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Post by Babu Baboon on Dec 12, 2013 20:03:20 GMT -6
Bau opens the door and standing in the doorway is regular Julie Brown. "Hi, Babu. I was in the neighborhood and I...." She stops at the sight of Downtown Julie Brown.
Suddenly, she lets out a cry of rage and charges at Downtown Julie Brown. "There can be only one!" she cries, leaping on her and knocking her to the floor.
MH looks down at the two of them, rolling around, pulling hair and scratching at each other, and says, "This should be fun."
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Post by mh on Dec 14, 2013 0:09:25 GMT -6
"girls! ... girl!" cries babu. "er ... i mean ladies swiftly approaching middle-age .."
"what?!" both julie browns exclaim.
later after a couple of isreali lagers and a few shots of jagermeister the julie browns calm down.
"hon," says regular julie brown, "i had no intention doing a show in that time slot. as far as i was concerned norbert could have it. i mean, the lead in was 'jani's fashion party'. how the heck do you follow something like that?"
 cc
"our show had a great lead in, "says babu. "the skipper's wheel of mystery. it was a gameshow where the skipper from gilligan's island would have a contestant spin a big ship's wheel and it would land on a question. them and a celebrity guest would answer it for cash & prizes. if they answered the final question wrong, the skipper would chase the celebrity guest around the stage, usually somebody like mr. furley from 3's company, and bear hug them until they passed out. it was a perfect counter-point to more intellectual 'babu & you'. what a fantastic hour of entertainment!"
"that show sucked!" came a voice from the bathroom. "i was on the skipper's wheel of mystery once. that crazy old guy almost crushed my spleen! yer show sucked too!"
"okay, that's done it, "says babu. and he goes into his daughter's room & gets her pet hamster.
"this ain't no squirrel," he mutters, "but mr. peabody here hates everybody except baboon girl. he's biting me right now. good boy peabody! he's a little rodent rage-aholic. he's like a little rabid timberwolf."
opening the bathroom door and tossing 'mr. peabody' in, babu yells, "norbert, say hello to my little friend!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Dec 14, 2013 11:38:36 GMT -6
Norbert lets out a shriek as images of his grizzly death flood his ghostly head. Suddenly, he comes flying out of te bathroom with Mr. Peabody latched onto his rump.
"How the heck is that hamster biting a ghost on the butt?" MH exlaims.
"He's just that mean," Babu says.
Norbert runs, screaming, and makes a beeline for MH. "Aaaaaa!!!!" MH screams as Norbert passes through him, leaving him covered in ectoplasmic slime. Mr. Peabody collides with MH's stomach and slides, scratchinghis way down.
Norbert howls, racing around, passng through Drivtaan, Kenny, Buddy, and both Julie Browns, coating everyone, before running back into te bathroom and slamming the door.
"Well, that could have gone better," Babu says.
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Post by mh on Dec 14, 2013 14:50:14 GMT -6
after hot showers, the julie browns are in bathrobes, zonked out from too much liquer and burritos, and snoring loudly. and all the men are decked out in smoking jackets, sans ascot. "the ascots are just too dressy for this occasion," explains babu. "yer clothes are all in spin cycle. and everybody be careful not to spill hot-sauce on yer smoking jacket! with 'mr. peabody' in his cage in the bathroom, i think norbert will lay low awhile. he's all keyed up too. like he's had his first taste of ghost butt & wants more."
"you should have that thing tested, "says mh. "during my shower, whenever i looked out his little red eyes were glaring at me from behind the bars of his cage with hate. that's not normal."
buddy sighs. "that downtown julie brown done snores leik an angel. kenny, i think i have felled in love. do you think she'd married me?"
"sorry buddy," says downtown momentarily waking up, "but i was married to a count already -- hmmm, maybe i still am. or to somebody. i'll have to look into it." and she passes out asleep again.
"kenny, she broked my heart, "says buddy, getting up and putting on his coat.
"i better took him home," says kenny. "i'll pick up some malt liquer on the way to help poor buddy forget, and to get the taste of this skunky euro-beer outta out mouths."
"hey!" begins babu, insulted, but as kenny opens the door to leave denny terrio comes dancing in singing, 'dance fever! .. congratulations for your nomination babu .. dance fever! .. maybe you'll win one or even two .. dance fever! .."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Dec 15, 2013 13:02:27 GMT -6
Kenny and Buddy are startled by the appearance of Deney Terrio. They both sit back down, spellbound by his dance moves.
"I'm really psyched for you, Babu..... dance fever!.... Almost as much as when I got to teach Travolta to dance.... dance fever!.... You know that jerk won't return my calls? .... Dace Fever!"
