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Post by mh on Dec 28, 2013 23:54:33 GMT -6
the monkey alliance revenge squada bewildering, exciting yarn of vengeance & betrayal
starring the monkey alliance & many of your favorite
secondary characters
in a dilapidated farmhouse in 'parson's corners', a small town neighboring 'justice city', an odd group of characters have gathered. silently they stare at one another, then a large man in a gorilla-costume speaks.
"why has this table got a big 'S' on it, "asks monkey-mask jones. "i mean, shouldn't it be an 'M'?"
"maybe it's because the monkey alliance are a bunch of sh ... ," begins falafel lad.
"hey watch your mouth!" exclaims gilda, a slightly below average looking girl who was 6th choice for m.a. intern after taffy. "there's a doggone lady present! listen, all i know is i got a package with $10,000 bucks in it, a note, and this costume. just like all you guys. yeah, i got a grievance with those jerks. i aced my interview with babu baboon! i was a shoe-in for 5th intern. babu had even gotten out, "i think we can safely say .." then that taffy wanders in shaking those hooters around -- yeah, i'm flat chested! so what? i heard that dork in the red suit whisper to that guy dressed as a hippopotamus, "two pickets to titsberg please" -- and i knew it was over. i could transcribe the pants off of those girls!"
"wow. i'd pay to see that," mutters falafel lad.
"shut up!" cries gilda.
"control yourselves everyone!" says basil snell, the former owner of spatula city. "i know that everyone here would like to air their grievances with the monkey alliance. most of you are strangers to me. out of you all i only know falafel boy."
"it's not boy -- it's lad!" exclaims falafel lad. "fa-la-fel lad!"
"falaf -- what?" asks monkey-mask jones, looking confused.
"but further introductions will have to wait, "continues basil. for our hostess has arrived." rising, he says, "members of the monkey alliance revenge squad, i give you gertrude degaton!"
"good evening my friends!" gertrude exclaims, waving. "let's get down to business. basil, start the powerpoint presentation!"
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Post by mh on Dec 30, 2013 1:26:16 GMT -6
meanwhile, at monkey-alliance HQ there is great excitement, as it turns out mh has inherited a centuries old stately house formerly owned by distant members of the kirk family.
"i didn't know clones could inherit," says babu. "and who'd have guessed the kirk family held title to an estate back here, just outside of 'justice city'?"
"yeah, that'd make those guys on the history channel scratch their heads, "says mh. "anyway, me, doc, kenny -- er i mean kenneth & buderick have decided to spend the weekend there! i hired a couple of scullery maids & a rat catcher to get the place livable. it hasn't been lived-in in more than a century. it's bound to be incrusted with all manner if ickyness."
"you mean a couple of housekeepers and an exterminator. and why pray-tell are you four dressed like 18th century noblemen?"
"we're just getting into the spirit of the thing, "says doc quantum. "pardon, but can i have a bit of your snuff fropm your snuff-box buderick?"
"i spilt it all," replies buddy.
"odds botkins!" cries doc quantum. "back then, people exclaimed 'odds botkins' all the time! sort of like mork used to say shazbot."
"and by the way, "says babu, "you guys are going to have to get some townies or something to fill those 2 skimpy maid costumes you picked out for taffy & skye. i'm going to need them all weekend."
"odds botkins!" cries mh.
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Post by mh on Dec 30, 2013 1:35:36 GMT -6
later the four are trudging down a muddy road to the estate, rolling their luggage and necessaries along in a wheel-barrow.
"we'll have to use these paraffin candles for light, "says doc, "since we want this to be authentic. and all our food is stuff available at that time."
on a hill hidden in dense foliage, gertrude degaton is watching with binoculars, smiling.
"everything is going according to plan," says gertrude. "mh would never guess that i engineered having that estate moved here over a century ago. a distant off-shoot of the kirk family went with it."
