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Post by mh on Jan 20, 2017 23:18:35 GMT -6
the league of extraordinary insurance guys, part 1
a mystifying tale of lapsed insurance premiums, cursed corpses, and intrigue. starring the insurance guy alliance, various monkey alliance members, some wolverines, and a number of well-liked justice city citizens
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Post by mh on Jan 20, 2017 23:33:44 GMT -6
on an unseasonably warm and overcast rain-swept february day, mh and sal of 'the insurance guy alliance' are walking thru the back parking lot of 'the mall of justice'. they're both eating sno-cones.
 
"kind of nice the mall put in a 'sno-cone junction'," says mh.
"i hate sno-cones!" says sal. "they hurt my cankers!"
"so why are you eating it?" exclaims mh.
"i eat when i'm nervous!" exclaims sal.
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Post by mh on Jan 20, 2017 23:49:53 GMT -6
"i got a confession to make!" says sal. "dave is dead!"
"dave!" cries mh. "no!! that can't be true."
"yeah, well he was diddling one of the insurance guy alliance interns", says sal, "and i don't know what ... either a jealous boyfriend, an ex-wife, or a denny's waitress from out on route 6, pumped him fulla slugs!"
"omg!" cries mh. "which one was he diddling? was it agnes? hortense? june? it was hortense, wasn't it?"
"no!!! it wasn't hortense! it was june!" cries sal, in a state of excitement, "jezus! my g-d, he had some standards. have some respect, the man's dead!"
agnes, hortense, and june, the insurance guy alliance interns.
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Post by mh on Jan 21, 2017 0:06:00 GMT -6
"but his bullet-ridden corpse disappeared!" cries sal. "right off the coroners slab -- some say he was cursed! that's why i asked you out here, "says sal. "i want you to find poor dave's corpse and give him a decent burial! but we have to keep this hush hush! me and 'the insurance guy alliance' don't want poor dave's death to turn into a freak show."
"okay, okay!" says mh. "i'll talk to babu -- and doc quantum. i'll keep it on the low-down. not that it would be too difficult. the bulk of our membership have fallen in with that 'misfits of science' crowd! conventions and what not. the monkey-alliance often gets lumped in with that stupid show. because babu made one guest appearance! these days the conventions go worldwide. the show's been on like, what? 25 years?! why is it still so popular? reachchimp tells everyone he was in the pilot episode and he was let go. he was seven years old back then! what a liar. what a jerk."
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Post by mh on Jan 21, 2017 23:22:55 GMT -6
meanwhile, babu and doc quantum were at mel's hotdog on a stick dining ala carte.
"this is nice," says doc. "like a french bistro!"
"yeah, except we got a good view of the justice city dump from here," replies babu.
"hey," says doc. "there, in that darkened cospes of trees ... isn't that johnson? the jerk from the insurance company? over there?"
he points.
"johnson?" asks babu.
looking closer babu says, "naw. that can't be him. could it? nobody has seen him for a year or two. "didn't he leave his wife and run off to taiti with that mean, fat secretary of his?"
"if that is him," says doc, "he dropped a few pounds. and cancelled his laundry service, and got a buzz cut."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 25, 2017 13:16:30 GMT -6
Twenty minutes later, Babu and Doc are shoving a bound zombie Johnson through the entrance of the front door. As they pass through the common area, Babu says, "Hey guys, what are you watching?"
"TV Land must have been inspired by the success of the lost Doctor Who episodes on BBC America. "THey're showing the lost Manny Griffith episodes of 'The Andy Griffith Show'" Steve says.
"Manny Griffith?" Doc asks.
"He's Andy Griffith's evil twin. He does evil things and then Andy has to prove it wasn't him. Until recently, the network had burried these. This episode is called, 'Manny Turns Out Aunt Bea"
"Poor Aunt Bea!" Amber wails. "All she wanted was to pay her own way and not be a burdon!"
Suddenly, they all notice zombie Johnson. "Gaaahh!!" exclaims Gil.
"What the hell!!" MH says. "Is that Johnson, the ex-manager from the insurance company?"
"Yeah," Babu says. "I think we might be about to have another zombie outbreak on our hands. I'm not taking any chances this time. I've left a message for Professor Awesome of the Awesome Adventure Team."
"Not that guy!" MH exclaims. He's such a friggin douchebag! Newsflash! If you feel like you need to call yourself Professor Awesome, you probably weren't that awesome to begin with!"
"He's the best super hero scientist we know," Babu says.
"We have Kenny and Buddy!" Steve says
"They're not zombie experts. THe Awesome Adventure Team's main villain is Dr. Deathray!"
"God this is going to suck so bad!" MH exclaims.
"And no giving him a wedgie this time!" Babu warns. "I'm still apologizing for that every time I talk to the guy!"
"If he bends over in front of me, I'm not making any promises!" MH says.
