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Post by Babu Baboon on Apr 17, 2014 19:53:11 GMT -6
They continue to walk until they come to a heavy wooden door. Beside the door is a frightening robed figure.
"You're supposed to give him a gold coin," Bixby Snider says.
"What the hell?" MH says. "We don't have any gold coins!"
"Don't worry. Ol' Skelly Jack's got this covered," Skelly Jack says. When the skeletal figure holds out his hand, he places a Pecan Log in it. THe robed ghoul grabs the heavy brass handle and slowly opens the door. THey step into a stone walled tunnel lit with torches.
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Post by mh on Apr 25, 2014 0:16:23 GMT -6
"the walls!" cries buddy, "they're done made outa gold!"
"that's the lowest level of gold, "says bixby.
"what, 14k -- 10k," asks babu.
"no," says bixby, "it's known as 'real lookin' gold'. like they sell in Tijuana. don't touch it, it's slightly toxic." |
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Post by mh on Apr 25, 2014 20:35:37 GMT -6
suddenly they notice something crunching beneath their feet.
"hey what the heck, "begins mh, "these are spent shells! somebody was doing some shootin' down here!"
just then, a flickering image of 'the undead rajah' appears before them.
"the undead rajah!" exclaims babu.
"you must turn back," says the rajah. "certain death awaits you! only the tireless gun hand of 'shootin' magee' could have saved 'the anthropoidal fraternization' when we stupidly went searching for the lost city of gold!"
"wow, shootin' McGee," gushes doc quantum.
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Post by mh on Apr 25, 2014 20:54:11 GMT -6
the rajah fades away, and babu asks, "hey? where'd skelly jack go?"
"did you lot miss ol' skelly jack?" says a voice behind them.
"gah!" yells babu baboon. "don't do that!"
"where'd you go anyway? is it possible you didn't want 'the undead rajah' to see you?"
"no -- 'course not," says skelly jack. "see I keeps a white mouse in me lil' pocket! er -- mr. biggins! and it was time fore his supper."
"really," says doc quantum.
"really!" exclaims skelly jack. "now fore the next part of our trek, it wood be best if we took off hour britches!"
"skelly, "says mh, "you are one creepy sob."
jack takes out a lace hanky & pretends to cry, but is obviously still smiling.
"now you've done hurt ol' skelly jack, "he says. "why i'm as common as hen's teeth, I am! as normal as a bloke can be. i night drop a little star dust in me knickers ..."
"see! creepy!" yells mh.
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Post by mh on May 9, 2014 0:43:36 GMT -6
"alright, "I ain't gonna lie to ya' govnor, "says skelly jack. "when the undead rajah and his crew was down here, i tol' em thay needed to remove their trousers to get past the painted desert, then i stole the rajah's fancy britches! i don't know what come over me."
"just like to tried to do to us?" asks mh.
"no i wouldn't!" says skelly jack, and looking at babu's pants mutters lowly, "wot fancy britches."
"listen, "says the huntress diana, "it's getting dicey down here! williscorto should escort the skirts back to the old HQ thru stuckey's."
"that's a good idea!" exclaims bixby snyder. "i'll tag along to keep any supernatural interlopers at bay."
"okay, agreed," says babu, "but everyone, be on your guard."
"bye girls!" says mh waving. "taffy! use yer keenly developed powers of observation!"
"okay!" says taffy, and begins peering around crazily.
"whew, what a fascinating, complex woman," sighs mh.
"right," says babu. "what now skelly?"
just then another figure appears from a dark tunnel.
"goodsness! it's ol' prickly dick hisself!" says skelly jack. "you fellas follow me lead!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 9, 2014 20:37:06 GMT -6
The figure steps out of the shadows and everyone stifles a gasp. The man is dressed as a cowboy but he has green skin from which protrude needles.
"Howdy folks," he says. "The name's Cactus Pete."
"Cactus Pete?" MH says. "Skelly Jack called you Prickly Dick."
Cactus Pete blushes and shoots a look at Skelly Jack then mutters, "I done tole you not to call me that 'round other people."
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Post by mh on May 9, 2014 21:55:40 GMT -6
"wot are these lot," asks cactus pete. "more treasure hunters?"
"uh, no prickly dick," exclaims skelly, "these is old mates o' mine! true blue they are! why blab-o there ..."
"babu," says babu.
"blab-bu there is gonna gimme his fancy britches!"
"yer not getting my damn pants!" exclaims babu.
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Post by mh on May 10, 2014 7:36:47 GMT -6
"what was it down here that 'shootin' mcGee' popped all those caps at?" asks mh.
"shootin' mcGee," sighs skelly jack wistfully, "does they calls him that 'cause he likes lookin' at shootin' stars?"
