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Post by mh on May 13, 2014 21:14:10 GMT -6
"hah!" says garth marenghi, "of course i need no introduction. unless you gentlemen have been living on neptune for many years."
he and dean lerner both burst into laughter.
"you gentlemen don't know how lucky you are!" exclaims sanchez, and he and marenghi embrace.
"you see, garth is not only a bestselling author, a master of all fighting disciplines, an advisor to all the world's heads of state, a shaman, a renowned expert in the art of lovemaking ..."
"please sanchez," says garth, "if you continue listing my achievements, we'll be here all day."
he, sanchez, and dean learner laugh uproariously, as the monkey alliance members just stare.
"now gentlemen," garth says, "becoming serious, as he and dean lerner sit, "tell me your problem."
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 14, 2014 19:02:34 GMT -6
Babu and the rest of the Monkey Alliance sit around a table with Garth Marenghi, Dean Learner, and Sanchez. They tell Marenghi about their quest to find Jesse and Buddy who are stranded in TV land. Garth Marenghi nods knowingly.
"It is a dangerous road you travel, my friends," he says.
"We know about Ted McGinley," Babu says.
"He is but one of the four horsemen of the TV apocalypse," he says, laying down a tarot card. It says "death" and has McGinley's picture.
"Well, Sanchez warned us about Joe Lando," MH says.
"Yes," Marenghi says. "His deadful acting skills have made him Pestilence." He lays out a Tarot card that says "Pestilence".
"Then there is War," Marenghi continues. He lays down a tarot card that says "War" and has a picture of Cybil Shephard. "Every set of every show she has been on has turned into a battle royale with fellow cast mates."
"What about Famine?" Doc asks.
"Merenghi looks embaressed and lays down a card that says "Famine and has a big question mark. "I haven't discovered who that is yet. Whoever it is, they have been in excellent shows that were starved for ratings and then cancelled. My guess is most of these shows were on FOX."
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Post by mh on May 28, 2014 20:47:11 GMT -6
dean lerner's 'beautiful assistant-cum-bartender', satu, runs in yelling, "dean! your luxury apartment in london’s glittering east end, is under attack -- by flying saucers!"
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Post by mh on May 28, 2014 20:52:01 GMT -6
"but why is she smiling?" asks doc quantum.
"botox, "sights garth, "she can't stop."
"satu?! why don't you help, instead of standing there dreaming about lipstick!" screams dean learner, as he fires at them with a shotgun.
"they've found you lot!" garth yells. " -- and we are under attack from tv-land's 'my favorite martian' marathon! quickly, to your ship! you must go!"
"dammit man! what do we do?!" exclaims shanchez, as he tosses a cupboard drawer full of forks & knifes at them.
"if only we had some pork-chops," rasps garth, "that would certainly slow them down."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jun 1, 2014 11:46:09 GMT -6
"As long as we stay here, we're putting you all in danger," Babu Baboon says. "We'd best be on our way."
"I'll never forget you," Sanchez says, grasping each one in a one armed bro-hug.
"Good luck," Garth says, extending a hand to each of them, "and Godspeed."
The Monkey Alliance members climb into the Monkey-Mobile and crash through one of the picture windows to flay into the horde of flying saucers, which turn away from Dean Learner's luxurious penthouse apartment and follow them. They pour on the speed to try and escape the Martian hoarde, nearly colliding with an egg shaped space ship.
"Shazbot! That was close!" they hear a voice from inside say.
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Post by mh on Jun 3, 2014 21:56:20 GMT -6
'dean lerner's beautiful assistant/cum bartender 'satu' was something else, "says mh as they speed past the saucers, which turn and begin trying to chase them.
"i got some phone numbers off them big girl models, "says kenny. "those guys done know how to live! surrounded by over-fed goddesses."
suddenly the communicator comes on and a young indian woman with 'dakota' written across her revealing shirt appears on the screen.
"guys! it's me dakota! are you okay?!"
"dakota! why don't you help us out? says mh. "instead of just standing there dreaming about lipstick?!" he adds with a smirk, and canned tv laughter suddenly sounds.
"ha! that was done a good one mh!" says kenny.
back at monkey alliance HQ the interns are eating hot-pockets and watching TV Land, and dakota exclaims, "i can't believe mh was that rude! wait'll i see that guy! and the actress they chose for 'dakota' -- she's nothing like me!"
"we got this email from TV-Land that said they found the M.A. interns a bit too homogenous, "explains amber. "i guess five white girls from east justice wasn't politically correct enough for them."
"that isn't dakota!" exclaims babu. "this must be TV-Land's doing!"
suddenly a young asian guy comes on the communicator, with taffy written across his t-shit. "be careful mh!, "he exclaims. "i wouldn't want to live without my big cuddle bear!"
"what the hell!?" cries mh as babu bursts into laughter.
"wow," says taffy back at monkey alliance headquarters as she gulps root-beer, "they made me a gay asian guy who's in a relationship with mh! this is better than 'pretty little liars'!"
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Post by mh on Jun 5, 2014 2:53:54 GMT -6
"did you notice, "says babu, "that part of the time, 'on the air' appeared in big letters above our heads?"
"yeah," says doc quantum. "shoot! i thought it was the aurora borealis."
seconds later, ted mcGinley appears on the screen, with sybil shepard in the background, glaring at them.
