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Post by mh on Aug 19, 2017 23:11:50 GMT -6
suddenly, with shocking speed jeremiah singe grabs skye by the arse.
"ghhhh!" she exclaims, and swings at him with a rake, which passes right thru.
"ha! the grab and dematerialize!" exclaims singe. "not every spirit can pull that one off~ but i had to learn if you girls were flesh or phantoms."
"you could have just asked!" exclaims skye, glaring.
"you might've fibbed!" exclaims singe," glaring back.
"oh by the way, you should quickly depart!" exclaims singe. "this is an evil place!"
"so you were the spirit i detected!" says doc, under gilda's bunk.
"doc quantum!" exclaims singe. "why do so many hobos refer to themselves as doc? were they surgeons who became destitute & drink-sodden because of many botched operations? oh, and you did not detect me! a singe shant be detected lest he bades it so! did that makes sense? anyhoo, i must scoot! i'm taking your colleagues kenneth & budereck to a shindig in the netherworld! there will be much drink and poppers! days ago they should have received an ol' timey letter."
"yeah, that's how he contacts them," says dakota. "i wondered why they were wearing frock coats today."
"ha!" says singe. "those two scoundrels have me hooked on that malt ... lacquer is it? anyway, it tastes like lacquer thinner. but i crave it unendedly! farewell, and heed my warning! leave this evil place!"
and he disappears in a puff of smoke.
"i've begun to think my idea of sending gilda & the interns off to that house was a bit rash," says babu, scratching his head. |
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Post by mh on Aug 20, 2017 10:20:28 GMT -6
immediately another specter appears, and it's the pale lady.
"leave!" she cries pointing a finger at lucy, "this is an evil place! ... wait ... what are all these girls doing here?!! i told you to leave! and you brought all your friends here?!! are you craaazy?!"
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Post by mh on Aug 20, 2017 11:01:41 GMT -6
"spector! who are you? and why are you naked?" cries doc quantum, jumping out from under the bunk.
"i'm not naked -- i'm wearing a body stocking!" the specter exclaims. "they're very flattering! especially if if you're a bit too pleasingly plump, like myself. and what's a man doing here? you could give a girl a little warning."
the specter fluffs her hair.
"i'm doc quantum, a spook chaser," says doc.
"just like that doctor graves from the television," says the specter. "he's dreamy! but quickly girls -- quickly! you must flee! down the stairs with you & out of this evil place!"
the all run out and the pale lady grabs doc by the arm. "it's too late -- they've arrived! quickly doctor, get in the closet! it's you're only chance!"
doc gets in the closet, and seconds later the pale lady appears beside him.
"show me your johnson!" she demands.
"nope, she's not a dyke," says shelia, back at the old monkey alliance headquarters.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 22, 2017 6:52:11 GMT -6
"Gaaah" Doc exclaims" dashing out of the closet. He crashes right into competing ghost hunter, Boobs McGhosty. Both are knocked out.
"yEE-OW!" Doc yelps, waking up as Gilda snips through the last nipple ring with the wire clippers.
"Sorry, sweety," Gilda says, wincing. "Didn't mean to jostle you awake like that."
"S'okay. Just glad to have them out," Doc says. He looks over at Boobs McGhosty, who has an icepack on her head.
"Buddy can get his own peircing out, though," Glinda says.
Boobs turns to them and says turns and says, "So what brings you ladies to this dump?" She shoots Doc an evil look.
Lucy and the interns fill Jeremiah Singe on their experiences and he ponders their words thoughtfully. "It sounds like you've run afoul of the Dorsey County Carpet Muncher. You ladies must flee at once! If you sleep here, she will slip in and make you all squeal with delight until your very minds snap."
"I'm really hoping to get Boobs to take a nap here," one of the producers whispers to Doc. Talk about great TV."
"Hah!" Taffy says. "Jokes on her. I wax religiously. It's all hard wood down there!"
Meanwhile, back at the old MA headquarters, Sheilah exclaims, "Quick! Someone get some smelling salts! MH has fainted!"
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Post by mh on Aug 24, 2017 11:28:39 GMT -6
doc quantum suddenly appears and yells, "babu, we need help!" grabbing him around the waist. they disappear and shelia, propping mh's head on pillows says, "hey, wait!"
doc & babu reappear in a sewing room in the sims bead & breakfast, which has been re-enforced like a 'safe-house' and is full of people. when they appear, doc is giving babu a 'low hug' like sammy davis jr. gave nixon.
babu gasps, seeing boobs mcghosty, surrounded by prop people who have fashioned a spooky set, camera people and assorted producers.
