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Post by mh on Oct 13, 2022 1:19:59 GMT -6
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Post by mh on Oct 19, 2022 1:30:42 GMT -6
in the soul-destroying pit of anguish known as the old monkey alliance headquarters, doctor quantum has called a meeting. the night is stormy,
and all the monkey alliance members are wearing slip resistant crocs! "thank you all for coming." says doc quantum.
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Post by mh on Oct 19, 2022 1:52:17 GMT -6
"why have you called this meeting?" asks babu baboon. "did you finally get us tickets to hamilton?"
"yes i did!" replies doc quartum. "but that isn't why i called you here. it seems nearly 45 yrs ago a nearly indestructible killer attacked the town of haddonfield il. since then many tales & rumors have abounded about his ongoing murders. one even had him killed by busta rhymes!"
"the worst rapper since coolio?!" exclaims mh.
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Post by mh on Oct 19, 2022 2:14:46 GMT -6
"the same," continues doc quantum, "but in all these years he never actually returned ... until now. an old friend of yours has insisted we go to haddonfield. he has made it clear to me that under no circumstances, no deaths must occur! that is our mission."
"wait ..." but who?" begins babu. suddenly with a blast of brimstone a figure appears before them.
"desk-boy!!" cry babu, mh, lothar, super-jesse, and un-vetted special guest m.a. member katy trilly, renamed jargon-lass.
"why is she here?! we're not even together!" says babu baboon.
jar·gon1 /ˈjärɡən/
special words or expressions that are used by a particular profession or group and are difficult for others to understand.
"you could do worse." says desk-boy.
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Post by mh on Oct 19, 2022 12:48:50 GMT -6
"yer a demon dresk-boi," hisses super-jesse.
"good to see you too runt," replies deskboy.
"db, shouldn't the police deal with something like this?" asks babu.
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Post by mh on Oct 19, 2022 13:09:10 GMT -6
"normally," says deskboy, "but myers was cursed by a group of druids belonging to the ancient cult of thorn as an infant. he is possessed by thorn. a demonic force that requires its host to sacrifice their family on samhain -- also known as halloween night. but lacking that, anybody will do."
"he has a sister named laurie strode, "says doc quantum going thru his phone.. "i've been tracking her movements closely, but no sign of michael myers yet."
"doc," says mh peeking over his shoulder, "these are all swimsuit shots!"
"well, she goes to the lake a lot!" says doc defensively.
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Post by mh on Oct 19, 2022 13:14:56 GMT -6
"crystal lake," says deskboy. "and that's why i've set up a headquarters for you at nearby 'camp crystal lake'! which has a bit of an ... interesting past."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 21, 2022 10:40:50 GMT -6
"Waitaminnit!" Babu Baboon says. "This sounds an awful lot like the Halloween movies."
"Like a lot of horror movies, they're loosely based on a true story," Desk-boy says. "Laurie Strode made a nice little chunk of change selling her story."
"What about the bit where he seems to keep coming back from the dead?" MH asks.
"That's why we're here," Desk-Boy says. "Hell seems to have a revolving door for these guys and the big guy doesn't like it. So we've got to make sure he's dead-dead this time."
"How do we do that?" Doc Quantum asks.
"With these ceremonial knives created by the druids," Desk-boy says, opening a case containing the knives. "You will each get one and you must stab him at the same time."
"Easier said than done," Babu says.
"*All prices above are in USD and include an engaging, captivating video with full script and voice-over," remarks Jargon-Lass.
"You can say yjat again," MH says.
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Post by mh on Oct 21, 2022 21:28:02 GMT -6
later at camp crystal lake, the monkey alliance are in a comfortable cabin, and super-jesse is making his famous smores.
"the secret ingredient is done skittles," says super-jesse, snickering.
"i never would have guessed," replies desk-boy.
"db, why is there bowls of halloween candy everyplace, and why is the bathtub full of malt liqueur?!" asks babu baboon.