"this seems like a heck of a lot of trouble to go to just to split the monkey-alliance. are you sure you're done with that guy?" asks basil snell the former spatula king.
"very sure," says getrude. "no man spurns gertrude degaton and lives. and i've crafted our revenge carefully, like daddy would have. but the m.a. revenge squad & i will do what daddy was never able to. wipe out the monkey alliance for once & for all."
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Post by mh on Dec 30, 2013 2:26:54 GMT -6
as they reach the iron gates with a big 'K' on the front, they see and old lady passing by. "look guys, "mh exclaims, "it's a wonderful & charming old granny lady! probably come with a basket of local wares for their beloved gentry, who her grandmother may have spoken nearly forgotten tales of. hello wonderful & charming old granny lady!"the lady seeing mh, practically leaps back in terror, then hisses & gives the evil eye. "i can see by your face you're a kirk! why have you returned?! a pox on ye!" with that she hurls a few turnips from her basket at him & hurries away."what was that all about?" exclaims doc."ummm yum, turnips," says kenny, gathering them up.later as they are settled in the house, everyone feels better, and convince themsdelves the lady was crazy. as it becomes dark, doc & kenny go about sitting up candles and building roaring fires in the fireplaces, while buddy prepares food. mh surveys the library. as befitting gentlemen, they've all donned smoking jackets & lavender evening cravats. it's pouring rain outside, and becoming comfortable mh begins to drowse in a large leather chair, as buddy comes in & says, "mh, here. have a 40, a turnip and a subway sandwich.""they didn't have subways in the 1850's, "says mh."but they had sandwiches, "replies buddy. mh shrugs, unable to argue with his freind budrick's sound logic, and as buddy goes out, there's a clap of thunder and the lightning illuminates a face at the window."hi sweetie!" gertrude yells audibly thru the glass. "nice smokin' jacket -- mama like!!!" then the window goes dark again. "ghaaaa!!" mh screams as the others rush in. "i just seen a frightening apparition!""i knew she wasn't over him, "basil rasps, several yards away with an umbrella. "if i'm ever gonna make that bewitching creature mine, i'll have to do away with him."
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Post by mh on Dec 30, 2013 23:04:26 GMT -6
as doc, kenny & buddy rush in, mh has found a bottle of absinthe, and filling a tumbler, he gulps it down, and fills it again.
"in the window, i seen something horrid, "he rasps. "a face straight from the bowels of hell."
"was it desk-boy? "asks buddy.
"shuu!" cautions kenny, "he's done went crazy."
"no, it's probably from too much absinthe, "says doc, "and the strain of being master of 'kirk house'. the weight of noble bearing has broken poor mh's spirit."
"we been here 2 hours!" exclaims buddy.
meanwhile outside as gertrude and basil snell clad in rain-gear walk back toward their farmhouse, gertrude says, "sorry -- i was temporarily overcome. seeing mh there with the manhunter mask, and the smoking jacket, the firelight glistening on his hair-piece, the memories all came flooding back. all our magical days & nights together. i may be a criminal mastermind, but i'm also a desirable carnally-infused woman."
"yer a spatula load of woman alright," mutters snell silently, under his breath.
back at monkey alliance HQ, babu baboon is busy with some paperwork, and taffy & amber have returned with some take out.
"what'd you get," ask babu.
"it's a surprise!" amber & taffy yell at once, giggling.
as thunder crashes, outside a partially open window 'falafel lad' and 'transcripting lass' are peering thru.
"we shouldn't be here, "whispers 'transcripting lass', "we didn't clear it with gertrude. and on top of that i'm getting friggin wet!"
"i don't care, "says falafel lad, "one day my name will be in "scroll of monkey's" where it rightfully belongs! where babu erased me -- because i threw a falafel at him! it didn't even hit him, the big baby. i'll lead this team someday! maybe even change the name to the ... 'falafel alliance'!"