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Post by mh on Jan 26, 2017 16:52:57 GMT -6
"i'm not really enjoying these manny griffith episodes," says mh, momentarily forgetting the zombie. "manny griffith keeps going to mt. pilot to try and turn out promiscuous college girls! they should have never made russ meyer the show's head writer."
"floyd the barber has spent so much money on "dates" with aunt bea, he's about to lose the shop!" says gil.
"and worse," says steve, "manny has turned out clara edwards! geez, those mayberry guys must be real lonely."
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Post by mh on Jan 27, 2017 19:08:04 GMT -6
"well, i've got 'johnson' in a holding cell," says babu, washing his hands and grabbing a couple of chilli dogs.
"it might be just one of them 24 hour zombie things, and not an actual contagion. like when kenny drunk all that anti-freeze!"
"hey! it was christmas and all the 7-11's was closed!" yells kenny. "i were thirsty!!"
"and you get me in dutch with the mrs!" exclaims doc. "the next day on the way to her book club her car overheated. it was nearly a gallon low!"
"wait," says babu, "i wonder if this many griffith lost episode marathon has something to do with it?"
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Post by mh on Jan 28, 2017 16:57:39 GMT -6
as they watch and gobble chilli dogs, "manny griffith" episodes get stranger & stranger. here, aunt bee explains to manny that his cut was going to be a little "light" this week.
"he didn't have to pimp slap her!" exclaims gil.
"manny's a gentleman of leisure," responds steve. "aunt bee needs to hustle and peddle that butt! she got what was coming to her."
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Post by mh on Jan 28, 2017 17:31:11 GMT -6
as the evening continues, babu begins to notice that half the mall store proprietors are crammed into 'the monkey alliance hq: mall of justice.
"what's going on?" he asks, "you people are all into this show?"
"you didn't tell babu about dave's wake?" mrs. faversham, owner of 'the pottery depot' asks mh.
"i couldn't," says mh, "he'd be crushed. they were tight! i told him i heard dave had taken off to the orient -- pursuing the pleasures of the flesh! ... excuse me mrs. faversham -- i need to go drain mister buzzard!"
"mh, my dear sweet fragile naïve little prince of a blue boy -- you must tell him!" she whispers. |
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Post by mh on Jan 28, 2017 17:46:47 GMT -6
as the headquarters fills more and more, and guests bring more platters of chilli dogs, dave's favorite food, and tubs of beer, whispers go around the room that babu doesn't know about dave's death.
"more food?!" cries babu. "damn mel, you cheap s.o.b. -- "dogs dogs dogs" must be having their 5 for a dollar chilli dog sale again! i don't mind -- lay some on me!"
babu rakes some chilli dogs onto his plate.
"gosh. dave sure likes chilli dogs. i sure wish dave was here."
monty, from 'monty's budget big and tall', starts to cry.
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Post by mh on Jan 28, 2017 20:49:27 GMT -6
"doc, mh," says kenny, "there's somebody done in our waiting room! we got a client."
"why now!" says mh. "okay, let's go take a peek."
they each peer thru the fabled 'monkey alliance' waiting room peep hole, and buddy exclaims, "i caint beleived my eyes! it's xanthe pajarillo! the santa clarita mc rib gurl!"
"it is? damn!" says mh.
"what she wanted was a mc rib sandwich with her family," sighs doc quartum. "but what she got was our hearts."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 28, 2017 21:13:58 GMT -6
Buddy quickly rushes in and takes her hands. "McRib Gurl, your dolcet tunes when you sang 'The McRib Blues touched my heart! I done gotta help you!"
He takes her back to the laboratory where he and Kenny set to work on her cell phone. Before she knows it, her phone is equipped with transporter technology hacked from the Justice League.
"What's this?" she asks as Buddy hands her back her phone.
"Your McRib Locator app's now got transporter technology! With a press of a key, you can done be transorted to the nearest McDonalds that has McRibs!"
"Oh thank you, Buddy! You're the best!" she says, planting a kiss on him before running out.
"What's wrong, pal?" Kenny says as Buddy starts to slump
"The McRib gurl's done stole my heart," Buddy says.
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Post by mh on Jan 29, 2017 1:32:20 GMT -6
"mh, i'm done worried about buddy," says kenny. "he'd done locked himself in the janitor's closet! buddy don't luv often, but he loves deep."
"oh he'll be fine," says mh. "the sight of mc rib gurl tooting on that harmonica would make any man weak in the knees! but he'll get over it."
"we got bigger problems! we need to sneak out & find dave's corpse!"
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Post by mh on Jan 29, 2017 13:14:17 GMT -6
"maybe we can done track it from the justice league satellite!" says kenny.
"huh?!!" replies mh.
moments later they are in an old storage area above hq that use to hold creepy lookin' mannequin parts
but now is a mock-up of the old justice league satellite.
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