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Post by mh on Jul 2, 2018 1:14:50 GMT -6
"the monkey alliance "summertime dream", part deux! another "strange and crazy about;" summertime interlude featuring a tan and rested group of your favorite monkey-alliance characters
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Post by mh on Jul 2, 2018 1:31:33 GMT -6
babu & mh awaken on a sandy beach, cotton-mouth & bleary eyed from days of drunken debauchery. babu notices super-jesse is hovering over them looking unhappy.
"super-jesse, "where are we?!" asks babu.
"you're done on dude's beach!" exclaims super-jesse.
"dude's beach?!" say babu & mh at once.
dude's beach, far south of justice city, is an anomaly that stays a perfect sunny 80 degrees year round. and is a favored spot for dudes that want to meet dudes. boasting a pristine beach, it is a maze of tiki bars and massage booths.
"but why?!" asks babu.
"you drunken lockyheads saiyd you wanted to get plastered in the one place you never done have. dude's deach!"
"but it's an unwritten law you have to have boyfriends to stay on dude's beach," says mh.
"that's why yall done hooked up," says superjesse.
"ghaaaa!" screams babu. |
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Post by mh on Jul 2, 2018 1:43:10 GMT -6
"then why can you stay here?" asks babu.
"i ain't done touching the ground lockyhead!" yells superjesse.
"but where're those guys at?" asks babu.
"done out abuyin' you gifts!" exclaims superjesse.
"i remember now!" says mh. "the little one had "MANHUNTER CLONE LOVER" tattooed across his chest! we have to go! I feel terrible. the poor little guy's gunna have to spend tortured nights yearning for me! but wait -- doc quantum's here someplace."
"he's done over there, "says superjesse rolling his eyes.
"yiiiii! the water's still too cold!" screeches doc quantum.
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Post by mh on Jul 2, 2018 2:03:51 GMT -6
suddenly there is a blinding light and an old muscular man appears.
"who're you?" exclaims babu.
"the dude!" he answers. "I am the spirit that guards dude's beach!" and for toying with the hearts of other dudes for selfish reasons, I sentence you babu baboon, the clone of paul kirk, and doctor quantum to spend the rest of your lives on dude's beach!"
"not you superjesse, you are free to go." he adds. "you're quite an attractive young gentleman. perhaps when you're older we could meet for drinks."
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Post by mh on Jul 2, 2018 2:22:16 GMT -6
meanwhile, the monkey alliance members new friends are in one of the many gift shops.
"i can't believe we're dating superheroes!" enthuses scott, the tall one.
the black guy says, "guys, do you think doc quantum would like this, or is it too much?"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 3, 2018 8:43:48 GMT -6
"Boy, you guys really stepped in it, this time," a voice suddenly says. They turn to see Desk-boy smirking at them.
"You're a deman, Desk-boy!" Super Jesse exclaims.
"Yeah, I think we already established that," Desk-boy says.
"More like a troll," Doc mutters under his breath, walking up.
"What's that, Doc?" Desk-boy says.
"I said can you get us out of here," Doc says
"Not a chance,"Desk-boy said. "That old guy was Hippolytus, son of the queen of the amazons and one of the Greek gods. He created the island wheh Hippolyta wouldn't let him hide out on Themyscera to escape his step-mother who wanted to smooch him. Unlike Paradise island, this place is all dudes."
"Great," MH grumbles. "That means the interns can't come get us," MH says.
"What about Gil and Steve?"
Desk-boy starts laughing.
"What?" everyone snaps.
"Just picturing those two after failing to get you out of here. You see, if you stay here too long, you won't wan't to leave, if you know what I mean,"Desk-boy says.
Super Jesse looks down at the ground and floats up a couple of inches higher. THat's when they realize Desk-boy isn't touching the ground, either.
"What are we gonna do?" Doc exclaims.
"You could call Stef and Stav!" MH says hopefully.
"Stav is still MIA with Roy the American Boy," Babu says. "And Stef had her meat and two vegetables removed." MH grimaces.
"I know who to call. Remember when the Justice League exploded into a bunch of whole different teams a few years back? ONe of them is a team perfect for this. THe JL-LGBQT!"
In Miami, a phone rings as two figures are horsing around. "Stahp eet! Queet teekling me you beetch!" says a hispanic man with a pompadour, thin mustache and chin beard. He is wearing a patterendd sequined vest and matching tight bell bottomed pants with a medallion. He is Extrano, the gay sorceror supreme.
"Oh, you know you love it, says a man in full 50s style sci-fi super heroine drag.
"Hush, now, Quantum Queen, I gots to answer the phone,".... well, hello there, monkey man. What sort of mess have you gotten your cute little furry buns into this time?"
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Post by mh on Jul 4, 2018 1:15:07 GMT -6
suddenly babu notices two somewhat familiar figures, dressed in all pink, and carrying a huge toat sack.
spotting them, doc quantum yells excitedly, "kenny & buddy! we're saved!"
"dammit doc," cries babu, "you've outed them!"
the dude appears in a blinding light and yells, "trickey!"
kenny and buddy unfurl a weird horse-looking figure from the gigantic toat and buddy yells, "quick yall, done get on!"
the dude lifts his hand and fires at them, but kenny & buddy run & escape the reaches of dude's beach.
"let's go!" cries mh. the three run but babu & mh are fallen by another blast from the dude.
"i'll bring back help!" cries doc quantum mounting the weird-looking steed, who gallops off.
flames shoot out of it's rear end, and the dude's beach dudes hoot & holler, assuming it's an early 4th of july festivity. all is going well, then it's like doc hits a brick wall as he's about to leave dude's beach, but the horse keeps going.
