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Post by mh on Jan 30, 2020 0:18:47 GMT -6
in the bleak & austere oozing carbuncle known as the old monkey alliance mansion, babu baboon, mh, super-jesse, and doc quantum have gathered on superbowl sunday, where instead of the super-bowl, as tradition dictates they are in the jungle room eating nachos & watching airwolf
"this has been the best super-bowl sunday!" exclaims super-jesse, dumping more hot cheese on his nachos.
"it's starting to bother me," says babu.
"mwann?" (what?) asks doc quantum, with a mouthful of nachos. |
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Post by mh on Jan 30, 2020 0:36:23 GMT -6
"it doesn't seem right," says babu. "doesn't it seem like we've stayed at the optimum superhero age for quite a long time? 34 to 37?"
"yeah," says doc, "but yer a baboon human hybrid! mh is a clone of a 1940's millionaire,
and i'm the protégé of doctor graves! he's like 126 years old! he looks younger than george clooney!" |
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Post by mh on Jan 30, 2020 1:00:07 GMT -6
"yeah, but it can't go on forever," says baboon. "we've put off our 'hardbodies' getaway for too long. those hot 80's babes are grandmas by now! what we're gonna did?!!"
"calm down my prince of a blue boy, " says mh.
"doc here has created as escape clause -- that will allow us to stalk taint guilt free!"
later, mh & babu are in doc quantum's yard, standing in a tulip patch, peering inside one of his living room windows.
doc walks in & his wife says, "my mother was just here, you just missed her!"
"really? she was here?" replies doc, "then who was running hell?!!"
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Post by mh on Jan 30, 2020 1:24:23 GMT -6
"well okay, "says doc quantum getting into the monkey-mobile, "my wife and i are now separated! i can chase taint unfettered. guilt free! i'll win her back later with my incredible charm -- and lots of black magic spells! i'll do the same for you guys. now go home & get insulting!"
"we're on it!" says mh.
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Post by mh on Jan 30, 2020 1:33:18 GMT -6
the monkey alliance & the hardbodies getaway ! starring the monkey alliance, a few beloved colleagues, and many hot bitches you've never seen before
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Post by mh on Jan 30, 2020 23:01:50 GMT -6
back at the horrible old cesspool of dread known as the old monkey-house, babu, mh, and doc quantum resplend themselves in fashionable, yet comfortable 80's garb.
"wait big gay al," says babu, "are you sure these duds will fly these days?"
"somethings are timeless!" replies big gay al, who dresses classic 80's 24/7.
"i've brought these 80's glam jogging suits back from the dead! and it was a privilege -- they're gorgeous! beleive me, you'll knock those guy's thocks off!"
babu: but bga we don't really ...
"hey, i'm not judging --, "exclaims al, "if love is wrong, i don't wanna be right! g-d bleth (bless) you hot little campers!!"
"al, did you just goose me on the ass?" asks doc.
"thorry, i was in the moment!" replies bga. |
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Post by mh on Jan 30, 2020 23:30:33 GMT -6
groomed 80's style, and loaded with boxes & cases of cleaned & pressed 80's attire, and drenched in calvin klein's obsession
the three take off in the monkey-mobile.
"bye, big gay al!" screams mh waving. "wait, are you guys saying 'big gay al' is gay?"
"dammit mh, we've gone over this!" exclaims babu baboon.
below, 'big gay al' is weeping. "love will always find a way," he rasps. "wait -- maybe diago and i still have a chance!" |
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Post by mh on Jan 31, 2020 0:21:38 GMT -6
landing in within a mile of the old 'harbodies' set, babu baboon says, "okay, this is where a lot of 'pick-up' shots & that stuff was filmed. the hotel the actors & crew stayed in is just a half mile north of here. oh crap!! we forgot kenny & buddy! i promised them if we ever did a hardbodies thing, they could come along! how could i have forgotten?"
"well, i hyp-mo-tized you so you wouldn't invite them! "exclaims doc quantum.
"yeah, those squares would have cramped our style!" says mh. "kenny & his big women, and buddy with his 'falding in love' with every beeoich he sees -- not in the game plan!"
they land, and exit excitedly, and find an abandoned strip mall, not unlike the 'mall of justice'
"ahhhhhh!!! they killed it! doodie heads! turd burglars! they did it! they did it! they blew it all to dog poo!!" screams mh, rolling out of the monkey-mobile onto the ground, and doing his best charlton heston impersonation from 'planet of the apes'.