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Post by mh on Oct 21, 2022 21:41:26 GMT -6
"i'd hope to put you all on a higher spiritual plain thru 'mortification of the flesh'. starvation, for example. but we ain't got time for that. so i want you all to get ripped! pour as much malt liquer down your necks as you can hold. and get jacked on halloween candy! gobble it down until your on a jittery sugar high! like a five year old! myers won't know what hit him! and the other deamons said i was crazy."
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Post by mh on Oct 21, 2022 22:08:09 GMT -6
"i'm way ahead of you," says jargon-lass, as she gobbles down her 9th candy necklace and washes it down with a 40 of old english. "desk-boy, check out some of our existing videos when u get time," says jargon-lass "they can show a solution to a problem or simply promote one of your products or services. they are concise, can be uploaded to video sites such as jargon-gurl.org, and can be embedded into your website or featured on landing pages."
"i see i've chosen well," exclaims deskboy, "she's nuts!"
"omg! mh! did you hear that? i'm in!" cries jargon-lass.
"dammit desk-boy," says babu, eating his third full sized 3-musketteers and gulping down a colt 45. "why is she even here?!"
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Post by mh on Oct 21, 2022 23:25:12 GMT -6
back at 'the mall of justice', the monkey alliance interns, and kenny & buddy are watching the proceedings on a supernatural cam supplied by desk-boy.
"wait, "they're tracking a supernatural killer possessed by a druid god? are they friggin insane?" asks skye.
"still, c'mon, we need to transdcribe the sh-t out of this," says dakota.
"kenny," says buddy. "i think i done falled in love with jargon-lass. i think i don't caught myself in a love triangle."
"don't worry pal, "says kenny. "just tell her, katy, yer explainer video service has done explained to me how you can done benefit buddy-got-tohave-it.net by done knocking his junk around! now show me some existing videos! she'll done be puddy in yer hands."
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Post by mh on Oct 21, 2022 23:54:28 GMT -6
"okay, you're all hammered! and jacked! you've received the blessing of mortification."
now let's get down to bidness. "you'll all keep him from killing. it'll be a bloodless halloween. and myers will snap! that's when you take him. but for now protect the town. "mh! you & lothar of the hill people go to the house myers grew up in. jarboon! you & super-jesse go to the police station ..."
"who?" asks babu baboon.
"oh, i meant you and jargon-lass!" says desk-boy. "it's one of them hollywood couple names. like benifer. or brangelina. or tomcat!"
"i love it!" cries jargon-lass.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 25, 2022 6:02:50 GMT -6
Desk-boy and Doc Quantum are watching things from a special security monitor the demon set up ahead of time. It is enchanted, so they can view basically anything.
"Maybe we should see what Laurie Strode is doing," Doc says.
"Like if she's swimming at the lake again?" Desk-boy says.
"Gimme a break. It's not like she isn't a target here," Doc says.
"Okay, whatever," Desk-boy says, hitting the remote. "Oh shit!"
"What?" Doc exclaims.
"She's in her old house!"
"So?"
"MH and Lothar are there!" Desk-boy says. "She's trained herself to deal with Michael Myers. When she's around, it's like a gory R-rated version of 'Home Alone'! She's gonna chew them up and spit them out!"
Sure enough, on the screen, it shows MH opening a door and a paint can on a rope goes sailing towards his head.
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Post by mh on Oct 30, 2022 15:52:07 GMT -6
"mh should have ducked." says lothar standing over mh.
"is there paint on me?!" cries mh.
"no, mh's classic 1970's costume fine." assures lothar.
"who exactly are you bozos?" asks laurie strode coming out of her workshop. "you don't look like tourists. or thrill seekers. never should have wrote that damn book!" then regarding their attire & weapons, she adds,"... either of you know how to sharpen blades?"
"do saber-toothed moss monster defecate in woods?" says lothar.
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