"It's getting a little crowded around here," Doc says, watching Deney Terrio dance around the room, stopping only long enough to grab a Nigerian lager from the cooler.
"Yeah, Babu says. "You know, Deney Terio is 63 years old. Someone needs to slip him a ritilin before he hurts himself."
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Post by mh on Dec 15, 2013 15:49:07 GMT -6
after a few more minutes, deney terrio grabs another beer & a burrito and sits down
"whooo!" he exclaims.
"yer dancing was done the most beautiful thing i ever seen," says kenny. "i've seen a thousand big women pole dance and they never moved liek that."
"thanks pal!" says deney. "my new personal trainer juan would kill me if he saw me eating a burrito. juan worked my hamstrings like crazy before i came here. that guy could rub my feet for hours."
"i'll bet he could, "says kenny, appearing mesmerized.
"deney, "says mh, "yer a triumph of botox, hair-dye, and makeup. they should stick yer ass on dancin' with the stars!"
"don't get me started," says deney, rolling his eyes. "i'd turn that place to ashes!"
he starts to get up and do some more dance moves.
"no deney!" cries babu. "we need to get to the bottom of this norbert thing."
motioning to the julie browns, still snoring, and downtown has laid down against buddy like a pillow, causing his eyes to roll back in his head. deney says, "none of us wanted that time slot. it was cable suicide! not only did you have that crappy 'jani's fashion party' lead-in, but you were going head to head against shabba doo! who was red-hot ... for a few weeks
downtown was content co-hosting your show. she likes that brainy stuff. regular julie was spiraling into straight to video porn. without the substance abuse, that's not a bad gig. she ended up richer than scott baio! as i see it, there are two possibilities. jani, of jani's fashion party, wanted to extend her show to an hour. that was one scary b-tch. she escaped the former soviet union naked, which made her dedicate her life to clothes & fashion."
"listen, "says mh, "everybody needs to quit talking bad about jani. jani was one hot ukraine party girl! she was like my first crush after I awoke from my stasis! if she's answered my letters, mh's life would be very different today, i'll tell you."
"and there was one more person."continues deney. "she'd been making threats against norbert for weeks. disguising her voice, but he knew who it was.
"who?!" exclaims babu.
"that kid from small wonder", deney terio replies.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Dec 16, 2013 13:48:32 GMT -6
"It's got to be Jani," Babu says. "Tiffany Brisette ended up going to nursing school. I don't think she's even in show biz anymore."
"Unless something MADE her drop out!" MH says.
he back door suddenly slams and they turn to see Kenny and Buddy have come in. "Where did you two go?" Babu asks.
"We got bored so we went out to test our pet translator machine. Now you can understand all the pets in the neighborhood," Kenny says.
Suddenly, they hear Bandit the Baboon Hound yell loudly, "Hey, I'm a dog!"
"Me too! I'm a dog, too!" a dog down the street barks.
"Don't forget me! I'm a dog, too!" Bella the Baboon hound barks.
"Me too! I'm a dog too!" another dog barks.
From all around the neighborhood, they hear, "I'm a dog! ... I'm a dog! ... I'm a dog! ...Doggies in the hizzouse!"
"Would you go shut that thing the hell off?" Babu says.
Suddenly, Babu's cat, Kumar, walks in and says, "Someone put that crazy ass hamster in the bathroom where my litter pan is, so I s--t in the dining room."
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Post by mh on Dec 16, 2013 23:09:59 GMT -6
babu grabs the pet translator and smashes it.
"you didn't have to did that," says buddy.
"yeah he did," replies mh. "did u hear the hamster? it was like the demon from the exorcist!"
suddenly there's a knock on the door. babu, walks over, steps over the sleeping form of deney terio, & opens it. a thin 50-something lady with long died brunette hair, wearing a beret walks in."
"guten tag, everybody!" she exclaims.
"omg, it's jani!" cries mh.
"guten tag, skank!" says regular julie brown.
"girl, "whispers downtown, "u did porn."
"softcore," whispers regular julie.
mh finds jani a ukranian beer. "this is swill," says jani. "i adore it. and your horrid microwave burritos are perfect symbols of the squalor of your western lifestyle. another please."
"why do you say "guten tag" anyway," asks babu. "that's german, and you're from the ukraine."
"guten tag was a shout-out," replies jani. "my biggest fan-base was in the former east germany before the wall came down. there, i was second only to hasselhoff."
"that's because you and the hoff represented freedom!" exclaims mh. "jani might wear a cardboard belt, she might throw on a jacket with leg warmers -- you never knew. it was very exciting!"