"wow, this kid's nuts," mutters 'transcripting lass', holding her small umbrella.
then, in a fit of rage, f-lad hurls a hot falafel at babu thru the partially opened window, and it lands on a plate that amber had just sat in front of babu.
looking up from his work babu exclaims, "yum falafels! you went to the falafel hut!"
"hey, how'd he know?" cries taffy from the other room.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 1, 2014 14:17:25 GMT -6
As babu eats the falafel, his eyes grow wide. "I haven't had a high quality falafel like that since that nutty kid who used to work at the Falafel Hut went missing. Hey Taffy!"
"Yes, Babu?" Taffy says, entering his office.
"Is there someone new at the Falafel Hut? I haven't had a Falafel that good since Falafel Lad worked there."
"But we hadn't brought you your falafel yet," Taffy says. "I have it right here."
"Great Scott!" Babu says, jumping up from his chair. "Get the other MA members on the horn. There's a mystery afoot!"
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Post by mh on Jan 2, 2014 0:43:32 GMT -6
back at 'kirk house', mh has shaved & dressed and is writing a letter in the library when doc quantum enters, eating a raw turnip like an apple.
"hello doctor," says mh, "i trust you rested well, my friend. is kenneth about? poor loyal buderick stayed vigilantly by my bedside all night. he is sound asleep."
"actually, he was playing 'angry birds star wars' on my phone all nite," replies doc. "but kenny is about to go into town for supplies."
"good," says mh. "i want him to post a letter to my old colleague, babu baboon. i must tell someone in the outside world of this place and the strange happenings surrounding it. perhaps he'll have some advice ..."
with a sigh, doc replies,"mh, if you got on top of this house you could probably see babu ..."
"i'm going to take a walk, "says mh. "the air & sunlight will do me good. perhaps it will help my mind make sense of these events."
donning a top-coat, mh begins hiking across the meadow. on a nearby trail above him, gertrude degaton and basil, the former spatula king spot him & duck for cover.
"it's mh, "says gertrude. "and look! although he's wearing a perfect replica of a 1850's nobleman's suit, he ruin's the effect with a fake chinese g-shock ..."
"how delightfully whimsical! wait here. i'm going to sneak up & wait for him in those bushes just ahead. when he reaches them, i'll jump out, and slip him some tongue."
"no gertrude!" exclaims snell. "you're letting your emotions overtake you!"
"you're right, "sighs gertrude. "i'll go back to the cabin. keep him under surveillance."
"i'll do better than that," says snell after gertrude leaves, pulling out a rifle with 'degaton brand li'l murderer' written on the stock.
as mh continues walking, a dead squirrel falls from a tree right at his feet. then another. then a whippoorwill. "ghhaaaa!" cries mh. "my curse is killing the animals!" and he runs back toward 'kirk house'.
"damn," says basil snell. "i missed! and wasted all the stupid bullets."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 2, 2014 11:48:06 GMT -6
"MH isn't answering his cell phone," Taffy says.
"Dammit. He must have it turned off. No way he'd not take the call if he saw it was from you."
"Aw, you're sweet," Taffy says.
"He must have turned it off because they didn't have cell phones in the 18th century. Well, we're just going to have to go out there," Babu says.
"Oh boy!" Taffy says. "Can I wear a Mary Antoinette wig?"
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Post by mh on Jan 3, 2014 2:02:57 GMT -6
"sure, whatever, "begins babu, "when kenny bursts thru the door.
"baboon," Kenny exclaims, "i come into town with the wheel barrow to get some more 40's, moon pies & some subway samiches!"
"and i got a letter for you from poor mh."
babu opens it. it's marked "b. baboon" and tells about mh sighted a horrible face in the window, smiling insanely, and how he feels the 'kirk curse' tightening around him.
"oh crap, he's gone nuts," says babu looking quite sad. "it's classic clone degeneration. we knew it was gonna happen eventually."