"hey, are you guys gonna need some time alone?" asks boobs.
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Post by mh on Aug 24, 2017 11:47:05 GMT -6
"wait, how'd you build a 'safe-room' so quickly?" asks babu, "is kenny & buddy here?"
"no i did it!" says susan, taffy's new friend from her welding class.
"hi susan," says babu why are all these people ..."
"my name is stone!" says stone. "i identify as male now. i know people of your generation have a difficult time letting go of gender stereotypes ..."
"you were susan two days ago!" says babu. "you were wearing a dress, and you & taffy were going to get pedicures."
"ahhh, see what i mean?" says stone, looking around & rolling his eyes. |
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Post by mh on Aug 24, 2017 12:08:45 GMT -6
"why were you here?" babu asks stone.
"well taffy didn't show up for welding class so i got concerned," says stone. "long story short, i spotted taffy leaving the mall & followed here here, and i waited outside for 9 hrs and then decided to cut my way in with a blowtorch."
"well that's the friggin' craziest thing i ever ..." begins babu.
"babu!" yells skye, and runs up & hugs him. "we were all scared shitless! then titties mcspooky or whatever, and all these people showed up & we decided to board ourselves up in here. luckily susan ... er, stone brought all her, er his, welding equipment. that horny old ghost jeremiah singe says mrs. sims is the dorsey county carpet muncher!"
"ha!" says taffy. "i'm three steps ahead or her! i wax like a fiend! nuthin' but hard wood down here."
stone's eyes roll back in his head & he drops like a, you guessed it, stone.
"wake up honey! wake up!" stone hears, and opening his eyes he sees 'boobs mcghosty' is over him and her breasts, barely contained in her provocative costume, are all but slapping him in the face.
"and, there goes the last tiny shred of my heterosexuality," says susan.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 26, 2017 21:10:37 GMT -6
"The Dorsey County Carpet Muncher is a very agressive lesbian spectral entity," Doc Quantum says. "So we're really going to be on our toes. I've teleported in tons of salt to line the walls of our litle fortress here. The walls are covered in aramaic runes to ward off spirits, too."
"We can't just hole up in here forever, though," Dakota says. "We eventually need to face it."
"You ladies need to stay in here where it's safe," Stone says. let us menfolk handle it."
"Yeah, you menfolk...." Dakota says.
"We need to find whatever object is tying Mrs Sim's spirit here and burn it," Doc says. "So she'll no longer be anchred to this plane of existance.
"I've got to stop you there, Doc...." Babu says. "I've got to ask... what's with the fake tits?"
"They're holistic healing stones!" Doc exclaims. "For my injured nipples! Boobs McGhosty gave them to me!"
Suddenly, Boobs McGhosty and her crew burst out in laughter. "Omigod, I'm dying!" she says.
"You mean they're not holistic healing stones?" Doc says.
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Post by mh on Aug 28, 2017 9:45:38 GMT -6
in a fit of rage, doc hurls one of the healing stones and it cracks 'boob's' executive producer right in the head, knocking him cold.
"eek!" cries boobs, "you b-stard! you killed benny!"
"ouch," says benny, and begins snoring loudly.
"that's it!" exclaims doc furiously, rolling up his sleeves and stalking toward boobs, "i'm transporting her and her entire staff out of here!" boobs mcghosty backs away, frightened.
"no!" cries babu and stone at once.
"wait, listen doc!" says boobs, "we can work together. lemme keep one staff member, and we'll use your recording equipment. i'm needed here -- i've had experience with agessive lesbians."
"i'll bet she has, "mutters stone.
"fine, it's a deal, "says doc, replacing his fake healing stone.
"you're still going to wear those?" asks babu.
"the cooling copper feels good on my torts," replies doc. |
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Post by mh on Aug 28, 2017 10:15:48 GMT -6
babu shugs, and heads off to the loo. "a bathroom in a sewing room?" he mutters, "wow, someone was a dedicated seamstress!"
as he steps inside, locks the door, and is slapping water on his face, the pale lady appears.
"leave this evil place!" she exclaims. "oh wait ... you're a fellow! you'll be safe enough. but you'd better get those maidens out of here handsome."