"stop mh, yer gunna maid me cry!" screams doc quantum.
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Post by mh on Jan 31, 2020 21:31:48 GMT -6
"hey old dude, cheer up ..." says a girl, walking over. she's wearing 80's leg warmers & talks like moon unit zappa. did you get a bad colonic?"
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Post by mh on Jan 31, 2020 21:47:43 GMT -6
as mh (somewhat) recovers, the girl says her name is missy and shakes all their hands.
"missy, where is all the 'hardbodies' at?" asks doc quantum.
"oh, over that hill!" says missy, pointing west. "i was headed home & decided to buy this bag full of aerosol whipped cream I'm holding here. i plan to gulp down 3 cans, do 'wippets' with the rest, suck down some jack daniels, and once i'm good & baked, get in bed & watch magnum p.i., then finger myself until i pass out! okay -- bye guys! see ya'!"
as she sashays off, wigging her little butt, mh from the ground declares numbly, "that gurl's hurtin' for a squirtin'!"
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Post by mh on Jan 31, 2020 22:12:17 GMT -6
this portion of 'the monkey-alliance getaway -- aka hardbodies one 'mo time' , has been brought to you by mtv music television.
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Post by Doc Quantum on Feb 1, 2020 15:13:13 GMT -6
later, mh & babu are in doc quantum's yard, standing in a tulip patch, peering inside one of his living room windows.
doc walks in & his wife says, "my mother was just here, you just missed her!"
"really? she was here?" replies doc, "then who was running hell?!!"
Truer words were never spoken. |
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 3, 2020 23:55:39 GMT -6
"Where the hell is Babu?" Doc Quantum says. "We were supposed to hit the beach an hour ago!"
"He's in the bathroom," MH says. "Staring in the mirror and choking on regret."
"What the hell does that mean?" Doc says.
"Well, he was nervous about going out there on the beach and picking up young chicks," MH says. "And he read somewhere that beards make you look more 'mature' and he realized that he's covered in hair."
"Of course he's covered in hair. He's a baboon!" Doc exclaims.
"...so he broke into the bankrupt beauty supply store two doors down and grabbed all the hair removal strips, waxes, and creams they've got," MH continued.
"...this is gonna be weird," Doc says.
"That's not the part he's regretting," MH says.
"What could be worse than a shaved down monkey?" Doc says.
"Well, you know how Babu used to stress eat..." MH says.
"Oh yeah," Doc says. "And being married to a crazy bitch, he started really packing it away. But he's back in shape now. So what's the big deal."
"Weird things happen to a fat guy's skin when he loses the weight," MH says with a shudder. "But Babu was spared from seeing it since he was covered in hair. Now he's being confronted with the full horror of it all."
"Sweet mother of God!" Babu wails from the bathroom. What the hell's going on under my chin?!! I look like f---ing Foghorn Leghorn!"
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Post by mh on Feb 4, 2020 10:35:09 GMT -6
"you big baby!" exclaims mh, entering the bathroom. "what are you squawking about? for chrisakes, i'm wearing a girdle & a hair-piece! yes, nearby los angeles is fraught with plastic surgeons who could easily fix yer turkey neck, but we ain't got time for that! here," says mh wrapping a colorful 80's scarf from his luggage around babu's neck. babu notices mh & doc quantum are also wearing scarfs.
"luckily it's february, so a few fashion accessories won't look that odd."
"mh turns babu to the mirror.
"oh my g-d, i'm gorgeous!" he cries.
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Post by mh on Feb 16, 2020 2:30:13 GMT -6
"lets get to the beach!" says doc quantum.
as they enter the lobby, they see missy getting on an elevator.
"hi guys!" she exclaims, and disappears.
"horsefeathers! she got away again -- oh, peaches!" exclaims mh.
"dammit mh!" cries babu baboon, "no more old timey prospector exclamations! yer not wearing an 1800's backpack covered with ol' timey pots and pans! dammit! yer gonna ruin our chances with the hardbodies before we ever get started!"
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