"well," says kenny, "he's acting plum screwy alright, but there is some stuff goin' on. i didn't told no one, but i done seen some kind of crazy woman outside myself. I don't thunk poor mh ain't done gone all the way crazied yet."
drivaan stares at kenny aghast, not understanding a single word.
"okay," replies babu, "the towns surrounding 'justice city' have been a bit ... problematic. ''parson's corners" may be no exception. we're going in! girls, dress in whatever ol' timey clothes you like."
"yahhhh!!" they squeal in delight and head for the m.a. old wardrobe room.
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Post by mh on Jan 3, 2014 2:34:47 GMT -6
two hours later, babu, drivaan, kenny, skye, taffy & amber show up at "kirk house".
"I couldn't believe that girl with the bucket, "says babu. "I said hi, and she began throwing rutabagas at me!"
"umm, "says kenny, "delicious rutabagas. we're gunna eat good tonite!"
doc quantum meets them, looking quite relieved.
"guys, I readied the guest house for you," he announces, " ... knew you were coming. i'm a bit psychic. it's a recent development. and you can do a better job of recognizance from out here. i suggest sending the girls in. seeing them might do mh some good."
babu goes out and speaks to them and kenny, and then comes back. "i told them to say their carriage broke down and are seeking shelter for the night. it's too bad dakota is with sandee at the old HQ culling thru our old 'dr. acula' files. having only one 'smart one' is sometimes a problem.
"skye is no dakota, "replies drivaan, but she occasionally shows potential for growth."
as the girls & kenny head toward 'kirk house', peering from the window, and spotting taffy in her 'mary' antoinette wig, mh rasps, "who is that vision of loveliness?"
gertrude, hiding in the garden, wearing a listening device exclaims, "ha! mh has spotted me! of course he did, his manhunter powers are far beyond us mortals! and seeing me, he's immediately overcome with mh clone lust! try as I might, I cannot resist him! tonite my pooh bear is going to have the nite of his life!"
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Post by mh on Jan 4, 2014 14:10:30 GMT -6
as gertrude shoves the device in a pocket and scampers back toward the makeshift 'm.a.r.s' (monkey alliance revenge squad) HQ giggling, babu baboon & drivaan get settled in the kirk guest house.
"this isn't bad, "babu says to doc quantum, "we should be quite comfortable here. with the mysteries and dressed in this get-up, i'm feeling very shelock holmes-y, i'll tell you! drivaan, you can be like watson!"
"actually I'm the one with the keener deduction skills, so i should rightfully .."
"and don't gimme none of that jude law crap -- I like my watsons slow witted & bumbling ... look! from the window I can see sneaker prints in the mud! from the size and minimal impression they made, I'd say they belonged to a thin woman!"
"why that's astounding baboon, "replies drivaan, rolling his eyes.
"elementary my dear drivaan!"
"you're telling me, "mutters drivaan silently.
"oh there's another mystery, "says doc. "the exterminator ..."
babu holds up a finger in reproach, and doc says, " ... er, rat-catcher said there were no rodents whatsoever in the vicinity. he couldn't account for it. he asked about ... c ..c .. cats ..."
"but there were no cats right, "asks babu.
"i can assure you no, "replies doc taking out a small old transistor radio. "kenny and buddy surprised me with this gift a few days ago." he presses a button and it begins flashing & vibrating. "this bounces off a space satellite, and will tell us if there is a cat within a two mile radius of this position."
"now that's astounding!" exclaims drivaan.
the radio begins playing 'peace train' and doc smiles happily.
"peace train?" asks babu.
"yeah, cat stevens, "replies doc. if there had been feline activity, it would've played 'the year of the cat' and shown the distance on the read out. those guys have a strange sense of humor." |
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Post by mh on Jan 5, 2014 13:41:39 GMT -6
"anyway," continues doc quantum, "mh is pretty far gone. all he does is drink absinthe and read a book inscribed, 'the journal of silas kirk'. from what i've gathered silas dabbled in the black arts, and that's why the name kirk spooks people in these parts. somehow the combination of that book and mh's absinthe soaked brain has him believing he's widowed, with a daughter away at school."