"yeah, you nailed it skelly," says babu, "but what was he firing at?"
"oh, the underground mutant cannibals, i suppose-es," says skelly, "they's such a bother."
skelly jack unleashes the mole-man who mh had been absentmindedly dragging along since he was captured. he kicks mh in the shin, and runs off.
"if they's any around they'll chase that mole-man, "says jack, "the mutants find them delicious! but they won't catch that one, he's got tunnels all over & is a wily bugger."
"when are we done gonna find the city of gold, "says kenny.
"i know u lot was treasure 'unters!" shrieks prickly dick, dropping the fake western accent.
"well yas gotta pass the test o' bleak survival, if yer a'gonna continue!"
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Post by mh on May 10, 2014 12:15:50 GMT -6
weeks later, babu, mh, doc and kenny, are in a drab, bleak landscape with craggy mountains & little vegetation. they've managed to erect a crude shelter, and their costumes are dust covered and they have prospector beards. skelly jack, come for one of his visits, is sitting on a rock sniffing what's cooking on a large spit.
"you see, you lot ain't really been here more than an hour," says jack. "prickly dick .. i means pete, just makes it seem longer. whatcha you got on the griddle then?"
"possum," says babu. "it's always possum."
"ummm, possum. doc should done open a possum restaurant when we done get home," says kenny.
"if kenny, hadn't figured out a way to juice and ferment, skunk cabbage, we'd have all gone crazy by now, "says mh, drinking from a large goard. "diana & buddy are lucky they escaped into a tunnel."
"i yelled run," says jack, "but they was the only ones what listened."
"blab-bo," exclaimes jack, smiling naughtily, "you ought to give me them fancy britches so's i can see if i can lift them stains outta them. ol' jack is sure he can do it. why i'll be back in two winks!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 15, 2014 17:52:48 GMT -6
"I'm not giving you my super heroing trunks," Babu says.
"Besides, no one wants to look at his big purple baboon butt," MH says.
"I've always been partial to purple," says Skelly Jack wistfully.
"What's say we keep at least five feet between you and me?" Babu says.
A noise fills the air. "Is that... roaring?" Doc says.
"Oh that's probably the underground mutant cannibals I told you about," Skelly Jack says. "They must have finished with the mole man and are hungry again."
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Post by mh on May 27, 2014 21:34:53 GMT -6
"ahhhhh!" screams the mole man, running past.
"we'd better go!" cries skelly jack.
"quick!" cries kenny, "done grab all the 'skalt liquer' you see!" (his name for the fermented skunk cabbage.)
"i done wish shootin' mcGee was here!" cries Kenny.
"ah, shootin' mcGee again," sighs skelly jack as they run, "a man who so loved shootin' stars. he must have been quite a lovely gentleman."
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 31, 2014 19:39:04 GMT -6
They all run into a cave at the base of one of the craggy mountains. The roaring sound of the mutant cannibals seems to be getting closer.
"Running in here was a mistake," Doc says. "Now they've got us cornered.
The mutant cannibals suddenly enter the cave. Everyone's jaws drop when they see the mutant cannibals are all the size of Mini Me from the Austin Powers movies.
"Ha! Look at them!" MH says. "I can't believe how scared we were!"
He reaches over and pats one on the head. "They're actually kind of cute."
The mutant cannibal suddenly chomps down on his ankle. "AAGH!! Get it off me!" MH exclaims, trying to shake it off.
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Post by mh on Jun 1, 2014 22:28:08 GMT -6
babu kicks it like a football. and the little mole-man, ducking into a cave yells, "c'mon if you want to live!"
"mh," do you like shootin' stars?" asks skelly jack smiling, as they wriggle thru the cavern, trying to escape the cannibals.
"i used to, but now i hate 'em!" says mh, "i'd rather be thrown in a lake teaming with water moccasins, than to see a shootin' star. you psycho."
skelly jack, still running, takes out his hanky.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jun 10, 2014 17:46:47 GMT -6
The Monkey Alliance continues to run, the cave growing smaller and narrower the further they go. Eventually, they find themselves moving along an increasingly narrow tunnel.
I think I see a light ahead!" Babu says. "A reflecting light! I.... I think it's gold!"
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Post by mh on Jun 12, 2014 21:35:48 GMT -6
they enter a portal and it slams shut behind them.
"look at the sign!" says doc quantum, "it says 'club gold casino! featuring the loosest slots in town!"
"loosest slots!" exclaims kenny excitedly, and he begins feeding coins into the nickel slots.
"fabulous!" cries skelly jack. "look! a free steak and lobster bar! ouuuu! is that a mrs. pacman?"
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