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Post by Babu Baboon on Jun 17, 2018 22:17:22 GMT -6
Meanwhile, Doctor Bum is thrashing about in an attempt to free himself. With one final jerk, he gets loose but is carried by the currents into a hidden cavern.
He steps out of the water and says, "This must be Monkey Rock's colon".
As he moves further in, light from an overhead opening illuminates the cavern wall. It is covered in early native American wall paintings,
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"interesting..," he mutters to himself. "It appears to tell the story of a cursed time. Children are stillborn. Maize whithers on the stalk... hunters can find no game."
He traces his finger along to another set of drawings, "The medicine man blames it on an old hag he calls a witch. She is driven from the village. She raises her hands to the sky to call upon the dark spirits for revenge... The next day, a great bear wearing a witch's hat appears in her village and..... OH MY GOD! THE HORROR!! OH THE HUMANIITY!!!!"
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Post by mh on Jun 25, 2018 2:33:25 GMT -6
babu, mh, and doc quantum crash dramatically thru a copse of elderberry bushes.
"the monkey alliance!" cries dakota.
"jeeze, what drama queens. "says gladys.
"it's doc quantum!" cries milton.
"dammit milton!" cries kip. "you broke character!"
"i don't care!" exclaims milton. "i adore you doc quantum -- my prince of a blue boy!"
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Post by mh on Jun 25, 2018 2:45:09 GMT -6
"steve, gil -- what's the situation?" asks babu.
"and don't forget monkey alliance alternant, tony boloney!" exclaims tony.
"sup tony?!" says mh.
"gil began this idiotic quest to find his lost girlfriend heather, who was never lost, and who's probably banging some bellboy in cancun right now!" says steve.
"hey!" cries gil. |
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Post by mh on Jun 25, 2018 2:59:25 GMT -6
"but then we found her velvet scrunchy." says steve.
"hey sideburns!" says Gladys, addressing mh.
"too bad my friend frieda left. you make her weak in the knees!"
"she's 100," replies mh, "she's already weak in the knees!"
with surprising speed, gladys picks up a pinecone, and whizzes it at mh's head! diving into a roll to avoid the spiney projectile, mh rising and brushing leave from his costume says, "look what i found!"
"a polaroid of heather!" exclaims gil.
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Post by mh on Jun 25, 2018 3:18:11 GMT -6
meanwhile, dr. bum is standing in a cave faced to a wall, speaking in a terrified high-pitched voice. most terrifyingly of all, he's wearing big red boots.
"yeah, yeah. it's always the same. y'see, i sat down at my brother's house -- and suddenly i'm in horrible pain. i got a plastic army man up my butt! it was one in a million shot doc -- one in a million. it's always the same stery." ... (whimper) ...
"gruuu." growls a sound in the darkness.
"uh, yeah -- these boots are way comfortable!" says dr. bum.
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Post by mh on Jun 27, 2018 4:56:52 GMT -6
"curious," says babu. "superjesse flew over this entire area and checked every nook & cranny with his incredible x-ray vision."
"actually he didn't, "says steve shamfaced. "i told him the story, and he said he wasn't gonna waste time looking for a bunch of lockyheads in these creepy woods who were in cancun getting their fannies sunburned! -- and hey, a MASH marathon was on!"
"dammit steve!" exclaims gil.
"look," says babu, if they're here, we'll find them. we have in our midst perhaps the best tracker the world has ever seen."
"oh hun," says gladys, "i'm darn good, but maybe not that good!"
suddenly lothar drops down from a tree.
"my tracking skills were not in error -- doctor bum is nearby." says lothar.
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Post by mh on Aug 15, 2018 1:50:45 GMT -6
ther bear witch sees his freind the porcupine walk past the cave and waves.
peering out, dr. bum looks out and sees a scary lady hidden in some brush.
"oh no -- that's the haunted field!" mutters bum, "this is just too much!"
dr. bum screams and runs out of the cave with the bear witch on all fours, running in hot pursuit.
"grrrhhhhhhh!!!!" the creature roars.
terrified, a screaming dr. bum falls into a hole, and lodges there, covered in leaves. the bear witch loses interest & shambles away.
"a geyser!" rasps dr. bum. "i'm trapped in the prostate of the haunted field! what a joak on dr. bum!"
"did i hear a growl?" asks babu, back at gil's search party.
"ah, it's just thunder," says tony boloney, standing under the protection of a thickly leafed tree with the rest of the search party as the rain begins to pour again.
nearby, a gurl from the acting group gets quickly drenched and breaks character.
"ghhhh! this is terrible, i hate this! this is not awesome!"
