|
|
Post by mh on Dec 17, 2014 22:53:39 GMT -6
the monkey-house christmas visitor aka, a very monkeyhouse christmas a tale of holiday intrigue starring a special guest monkey-house intern and several beloved monkey alliance characters, and members of the world famous monkey alliance, and of course, santa
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Dec 17, 2014 23:30:32 GMT -6
as has been their practice for many months, mh, known by some as 'manhunter 2121', for reasons which will later become clear, is in the 'jungle room' of the stately old monkey alliance HQ watching 'fast times at ridgemont high' with steve, the i.t. guy, and his roommate and monkey alliance flunky gil. also in attendance is the new monkey alliance costume guy, big gay al
"she's got to be somebody's baby," mh says of jennifer jason leigh as he sucks from a 40. "you understand that now, don't you gil?"
"wow," says gil, taking a bite from a tootsie roll, riding the crest of a sugar rush, "mh, you just blew my mind! you see right thru stacy. and me!"
"em eieth!" cries big gay al, the monkey alliance's new costume guy, "thanks for inviting me! this film is a thing of beauty. i've laughed -- i've cried! not since 'thaint elmo's fire' have i felt such a flood of emotion! btw, how is that new cod-piece feeling?"
"it's like gossamer," says mh.
"whew," replies big gay al, "i went a bit crazy with the rayon!"
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Dec 17, 2014 23:38:34 GMT -6
"the sloppy joes are almost ready!" yells a female voice from the kitchen. "i used soy burgers! one bite and you guys will swear off meat forever!"
"not me girlfriend!" cries big gay al.
which fabulous intern will join mh, steve, gil, and 'big gay al' in this adventure?
(and it's dakota !! -- enjoying a delicious soy sloppy joe.)
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Dec 21, 2014 12:55:48 GMT -6
"Why are you making soy burgers?" MH asks. "You girls are regulars at Meaty McGees."
"Yeah, the interns are all about the meat," Steve snickers.
Dakota shoots him a dirty look then turns back to MH. "It's my New Years Resolution not to eat so much red meat. I'm just starting early."
Babu suddenly enters the room. "Al, I've got an issue with these new trunks you made me."
"Oh, what theems to be the problem?" Big Gay All says.
"First off, the Rhinestone B right on the crotch area," Babu says.
"It'th your emblem, thilly!" Big Gay Al says.
"Plus, they're French cut!" Babu exclaims.
"Oh? Afraid to show a little cheek are we?" Big Gay Al says.
"I'm a baboon! My ass is purple! Of course I'm afraid to show a little cheek!" Babu exclaims.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Dec 21, 2014 21:19:20 GMT -6
"fine!" says big gay al. "apparently you have a problem with looking thexy. But i'll fix it!"
dakota gives big gay al another gin & tonic.
"i love all the monkey alliance interns," exclaims big gay al, "but dakota yer my favorite!"
dakota blushes.
"that guy is sure a smooth one with the ladies." says mh.
"you realize big gay al is gay?" babu whispers to mh.
"big gay al is gay?" exclaims hm. "that's news to me!"
big gay al: "em eith, you thilly goose!" |
|
|
|
Post by mh on Dec 21, 2014 21:35:55 GMT -6
suddenly doc quantum burst in with a tray of ovaltine and exclaims, "mh! it's time for captain hanukkah!"
"captain hanukkah!? holy crap!" exclaims mh.
"wait, what's going on?" begins baboon.
"captain hanukkah is a tv superhero series that has been airing for nearly 20 years," says doc quantum, "as if you didn't know."
"actually, i didn't know," says babu baboon.
"it only airs on selected closed circuit channels -- like the one in justice city," says doc quantum, grabbing a mug of ovaltine, and taking a seat.
"i like captain hanukkah better than you do," mh says to doc quantum.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Dec 21, 2014 21:58:56 GMT -6
"no you don't!" exclaims doc quantum. "you forgot it was coming on!"
"well, i got the $59.99 special decoder ring, "says mh, pulling it out.
doc quantum: well i got the $79.99 extra special decoder ring with tiny wings on it!
mh: drat!
"they're making a fortune off that cheap chinese crap!" exclaims baboon.
"brick hudsonstein looks great, "mutters mh admiringly, "the man hasn't aged a day in nearly 20 years!"
"i hear he gets sheep cell injections and sleeps in a vat of coco butter!" says doc quantum.
