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Post by mh on Mar 27, 2014 12:22:02 GMT -6
the monkey alliance and the tv land connundruma maddening monkey-house of confusion starring the monkey alliance & assorted guest-starsBabu Baboon and Doc Quantum return to 'the mall of justice', from the decades old 'monkey-house 7' on venus, using a cold-fusion transport device developed by kenny & buddy, that resembles 'the time-machine' from the classic old movie of the same name, which had somewhat recently appeared on 'the big bang theory'.
as they appear, and buddy helps unstrap them, babu says, "buddy! i never thought to ask before, but why does this thing resemble 'the time-machine' from the classic old movie of the same name, which appeared somewhat recently on, my favorite show, 'the big bang theory'?"
"because it done is it," says buddy. "me & kenny seen where it was gonna be used on that durn show with them 3 smart-alecks on it, so we brolked in and horked it, and replaced it with a replica we done made. it don't need to took apart & flew across the durn country over & over so some jerks can sit their butts in it & make joaks that don't make no damn sense to nobody."
"so it's better for it to get jolted 25 million miles thru space in .10 seconds!" exclaims babu. "and you entrusted me & doc quantum's safety on a 50-something year old movie prop?"
"well, it's only 24 million miles away right now," says buddy, "and it took .11 seconds fer you to get there," he adds sheepishly, holding up some peeled off malt liquer labels with numbers written all over them. "me and kenny's calculations were done wrong."
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Post by mh on Mar 27, 2014 12:40:02 GMT -6
"wait, you said 3 smart-alecks," says babu, "there are four guys on the show."
"raj ain't no smart-aleck, "replies buddy, rolling his eyes at babu's ignorance. "he done knows particle astrophysics and lieks archie comics. he'd be a cool guy to done hang out with."
"my g-d, "says babu, flashing back to his venus experience, "there's been a series of murders on the old russian space station on venus. we have to mobilize ...!"
"we ain't got time fer that now!" exclaims buddy. "while you was gone, horrible events have done tooken place."
"... what?! what happened?" asks doc.
"well kenny will explain, "says buddy. "but first baboon, i needs you to done pick me up an' throw me toward the sun as hard as you can. right over them trees over there ought to be good. i know it'll done break yer little heart, but just done it and get it over with."
"what?!!" exclaims babu.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Mar 27, 2014 17:45:59 GMT -6
It's about this time Babu notices the crazy outfit Buddy is wearing. He has on a metallic vest with circuits and wires poking out of it. Some of the wires extend down to a matching pair of gloves. On his head is a metal colinder afixed with similar circuits and wires.
"What's all this?" Babu asks.
"It's all part of our latest expirament!" Buddy says enthusiastically. "But to make it work, I need you to done hork me up that way as fast as you can!"
"You'll get killed!" Babu says.
"No I won't. Kenny and me done figured it all out!"
Trusting in their ingenuity and somewhat curious about the expirament, Babu Baboon lifts Buddy up and sends him flying up into the distance. Suddenly, there is an explosion of lightning issuing out from a point in the sky and Buddy dissappears into the maelstrom.
"What the hell?" Babu exclaims. "What just happened to Buddy!"
"We done sent Buddy into a transmission from a Direct TV Satellite. He's in TV Land now."
"Do you have any idea what you've done?" Babu exclaims. "The old Monkey Alliance went to TV Land when Jesse got himself sucked into the TV! Ted McGinley, the Grim Reaper of TV Land, chased us from channel to channel, show to show, trying to get us with his TV death touch. We were nearly all killed! Why would you do this?"
"Because Jesse done got himself sucked into the TV again!" Kenny exclaims. "Buddy and I done opened the portal so you can rescue him!"
Babu sighs and says to Doc," Assemble the others. It looks like we're going back to TV Land."
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Post by mh on Mar 27, 2014 18:14:40 GMT -6
"well first you and i need some sleep babu, "says doc groggily." we've been awake for almost 3 days. kenny, you wouldn't believe what's going on on venus ..."
"okay durn!" says kenny, "enough about pluto or wherever you done was. this is important!"
hours later babu pulls himself out of one of the guest rooms, and after showering and dressing in a clean costume, he's eatin' a banana and looking around for everyone. "Hello? Hello?!"
finally he hears noise from the main teevee room, but finds the door boarded up.
"open up!" he exclaims knocking.
"no, go away!" yells mh.
