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Post by mh on Oct 22, 2013 23:39:13 GMT -6
mo' better monkeyhouse: a chilling monkeyhouse adventure
starring babu baboon, doc von quantum and the super-interns amber and dakota.with special guest-star, dave the insurance guy, and extra special guest star, mh  "well, we're sealing up the old monkeyhouse forever, "says babu baboon, slapping a master-lock on a chain around the main doors of the old monkey alliance HQ. "oh, the memories!" babu exclaims.
"this puts me in mind of when bruce wayne sealed up stately wayne manor forever and moved him and alfred to a swinging penthouse apartment, " says doc quantum. "umm ... but not really forever."
"indeed, "says babu, "but we are instead moving to a swinging strip mall. it's time for a change! we've picked up some sponsors, some new members -- and then there's our terrible secret."
"what terrible secret, "asks dave the insurance guy. "not insurance related, right?"
babu: nope.
dave: then no problem!
amber and dakota are carrying boxes to the monkey-mobile. "girls, "asks baboon, "do you gotta wear those daisy dukes?" kenny's girlfriend comes around the corner.
"what's wrong with them?" she asks.
"ah crap, "says babu, "i'm crawling in the back of my car and taking a nap. my eyes need to escape reality for a while. yer in charge doc quantum. dave? c'mon, i could use a couple of shots of wild turkey."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 23, 2013 10:17:14 GMT -6
As e Monkey-Mobile takes off, Dakota starts rummaging through one of the boxes. She pulls out a big key. "What does this go to?" she says. That door must have been huge!"
"That's not a real key," Babu says. It's the key to the city. The mayor gave it to us for saving the city from Mecha-Hasselhoff."
All of a sudden, an alarm goes off. "We've got trouble," Doc Quantum says. "There are missiles headed our way!"
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Post by mh on Oct 23, 2013 16:39:33 GMT -6
"Wait, that can't be right," replies babu. "Can it?! Quick, let's go to city hall! maybe some super-criminal has escaped! Maybe the city is in peril! Maybe the mayor has lost his car keys."
"Hi, I'm Dave, "Dave says to Kenny's fiancee, who is shoved against him in the back seat. "Kenny never told me he was marrying such a babe."
"Tee hee hee, "she replies.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 23, 2013 18:38:46 GMT -6
Babu turns around and, sure enough, missiles are heading their way. "Ah hell."
"I hope everyone's buckled in," Doc Quantum says, "cause I'm about to have to do some fancy flying. He turns the monkey-mobile upwards in a 90 degree angle, streaking skyward. He then begins to spiral before plunging downward between the two missiles. The missiles collide with each other in an enormous fireball.
'Doc, can you track where those missiles came from?" Babu asks.
"I think so," Doc says.
"Good. Send out an alert to any M.A. members who have their monkey-communicators on them. We're about to open a can of whup-ass on somebody."
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Post by mh on Oct 23, 2013 21:22:19 GMT -6
"this is mh, "a voice comes over the communicator, "i'm at your starboard side in the experimental whirly-monkey. since i can't fly it, with me is yer i.t. guy steve, who for the purposes of his first m.a. mission I've temporarily dubbed, 'masturbation lad'."
"stop calling me that!" yells steve.
"way to go m-lad!" 'good job m-lad!" and etc .. came the greetings from the monkey-mobile radio, pleased about the new .... member.
"i'm sorry steve, "says, mh, "but i was in a hurry -- if yer ever involved in another mission we'll come up with something more suitable. oh, and lay off any lubricants you might find -- the whirly-monkey needs lots of lubrication -- they're not here for yer personal gratification."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 24, 2013 6:38:48 GMT -6
The Monkey-mobile and the whirly-monkey follow the missile path Doc Quantum has tracked. They arrive deep in the woods.
The group follows a path that leads to a bunker. Standing in the doorway are two henchmen wearing Members Only jackets and parachute pants. Both are carrying machine guns and wearing Rayban sunglasses.
"They shouldn't be too hard to take out," Dave says, pulling a 9mm Browning from inside his jacket.
"Dave, what the hell?" MH exclaims.
"Insurance is no business for pansies," Dave says.
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Post by mh on Oct 24, 2013 11:53:09 GMT -6
"Looks like you brought along a little 'insurance'," jokes steve.
"listen kid," whispers dave, 'there's nothing funny about insurance! one flood could wipe out your whole comic book collection -- a power surge could fry your ps3 -- your grandma could slip on a bathmat & crack her head open ..."
"okay, okay!" whispers babu.
moments later the henchmen are tied to a tree, gagged and in their underwear. babu and doc quantum are dressed in their members only jackets & ray bands.
"do you need their underwear?" asks kenny's fiancee. "it wouldn't be any trouble."
the henchmen's eyes get big & they look at babu pleadingly.
"no, "replies babu, "it's fine. amber and dakota, you two stay here with her & the prisoners. dakota (the smart one) keep that ak47 at the ready in case of trouble."
dakota: m'kay!
"darn," says steve, "i hope there are more henchmen. i need me on of them members only jackets."
"c'mon, "says babu, entering the mouth of the bunker, "doc Q and i will pretend we've taken you guys captive."
they disappear into the bunker.
kenny's gf: those prisoners aren't looking so good. their underwear is probably too tight! should i loosen it?"
the henchmen look at amber and dakota, horrified.
amber and dakota: no!
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 24, 2013 13:17:06 GMT -6
As they enter the bunker, they find out it leads to an underground lair. There are several speakers playing 80s techno music.
"Is that the theme to 'Beverly Hills Cop'?" MH asks.
There are many more henchmen wearing Members Only jackets and parachute pants. A black henchman with his hair in a ten inch high top fade is speaking with a woman with frizzed out hair with an enormous black bow. She's dressed like Madonna in 'Desperately Seeking Susan".
