feb 24, 2017 21:24:01 GMT -6
the motel hell smalltown saga: the final chapter or is that a smoked sausage in your pocket or are you just farmer vincent???
an horrific allegory of unspeakable evil starring the monkey alliance, a clambake of your favorite and grudgingly acceptable monkey alliance superfluous "red shirts", as well as farmer vincent and his lovely sister
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Post by mh on Feb 24, 2017 21:36:22 GMT -6
driving to smalltown in a borrowered minivan, the monkey alliance are headed to meet farmer Vincent, who is on weekend furlough.
"doc quantum, you are pretty much the worst driver on earth," says babu. |
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Post by mh on Feb 24, 2017 21:47:29 GMT -6
"the van lurched!" replies doc. "i think it needs a front end alignment!"
"why are we driving all the way to small-town anyway," says mh. "we've got a lot of sponsors now. we just got 'taco tammy'!"
"yeah mh," says babu, "but farmer vincent has been loyal to us. his meat money helped reignite the monkey alliance -- he's practically an institution. and as far as tammy, i don't trust a woman who owns a chain of taco shops, but can't eat a taco without getting herself filthy!"
"lay off taco tammy!" cries doc quantum.
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Post by mh on Feb 24, 2017 21:56:42 GMT -6
meanwhile, at the motel hello, farmer vincent and his sister ida have just checked in a couple of "swingers".
"you were in the big house farmer vincent? you must have been naughty!" exclaims gertrude.
"we've been naughty too!" says her husband frank.
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Post by mh on Feb 24, 2017 22:04:16 GMT -6
"uh, yeah," says farmer vincent winking at ida, "i've been a bad, bad boy."
meanwhile the monkey alliance arrive and head for the motel.
"ida will be happy to see you," says dakota, and amber giggles.
"she'll be happy to see us all," says babu, looking perplexed.
meanwhile vincent and ida, at the couple's request, begins tying them up.
"you're a lot of woman ida!" exclaims frank.
"this is almost too easy," ida whispers to Vincent.
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Post by mh on Feb 24, 2017 22:42:37 GMT -6
ida catches a glace at them from the window. "vincent," she whispers,"i just saw babu baboon outside."
nodding, vincent says, "listen you two! we're gonna leave you tied for a bit -- but we'll be back. you're a gonna git what's comin' to you!"
"i hope so!" giggles gertrude.
as vincent and ida slip out the back, gertrude and frank see the brightly suited monkey alliance members from the window.
"now those are some real swingers!" exclaims frank. "this place is fantastic! we should vacation here every year!"
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Post by mh on Mar 16, 2017 22:46:08 GMT -6
ida & farmer vincent go out and greet the monkey alliance.
"babu!" says vincent, shaking his hand. "it's so good to see you -- business is better than ever! stop by the smalltown bank & trust -- we're still loyal sponsors of the monkey-alliance. we appreciate the work you boys are doing."
before babu can reply, a helicopter comes down in the yard.
"vincent!" cries warden hazelwood. "i know it's early, but we need you back at the prison!"
"babu baboon?" the warden says, noticing the monkey alliance. "you sure got influential friends vincent -- anyway, our food budget is out of control again! we need you back right away."
then to babu, "the way this man can stretch ground chuck -- it's unbelievable! i don't how I ever got along without him! yeah we've had some escapes -- disappearances. But who cares? justice city prison, known as 'the rock' is surrounded by a gator infested swamp! nobody gets far. btw vincent -- you haven't been using gator meat have you? that could really get me in dutch!"
"no, of course not warden, "replies vincent, with a smile. then noticing the warden's trustee tiny, he says, "well hello tiny! how are things?"
"uh ... good vincent. real good," replies tiny.
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Post by mh on Mar 16, 2017 23:08:24 GMT -6
"so long boys!" cries vincent, as the copter takes off. "bye ida! take good care of out friends!"
"was it my imagination, or did that big convict look terrified?" questions mh.
"oh you know how they are," says ida, "those guys can't deal with the outside world! now babu, you march your self right over to the bank with your friends, and then come right back here!"
a minute later at the bank, a bank vice president says, "mr. baboon, farmer vincent gave us an odd request. we're suppose to pay your sponsorship in -- how did he put it -- fiddys?"
"yes!" cries babu. "ulysses s. grant baybee!"
"and he requested ... i, uh, make it rain?"
yes!" cries babu again. "i'm seein' thunderclouds in here!"
"fine ..." says the vice president.
"ghaaaa!" screams babu, as they cascade across his body.
"yeah, i don't picture the jla doing this stuff, "says doc quantum.
