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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2014 21:41:22 GMT -6
doc finds taffy and gilda, and everything seems to be working as planned, but suddenly some robbers burst in.
"put 'em up!" one yells.
"what about our security guard?!" meaty mcGee asks the de-boning guy.
"well, "says the de-boning guy," he aint a'wearin' no pants, and has no place to put his pistol!"
suddenly babu baboon and ebola joe (mh) enter, and see the robbers.
"stand back baboon," cries mh, "this is a job for ebolla joe!"
the robbers fire at him, but the bullets drop like flies.
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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2014 22:00:48 GMT -6
"kenny and buddy's 'has mat' suit, as kenny says, "done takes all the velocity from the bullets so they don't done richochet." skye tells babu.
"what?" cries babu. "... wait, why're you wearing daisy dukes, and a silver mask? what's going on?"
skye points at the lettering on her t-shirt.
"i'm 'contagion lass'! ebola joe's trusted sidekick. crikey," she sighs, "the things i do for you guys."
mh pulls off his glove and exclaims," okay, tough boys ... let's dance!"
the robbers drop to the floor yelling, "stop! we give up ebola joe! please! don't ebola us!"
babu begins rounding up the felons, as who should pass by but funky flashman, and his assistant bob fossil.
 
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Post by mh on Oct 28, 2014 22:32:27 GMT -6
"woa! did you see that!" exclaims funky flashman. "fossil, you set up a meeting with 'mr. sassy tassles' -- and that guy's old news! nowheres-ville! now this 'ebola joe' -- he's really showin' me something!"
"move butt-head," says skye, bumping into flashman," 'ebola joe needs a 40."
"he's even got a hot sidekick!" exclaims flashman.
"wow, "murmurs taffy,"that ebola joe is something else. i'm getting the sweaty thighs!"
"i can see that," replies gilda, "you're not wearing any pants! but hey, if you get vertigo or begin vomiting, we're headed to the hospital!"
"it's ironic," babu says to mh (ebola joe), "taffy is suddenly all smitten with you, but she doesn't know you're really mh, and any physical contact would mean certain death."
suddenly tiny wiper-blades pop out from mh's faceplate and begin mopping up his tears.
"look!" cries flashman, "he's one of them dark tortured heroes! this guy's got everything! fossil, sign this guy, or you're fired!"
bob fossil covers his ears and begins humming.
"fossil," exclaims funky flashman, "i can still fire you even if you don't hear me."
"no you can't!" cries bob fossil covering his ears, "happy, happy! nicey, nicey!"
moments later, a tv comes on and president obama is in the middle of his press conference.
"... yes as a nation we're facing adversity, but i think we could all learn a lesson from ... the example of ebola joe ..."
"omg, this is out of control!" exclaims babu.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 10, 2014 15:07:04 GMT -6
"Would you care to say a few words?" President Obama asks, gesturing for Ebola Joe (MH) to take the podium.
"... um... ah," MH gulps. Suddenly, he does what he has done at every Monkey Alliance press conference and every other time he has had to speak in public. He breaks wind. Loudly.
"He's sprung a leak!" one of the secret service men shouts, diving and slamming MH to the ground. "Get the president out of here!"
Later, Ebola Joe (MH) and the rest of the Monkey Alliance are quarintined in Meaty McGee's along with the secret service agent who sacrificed himself for the president. The restaurant is now sequestered in a giant antiseptic bubble. Out the window they can see Meaty Mel doing a happy dance.
"Well, this is another fine mess you've gotten us into, MH," Babu Baboon says.
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Post by mh on Nov 11, 2014 0:38:16 GMT -6
21 days later, after their quarantine is over, babu, mh (ebola joe) and skye (contagen lass) are in line at the justice auditorium to see advice 'rock star', the big man.
"sometimes i get the grunts, "says mh. "still ... look!" mh holds up his presidential 'medal of freedom'.
"damn you," says baboon. "ebola joe is the charlie sheen of late 2014! every word out of yer mouth is majestic front page copy! you were voted people magazine's sexiest man (mostly) alive!"
"yeah, i didn't like the 'mostly' part! i am still alive! .... mostly."
"mh, this situation worries me," says baboon. "yer getting sicker & sicker. and the enquirer has you dating lindsey lohan & gweneth paltrow!"
"gwyneth paltrow?" exclaims mh (ebola joe) "... *cough cough* yuck! talk about being contaminated!"
"this is a terrific chance!" says sassy tassel's assistant connie to mister sassy tassles.
"you can challenge "the big man" to an "advice off!" and you have an edge, as his nuclear accident damaged brain has become fixated with space aliens!"
"i dunno connie, "says sassy tassles. "but i like yer new hair color. and the 'sassy tassles' umbrella is selling like crazy!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 14, 2014 12:58:38 GMT -6
"Seriously, I think this 'Ebola Joe' routine is killing you," Babu says. "You need to get out of that suit."
"I can't!" MH says. "'Ebola Joe' has become bigger than me! That's why I'm here to see the Big Man. He should be able to help me figure it all out."
MH gets to the front of the line and is face to face with the Big Man. There is a pregnant pause aand then the Big Man's booming scream fills the room.
"Aaaa!! The alens have come for me!" the Big man bellows, leaping to his enormous feet. "Well, they'll never take the Big Man alive!" The crowd scrambles in a panic as he begins stomping around.
Meaty McGee, who is sponsoring the event to try to make up for the recent pants and quarantine fiasco, watches from his food kiosk. "Dammit! I just can't catch a break!"
