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Post by mh on Jul 14, 2017 22:45:28 GMT -6
the monkey alliance and the dream! starring lucy morgan
and a conchatchenon (a made up word meaning many] of monkey alliance members,   
least-loved guest 'story whores', and several frightening overweight naked chicks, or at least one
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Post by mh on Jul 14, 2017 23:37:28 GMT -6
the wind howled thru the closed & warped shutters of the old monkey house mansion as lucy morgan, a young and perky starving artist who has contacted doc quantum just this last evening tells doc, babu baboon, and mh, one of the last known manhunter clones, her horrific tale.
"omg!!" cries babu baboon. "lucy, that's horrifying! -- and unsettling. and unsatisfying."
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Post by mh on Jul 15, 2017 0:21:49 GMT -6
"i can't believe the world famous monkey alliance would bother with a poor insignificant artist like myself, "says lucy. "im so grateful!"
"that's okay lucy," replies babu, "the monkey alliance prides itself in protecting the poor & downtrodden."
"last night," says lucy, "i skyped doc quantum, sitting up in bed wearing nothing but a sheer bra! such was my terror. amazingly, he chose the meet with me! and i guess babu, you and mh just happened to be here in the old monkeyhouse mansion."
"doc, you sack of sh-t," hisses babu.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 15, 2017 19:13:59 GMT -6
"Here's the bra I was wearing last night when we were talking," Lucy says, handing it to Doc. "You really think it could be an important clue?"
"You... uh... you never know what might attract these spectral entities," Doc says, shoving the bra into his jacket pocket.
Babu shakes his head, fuming. "Really?"
"Ah... yeah," Doc says. "Maybe it was a lesbian ghost.
"I guess I could see that," Lucy says, remembering the ghost's appearance.
"So... are you guys gonna do a seance or a cleansing or something?" Lucy asks.
"Yeah," MH says. "Something like that. "But we're probably going to need the matching panties for it to work.
"Dammit, MH!" Babu says, facepalming.
"Good thinking, MH," Doc says. "A ceremony like that would never work otherwise."
"Okay, hold on. I'll go get them!" Lucy says innocently.
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Post by mh on Jul 17, 2017 11:14:01 GMT -6
"why are we in the breakfast nook making tea?!" exclaims doc quartum.
"i dunno, "says mh, "babu seems to think we're taking this case a bit too personal, i guess."
"where's the earl grey?" asks doc. "heh. babu hates earl grey."
"that's so 2016," says mh, "he loves it now."
"dammit!" cries doc.
"i've got it! it was in this lower shelf." cries gilda, the former "transcribing lass" and doc's ghost hunting assistant.
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Post by mh on Jul 17, 2017 11:25:15 GMT -6
"mh! my home-slice!" cries gilda, and grabs mh & pulls him into a chair and starts whispering.
"what's going on with them?" doc quantum asks dakota, as he begins dumping earl grey into the old english teapot.
"oh, gilda's turned mh into her best girlfriend ..." whispers dakota. "he was resistant at first, but she wore him down."
"tawanda said that?!" cries mh, "that girl craaazy!" |
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Post by mh on Jul 17, 2017 11:48:07 GMT -6
back in the 'jungle room', babu hears a short scream & jumps up, and lucy morgan rushes in.
"babu, i saw a horrible pale bloated face peering at me," says lucy. "i threw the underpants & ran!"
"oh, lucy -- that was probably just one of the estates caretakers -- kenny .. er, kenneth & buderick!" replies babu, "they don't get much sun."
buddy walks back into the janitors closet, and he has a pair of panties on his head.
"kenny," he says, "i think i done falled in love. the most beautiful girl i ever seen done throwed this pair of panties at me."
"gurls throwin' underpants at ya'? damn pal, yer done like tom jones!" exclaims kenny.
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Post by mh on Jul 17, 2017 11:56:29 GMT -6
lucy suddenly exclaims, "babu, show me yer johnson!"
"what?" asks babu.
"that beautiful johnson brothers wash basin over there. i've never seen one that perfect in the hands of a private collector before! it's museum quality. may i look it over?"
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Post by mh on Jul 17, 2017 12:04:04 GMT -6
in the breakfast nook, doc & mh hear lucy exclaim, "babu, you have quite an impressive johnson!"
sharing a look with mh, doc says, "damn! we're out of the room for two minutes and babu whips it out!"
"i've learned to expect the unexpected from that guy," says mh, eating a scone. |
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 19, 2017 13:13:53 GMT -6
That hypocrite!" Doc says. "Acting like we were a couple of pervs."
Suddenly, Mrs Baboon walks in. "Is my husband here? I have some school papers for our daughter he needs to sign."
"He's in the next room with a client," MH says.
Doc's eyes go wide as Mrs Baboon says, "I'm sure he won't mind if I interrupt for a second.
No, wait!" Doc exclaims, but she rushes in and shuts the door behind her.
"Hi, honey!" they hear Babu say. "Lucy, this is my wife, Mrs. Baboon."
"I see you like my husband's Johnson, too," Mrs Bbaoon says.
"Yes, it really is a splendid piece," Lucy says.