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Post by mh on Mar 17, 2017 23:09:35 GMT -6
babu's watch alarm suddenly sounds.
"oops!" he exclaims, "hang on! someone under monkey-alliance protection is in trouble!"
stepping outside, peggy's voice, the voice of babu's personal secretary who's been with him for years comes on.
"babu," she exclaims, "it's yer bidness manager tessio! he's screwed the mob over again! they're taking him someplace to rub him out!"
"again!" cries babu. "drat! we need super-jesse! he can home in on tessio's signal."
peggy immediately contacts super-jesse, who flies into action, tracking tesio's homing signal.
"tesio, you locky-head!" cries super-jesse as he flies, "won't you never learn?"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Apr 12, 2017 17:50:27 GMT -6
Super Jesse uses his super vision as he flies over Justice City and quickly locates Tessio. When he finds him, several mobsters have taken him to the docks where he is ties up and his feet are stick in a tin wash tub filled with cement.
"Super Jesse! Thank God!" he exclaims.
Super Jesse quickly dispatches the thugs and grabs Tessio and soars in the air. "Aren't you going to get these cement galoshes off me?" Tessio asks.
"In a minute," Super Jesse said. "I'm taking you to babu baboon so he can see you're okay!"
"But these are really uncomfortable!" Tessio pleads. It feels like my feet are being crushed."
"We'll get them off when we get where we're going. I promise!" Super Jesse says. "Now quit yer whinin', you Lockey head!"
When Super Jesse gets to Farmer Vincent's, Vincent tells him the rest of the Monkey Alliance isn't there. Super Jesse stoms his foot in frustration.
"Dang it!" Super Jesse says. "An I done come all this way! How rude! Well, guess I'd better make like a baby and head out so's I can catch up with the guys."
"Wait!" Tessio exclaims.
"Oh, yeah," Super Jesse says. "Farmer Vincent, can you and Ida bust him out of that cement?"
"Why, of course!" Vincent says. "You go on your way. We have everything handled.
Farmer Vincent watches as Super Jesse soars into the air and takes off into the distance. He then turns to Tessio and squeezes his bicep.
"Say, you've got a pretty decent amout of muscle meat there for an old guy. Tessio gulps nervously.
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Post by mh on Apr 13, 2017 23:23:00 GMT -6
using his super smelling power to track doc quantum's cologne
super-jesse tracks them to the bank, as babu is shoving his precious 'fiddys' into an ol' timey money sack with a big dollar sign on it.
"i don't know why you done keep tesio as yer bidness manager, "says superjesse. "he's the worst bitch. he's done cheated 3 different mob families and i have to keep done saving him! why won't you done fire him?"
"heh," says babu, "i hope you ripped the doors off all their lincoln town cars like last time. i know he can be a bit of a scoundrel, but salvatore tessio is the most excellent bidness manager! remember the 'monkey alliance' iron claw machines? them things keep paying off! one gurl spent her entire student loan winning the big pink babu! that's dedication. no, tessio stays!"
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Post by mh on Apr 13, 2017 23:43:09 GMT -6
"i'd better check in on him," says babu, calling farmer vincent's farm on his cell phone," poor tessio might be traumatized by his ordeal."
"oh he's fine babu!" ida says over the phone moments later. "we've put the poor dear in our spa."
"yer unlicensed spa?" exclaims babu.
"no! were licensed now!" replies ida.
"good,"says babu. "he likes linguine with red clam sauce. and lots of red wine! is he resting comfortably?"
ida looks over at tessio, buried up to his neck in dirt & suppresses a giggle. "oh yes, he's very comfortable," she replies. "i'd love for you to visit our spa babu. it's pants optional!"
getting off the phone babu says, "tessio is fine. but i think maybe ida is working too hard." |
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 27, 2017 17:05:56 GMT -6
"SuperJesse's got a point," Doc Quantum says. "Tessio is pretty sketchy."
"He's doing a bang-up job!" Babu says. "He recently licensed a whole new line of Monkey Alliance toys!"
"Yeah," MH says. "But he uses the worst sweatshops in the world to make them. They break in no time."
"Yeah," Babu says. "But when they break, the parents go out and buy new toys for their kids to replace the old ones!"
"I gave one to my nephew. That plastic is such cheap crap that the heat of a kid's hand can melt it!" Doc Quantum said. "Do you know what it's like to have your hero melt in your hand before you're done playing with him?!!"
There's an awkward pause as Babu and MH stare at Doc before they burst out laughing.
"A screw you guys," Doc grumbles.
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