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Post by mh on Nov 15, 2014 1:55:28 GMT -6
later meaty mcGee employees are in the big man's giant trailer/dressing room, plying him with liquer.
"we're plying him with liquer!" meaty mcGee explains to mh & baboon outside the big man's trailer.
"that probably takes a lot of liquer," muses babu.
"you have no idea!" exclaims meaty.
"please! you gotta stay away from him ebola joe!" pleads meaty. "the economic turndown and the organic, micro-biotic foods movement really hit mcGee's hard! we're one of the few mcGee's out the the whole 'meaty mcGee's' chain still keeping it's head above water."
"wait," begins babu, "you're not the real meaty mcGee?"
"no, there is no meaty mcGee," explains meaty, "I'm sol weinstein! this isn't even a real blood-soaked apron!" he says, holding it up, "they're pre-stained and sent out to the managers of all the chains."
"and the cleaver?" asks ebolla joe.
"plastic!" exclaims meaty, grabbing it and bending it around. |
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Post by mh on Nov 15, 2014 2:05:20 GMT -6
"mcGee's has really taken a hit since it's heyday, back when we started sponsoring you guys."
www.voy.com/43355/
"and our association with 'the monkey alliance' has really kept us on the map in justice city! that along with out legendary cleanliness and attention
to detail
 
"now if we could just get 'the big man' onstage and get that damn sock monkey into a pair of nice slacks!" exclaims meaty in frustration.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 17, 2015 16:40:10 GMT -6
"Sol, you and your people get ready to get the Big Man back onstage. He looks plenty liquored up now," Babu says
"Will do," Sol (Meaty)says enthusiastically.
"Skye, you get to work knitting a pair of sock monkey sized slacks.
"Okay, boss," Skye says, breaking out her knitting gear that she never goes anywhere without.
"Once you have those finished, MH and I will tackle him and make Sassy Tassels cover up! But first things first.... MH, get out of that suit!"
"Aw man," MH says.
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Post by mh on Mar 29, 2015 22:25:02 GMT -6
suddenly they are engulfed in a torrent of pre-menopausal soccer moms.
"ebola joe!" cries one as they tug him around. "yer the wind beneath my lime green k-mart panties!" the next week she's has a story in the enquirer exclaiming, "i had ebolla joe's baby!"
"i've got this!" cries skye (contagen lass), leaping into the fray, "babu, i'll lead these old cougars on a wild goose-chase, and circle back once i lose them!" and she breaks ebolla joe free, dragging him by his has mat suited arm to he mimi-cooper, where they take off.
"i'd give that girl a raise .... if the interns got paid, "says babu, to no one in particular.
suddenly the tune of "smoke on the water" starts playing, and the big man steps out on stage, to thunderous applause.
"are you ready?" connie asks mr. sassy tassles.
"as ready as i'll ever be," replies sassy tassles. |
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Post by mh on Mar 29, 2015 22:34:07 GMT -6
"wait!" babu says, handing the slacks shye had mostly been able to knit before saving "ebolla joe" from a pack of loved starved 40-somethings.
"I've never in my life seen such pants!" cries sassy tassles.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jun 26, 2015 17:28:26 GMT -6
"I feel like a king in these!" cries Sassy Tassels. "It's like I'm wearing the finest silks!" He presses his Ipod and "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred starts playing as he sashays around the room.
""Aren't you forgetting something?" Connie says.
"What?" Sassy Tassels says doing a model turn on his heels as he stairs into a full length mirror.
"The advice-off" Connie exclaims.
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Post by mh on Jul 18, 2015 21:10:23 GMT -6
"wait! i remember those sans-a-belt slacks!" exclaims babu. "from years ago! they'd custom fit anyone who put them on. there was a guy -- a key grip who worked in hollywood. he had two stupid friends. and a dog that jesse and his cousin joe hallen constantly mistook for a bear! i haven't seen those slacks in ages! i have to believe those pants will play a part in this adventure -- dammit mh, are you even listening to me?"
"*cough* cough*," says ebola joe. "yeah. i as out for a second. but i could use use a donut too. *cough cough*"
at that moment 'the big man' notices sassy tassel's pants.
"goodness. what fantastic trousers." he murmurs.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 6, 2015 13:51:50 GMT -6
"Quick, someone get him a donut!" Babu says. "Hold on, MH! Don't you die on me!"
Meanwhile, the Big Man continues to admire Sassy Tassel's pants. "They're magnificent!" the Big Man says. "What a pair of trousers you have. You're positively replendant, I tell you!"
"Concede and I'll see to it you get a pair of your on," Sassy Tassels says with a mischevious glint in his eye.
"Uh oh *cough*," MH says. "The Big Man isn't above accepting a bribe.
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Post by mh on Apr 2, 2016 22:50:27 GMT -6
"okay, the pants are yours." says sassy tassels. "just talk some of your crazy space alien stuff and throw the advice-off. but i'll need a ride to 'the gap' afterward! i've found I love wearing pants."
"pal, i'll spring for a whole outfit," says the big man.
later mh wakes up in the hospital inside a 'boy in the plastic bubble' contraption.
looking at the tray in front of him he says, "tuna casserole, and lime green jello? hospital food sucks. where's my suit?!"
"it's been decontaminated and buddy's been wearing it," says babu pressing an intercom button outside the bubble.
"he's been making out with some of those old cougars from meaty mcgees!"
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