"You should run your fingers along it like this for a true appreciation of all its detail," Mrs Baboon says.
"oooo, I see what you mean," Lucy says. "That's really nice."
"It sure is," Babu says.
"How the hell does he do it?" Doc exclaims.
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Post by mh on Jul 21, 2017 20:19:35 GMT -6
by the time doc quantum, mh, and gilda come in with the tea, mrs. baboon has left. "earl grey, my favorite!" says babu.
"mine too!" chimes in lucy.
"dammit," mutters doc. and taking a seat & looking lucy morgan over, doc adds, "you sure make me juicy miss lucy."
"what?" asks lucy morgan.
"oh, i was commenting on that marvelous old 'juicy fruit press' over there!" exclaims doc.
"i hadn't noticed it! it's quite a stunning piece." says lucy.
"yeah well, it ain't the only stunning piece around here," begins doc suavely, but gilda, having seating herself across from doc, seeing where this is going & still harboring a crush on him, launches her foot in the general area of his john thomas, and manages a cruel kick into his meaty fetlock.
"what's wrong doc?!" exclaims lucy, seeing him turn pale & looking pained.
"the spirits have become angry!" he says. "we must continue while we can." |
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Post by mh on Jul 27, 2017 12:18:47 GMT -6
babu suggests that doc & gilda take lucy morgan on a tour of the bleak & austere old monkey alliance HQ, and once they're gone says to dakota & mh, "okay, they'll be gone for a while -- this place is huge. let's sort this out. what do you two think of lucy morgan's story?"
"it's all in her head! she's nuts -- she's a hot mess!" exclaims mh.
"thanks mh," says babu, "as usual, you've capsulized my thoughts eloquently. i am entertaining this as a possibility. what about you dakota?"
"it's a scam!" exclaims dakota. "her and the landlady are in cahoots to get that crappy boardinghouse on the "haunted tour of justice city", so they can fill up & triple their room rates. lucy is probably a starving actress, a stand-in from 'the justice city players' who could be bought off for a fifty and some burger king coupons!"
"they just did evita!" exclaims mh. "the was good. me & the mrs cried. i bought a sweatshirt."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 27, 2017 19:21:41 GMT -6
"When she gets back here, I say we put her under some intense grilling," Babu Baboon says. "And we'll see how her story holds up."
"Yeah!" Dakota says. "We'll expose her for the freaking scam artist she is! Darn floozy, thinking she can outsmart the Monkey Alliance!"
"Damn... what's with that?" MH whispers.
"All hot chics have an instinctual hatred of each other. The interns just like each other because of their intern bond.," Babu whispers back.
"I saw a documentary on waterboarding if you think it would help," Taffy says, walking in with Meaty McGees take-out.
"Oooo.... Meaty McGees. Gilda will be sorry she missed this," MH says.
"That bitch can get her own!" Dakota and Taffy both say simultaneously.
"See what I mean?" Babu whispers.
As they dig in, Babu says, "I think you might have her all wrong. She probably believe she's what she's saying, but she's... y'now..."
"Nutso," MH finishes. "Addled... not playing with a full deck...."
"Yeah...." a creepy figure suddenly says from the corner. "That bitch is CRA-ZEEEEEE!!!" Everyone turns in the direction of the rocing chair in the corner.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" They all scream at once.
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Post by mh on Jul 28, 2017 12:08:49 GMT -6
suddenly, entering the room gilda says, "doc forgot his foster grants! did he leave them in ... what?!"
with shocking speed, gilda grabs a box of kosher salt from a cart full of condiments, runs over, goes into a roll, and in a split second encircles the frightening apparition with a line of salt.
reaching for her, the thing yells, "owwww!" and pulls his monstrous claw back. "that hurt! craaazy woman!"
"gilda, that was incredible!" says babu.
"i'm a ghost fighting assistant," replies gilda, "not just eye-candy like your interns! if he's a spirit or a demon he should be trapped within that circle of salt."
"eye candy?" snorts taffy, "more like eye .... asparagus!"
suddenly they notice mh with his bolo mauser drawn, obviously split seconds from firing away.
"mh," says babu, "you weren't about to start pumping slugs at that thing right before gilda encircled it in salt were you? we've talked about this! what if it was a guy in a costume? and there's very expensive antique plumbing in those walls."
"no huh huh," says mh, his trigger finger still shaking with adrenaline, "i was warning it off!" he moves the barrel left to right to indicate he was warning it off.
"craaaaaazy trigger-happy b-tch!" yells the thing.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 29, 2017 22:53:19 GMT -6
"Now, we've got a few questions for you," Babu says to the unholy wraith.
"You'll get nothing out of me, purple monkey butt man!" the creature laughs.
"Oh, you'll talk," Doc says, entering the room. He slams a couple of super soaers down on the table.
"While we were out, we stopped by the church and filled up a couple of these."
"Agh!!" The creature exclaims. "You'll get nothing. Nothing I say!"
Doc tosses one of the super soakers to Gilda. "You must be ready for a shower!"
Both of them pump the levers of the guns and holy water streams for the entity. "You're the worst bitches!" the creature screaches as smoke rises from its skin. "The worst Bi-i-i-i-thches!"
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