"aren't you sweet, "says jami, stroking mh's face with her hand, as he giggles.
"will you say your catch phrase?" asks mh.
"guten tag, fashionistas!" exclaims jani forcefully.
"fantastic! will you strike some poses?" asks mh.
"okay, okay, "says babu, "enough nostalgia. we're still getting a test pattern on the tv, but how long can it last? yeah, it went 36 hours in 2007 -- when the screen came back on martin shot was onstage sleeping on a cot. but we need to wrap this up as quickly as possible. norbert needs peace & i need to see my name called for 'best cable talk program'. so anyway, did you cause norbert's can of squirrel gunk to explode?"
"well of course I did, "says jani, as everyone gasps. "i was a strong animal rights activist," she continues. "fur is murder! everyone noticed my show was fur free -- right?"
everyone is silent.
"well, yeah!" exclaims mh.
"i like you more & more you strange costume wearing man, "says jani, smiling at mh provocatively. "but it wasn't the pheromones that made the squirrels do their tricks. he had them hopped up on coke! they were furry, twitching little coke-heads! it was wrong. i had to do something."
"omg!" yells ike, just waking from a a beer & burrito stupor. "that b-stard! i never knew!"
"so you sabotaged the can so they'd kill him," says babu.
"nyet!" yells jani. "kill him? i thought they'd just run around and дерьмо (go to the bathroom) everywhere! ruining his appearance on your show and his career. what kind of capitalist idiot cokes out a bunch of sharp-teethed rodents?"
the bathroom door opens. "mhhhuuuu!!!" a voice cries.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Dec 18, 2013 19:55:33 GMT -6
Suddenly, the ghost of Norbert runs out of the bathroom with Mr. Peabody latched onto his face. "Myuuuuhhh!!!"
"How the hell does that hamster do that to a ghost?" MH says. "And how did he get out of his cage?"
"When he gets really pissed, he'll chew through the side," Babu says. "We've gone through a lot of cages."
"Giii iiiid offf!! Giii iiid offf!" the ghost of Norbert screams.
"Why should I?" Babu yells.
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Post by mh on Dec 22, 2013 0:21:45 GMT -6
norbert shrugs, walks over to the kitchen and fills a baggy with some ice. holding it to his face, with peabody hissing and growling, norbert gives babu and everyone a dirty look, goes back into the bathroom & slams the door.
"squirrel abuser! meanie!" yells ike behind him.
the TV comes back on and everyone who's still awake, momentarily forgets norbert. they yell excitedly and clinks their euro-beers.
"thanks for your patience everyone," says martin short on the screen. then he grabs a female usher and in a jerry lewis voice yells, "ohhhh lady!"
everyone laughs uproariously.
"and now for the moment you've been waiting for, the late-nite talk program & hosts of the year! let's go to our remote to that legendary cable babe-el ... jani!"
"what?!" exclaims babu, as doc quantum asks buddy,"did he really say 'cable babe-el'?"
suddenly a camera crew bursts in with lights, big 80's remote cameras and boom microphones.
"guten tag, fashionistas!" yells jani, striking a pose.
"velcome to the home of hot monkey-man babu baboon, secluded somewhere in the swedish alps! babu, say 'privet' (hi) to the comrades at home, you big sex machine!"
"hey i don't live ..." babu begins.
taking a microphone and jumping into mh's lap jani says, "if you don't mind marty, i'll do the rest of my hosting straddled this red suited cossack! isn't his costume hideous? he is probably dangerously deranged. (and nuzzling him) i am very much aroused."
"hey baboon, "whispers kenny, "mh done looks overcome with manhunter clone lust! he needs a bucket of cold water throwed on him! cain't he see what a hagged out skanks she done is now after all them years? has she done a'got him hyp-mo-tized?"
"no," babu whispers back, "he saw 'jani's fashion party' back when he was in the manhunter clone version of puberty. they propped his eyes open and using 90's cable stuffed all the info into him they could to get him up to speed. to him she's like what carmen electra is to buddy -- or what morgan fairchild is to doc quantum ..."
"hey! .. don't even!" exclaims doc. "are you seriously going to compare those two .."
"and here are the nominees for late-nite talk program & hosts of the year!!!" yells martin short.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Dec 22, 2013 19:35:52 GMT -6
Martin Short holds up his cards and says, "The nominees are 'What do you know? with Joe Piscopo'," a brief clip from Joe Piscopo gabbing with guests plays as hereads the name, "... Babu & You" a clip of Babu's hard hitting interview with MC Hammer plays, "and 'Tom Brokaw's Dance Party'... oh I love that show!"
Martin Short opens the envelope. "The winner is 'Babu & You'!"