"he won't done come out," says Kenny, looking incredibly sad. "doc is done in there too. i told mh that taffy was out here in a towel and wanted to go in and look for some clothes, but it didn't work."
"it didn't work?" replies babu, confused, "but that's never not worked ..." |
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Post by mh on Mar 27, 2014 18:50:14 GMT -6
babu carefully pushes the door open, sliding back all the heavy crap piled in front of it, and finds mh & doc trying to watch 3 different TV's at once.
"what's up with you two?" asks babu.
"i'm watchin' 'CHiMPs'," says mh. "'california highway monkey patrol'. in it paunch and bobo are two chimpanzees trained in police procedure! look, they pulled over 'ginger' from 'gilligan's enterprise'! that's the show where gilligan & the skipper stole the star ship enterprise after 'trek' got cancelled! they had to shoot ther professor fulla Vulcan blood and ... wait look! hah! ginger sure is mad at them monkeys!"
"and i'm watching, 'studsky & hatch', says a glassy eyed doc quantum. "in it, studsky, played by jamie farr, and hatch, are two zany cops who accidently blow up a lot of stuff and high-five each other every 2 minutes."
"omg!" cries babu. "what have we done?!"
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Post by mh on Mar 27, 2014 18:52:43 GMT -6
"it gets worse," mumbles kenny. tv-land channels 1 thru 43 are the only channels on teevee. and look, over there. that's 'seraph lobo'."
"you mean sheriff lobo, don't you Kenny?" asks babu.
"no," says kenny, "it's 'seraph lobo'. "in it, 'sheriff lobo' and his deputy had got kill't by robbers, and comes back to earth as celestial beings on a flaming motorcycle like 'ghost rider' to solve crimes!"
"fantastic!" yells mh.
kenny sighs heavily. "i dunno if i wanna done live in a world without sheriff lobo."
"but none of this can be true!" exclaims babu. "what happened to eric estrada?"
"oh, he did 'estrada or nada'. it's still done in production." replies kenny.
"but that's just a fake show from, 'my name is earl'! exclaims babu excitedly. "how did this happen?!"
"Estrada ... guy thinks he can beat everybody at everything," rasps doc quantum. "i must get on that show."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Mar 27, 2014 20:59:32 GMT -6
"Okay, guys. Enough of this weird TV marathon," Babu says. "We've got work to do."
"Finally," Kenny mutters.
"It's so... addicting," Doc says. "How ... how did it get like this?"
"Maybe because there's a durn interdimensional rift up above us Buddy and me made that nobody's done paid no attention to!" Kenny exclaims.
"Byddy and Jesse are part of TV land now," Babu says. "It could be their influence seeping in."
"Whatever it is, it makes great TV!" MH says, stuffing his mouth with popcorn.
"That done it!" Kenny snaps. "If my best pal gets kill't cuz you guys done decided to become a bunch of slackasses, I'm gonna done fried all y'alls brains with that death-ray I made out of an old microwave!!!" Everyone stares at Kenny in shock.
"Kenny's right," Babu says. "We've got to do something. Sorry, Kenny. I guess our trip to Venus shook us up more than we thought."
Shortly, they've assembled the rest of the MA and are taking the Monkey Mobile through the dimensional rift. "See, Kenny? No harm. The rift's still here and we're all well rested now and on our way to rescue Buddy and Jesse."
Kenny scowls and folds his arms. "Y'all are the worst bitches."
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Post by mh on Apr 13, 2014 20:25:53 GMT -6
"well we still had the projection think we used to enter tv land before," says kenny. "it was back there with the klanger-bot and all that junk."
suddenly the room begins to spin, and a familiar figure walks from the darkness.
"where're you going there, buckaroos?" he asks.
"gil!" yells mh. "we gotta go save our freinds. come with us!"
"i'm sorry daves, but I just can't do that daves, "says the image of gil gerard as the room is enveloped in blackness. the next thing, they're in a simulation of the 2001 space station.
"2001 the series!" says gil's voice from no-where. "it ran for 15 years! yer basically gonna be stuck here forever. unless ted mcginley, the harbinger of tv land death finds you. but if yer quiet he will probably leave you alone. he's started a new series with brooke shields. we're expecting big numbers!" then the voice fades away.
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Post by mh on Apr 15, 2014 15:53:22 GMT -6
looking around the revolving space station, babu says, "well I could leave, but if i open a bay door and you guys have no helmets, yer heads would explode! it looks like we're trapped."
"oh there is a way out," they hear a deep voice say.
they turn to see sanchez, from 'garth marengi's dark place'.