"listen guys," says mcGinley, "i don't want to hurt you, but you have to end this! since you've been on the air, the numbers for "something about harry", my new show, are in the basement! you're killing us! i took over the part of 'harry' after dean cain held out for too much money! That jerk! for a few weeks there, before they started filming you guys, america was enjoying my antics like never before! my reputation as the harbinger of death for all tv shows was all but over. kenny knows! he's the president of 'the ted mcginley' fan-club in justice city."
"that's right!" says kenny. "and i've signed up a load of new members."
That's great!" says mcGinley.
"but before they pay their fees, you'll have to show up at hefty's on ladies night!" continues kenny. "i envy you -- them big women are gonna be done all over you!"
"ah, heck, " says McGinley, "... i'll be there."
"lay off! or i'm going to eat your souls!" screeches sybill shepard, suddenly peering into the camera.
"ghaaaa!" scream the monkey alliance.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 7, 2014 14:48:09 GMT -6
Cybil Shepard's eyes glow red and then the screen shorts out. "What the hell?" MH exclaims.
"They've done done something to the Monkey Mobile!" Kenny says.
"We're losing altitude!" Doc exclaims.
"We're gonna crash!" MH says.
The Monkey Mobile continues to plummet. "We're headed for thar drive-thru!" Babu says, pointing to a very familiar 50s drive-in.
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Post by mh on Jul 9, 2014 23:33:06 GMT -6
a group of guys in letterman sweaters, way too old, but pretending to be teenagers, pull the monkey alliance members out of the monkey-mobile where it crashed into the side of arnold's diner. taking out a few booths, but barely scratching the monkey-mobile.
"you could have killed us!" exclaims an annoying guy.
"sit on it potsie!" yells babu. "this is where we make our stand! i watched this show insistently as a kid. i know this fake milwaukee town like the back of my hand! kenny? can you make something that'll train all the TV-LAND cameras on us here?"
"well, it'll be hard without buddy, "says kenny, "but i reckon i could done use parts from that ol' timey drive in right there ...."
"good, c'mon!" replies babu.
"hey, you have to buy me another malted!" exclaims the annoying guy.
"sit on it potsie!" cries mh, throwing an arnold-burger at him, hitting him across the head.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 19, 2014 18:24:03 GMT -6
Suddenly, the egg shaped ship they nearly crashed into earlier floats down through the hole they made in Arnold's. It lands and opens and a man in a red suit and silver helmet steps out. He removes his helmet revealing a head of unruly brown hair.
"You narzblatzs nearly killed me!" he exclaims.
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Post by mh on Aug 9, 2014 21:09:30 GMT -6
"now get in the egg & come with me!" yells mork. babu immediately cold cocks him.
"he's cold as a mackerel!" yells doc quantum.
"c'mon!" babu exclaims, getting into the egg. "mork was suppose to capture us! this stupid fiberglass egg should take us to TV Land HQ!"
"or mork's home planet, "replies doc quantum. |
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 16, 2014 19:40:47 GMT -6
"Ah, the old cold cock the alien gag! Humor! Ar! Ar!" Mork says, getting up.
"Not so fast," Babu says.
"Hey, you've got it all wrong!" Mork says. "I'm here to help you! Hop in the egg."
"How are we supposed to all fit in that," Doc says.
"It's bigger on the inside!" Mork says.
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Post by mh on Aug 21, 2014 0:49:28 GMT -6
They squeeze into the egg.
"it's not much bigger on the inside," says babu. "a lot of it's closed for renovation," says mork.
seconds later they land unnoticed on the set of tv land's newest show, 'eave it to weasel'.
"filmed live in front of a studio audience," exclaims the announcer. "and starring ted mcginty! jennifer love hewett! with biiiigggg shirtless ron as wally!
and superjesse as, the weasel!"
the audience bursts into applause.
"dear," says jennifer love hewitt, wearing a swimsuit and standing on a mock-up set of a tennis court with mcginty, who looks to be preparing to serve. "i'm afraid i was a little hard on ther weasel last night."
"i'll just bet she was!" exclaims mcginty, dropping his racket. "ghaaa ha ha ha ha!"
"dammit," gasps hewitt.
"cut!!!" cries the director. "for crying out loud ted! that was the 37th take!"
"oh ghawd, I can't help it," giggles mcginty with tears in his eyes. "everytime she says ... ghaaa ha ha ha ha!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Sept 7, 2014 7:47:26 GMT -6
The Monkey Alliance and Mork look around for Super Jesse while Ted McGinty blows take after take. The director is so frustrated, he yanks the toupee off his own head, throws it onthe ground and starts stomping on it and cussing.
"Wow, that director is really roughing up that poor yargark," Mork says. "Guess it picked the wrong head to sleep on."
"It's not a yarsgark," Babu says. "Now keep an eye out for Super Jesse. You can't miss him. He's wearing Superman underoos, red shorts and a cape."
"Suddenly, they spot him at the craft services table stuffing his face full of bagels. "Jesse!" MH cries out.
"If you're looking for an autographed pitchur, talk to my assistant," Jesse says.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 1, 2014 16:13:54 GMT -6
"Stop clowning around, Jesse!" Babu says, tugging on his arm. "We've got to get out of here. We've still got to find Buddy!"
"You can't talk to me like that!" Jesse says. "I'm a big shot TV star now! Security!"
"Oh no!" Kenny says. "They done did hyp-mo-tized him!"
Suddenly, they all hear great booming footsteps as 'security' approaches.
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