"that stuff is sometimes thought to induce mental peculiarities," says drivaan, "couldn't you just hide it?"
"i have been, "replies doc, "he keeps finding more! the place is lousy with the stuff!"
"hello!" cries babu, finding a bottle of it on an old writing desk.
"an addictive sherlock holmes, "sighs drivaan, "who didn't see that coming?" |
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 5, 2014 14:05:12 GMT -6
The only way to reach MH now is for one of us to be on the same wavelength as him," Babu says.
"What do you mean?" Doc says.
"Surely you're not suggesting...." Drivtaan starts.
"Here's mud in your eyes," Babu says. He lifts up the bottle and starts chugging.
"Noooo!!" Doc and Drivtaan exclaim.
A funny look comes into Babu's eyes. "Didn't anyone tell him you're not supposed to drink that straight?" Drivtaan says.
"Are you okay?" Doc says, looking into Babu's eyes.
"Uh, sure," Babu says, looking back at Doc and seeing this.
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Post by mh on Jan 5, 2014 14:15:16 GMT -6
meanwhile at 'm.a.r.s' HQ, 'falafel lad' who is frying up some falafels exclaims, "why the heck aren't we attacking? gertrude won't even tell us her plan."
"take it easy kid, "says monkey-mask jones who is playing chess with dr acula. "every day we get another thousand bucks -- why're you complaining?"
"aren't you hot in that suit?" asks acula. "naw," says jones, "this one is climate controlled! gertrude thinks of everything."
"you should be happy, "says acula, "aren't you & 'transcribing lass' -- umm, 'hooking up' as you kids say?"
"what?" exclaims 'transcribing lass', looking up from her state-of-the-art new transcribing machine.
"yeah, i thought so," says monkey-mask jones.
"yeah, me too," adds f-lad.
"no! no! no! no! no!!" exclaims t-lass. "i'd hook up with fake-gorilla man over there first! and i don't even know what he looks like under there! or even the a-man there -- who's a shadow partially existing in another dimension! no! no! no!!"
"jeepers creepers, she's a feisty one," monkey-mask jones whispers to acula.
f-lad starts to throw a falafel at her, but instead yells with pain and runs outside.
"you're lucky you didn't throw that tamale or whatever at me, jerk!" t-lass yell after him.
"if somebody don't flip those falafels, they'll burn," says m-m jones after a few seconds.
"i'm on it, "replies dr. acula. |
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Post by mh on Jan 5, 2014 21:31:21 GMT -6
meanwhile, kenny is presenting the ladies to mh.
"mh, "says kenny," these here poor ladies have done had their carriage broke down & are done in distress. maybe ... i mean perhaps you could done put them up for the night, sir."
"of course kenneth," exclaims mh happily. "we have rooms for you all! ladies, my name is kirk. but you may call me mh."
"we are charmed sir, "replies skye. "i am skye-etta, and these are my friends amber-ena, and taffeda. sir, we have just recently left finishing school and are headed to boston to rejoin our families for a life of wealth & privilege -- uhhh, until some sort of guys finally friggin' marry us."
"i am captivated," says mh, kissing each of their hands, but lingering on taffy. "you three have brought life, beauty, and culture to this dreary place. what luck! you are just in time for dinner! kenneth, what is being prepared?"
"the table is all set," replies kenny, "and buderick has done cooked a whole pig stuffed with rutabagas." the interns all gasp with excitement.
"please be good enough to take their bags upstairs kenneth," says mh.
"put taffeda in the room nearest mine, "mh whispers to kenny.
meanwhile in the guest house. "babu, are you listening to us?" exclaims drivaan.
"yes, i hear you both fine!" replies babu, "you two pandas don't have to vomit rainbows at me."
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