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Post by Borgnine328 on Oct 22, 2018 3:22:32 GMT -6
Hey, recently I been bangin' some satanist chicks. Talk about freaky! You ever been doin' a gurl and he head spins all the way around? Well I have, and it's a real turn on!
But turns out, I've lost my immortal soul! I changed my name and grew a mustache, but the damn devil keeps finding me!
Help me sassy tassels, help me! A devil head keeps appearing on all my t-shirts!
I went to the mackerel snappers, and they hid me out in a monastery. But I gotta hang out with a bunch of fat bald monks all the time. That's no life for me! Although the nuns are kind of hot.
Am I gonna get poked with a pitchfork for all eternity by a guy in a homo looking red suit for gettin' a little nookie? What a jerk!
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Sassy Tassels, MD, Psy.D, MVP,
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Post by Sassy Tassels, MD, Psy.D, MVP, on Nov 16, 2018 20:54:34 GMT -6
Dear Borgnine,
Sorry to take so long to respond, but I was kidnapped by a bunch of hippie Pete types who tried to release me into the wild. Apparently, they were too baked to tell a sock monkey from a regular one. I'm going to have myself implanted with a tracking device so my secretary and interns can locate me and bring me back to my office if this happens again.
I hate to be the one to tell you, but I believe you might be screwed. I recognize that nun. She's Sister Cinammon from the church-themed tittty bar known as the Cathedral. Didn't you wonder why her collection plate was filled with ones?
There may be hope, though. THe various offshoots of the Church of Satan can't even get their shit together enough to decide if they want to sue Sabrina the Teenage Witch or not. So the chanceds of them getting it together long enough to come after your grizzled rum soaked soul are pretty slim. Anyways, good luck!
Sincerely,
Sassy Tassels
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