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Post by mh on Jul 30, 2018 4:33:15 GMT -6
as the goddess disappears, kenny & buddy show up, fresh from returning the cursed mechanical horse to the cursed trophy room.
"here, done put these on!" says Kenny, handing them all necklaces with lockets on them that they are already wearing.
"nothing doing!" says babu opening one, "the lockets have a photo of lance bass and his husband inside!"
"we had to cover the circuitry -- it's all we could done find!" exclaims kenny.
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Post by mh on Jul 30, 2018 4:47:41 GMT -6
"omg," fumes joe hallen, "you cut those out of my lance bass -- wedding of the century book! and it's a collector's item!"
"we'll done fix it later," whispers buddy. "not done put them on, they'll done keep yall a likin' thur gurls."
"but don't swim in them!" exclaims kenny. "the salt water is done too corrosive."
two guys across the beach notice them and begin to wave and yell.
"kennaé and bootaé!" one exclaims as they run over.
"oh no, " rasps buddy.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 1, 2018 12:14:03 GMT -6
Meanwhile, the most fabulous branch of the Justice League are readying to land on the island. "Ready glitter cannons!" Quantum Queen says.
"Glitter cannons ready!" Twinkle says.
"Extend speakers!"
"Speakers extended!"
AS the rocket car comes in for a landing, glitter and sparkling confetti blasts from the glitter cannons. "It's raining men" blasts from the speakers as the door opens and the members of the JL-LGBQT strut pit of the rocket car voguing for all the manazons on the beach who have their cell phones out taking pictures. They begin asking questions while taking selfies with the island's residents.
THose Monkey Alliance guys turned out to be such himbos," Scott sniffs. "I was playing with the fur on Babu's shoulder. I innocently said how much I love bears when he says 'I'm a baboon, you idiot!'. Everyone looked at him all angry when I ran off crying and he just says, 'Oh, he misrepresents my species and I'm the bad guy?' So rude! It's like he was trying to drive me away!"
Remy gulps and says, "That MH just couldn't keep it in his pants. I caught him flirting with another guy. I tried to tell him that I wasn't crying because he wanted an open relationship. It's the going behind my back!" He goes into another crying jag and Scott puts a comforting hug around his diminutive shoulders. "That's when the Dude appeared and zapped him. He's pretty strict about this sort of stuff."
"Sounds like they're trying to break the curse," Extrano whispers to Quantum Queen. "I don't think it's going well.
"THen what happened, honey child," Miss THang asks.
We all moved to a safe distance, so I didn't catch much," Scott says, "But some glowing lady appeared to them. I think she said her name was Phaedra. She said they should go to hetero cove. I don't know why they'd want to go there. THey won't be able to get any action. Nothing but a bunch of breeders gurls!"
"Meanwhile," on another part of the island, the Dude is sitting on a rock and brooding again. Suddenly, there's a flash and Phaedra appears before him.
"Oh great. What do you want?" the Dude says.
"Your father wants you to cut out this nonsense," Hyppolytus. Let your human half die already, and take your rightful place in Olympus," Phaedra says.
"Why should I?" the Dude says. "He tried to kill me because you made him think I tried to get busy with you!"
"Oh, that's all water under the bridge. My handmaiden told him everything. He's really sorry," Phaedra says. "
And don't think I didn't hear you call yourself queen of the amazon's. My mother, Hippolyta is queen of the Amazons and I'm the prince. Stop trying to pretend you're my mother!"
"Please stop being so angry," Phaedra says. "Look what you're doing to yourself. Even Hippolyta's magic that keeps the amazons beautiful has only slowed your aging. The spell is meant for girls. You friends of Dorothy are known for being pretty vain. can you really be enjoying this?"
"No! I'm all grey and wrinkly and disgusting. Is that what you want to hear?" the Dude wails.
"Come here and let mommy give you some sugar and I'll make it all better," Phaedra says, holding out her arms.
"Ewww, no! Get away!" the Dude cries.
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Post by mh on Aug 2, 2018 1:54:40 GMT -6
meanwhile, at hetero cove, using driftwood, vines, and pieces of a discarded inflatable beach peacock,
kenny & buddy manage to design the monkey alliance a make-shift beach house.