Everyone in the room begins to cheer. International lagers are passed around and everyone clinks bottles.
"No-o-o-o-o-o!!!!" a ghostly voice suddenly cries out. Furniture begins to levitate and fly around the room.
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Post by mh on Dec 23, 2013 23:02:43 GMT -6
"stop it norbert!" yells babu, "i won! this is my moment, dammit!!"
"yeah norbert! we won! it's our moment, dammit!" yells downtown julie brown.
mh lifts jani and exclaims, "people! our first priority is to save the famous! everyone grab a celebrity and get them to a secure area!"
with that, mh runs into babu's cloak closet with jani & slams the door.
"mh!" yells babu, ducking a stool that just flew past his head, "you'd better not do anything gross on my new vicuna coat!"
 buddy grabs downtown julie brown and they crawl behind the sofa. deney terrio, seeing kenny eyeballing him, puts his arms around doc quantum's neck & jumps into his arms.
"i really don't trust that guy, "says deney. "he's got a weird gleam in his eye."
"what the hell about me?" exclaims regular julie brown. "i'm right here!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Dec 26, 2013 21:08:07 GMT -6
Regular Julie Brown gets hit with a sofa cushion that sends her flying head over heals. Babu catches her and hops from furniture piece to furniture piece.
On the TV that is flying in the air yet somehow still plugged in, Martin Short says, "There seems to be some sort of... storm taking place in Babu's home. ...So, Jani are you okay? Are you okay, Jani?"
Kenny army crawls to where Buddy is hiding. Behind the shield of the couch, the two begin grabbing things as they pass by, taking them apart and assembling them: video equipment, Babu's computer, the microwave, the vaccuum cleaner, and pieces from their own toolbelt compartments.
"This ends today, Norbert!" Babu shouts.
"Oh, you think so?" Norbert says, sending several dead squirrels flying babu's way.
"Here, Babu, take this!" Kenny says, holding up the device that he and Buddy had hastily assembled.
Babu sets regular Julie Brown next to Downtown Julie Brown and hefts up the device Kenny and Buddy made. He points it at the ghost and squeezes the tigger. Norbert lets out a horrible scream as he's sucked into the end of the device. The storm in the room suddenly stops and furniture drops to the floor. A VHS tape ejects out the side of the device with smoke rising from its surface.
"Damn!" Babu say, looking at the device in his hands. "Kenny... Buddy... you chicken fried geniuses have done it again!"
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Post by mh on Dec 27, 2013 13:30:37 GMT -6
suddenly martin short bursts in wearing a jiminy glick fat suit, with him are many faux-celebrities wearing knockoffs of the latest fashions spotlighted at the oscars.
"pardon my appearance," says short, "but i was about to do a hilarious glick skit when everything here went ka-haukas! babu baboon, here is your cable ace award!"
"babu! it's our cable ace award!" cries downtown julie brown.
"martin short, cameras rolling begins to sing:
"someday you'll sit on my mantle, someday. someday they'll call out your name, o'boy! and you'll run up with speed & grace, number one in the cable race. someday, someday, someday!"
"good nite everybody! .... okay, it's a wrap!"
all the camera people and celebrities begin to leave. mh and jani come out of the closet.
"what happened in there, "asks babu.
"i'm not sure, "replies mh. "all out clothes stayed on by somehow i feel -- unclean."
"that was truly beyond disturbing," says jani. "i will require many showers. i feel as if there's a horrible stain on my soul."
then she rips a page off of babu's guest book, writes a number on it, balls it up and sticks it in mh's mouth.
"that's my cell. if i don't pick up right away, keep ringing," she says emotionlessly, then turns & walks away.
"she's friggin crazy." says babu.
"neah, nazy nhot!" (yeah, crazy hot!) replies mh, his mouth full of paper.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 1, 2014 18:21:56 GMT -6
As everyone sits around recouping from the turmoil with foreign lagers and microwwave burritos, the doorbell rings. When Babu opens the door, there's a man standing in the doorway wearing a tan jump suit wth a logo of a ghost in a circle with a line through it.
"Hi, I'm Ray Stantz with Ghostbusters. You called for a pick-up?"
"Yeah," Babu says, handing him the smoking video tape. "He's trapped in here."
"How'd you do that?" Ray Stantz says, the cigarette nearly dropping from his lip.
Kenny holds up the device that he and Buddy created. Nodding to Buddy, he says, "Me and my pal done made this outta old video equipment and computers and stuff."
"Really?" the Ghostbuster says. "Say, if you boys are ever looking for work...."
"No poaching our employees!" Babu exclaims, slamming the door. "Honestly.... some people!"
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