|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on May 25, 2024 7:17:40 GMT -6
"Why are we running?" Baby says.
"Something was off about Tammy!" Gretchen says.
"I kind've caught that, too," Babu says.
"Hey, just because she showed a healthy interest in me..." MH says defensively.
"The feral people are great mimics," Gretchen says. "I think she was one of them."
"How do you know about the feral people?" Babu asks.
"I'm a reporter for the Daily Tattler," Gretchen says. "I'm here to do a story on them."
"That rag?" MH snorts.
"Hey, our stories may be outlandish, but they usually turn out to be true. That coven of vampires I uncovered was real. I'm basically Kolchak with tits!" Gretchen snaps.
"OK, points for knowing who Kolchak is at your age," Babu says.
"I am Jane. Please insert girder," Jane says, keeping pace.
"Not now, Jane!" Gretchen exclaims.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on May 27, 2024 1:12:15 GMT -6
"so do u carry a crucifix?" asks mh.
"does the pope sh-t in the woods?!" asks gretchen. "but i don't drive an old mustang -- i abject to fossil fuels. and i don't wear a seersucker suit! seersucker breaks me out."
"i guess we can agree something is wrong with these woods, "says babu. "it's getting late. let's make camp. we'll build a huge bonfire and sleep in shifts."
as they set up camp gretchen says, "does jane always break logs with her hands like that? it's a little creepy."
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on May 27, 2024 1:42:43 GMT -6
"uhhh, like i said, jane is a former power lifter." says babu, patting jane. "she's a strong woman."
"i am jane. please insert girder." says jane.
"strong except for her heart!" says gretchen, cutting babu a dirty look, and tearing up a little as she sets up her tent.
"gretchen thinks i'm a monster," babu whispers to mh.
"yeah, because u toyed with jane's feelings, and casted her aside,"says mh. "assuming she was real and not a malt liquer hauling sick imitation of human life that might murder us all in our sleep."
"babu you really resemble someone, "says gretchen, frowning. "i don't pay much attention to the celebrity stuff, but the tattler did a series of articles about this power couple. they were some sort of superheroes ..."
"the woman did an interview with us and said, "all of our videos are in a similar animated format as the above examples, and we have voice over artists with US/UK/Australian accents. we can also produce voice overs in languages other than english. they can show a solution to a problem or simply promote one of your products or services. they are concise, can be uploaded to video sites such as YouTube, and can be embedded into your website or featured on landing pages ..." that's all i can remember."
"ghaaa ... !!!!!" cries babu.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on May 27, 2024 1:51:04 GMT -6
this portion of "the monkey alliance and the feral people!!!" was brought to you by zagats magazine with hank and beverly.
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on May 27, 2024 15:51:21 GMT -6
Shaken by Gretchen's story, Babu says, "Maybe it's time we made camp for the night. We've been running for a while."
In the distance, they hear a faint, "Humper Doo!" carried by the wind.
They're still trailing us, we'd better keep watch. We'll take shifts. I'll go first. Then MH. Then Gretchen."
"What about Jane?" Gretchen asks.
"She'll go last," Babu says, knowing he and MH will have to split her shift.
Later that night, Babu is jostled out of sleep by the cries of "Humper Doo! Humper Doo! Humper Doo!"
"What the hell?" Babu exclaims, looking up to see shaking branches.
"Jesus Christ!" MH cries. "It looks like a bear tore through our food supplies.
"Gretchen, it was your shift!" Baabu says.
"I couldn't keep my eyes open. I asked Jane to cover for me. She said she'd do it."
"She what?" Baabu snapped.
"Well, she smiled when I asked," Gretchen said.
"She's always smiling!" Babu exclaims.
"And yet you can't give her the love she needs," Gretchen says.
"What?!!" Babu chokes.
"Dammit!" MH snaps. "Someone shit in my favorite camping hat"
MH gives Babu the stinkeye, remembering the scene from 'Friends' where Ross taalks aabout his monkey going in his hat.
"Dammit, MH!" Babu snaps. "Why do you always assume I crapped in your hat!"
"How many times has his hat been crapped in?" Gretchen asks.
"We often bunk down with two chronic alcoholic idiot savants," Babu says. So more times than you think."
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jun 4, 2024 2:10:22 GMT -6
gretchen goes about gathering up the food and bottled water that isn't ruined, while babu contacts doc quantum and explains the situation. overhearing, mh yells, "doc! somebody dookeyed in my hat!" and eyes babu suspiciously.
"troubling ...," says doc after a second. "oh, and that couldn't have been ranger aabergürd. she was here the whole time! i've since had the rangers all picked up and taken into town. they were basket cases!"
"then who licked me!" cries mh.
"looks like you came across a doppelgänger, "says doc. "there are many doppelgänger stories in the deep woods. don't be too concerned. they're generally not dangerous."
"ghaaa!" cries mh, and he flops down into a mud puddle, spashing his face with muck, as it has become real crucial to him to get the doppelgänger spit off.
gretchen walks over holding some jerky and cans of spam looks down at him and stares and stares.
