Post by Babu Baboon on Mar 17, 2018 22:37:35 GMT -6
Tonight, I tried one of those crazy food challenges. This local big slice pizza place has a challenge. If I could eat a 10 topping 24 inch pizza in under 24 minutes, I'd get $200 bucks. If I did it in 30, no money, but the pizza is free. The manager at CiCis weeps openly when he sees me walk in the door, so I figured I could do this no problem.
They bring out the thing and it looks great. It's huge, but if I eat fast I figure I can handle it. There's steam coming off, so I wait a few minutes to start digging in.
Finally, I can't wait any more because I didn't have lunch. I lift up the first slice and discover it's too limp to hold with one hand. Toppings are falling off, which suck because I know I'll have to go for them later when I feel like a bloated tick. I wolf it down quickly and move on.
During this whole thing, Mrs Baboon and one of the ladies who work there have their phones out filming me. Mrs Baboon keeps loudly calling out how much time i have which isn't helping. Since we're in a crowded place, I can't say, "Shut the f**k up, sweety..." They're drawing attention to me sitting there, including this Ken doll looking college guy and his super hot Barbie girlfriend, while I'm shoving food in my mouth like a maniac and I feel like a circus geek biting the heads off chickens.
As I get further into the pizza, it just gets soggier and soggier. I'm actually folding the slices up like burritos so I can still shove them into my mouth. They keep falling apart, so I'm a mess. I look like C'thulhu ore one of the Ood from Doctor Who.
Toppings continue to rain down from the slices. As they start to pile up, the image of me having to scarf them up with a fork haunts me.
Mrs Baboon starts to yell "come on, keep going! you're slowing down." I guess somewhere in the commotion, she figured I forgot how time works.
I really am slowing down, though, because the pizza has become sickening. Finally, I have to call it because I know what will happen if I continue.
Well, there would have been some kind of explosion and it wouldn't be pretty.
So with only two slices to go, I had to hang my head in defeat, eating my words for all those times I ragged on Adam Richman for not choking down those last few bites.
I can't help thinking I would have made it, though, if this had been a real pizza and not a freaking wet sponge with cheese and toppings!
They bring out the thing and it looks great. It's huge, but if I eat fast I figure I can handle it. There's steam coming off, so I wait a few minutes to start digging in.
Finally, I can't wait any more because I didn't have lunch. I lift up the first slice and discover it's too limp to hold with one hand. Toppings are falling off, which suck because I know I'll have to go for them later when I feel like a bloated tick. I wolf it down quickly and move on.
During this whole thing, Mrs Baboon and one of the ladies who work there have their phones out filming me. Mrs Baboon keeps loudly calling out how much time i have which isn't helping. Since we're in a crowded place, I can't say, "Shut the f**k up, sweety..." They're drawing attention to me sitting there, including this Ken doll looking college guy and his super hot Barbie girlfriend, while I'm shoving food in my mouth like a maniac and I feel like a circus geek biting the heads off chickens.
As I get further into the pizza, it just gets soggier and soggier. I'm actually folding the slices up like burritos so I can still shove them into my mouth. They keep falling apart, so I'm a mess. I look like C'thulhu ore one of the Ood from Doctor Who.
Toppings continue to rain down from the slices. As they start to pile up, the image of me having to scarf them up with a fork haunts me.
Mrs Baboon starts to yell "come on, keep going! you're slowing down." I guess somewhere in the commotion, she figured I forgot how time works.
I really am slowing down, though, because the pizza has become sickening. Finally, I have to call it because I know what will happen if I continue.
Well, there would have been some kind of explosion and it wouldn't be pretty.
So with only two slices to go, I had to hang my head in defeat, eating my words for all those times I ragged on Adam Richman for not choking down those last few bites.
I can't help thinking I would have made it, though, if this had been a real pizza and not a freaking wet sponge with cheese and toppings!
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