"that thing was hot -- my butt hurts!" exclaims doc quantum from the ground. |
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Post by mh on Jul 4, 2018 1:21:20 GMT -6
as twilight has moments ago fallen, this was quite a spectacle, and there's a huge cheer from the dudes.
"the cursed mechanical horse from the cursed object room in the old monkey alliance headquarters done didn't work!" exclaims kenny, grabbing it at the neck, and cutting it off at it's off/on switch.
then someone from the beach yells, "hey -- scary hillbillies! come back! i 've been told i got a purdy mouth!" |
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 4, 2018 20:43:38 GMT -6
Meanwhile, at JL-LGBGT Headquarters....
"Babu! Babu! What was that? Are you okay?" Extrano squeals.
"What's happening?" Quantum Queen asks anxiously.
"I don' know," Extrano says. "There was a bonch a' noises and then he chust disconnected-ed."
"Sounds like they're in trouble, girlfriend," Quantum Queen says. "We better get a team together to go help them!"
Soon, a team is assembled and boarding their rocket car, the sky dancer.
"Everyone ready?" Extrano, master of the gay mystic arts says.
Quantum Queen, Trans-woman of the future nods.
Twinkle, boy of a thousand sparkles waves his hands and says, this is gonna be fun!"
Miss Thang, a plant elemental who looks a lot like Swamp Thing in a sundress, a straw hat with a daisy, and lipstick snaps his fingers and says, "They best not be messing with our friends!"
Butch: a red skinned female behemoth with a black crew cut "Butch ready to smash something!"
"Oh you, always with the smashing!" Extrano says.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 5, 2018 15:50:47 GMT -6
"Great, so we're still stuck here," Babu says.
"Y-yeah," MH says nervously. "But our power's should protect us from the effects of the island."
"Y-yeah," Doc says, turning to Kenny. "And you guys could use the parts from this mechanical horse to whip up some sort of shielding for yourselves, couldn't you?"
"I.. I done guess we could," Kenny says.
"I wouldn't depend on that for too long," Desk-boy says. "I mean, you saw what happened to the guy you came here with, didn't you?"
"What?" Babu says. "We were completely faced..."
"Because you were celebrating someone's birthday?" Desk-boy says.
"Birthday?" MH says.
"Hey , bitches!" a swishy voice suddenly calls out. They all turn to see someone sashaying towards them with a tray of drinks. "Whoooooo wants mimosas?"
"Cousin Joe Hallen, no!" Super Jesse wails.
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Post by mh on Jul 15, 2018 0:25:30 GMT -6
"oh no, not my earth-cousin joe hallen!" yells superjesse. "you lockeyheads shouldn't have brung him! poor, his wife, jo-anne hallen, and poor joe hallen jr."
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Post by mh on Jul 15, 2018 0:58:12 GMT -6
after superjesse has calmed down, and they're all drinking mimosas, babu exclaims," okay, we need an idea! oh wait, joe hallen, have you made a love connection yet?"
"no!" exclaims, joe hallen. "i'm a free agent!"
"then if legend is true, "says doc quantum, "he should be tossed off the island any time now. no free agents, only couples!"
"that's it!" exclaims mh. "if we break up with our new stud muffins -- yes i heard what i said -- stud muffins! apparently despite my manhunter clone "mostly attracted to gurls powers", i'm started to get affected too! but listen! if we break up with these three hot glistening tan boloney ponies -- dammit, i did it again! why can't i stop?! we might get exiled from dude's beach!"
"it's worth a try!" cries babu.
seeing the little guy, rémy, approach, with a big smile and a big tray of champagne and beluga cavier, mh mutters, "is he trying to fatten me up? he must like hims manhunter clones with a little junk in the trunk!"
mh, spotting an extremely tall guy seated at a tiki bar, strolls up seductively and says, "i'd like to climb one of your legs like a native boy looking for coconuts!"
"and i though today was going to be boring!" shrieks the tall guy.
"noooooo! nooooooo!!!!" screams rémy, and he runs off crying.
"at least this shouldn't go to waste," says joe hallen, gathering up the beluga & champagne.
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Post by mh on Jul 29, 2018 1:35:34 GMT -6
the dude appears and yells, "bitch!"
and hits mh with a lightning bolt, then disappears.
"that seems a little severe ..." says mh, lying in the sand. |
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Post by mh on Jul 29, 2018 2:07:38 GMT -6
that end of the island empties quickly, as the bar patrons shriek and, careful not to spill their plastic-cupped cocktails, run away.
"bitch!?", cries mh from the sand, "who's he think i am, shia friggin' laBeouf?"
as the fun boys run away, a feminine figure appears, floating off the ground.
"maye west?!" exclaims a groggy mh.
"no handsome, i'm phaedra, queen of the amazons!" she exclaims.
"the dude is your son?" asks babu.
"not really, it just makes a better story that way," says phaedra, "more like a cousin. he's one of dozens of examples of what happens when zeus bangs an earth girl!"
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Post by mh on Jul 29, 2018 2:37:08 GMT -6
"why did the dude attack me?" asks mh.
""oh, those three guys you trifled with are the beach's most valued resource. they're men-bos! the male equivalent of bimbos! they're easy on the eyes and quick to do the nasty! for straight guys you sure are good at picking up man-sluts!"
"what can we do?" asks babu.
"go north/west to the furtherest reaches to the island, go to hetero-cove! there you can make a shelter, gather supplies, bide time, and try to find a way off the beach."
"but i'm making my scampi tonight!!" shrieks joe hallen.
"maybe just leave him behind," says phaedra with a frown, "save yerselves. that one's done for."
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