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Post by mh on Apr 27, 2015 23:18:58 GMT -6
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Post by Babu Baboon on Apr 28, 2015 15:44:18 GMT -6
Ben Affleck: "My Slave-Owning Ancestor Was My Mom"
By FOD News Published April 23, 2015
Hey everyone. Ben Affleck here, star of Good Will Hunting and Good Will Hunting 2: Back on the Hunt. I owe you all an apology. As you may know, I recently appeared on a show called Finding Your Roots, where Henry Louis Gates researched my ancestry. As the world now knows thanks to the Sony leaks, he discovered that one of my ancestors owned slaves, and I lobbied successfully to exclude that information from the show.
I realize that whitewashing my history was wrong, and I’m sorry. However, revealing that ancestor on TV would have caused a lot of trouble for me personally, because that slave-owning ancestor was my mom. Is my mom, I should say. She’s still alive and she still very much owns slaves. That’s what makes it so awkward, you see.
If this was a question of some ancient Civil War–era plantation owner, I would have been happy to air my family’s shame. But I have to face my mom at Christmas. How would your mom react if you went on TV and criticized her hobbies?
I don’t want you thinking I support my mother’s slavery habit. No, no. Slavery is wrong and I know that. I’ve told her so at most of our weekly lunches — in fact, I won’t even eat lunch at her place if the slaves are cooking, unless it’s Trevor.
Also, I don’t know if this makes it better, but it’s not a race thing. My mother kidnaps people of all racial and economic backgrounds, locks them in her basement, and forces them to make rocking chairs. If anything, most of her slaves are white runaways.
I’m realizing that that doesn’t really make it better. Listen, white parents, if you’re missing a Crystal, Madison, or Andrea, get in touch with me. I can probably spring your daughter.
I should probably do a better job of calling her out, but can’t you see how hard it is to confront your own mother like that? Aside from the illegal slave-chair factory in her basement, my mom is really great. She’s always been really supportive of my acting career. She’s widely read. She watches the kids when Jennifer and I are both working, or has Trevor do it. (Trevor is a treasure of a slave.) OK, so she’s trapped and enslaved a few people. Is your mom perfect? Probably not. She probably nags, or can’t figure out the internet, or she too has a dozen slaves sanding rocking chairs in her basement. (It’s more widespread than you think. Every member of Mom’s book club has slaves. It’s a pyramid scheme.)
So I say let he whose mom has no slaves cast the first stone. I’m glad I took her out of the show and I’d do it again, just like I barred all mention of my uncle Stalin.
Aww cripes, Affleck, you’ve done it again!
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Post by mh on Apr 28, 2015 21:46:59 GMT -6
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Post by Babu Baboon on Apr 29, 2015 3:13:42 GMT -6
If I had slave owning ancestors, I think I just wouldn't have done the show. Luckily, most of mine weren't off the boat until after the Civil War. The rest simply couldn't afford slaves.
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Post by mh on Apr 29, 2015 7:53:58 GMT -6
If I had slave owning ancestors, I think I just wouldn't have done the show. Luckily, most of mine weren't off the boat until after the Civil War. The rest simply couldn't afford slaves.
i think most of my ancestors were too busy enjoying the potato famine or sharecropping to be involved in any of that. when i lived in the pacific northwest, it was such a separatist caucoid environment (the show portlandia is WAY more realistic than you would possibly believe), some people actually believed there were still slaves in the south -- but hidden. like vietnamese pows !! |
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Post by Babu Baboon on Apr 29, 2015 15:44:26 GMT -6
No, slaves aren't available down here anymore. If they were, I guess I'd have to weigh the immorality of it against how much I hate cutting my lawn.
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Post by mh on Apr 29, 2015 22:02:44 GMT -6
No, slaves aren't available down here anymore. If they were, I guess I'd have to weigh the immorality of it against how much I hate cutting my lawn.
i don't notice any actual slavery when I go to tennessee to vist my mother. but passing thru kentucky i often see some people who appear to be enslaved by meth. I guess they call it methtucky for a reason
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 1, 2015 19:24:54 GMT -6
I've given this a lot of thought, MH, and I've come to the conclusion that your strange obsessive hatred can only be due to the fact that you are secretly in love with him.
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Post by mh on May 1, 2015 23:08:55 GMT -6
I've given this a lot of thought, MH, and I've come to the conclusion that your strange obsessive hatred can only be due to the fact that you are secretly in love with him.
baboon, you could have something there! it's possible he repulses me so much, it excites me. which is more sexual than emotional. so no, again you are wrong
that said, i'd pay fiddy dollars for a badly rendered reel to reel recording of the lovely mrs. ben affleck peeing into a 5 gallon galvanized bucket!!!
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 2, 2015 14:01:41 GMT -6
When did he get those tattoos?! Batman's not supposed to have tattoos!
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Post by mh on May 2, 2015 16:14:13 GMT -6
When did he get those tattoos?! Batman's not supposed to have tattoos!
batman's not suppose to wear a bra either! they can cover the tatoos. he might not go shirtless anyway. for a guy assumed in pretty good shape, he's got a perky set of man-cans going there. this is bound to be before they began bulking him up for batman with personal trainers, personal chefs, protein supplements, gay porn -- all the stuff it takes to get a 40ish thick headed moron like that ready for the role
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