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Post by borgnine328 on Nov 22, 2020 7:50:36 GMT -6
Hey Sassy Tassels. Anyway, I picked up a "lady of the evening", quite a fetching creature. and after a heated bout of fornicating at a Roadway Inn, exhausted from laying donkeys of pipe, I fell off to sleep. when I woke up, the covers were over my head and she was farting like a crazy person! And she was Czechoslovakian. Those were cabbage & turnip farts! She 'dutch ovened' me! I almost puked! My question, should I pay her or not? I feel like she owes me money! Help me sassy tassels, help me!
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Post by Sassy Tassels, MD on Nov 22, 2020 21:42:42 GMT -6
Dear Borgnine,
What you experienced is what the Czechs call
Požáry romantiky aka the fires of romance. In most former eastern block countries, you would have been expected to pay extra for that service. You'd better pay up if you haven't already and keep an eye out for any rough slavic looking dudes hanging around in case you were supposed to pay extra.
Hope this helps,
Sassy Tassels, MD
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Post by borgnine328 on Nov 24, 2021 1:53:27 GMT -6
Hello Sassy Tassels, the stery continues. Okay, it's months later. I'd been carrying on an affair with a fat waitress from the local theme restaurant!!
but being the cautious type, and classy, I took great pains to covered my tracks. Then one night misses Borgnine said, "darling ... go to bed! I'll be along in a while. I'm having a late supper. I'm cooking myself a baked bean dinner!"
So off to bed I went. later i awoke, the covers are over my head, and mrs borgnine is farting like a crazy person! She Dutch Ovened me! "Ghaaaa!!!!" I screamed. I ran out into the night. Do I have a lawsuit? Help me sassy tassels, help me!"
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Post by Sassy_Tassels MD on Dec 2, 2021 13:42:53 GMT -6
Sorry I'm responding so late, Borgnine. El Salvador is the only country that will issue a sock monkey a degree in psychiatry. So every once in a while, I have to fly back to make sure all my degrees and licenses are current.
It sounds like your wife might have heard about your run in with the Czech hooker. THe poor old broad is just trying to keep the fire in your relationship.... literally. Just keep all the windows open and plenty of Febreeze on hand until she feels secure again.
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Post by borgnine328 on Dec 20, 2021 6:46:59 GMT -6
As a wise man once said, 'dames is grief'. After my soul destroying dutch oven experiences ...
I decided to move into a cheap motel and avoid the "shorties" until my injured psyche is healed. As I was working on one of my many Oscar speeches, there was a knock on the door and when I opened it Asian tennis star Peng Shuai bursts in!
she said Chinese officials where trying to kidnap here, and could I please hide her! Being a gentleman, I could not refuse, but then I guess out of stress -- the next thing I know we were in my affordably priced yet comfortable bed, making sweet love! After climax, I quickly zonked out, and when I woke up she was giving me a 'Cleveland Steamer'!
I tossed her aside and ran to the shower! Why does this crap keep happening to me?! Now she just stares at me & I'm afraid to fall asleep. Help me Sassy Tassels, help me!!!
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Post by Sassy Tassels, MD on Dec 29, 2021 20:16:44 GMT -6
Dear Borgnine,
Sorry I took so long to respond. Some PETA idiots grabbed me and tried to release me into the wild. Apparently, those tofu eating man-bun wearers can't tell the difference between a spider monkey and a sock monkey!
It sounds like there might have been a bit of a language barrier and she misunderstood what you wanted. Your unfortunate situation happens far more often than you might think. In such cases, it's helpful to have an English to Chinese dictionary handy with phrases for such occasions like "qǐng bú yào zài wǒ shēn shàng dà biàn" which roughly translates to "Please do not poop on me."
Hope this helps.
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