"yuck! that b-tch is probably the one who dookeyed in my hat!" he cries.
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Jun 17, 2024 19:01:30 GMT -6
"This is worse than I thought," Babu says. "We can't even trust our own senses. They could be anybody."
"We need to always stay in sight of each other," Gretchen says. "So they can't try and trick us by imitating us."
"That's the last thing we need," MH says.
"You're still wearing that hat?" Babu asks, looking at MH incredulously.
"It's not the same hat," MH says.
"You bought more than one?"
"Yeah, and nothing better happen to this one!"
"For the last time..." Babu snaps. "Gaahh!! Would you stay focused?"
The trio walk in silence. All three are on edge, waiting for anything to jump out at them at any moment.
As they walk, they start to see stick figure hanging from the trees. The further they walk into the woods, the more plentiful they become.
"No, this isn't creepy at all," MH says. "Not one bit.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jun 29, 2024 0:39:53 GMT -6
"this reminds me of a kolchak case!" says gretchen. "y'know, carl kolchak was a real reporter, and he was a dead ringer for the guy in the tv show. anyway, he was following a lead, and ended up in a corn maze and kept finding these pumpkin seed dolls! then ..."
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jun 29, 2024 1:23:50 GMT -6
just then a dark figure leaps forward,
and jane, yelling, "i am jane ! ..." lunges forward and punches it in the chest, then grabs it by the shoulders and hurls it, and it goes nearly 15 feet and lands with a sickening thud against a tree trunk. gasping, it begins to crawl away.
"jane, that was incredible!" cries gretchen. "she must have channeled all that pent up anger she has against you babu!"
"oh, c'mon!" exclaims babu.
mh comes back dragging the figure by one leg thru the leaves.
"oww, oww, oww, oww," it says.
still holding the leg, mh rares back like he going the kick the figure in the nuts.
"mh, yer not going to kick him in the nuts are you?" asks babu.
"does the pope shit in the woods?" asks mh.
"ghaaaaa!!!!" screams the figure.
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Jun 30, 2024 9:06:12 GMT -6
"Wait! Wait!" the figure yelps. "It's me!"
"Nope. Goin' for the nut shot," MH says, still dragging him.
"It's me! Neilencio!" the figure yelps.
"Oh," MH says, seeing him clearly once he has him in the light. "I'm used to you being dressed like a musketeer."
"Doc said you guys were incognito," Neilencio says. "He said you guys were dealing with some seriously weird and spooky stuff so you could probably use a hand."
"He thought we needed a hand against primitive witchy types so he sends a swordsman?" Babu exclaims. "Where the hell is Desk-Boy or Super Jesse?"
"Hey, I'm useful, too," Neilencio pouts.
"Sure, if they come at us with pointy sticks," MH says.
"So is MH still gonna kick this guy in the nuts or what?" Gretchen asks.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jul 1, 2024 23:22:44 GMT -6
mh looks at babu questioningly.
"no!" cries babu. then helps neilencio to his feet.
"fine!" exclaims gretchen, pulling out a long knife. "c'mon jane, let's make lots of pointy sticks."
"i am jane ..." begins jane, following her.
"jane, so help me!" barks gretchen, cutting her off.
"humm, gretchen's nuts!" says neilencio, brushing himself off. "jane seems okay."
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 3, 2024 5:02:53 GMT -6
"I'm no stranger to the supernatural!" Neilencio says, drawing his sword out and swishing it around. "I once faced down the Gargling Ghost! And then there was the fearsome Warlock of Lincoln, Nebraska...."
"Weren't those guys in disguise, like in Scooby Doo?" MH asks.
"Well, yes, but they had great special effects," Neilencio says.
"Well, we might be dealing with the real thing here," Babu says. "That one disguised as the Lady ranger had us all fooled."
""That Jane.." Neilencio asks..," Is she married? Or seeing anybody?"
"You don't want to go there," Babu says.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jul 3, 2024 22:30:22 GMT -6
they hear a crash, and a terrified cry, "humperdoo!" then racing over they find gretchen and jane standing over a hole with the humperdoo guy inside, trying feebly to crawl out.
"what's going on?!" exclaims babu.
"well, absently, i said to jane, i wish we had a big deep hole to catch one of these feral people in, and i went about finding more sticks to sharpen, then seconds later jane taps my shoulder and points at this big hole!"
"i am jane ..." starts jane.
"you sure are!" exclaims gretchen. "anyway, we camouflaged it with twigs, and put a bag of slim jims on top -- and we caught him!"
"humperdoo." says the humperdoo guy, pathetically.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jul 3, 2024 22:56:14 GMT -6
this portion of the monkey alliance and the feral people!!! was brought to you by "sassy's sassiest boys".
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 4, 2024 9:49:26 GMT -6
this portion of the monkey alliance and the feral people!!! was brought to you by "sassy's sassiest boys".
|
|