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Post by mh on Aug 2, 2018 2:15:25 GMT -6
"this is insane!" cries doc quantum, "how did they make it so fast?! and it has electricity ... and hulu!"
"actually i thought they were dragging their feet a little bit," says babu, "i asked for four stories, not three!"
"well, we'd done need another beach peacock for that!" exclaims kenny.
"the façade is nice, but the inside isn't all that great," says babu, "my bedroom doesn't have any walls, and my bed is made out of sand."
"but it's queen sized!" exclaims kenny.
suddenly a girl runs up & starts screaming at them.
"hey! where the hell's my inflatable peacock!?"
"kenny," says buddy, "i think i done falled in love with inflatable peacock gurl."
"well buddy," says kenny, "try not to get yer heart broke, maybe peacocks are the only things she likes to see inflate."
"what'd you jerks do with my damn peacock!" she shrieks. "i was gone like five minutes!"
"bite me!" cries mh.
she stares at him stunned for a second, then yells across the beach, "hey! these guys are straight!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 8, 2018 20:21:04 GMT -6
Suddenly, a rumbling noise fills the air. "Oh God," Doc Quantum says.
"We are so screwed," Babu says.
"What? What are you talking about?" MH says.
"What does every gay guy have?" Doc Quantum asks.
"A fine appreciation of musical theater?" MH says.
"Well, that and at least one or two friends that are straight big-boobed fat chicks," Babu says. "And they're almost always sexually frustrated since they're pals with good looking guys with no interest in women.
I think we just discovered the real reason for hetero cove and you just announced there are straight guys on the island," Doc gulps.
"There they are!" they hear a feminine voice yell in desperation. "Don't let them get away!" THe ground begins to tremble as a whole herd of sex starved plus sized women begin to fill the street, racing towards them.
"Gyaaah!!!" MH, Babu, Doc and SUperJesse yell at the same time as they turn and run.
Kenny sstays where he is and holds out his arms. "Y'all go on ahead. I'm gonna done take one for the team!"
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Post by mh on Oct 12, 2018 0:41:33 GMT -6
the JL-LGBGT's rocket car suddenly appears in the skies and swiftly picks up Kenny in a tractor beam.
"done nooooo!!" cries kenny.
"nooooo!" cries the sex starved plus sized women. then zero in on the monkey alliance, and begin to run more quickly.
"ahhh! run! their gaining on us!" exclaims mh. "we're going to need a lot of viagra to get out of this!"
"we got him!" exclaims quantum queen in the JL-LGBGT's rocket car. "that buckaroo was about to get hisself despoiled by dozens of sweaty big women!"
"yuck! a fate worse than death!" squeals golden age superhero 'the flame', also known as flaming mike.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 13, 2018 21:08:21 GMT -6
Buddy is next to be grabbed by the tractor beam. "Aw dang it!" Buddy says.
"Don't worry. THey can't hurt you now!" Twinkle exclaims as Kenny and Buddy are pulled aboard.
"Why'd y'all have to go and do that?" Kenny says. "I was done gonna get lucky. And it wasn't gunna be cheatin' on muh fiance since they were done capturing me."
"You... you wanted those she-beasts to get you?" Quantum Queen says, horrified at the very thought.
You breeders are so messed up," Butch grunts.
"In any case, we're getting the rest of your friends, so we should have you all out of here soon enough," The Flame says, reaching out to help Doc Quantum onto the ship.
Doc Quantum looks down and sees that Super Jesse is trailing behind MH and Babu. "The magic in this place must be interfering with his powers! They're going to get him!"
"Oh no! How horrible!" Twinkle squeals. "That's a fate worse than death!"
"Well, I wouldn't go that far," Doc Quantum says.
"You're our magic person, Extrano. Do Something!" Butch yells.
"Aiee! Don't be so pushy!" Extrano exclaims. He waves both hands out the door of the rocket car and an eldritch bolt flies down to zap Super Jesse.
Suddenly, Super Jesse disappears and is replaced by the Dude/Hippolytus. The startled demigod holds his arms up in horror at the approaching horde about to have their way with him. "Nooooooooo!!!!"