"pale lady," replies babu, "they only came to try and find out what your warnings mean."
"it's not just your friend's coochies that are in danger, "says the pale lady, "but their very lives."
"we need to find what's tying mrs sim's spirit here and burn it," says babu.
there's a knock on the door & it's sandee. "hello? anybody in there? I need to go!"
"dammit!" exclaims the pale lady, "i must leave. quick, show me yer johnson!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 28, 2017 19:18:30 GMT -6
"So my Johnson has caught your eye, has it?" Babu says, gesturing to his antique Johnson Brothers wash basin.
Sandee, on the other side of the door, gapes with a horror struck expression.
"What is it?" Skye says, walking up.
"Babu is in there with that freaky pale chick!" Sandee whispers.
"It's the curvature that makes your Johnson one of a kind!" the pale woman says.
"Yes, my wife sas it gives it a real pleasing effect," Babu says.
"She's right," the pale woman says. "And you take such good care of it. It's so clean!"
"Yes, I like to keep my Johnson so clean you can feel every dimple," Babu says.
Despite herself, Skye lets out a horrified squeak.
"Hey, what the hell is going on out there?" Babu says. |
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Post by mh on Sept 1, 2017 23:06:00 GMT -6
thinking quickly skye says, "uhh, it's taffy! 'floppers mc highbeams' or whatever her name is and her big bazongas have injured taffy's self esteem! and while painting runes amber got a wood splinter. she needs you to kiss her owie!"
noticing the pale lady has disappeared, babu takes out a remote, clicks it, and the johnson wash basin disappears.
"lucky kenny & buddy was able to create a remote that transports the johnson wherever I happen to be." babu says to himself. "wash in a regular bathroom basin? unthinkable!"
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Post by mh on Sept 2, 2017 23:48:51 GMT -6
meanwhile back at the old monkeyhouse mansion, the uncounsious mh and shelia have been joined by lothar, and sy smoot, of smoot bros. cleaners, delivering some dry-cleaned costumes.
"okay, were back with lothar, and sy smoot, of smoot bros cleaners, and er ... mh."
they have cleverly propped mh up in a recliner, and put sunglasses on him, weekend at bernies style.
"shelia, you sez yuh googled th' pale lady and thinks youse found the whole stery!" exclaims sy smoot.
"that's correct sy, and we're going to reenact it!" says shelia. "using these old period cloths lothar found."
"ummm." says lothar.
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Post by mh on Sept 3, 2017 0:10:23 GMT -6
meanwhile, in the rune covered sewing room inside the cursed sims b&b, babu, the interns doc quantum, 'boobs' mcSpooky, and stone are discussing their next move.
"how do i look?" boobs asks her personal assistant royce, who is filming the proceedings.
"oh you look scrumptious ms. mcGhosty!" replies royce.
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Post by mh on Sept 3, 2017 0:52:12 GMT -6
and back in the old monkey-house mansion shelia dressed in a period prairie costume, is reading from a tome she'd just printed.
"and in 1874 the pale lady first appeared. warning travelers of a dry goods store in the bad lands that robbed and shanghaied passersby. in 1877 she warned irvish hoshtiddler, an amish expatriate who'd been forcibly evicted from a mid-western amish clan."
"leave this evil place!" she screamed at irvish.
"hang it all! it be that witch again! she's interfering with my robbin' & murderin' of passersby!" cries lothar as the storekeep. "git him boys!"
"but pulling his bowie knife, irvish was able to back out of the store & escape to safety." says shelia.
"i must repay ye," says sy as irvish. "but i have no gold. but it is the custom of amish men, when aided by a woman, as a reward, to show her his johnson!"
"there was no such custom," says shelia stepping out of character. "irvish was just a perv! that's why he was banished. he had whipped off a mature mother's bonnet at a barn-raising, and shoved it down his britches! he was then banished from the clan & was dubbed 'irv the perv'."
"not lemme just get this undone here," says sy smoot, still in character, looking down and fiddling with his pants. "pale lady, yer headed fer johnson city! all expenses paid! i don't eats swine, but you're about to see hog! yer gonna sees a man abouts a horse! stupid buttons ... i'm gunna shows you my wedding tackle!"
"mr. smoot!" cries shelia.
"what? huh?" says sy. "i were pretty deep in character i guess. i were -- you know -- jus' tryin' to keeps it historical accurate."
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