"what're you doing here?!" exclaims babu.
"oh since my series was cancelled, "says sanchez, "Sanchez, Women's Prison Surgeon" produced by dean learner, i come up here sometimes to be alone. TV Land and their damn no-porn clauses! i mean really, not even soft core! and our ratings were exceptional. dean learner and i were stunned!"
"sanchez, could you show us the way out," asks mh.
"yes! if you'll have some 'egg in soup' with me!"
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Post by mh on Apr 15, 2014 19:43:36 GMT -6
later, as they're eating in the 2001 dining room.
"what you do, "says sanchez," you open a tin of soup, heat it up, poach an egg in it, and serve that with a pork pie sausage roll. hah! genius, right? kenny let me cut up your pork pie for you! you're getting it all over yourself! ah, it's nice to have company."
"sanchez," says babu, "now about getting us out of here ..."
"there's no rush!" says sanchez. "did you know there's a sauna & a workout room here? and TV's -- and if you're feeling a bit fruity there's a fembot around here someplace! oh, and a lounge with holograms! it makes one forget about the cold darkness of space. the ... cold ... cold ... darkness."
babu: you don't really know how to get out of here, do you sanchez?
sanchez: not a clue.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Apr 17, 2014 19:05:54 GMT -6
"Great," grumbles MH. "How are we supposed to rescue Jesse and Buddy if we're stuck here?"
"At least you've got egg in soup," Sanchez says. Everyone stares at him blankly.
"We've got to come up with some kind of plan," Doc says.
"Aren't there any escape pods?" Babu asks.
"No," Sanchez says. "I've checked."
"Well, There's this all-purpose remote I done brought," Kenny says.
"What's it do?" MH asks.
"It done changes channels," Kenny says. He hits a button and suddenly everything goes to static.
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Post by mh on Apr 25, 2014 0:35:34 GMT -6
"ha! we can escape with that!" says sanchez. "but be cautious. if you continue, not only will you have ted mcGinley, stalking you, but also the worst TV actor of all time, in any & every known dimension."
"joe lando from dr. Quinn medicine woman?" the monkey alliance members say at once.
"indeed," says sanchez," joe lando. and there is one more who is unknown to me. be on your guard. btw, could you deposit me at 'dean leaner's' 5 million quid penthouse apartment in London's fashionable east end? he's having a party, and choosing models for his magazine featuring big women tonite. it should be quite the affair."
kenny gasps, and looks at babu expectantly.
"no kenny," cries babu. "we have work to do!"
"dammit, "says kenny.
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 6, 2014 13:23:51 GMT -6
The Monkey Alliance and Sanchez pile into the Monkey Mobile. Kenny hits the remote and they suddenly find themselves engulfed by static once more.
The Monkey Mobile rocks up and down like a roller coaster as it's hit with static waves. "Gaaaahhh!!!" they all scream, holding on to each other for dear life.
Screens race past them showing the different shows in TV Land. "Qick!" Sanchez says, pointing to a screen ahead of them. "There's Dean Learner's penthouse! Aim for that one!"
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Post by mh on May 6, 2014 22:17:04 GMT -6
the monkey-mobile heads right for the huge picture window leading into of dean learner's posh 5 million quid penthouse, which affords him a breath-taking view of London's fashionable east end.
the monkey-mobile passes thru, and becomes solid after entering without breaking the glass, and comes to an abrupt halt and lands beside dean lerner's coy pond. kenny, who had not buckled in properly, gets pitched out and lands on top of several big lingerie models, auditioning for dean lerner's "big & hot" magazine, causing guests to scatter.
 
always the personification of a sophisticated gentleman, unruffled, dean learner ushers his guests from the monkey-mobile.
"sanchez!" he exclaims, "what an entrance! and who're your friends? welcome! please enjoy my posh 5 million quid home in london's fashionable east end!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 13, 2014 19:42:03 GMT -6
The air is filled with music from the Steinway grand piano in the center of the room being played by a guy in a tuxedo. The room is filled with well dressed people who are supposed to be the rich and famous. None of them are anyone the MA recognize.
"I thought his party was supposed to be for celebrities," MH mutters.
"This is TV," Babu says. "These are extras playing rich and famous party guests. Usually a real celebrity will suddenly pop out from the crowd as if he's a party guest."
"Hey, fellas," Dean Learner says, bringing over a man dressed all in black. "Have you met my client and good friend, Garth Marenghi?"
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