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Post by mh on Oct 22, 2014 22:08:20 GMT -6
"analyze it .... " mumbles Kenny. "okay sure, durn, here i go!" and he takes a giant gulp of the paint.
"noooooo!!!!" cries babu. "dammit kenny! that's not what i meant."
for an hour everyone stares at kenny, waiting for sh-t to happen. "well that stuff ain't gonna replace 40's -- but i am done ripped." he says.
"hey, lemme try some!" says mh.
"very perplexing," says babu, "it must not be the paint at all."
"i'm thinking indian burial ground, "says drivaan." it would explain the lack of parking, the rude sales gurls, and also, my inability to obtain a properly frothy cappuccino." |
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 5, 2014 8:02:05 GMT -6
"If those zombies are animated by evil spirits, then we need to do a sage burning to ward them off," Doc Quantum says.
"How do you know about that?" Babu Baboon asks.
"I saw it on ghost hunters," Doc says.
"Where the heck are we supposed to get sage?" MH says.
"There's the Hippie Emporium on the second floor. They'd have some there. They sell herbs and incense. And bongs. Well, mostly bongs. But they've got herbs, too."
"Then that's where we need to go," Babu says.
"But there done is a whole mess a' zombies between us and the Hippie Emporium!" Kenny says.
"Then we'll need to fight our way through," Babu says grimly.
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Post by mh on Nov 13, 2014 21:12:56 GMT -6
moments later, babu, mh, and horace pinkerton smythe are crawling thru the vents
"this is ghastly!" says smythe.
"well we needed a third guy -- there's always a third guy! trust us, we're professionals." says babu. "and doc needed to stay to protect the guests."
"gasp! i'm going to spill my wine!" exclaims horace.
"well, when we exit -- probably into a horde of the undead, your wine will be the last of your problems!"
"goodness," exclaims horace.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 17, 2015 16:27:54 GMT -6
"Tell me why he's here again?" MH whispers to Babu.
"Red shirts," Babu says. "On Star Trek, whenever they went on an away mission, there was a red shirt who got killed instead of one of the regulars.
"Gotcha..." MH nods. ".... hey waitaminnit! We're super heroes! That doesn't sound very super hero-ish"
"Desperate times call for desperate measures," Babu says.
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Post by mh on Mar 30, 2015 22:00:25 GMT -6
suddenly the vent gives way and crashes to the security hallway below, and babu, mh, and horace pinkerton smythe sprawl out.
"this is appalling," cries pinkerton smythe," i got my yachting pants covered in gunk!"
"did you spill your wine?" asks mh.
"no, amazingly, it's fine." answers smythe.
"quick, in here!" cries a guard, and they rush in and he slams the door behind them before the zombies can enter.
"wait -- you're not a he! who are you?" asks babu.
"i'm cindy blart, mall cop!" she replies.
"and you're the monkey alliance! what a relief -- why i could kiss all of you! who're you? pinot-noir boy? country-club man? ascot lad?"
"i'm horace pinkerton smythe!" cries horace.
"and i'll thank you to keep your emotional feminine affections to yourself!"
"is he for real, "whispers blart.
"yeah, "replies babu lowly, "he's a 'red shirt', like in star trek."
"i know exactly what you mean!" cries cindy blart.
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 9, 2015 17:59:10 GMT -6
The group finally arrive at the Hippy Emporium. The scent of patchouli is overpowering.
"Just hold it right there!" a middle aged hippie woman with frizzy hair and a tie dyed dress says, pointing an old-timey rifle at them.
"Take it easy, Moonbeam," Cindy Blart says. "These guys are okay. They're with the Monkey Alliance. They're trying to take care of the zombie problem."
]
"Oh. Sorry about that," Moonbeam says. "The gun's not real anyway. The guy from the Civil War re-enactment store left it here as a deposit when he couldn't pay for his salvia."
"We need sage," Babu says. "All you've got."
"Sage? I've got tons of the stuff!" Moonbeam says. "I over-ordered. It's priced to move!"
"Waitaminnit!" MH says. "You want money for it? We're trying to save everybody! What kind of hippie are you?"
"A hippie who expects to get paid, bee-yoth!" Moonbeam says.
"I knew there was a reason we brought the rich guy along," Babu says. "Pay the woman, Horace."/font]
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Post by mh on May 13, 2015 22:35:46 GMT -6
"fine! here my good woman!" horace pinkerton smythe says, handing the lady a wad of bills.
"we gotta light this stuff up." says babu.
meanwhile, the zombies have smashed into woolworths.
kenny and doc quantum are able to shove mrs. faversham and most of her wealthy friends into a storeroom.
"ahhhh! they're eating thatdamnbastard!" cries kenny.
"which damn bastard?!" exclaims doc quantum.
"thatdamnbastard!" replies Kenny.
"which damn bastard?" exclaims doc quantum.
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Post by mh on May 13, 2015 22:59:02 GMT -6
kenny says, "i hope babu and mh will done come back and save us."