"woo, woo, woo!" says tony boloney.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 17, 2018 12:11:14 GMT -6
"We're wasting time here," Steve says, feeling guilty about his fib. "We should be out looking for Heather."
"Who?" Gill says, frosen and wide-eyed, staring at the drenched gurl from the acting group.
"Heather! The freaking love of your life!" Steve says.
"Oh, um... yeah...," Gil says, still in a frozen daze.
Meanwhile, Doctor Bum has spotted the ghostly figure again. "Please don't kill me with your ghostly witchy powers!" he wails.
"I don't have any powers," the pale girl sniffs. "My name's Heather. I'm cold and I'm hungry and wet. I'm lost and I've been here for days. My foot is stuck in a gopher hole! Waaaaa!!!"
"I'm stuck, too!" Doctor Bum cries. "WAAAAAAA!!!"
In his cave, the Bear Witch rolls over on its pile of straw. It covers its ears and groans as it tries to go to sleep over the sound of the two of them crying in unison.
"WAAAAAA!!!!"
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Post by mh on Aug 28, 2018 1:27:02 GMT -6
"here," says dr. bum, having pity on heather. and he hands her a towel, a spare waterproof jacket, & an umbrella from his backpack. "i have a bag of mimi sized three musketeers!" he exclaims. "i carry them because they are very good for the colon -- please enjoy them!"
"who are you?" asks heather, drying herself, and hungrily gulping down 3 musketeers.
"i'm dr uh .... claude balls! aside from my brilliant career in medicine i wrote the bestselling novel, "the tiger's revenge!"
"she's quite exquisite,"dr bum rasps to himself. "gosh what a derriere -- it's beyond description. i've never seen it's equal. i must have her for my own -- i will have to do a great deal of pimping!"
back at the campsite one of the actresses exclaims, "yuck! i've got mud on me! this place is awful -- i have to get it off!"
"woo woo woo!" cries tony boloney.
"damn. we ain't seeing enough local theater," mh whispers to babu. . |
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Post by mh on Aug 28, 2018 2:51:34 GMT -6
"my foot has come free from the gopher hole!" exclaims heather.
and grabbing dr. bum she pulls him free.
"you did it!" cries dr. bum. "probably because of the strength of your awe inspiring gluteus maximus! ye g-ds, i could bounce a quarter off that thing!"
"huh?" says heather.
"nothing! let us take shelter in the buttocks of majestic monkey rock!" exclaims dr. bum.
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Post by mh on Aug 29, 2018 1:08:34 GMT -6
reaching majestic monkey rock thru the torrential downpour, dr. bum says, "at last! you poor thing, you're drenched! let me try and wring some rainwater from your outfit!"
"i guess that's okay", says heather, finishing the three musketeers. "you are a doctor."
"yes," giggles dr. bum slightly. "now stand perfectly still."
"sweet fancy moses on a stick!" whines dr bum lowly.
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Post by mh on Sept 3, 2018 1:55:23 GMT -6
dr. bum notices some movement nearby & pulls out his binoculars.
"heather," cries dr bum, "warm yourself by that naturally heated vent over there! no heather -- those aren't farts!"
as she warms herself, dr. bum raises his binoculars to where the monkey alliance and assorted friends are, and accidently homes in on doc quantum's personal assistant gilda, bending over to collect logs for a fire.
"sweet sassy molassy!" cries dr bum, with tears in his eyes. "where are these women coming from?"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 5, 2018 18:54:19 GMT -6
"These two are perfect!" Doctor Bum. "They are just the beginning. With them, I can rebuild my Bumettes... the finest team of Henchwomen the world has ever known!."
Doctor Bum smiled wistfully. "No one could distract the guards during a bank robbery the way they could!"
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Post by mh on Jan 8, 2020 23:27:03 GMT -6
the bear witch project part 2: the wine cave controversy, with special monkeyhouse guest star, presidential candidate mayor pete buttigieg (booty-judge)
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Post by mh on Feb 2, 2020 2:38:06 GMT -6
at gil's urgings babu baboon, doc quantum, along with kenny & buddy set off with him & steve to search the area for the possibly lost & disoriented heather. soon, they happen upon the mouth of a cave.
"could she have possibly wandered in here," mutters babu.
"maybe!" replies steve. "she liked 'the english patient'! that movie where that blonde milf lady went in a cave and croaked because the burned up guy didn't save her."
"okay," says kenny pulling out his flashlight. "that's done good enough for me!"
within moments, walking into the cave they see light ahead.
"yuck! it stinks -- it smells like bootie in here!" rasps gil.
a voice from the lighted cavern ahead yells, "does it stink or does it smell like bootie!? they're two different things! they can't both be right!"
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