"hello hanukkah heroes," says a smiling captain hanukkah on the tv, "time to decode a very special message."
captain hanukkah begin saying a bunch of numbers and letters, and doc & mh work feverishly on the decoder rings.
"sweet fancy hanukkah cave!" exclaims doc, who finishes first. "it says everyone must not celebrate christmas this year and to celebrate hanukkah instead or there'll be dire consequences!"
"oy vey!" cries mh.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Dec 21, 2014 22:54:15 GMT -6
a week later at the monkey alliance christmas office party, after a busy and productive day of transcribing "crazy jokes" and "jesse's cheeseburger party" posts, the members exchange secret santa gifts.
mh opens his secret santa gift from dakota and excited exclaims, "ah! surfing batman! thank you dakota! this will inhabit an honored place in my massive toy room."
"and this is for you."
opening her package dakota seems a bit taken aback.
"a dradle!" exclaims mh.
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Dec 22, 2014 8:38:55 GMT -6
"I'm just doing what Captain Hanukkah says," MH says. "Instead of one big gift, you get eight mediocre gifts. Isn't it great?"
"I... guess so," Dakota says.
"I got a dradle, too," Babu says.
"Dradles for everybody!" MH exclaims jubilantly.
"Dammit, MH!" Doc Quantum exclaims. "You did it to me again! You always give out the same gift I do!"
Meanwhile, Santa is watching the whole scene from his enchanted snow globe. "This Captain Hanukkah and I are going to have to have words."
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Dec 22, 2014 21:36:04 GMT -6
days before christmas, mh and steve was hosting a 'buckaroo banzai nite', also in attendance were gil, doc quantum, babu, big gay al, and dakota who had once again made her famous meatless sloppy joes, also known as 'sloppy dakotas'.
"dakota, these 'sloppy dakotas' are out of this world!" exclaims big gay al. "i'm having thirds!"
"gosh! thanks big gay al!" beams dakota.
"they're not bad if you chase 'em with plenty of this boxed chardonnay, "mumbles babu baboon.
"i have to say, big gay al, "continues babu, "i've never had a more comfortable costume! i feel like I'm lying in a nest of dandelions!"
"thop! yer embarrassing me!" cries big gay al. |
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Dec 23, 2014 21:58:28 GMT -6
Meanwhile, Santa is flooging his reindeer for all they're worth, tearing through the sky at a breakneck pace. Jingle, Santa's head elf, is hanging on for dear life.
Jingle turns to Santa anxiously. "Santa, what are we doing? Christmas is just a few days away! This is our busy time!"
"We're going to Justice City to deliver Captain Hanukkah a can of Christmas whupass. Try and steal my holiday will he?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Dec 23, 2014 22:18:17 GMT -6
Meanwhile, in his workshop on top of Mount Sinai, Hannukah Harry get's a call from one of Santa's other elves. "Murry! How are you? Are they paying you enough over there?.... what ... what... what? Oy vay! That's terrible?"
With that, he darts out to his enchanted cart, taking to the air as he calls out to his flying donkeys. "On Moische! On Herschel! On! Schlomo! We've got to save Captain Hanukah!"
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Dec 23, 2014 23:50:22 GMT -6
a second call comes on hanukkah harry's smart phone, and it's mrs. clause.
"harry! i'm so glad i caught you! santa's gone crazy. you're wonderful to try & help."
"stop! you're embarrassing me!" cries Hanukkah harry.
"but you must watch out for chilly," she exclaims, "the elf who cannot love."
"he's got his fingers in this one way or another." |
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Dec 24, 2014 12:01:51 GMT -6
Meanwhile, in a bar in the seedier part of the North Pole, Chilly is laughing to his friends over some extra-strength hard egg nog.
"Hooo boy, you should have seen Santa's face when I showed him what that Captain Hanakkah guy was up to. He took off like a bat out of hell."
The seedy looking elves snicker.
"Yeah, once Santa gets done with that guy, Santa himself will be on the naughty list! That means no more Christmas. No more slaving away in the toy workshop. We'll be on easy street from now on!" The bad elves clinked mugs in celebration.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Dec 30, 2014 22:05:40 GMT -6
"what's that on top of the mall of justice?" steve asks dakota.
"it's the world's second largest menorah." sighs dakota.
"oy gevalt!" cries doc quantum.
|
|