Meanwhile, on another part of the island, Phaedra is startled when The Dude disappears and is replaced by Super Jesse. She looks him up and down and says, "So, kid.... you legal?"
"Sweet!" Super Jesse says. "I'm gonna get me some hot milf action!"
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Post by mh on Oct 17, 2018 0:22:07 GMT -6
nearby, a dude's beach patron says, "i don't know about that hallen guy -- i think he might just be socially gay -- he enjoys the lifestyle! drinking sea breezes and yelling "outstanding!" all the time. i mean, he's been watching that crab for almost 3 hrs now! only a breeder could be that dumb."
"ghahaha! he's a runnin' sideways again!" yells joe hallen. "outstanding!"
"but seriously, " says blake, "he was doing this earlier!"
"he was ready to fly right out of here!"
then a tractor beam picks him up & joe starts to lift.
"see!" cries blake.
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Post by mh on Oct 17, 2018 0:35:29 GMT -6
"ghaaa! the tractor beam won't reach us in time!" yell doc quantum, as he mh, and babu try to outrace the heavy women.
suddenly a large steel dour opens to their left and a voice yells, "gentlemen! quickly! in here."
as they enter, the door slams shut, and their benefactor turns out to be a butler in full attire.
"this way sirs," he motions.
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Post by mh on Oct 17, 2018 0:53:01 GMT -6
they find themselves in a gentlemen's club, full of older men playing backgammon and reading old newspapers.
"welcome gentlemen!" exclaims a distinguished fellow with a white mustache. "i am coronel scarlet. my companions and i have hidden here for nearly a century!"
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Post by mh on Oct 17, 2018 1:18:15 GMT -6
"as we were cursed and could not leave -- being men of means we had this covertly built!"
"but why were you here?" asks baboon.
"it was the one place we hadn't got drunk at before!" exclaims a gentleman from the back. "if we'd stayed at the main island, we'd have become fancy boys!"
suddenly a hot french maid appears.
"gentlemen, i must go to the heliport -- it's getting late!"
"of course fifi!" cries coronel scarlet.
they all escort her to the roof and she's secured into a helicopter and flies away as the older men all wave.
"she has to go -- if she doesn't leave, she'll get all weird & fat!" exclaims a gentleman. "like those others!"
"you see we use this heliport to obtain our necessaries," says coronel scarlet.
"like food, liquor, cigars ... and fifi," says another gentleman, "why I'd like to take that feather duster and ... !"
"major snead! control yourself!" cries coronel scarlet.
"hey, the place needs to be cleaned," says snead, don't judge us!"
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Post by mh on Dec 16, 2018 20:43:21 GMT -6
"sirs," being superheroes," says babu baboon, "we can't hide in this insanely cool man-cave forever! we must beat dude's beach on it's own terms!" and babu, doc & mh storm out.
as they leave, "tough m-ther***kers!" exclaims coronel scarlet.
hours later, babu, doc & mh meet at "mall of justice: dudes beach", and they all at once exclaim, i'm in love with a dude!"
"i met such a hottie riding the dunes!" says doc quantum. "and he battles the undead like myself. he says he's "captain kronos!" he told me he had a charm for me that will ward off all evil! and said it was hidden in his pants, but not in a pocket.
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Post by mh on Dec 16, 2018 20:53:38 GMT -6
"on the beach i met adam east!" exclaims mh. "he said, "my ... the sunset is not the only beautiful thing i've spied this evening."
"he's a billionaire, and has a chin so big you could take a nap on it! his little patrick swayze eyes were staring right into my clone soul!" |
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Post by mh on Dec 16, 2018 21:09:08 GMT -6
"i'm in love with sting's offspring, eliot sumner!" exclaims babu. "we met at a hotdog stand! i'm wrapped around his finger!"
"we've been making out like mad! in the words of edm, i wanna flip his cheese omelet! ghaaaa!!! what's wrong with me!!"
"ha! ha! ha! ha!" laughs the dude, watching the proceedings.
i have won! wait ... isn't eliot sumner a ... gurl? he leafs thru a stack of people magazines. "gender fluid? what the f-ck does that mean?!!"
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