"sorry kenny, "say doc quantum, "but mh and pinkerton smythe have almost surely been eaten by now. and babu won't be far behind."
as the zombies converge on them, the turntable begins playing the anthem of 70's disco, 'i ain't gonna bump no more with no big fat woman'.
"this is my jam!" cries doc quantum, "if i'm going out, i'm going out dancing!"
doc begins dancing provocatively to the strains of "ain't gonna bump", and grabs a microphone and begins singing along. the zombies suddenly stop and watch, memorized.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jun 7, 2015 11:10:29 GMT -6
You're done doing it, Doc!" Kenny cries jubilantly. "Done danced like you've never danced before!"
Meanwhile, Babu and MH have made a huge pile of sage in the middle of the food court. As Cindy Blart throws the last batch of sage on the pile, MH says, "I hope this works,MH says," eyeing the zombies nervously as they began to shamble towards them.
Babu throws a hand-fashioned torch into the pyre and it quickly bursts into flame. As the smoke spreads through the air, the zombies begin to twitch and convulse and drop to the ground.
Black smoke begins to spout upwards from the zombies mouth, funneling into the air.
"Oh lord. What's happening now?" Babu says.
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Post by mh on Jun 7, 2015 22:29:51 GMT -6
"quick! follow me!" yells cindy blart, mall cop. she leads them to a small security station and seals the door.
tossing them rolls of duct tape she cries, "tape up the door tight to keep out the fumes! that wasn't normal "zombies being destroyed by sage" fumes!" mh and pinkerton smythe begin taping up the door.
"is your wine still okay, hps?" asks mh.
actually, i think i spilled a drop or two, "sighs pinkerton smythe. "luckily it's a big glass." 
grabbing babu, cindy blart yells, "c'mon! we need to check the perimeter."
leaving and locking the door behind them, babu sees a big poster of joe friday on the wall and a bed in the corner.
"take me monkeyman!" cries crindy, thowing herself on babu. "we have probably minutes to live! i have a microwave in here -- if there's time afterward, i'll make you a cup-a-soup!"
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Post by mh on Jun 8, 2015 9:02:12 GMT -6
hearing some loud banging around, mh puts his ear to the door, and after several more seconds hears a loud ding.
then he hears baboon ask, "is it soup yet?"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jun 8, 2015 16:15:58 GMT -6
"What the hell was going on in there?" MH says.
"Nothing. Cindy was just making me some soup," Babu says, sipping his cup of soup.
"We're still going to get freaky, though, right?" Cindy asks.
Meanwhile, Kenny and Doc stare dumfounded as the zombies collapse and black smoke begins to funnel out of their mouths and then our through the cracks of the barricaded door to Woolworths and out into the mall.
"Good heavens!" Horace Pinkerton says, looking at the security screen of the camera focussed on the foodcourt.
"What is it?" Babu says, joining him.
"Ah hell," MH groans, watching as the smoke issuing from the zombies begins to form a shape.
"We're all kinds of boned," Moonbeam says.
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Post by mh on Jun 18, 2015 22:57:35 GMT -6
seconds later, the creature crashes thru the door of the security station.
"good heavens!" cries horace pinkerton smythe, and in fear flings the wine in his glass, most of which lands on the creature. it sizzles a bit and the creature lets out a roar.
"the wine hurt it!" exclaims baboon. "cindy, do you have any wine back here?!"
"uhhh ... yeah! boxes of the stuff! ... i'm a bit of a lush." she grabs a box from a nearby mini fridge and throws it to babu, who rips it open and hurls box and contents at the creature.
it cries out, turns back to smoke and disappears into a vent.
"heavens to 'cabernet franc' babu, you've saved us!" cheers smythe.
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Post by mh on Jun 18, 2015 23:07:34 GMT -6
"we're not out of the woods yet," says babu, looking worried. "we only hurt it. that thing's still in the building someplace."
grabbing another box from the mini fridge, mh says, "here smythe -- let me give you a refill!"
"boxed merlot? ghastly!" says horace turning pale. "but these are desperate times. what the hell! hit me!"
then adds, "you know young lady, you should never chill a red wine."
"put a cork in it thurston howell!" cries cindy.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jun 19, 2015 13:27:45 GMT -6
"Um.... I should probably mentioned that particular wine was blessed...." Horace says.
"Why would you be drinking blessed wine?" Babu asks.
"A true blue blood doesn't drink just any vintage," Horace says.
"Waitaminit!" MH says. "Kenny is an ordained minister. He did it on one of those online sites."
"Why did he do that?" Babu asks."
"He was drunk. He thought he was registering for a fat lady porn site."
"Well, great," Babu says. "So we have to schlep this wine back to where Kenny is and hope we don't get our asses eaten!"
"Unless you're into that sort of thing," Cindy mutters.
Babu quickly turns. "What?"
"Nothing," Cindy says.
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