"What've you got there?" the henchman asks.
"Monkey Alliance prisoners," Doc Quantum says.
"That's good. CM was really pissed when the missiles didn't get them," he said.
"Don't let the boss hear you call him that. He doesn't like it," the woman says.
As Babu passes, she says, "You know, you could really use a shave."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 25, 2013 6:37:14 GMT -6
They come to a goup of henchmen who are gathered in a circle. In the middle is a henchman breakdancing. He's removed his Member's only jacket to reveal a "Frankie Says Relax" t-shirt. They turn and see Babu Baboon, Doc Quantum, MH, Steve, and Dave.
"Hey, they've got prisoners!" one of them says. "Monkey Alliance prisoners.
"Lets make them breakdance for our amusement!" another says.
"Starting with you," the first one says, pointing to Steve.
"I-I can't breakdance!" Steve exclaims, backing up. He accidently backs up into Babu, knocking off his Raybans.
"He's a baboon!" several of them shout. They all raise machine guns in their direction. "They're all Monkey Alliance!"
"The Crimson Mullet is going to want to see them," one of them growls.
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Post by mh on Oct 25, 2013 8:15:15 GMT -6
while the crimson mullet is being notified, the m.a. members are led into a small cave entrance, which is guarded in front by the CM's elite guard
dave has managed to strike up a conversation with one of them.
dave: if you want to keep your trans-am safe, you should really up the coverage. they are always major targets for vandalism. you know why? people fear it. because a trans-am means freedom."
the guy nods thoughtfully, and shows dave another picture of the car from his wallet.
dave: absolutely breathtaking.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 25, 2013 12:22:55 GMT -6
The techno music changes to Herbie Hancock's "Rocket" as the group is led forward by the elite guard. They are led through a tunnel to a large room. At the end of the room is a platform with a throne on it. On the throne is a man with an enormous tricked out red mullet. He's wearing a leather suit much like Michael Jackson wore in his "Thriller" video.
"So, I see you've evaded my missiles and found my secret lair.... for all the good it will do you."
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Post by Doc Quantum on Oct 25, 2013 14:04:06 GMT -6
"What do you want with us?" demands Babu Baboon. "I've never seen you before in my life! So why are you targeting the Monkey Alliance?"
One of the henchman, a chubby-looking fellow with a Flock of Seagulls haircut who was wearing a blue golf shirt with a pale yellow preppy sweater tied by its sleeves over his shoulders, slapped Babu in the back of the head. "Don't speak until the bitchin' one has spoken, dude!"
The Crimson Mullet grins, his eyes and intentions hidden by the unseasonal ski goggles he wears. "Do you expect me to simply lay out my plan for all to see, just because you asked for it, nerds?"
"Yeah!" says Doc Quantum. A second later, he cries, "OW! Why'd you slap me? The Mullet just spoke! OW! OW! OW!"
"Take a chill pill, dude!" says Flock of Seagulls. "The righteous one didn't specifically ask you anything! It was a rhetorical question!"
"I may as well let you know why you're going to die today," the Crimson Mullet said with a shrug. "It all happened two long years ago, back in 1986."
The Monkey Alliance: "1986?!"
SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! All the prisoners were slapped upside the head for talking.
"Does this guy think it's still the '80s or something?" Doc whispers to Babu. "What is this -- the Five Earths Project?!!"
Babu chuckles.
"It was the weekend of the Great Ski-Off in Aspen, Colorado!" says the Crimson Mullet. "And I was a front-runner in the competition. I had it in the bag. All I had to do was make a few bodacious moves, and the Ski-Off Cup was mine! That was when all of you showed up and ruined everything!"
Doc: "In 1986, I was 12." *SLAP* "OW!"
"LIAR!" cried the Crimson Mullet. "You were there, too! ALL of you nerds were there at the moment of my greatest humiliation! On that day I vowed revenge. It's taken me the last two years--"
Doc: "More like 27 years -- OW!"
"--to plan my revenge. And now the hour is at hand. Both the Monkey Alliance and nerds everywhere will feel the wrath of the Crimson Mullet!!!"
Babu: "Hey, nerds rule the world nowadays. OW!"
"LIAR!" cried the Crimson Mullet.
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Post by Doc Quantum on Oct 25, 2013 15:02:54 GMT -6
The Monkey Alliance members found themselves locked up in a cell not long after, each of them kept in special bonds that sapped their powers. MH: "How're we gonna get out of this one, guys?" Babu: "I'm still thinking up a plan." Doc: "There's only one way. We bite the bullet and do an homage to HOT TUB TIME MACHINE and the movies of the '80s." Everyone groans. Dave: "That movie was stupid." Doc: "I know, I know. But it seems like we must somehow time travel back to the past in 1986 and win the Great Ski-Off in Aspen, in order to make this guy our enemy in the present." Babu: "Can you do it, Doc? Can you take us back?" Doc: "Nope. I don't have that kind of power. The best I could do is send us back in time a few minutes earlier, where we'd be intangible phantoms without substance, though regrettably not invisible, as I learned through my ill-fated trip to the lingerie store last week. (*)" [(*) Editor's note: See What's up with the big banana?]Babu: "Why didn't you do that earlier, when you had the chance?" Doc: "I wanted to hear the bad guy's exposition. In these kinds of stories, the bad guys ALWAYS reveal their motivations and plans to their victims before trying to kill them. The next thing he'll do is place us in a death-trap room and then leave us to our fates, trusting in the death-trap room to do the job without any supervision whatsoever." The Flock of Seagulls guy comes into the cell at that moment. "OK, time for you guys to be taken to the death-trap room!" Babu: "Doc, next time you want to make a prediction about what's going to happen next, just SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Doc: "eep." |
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 25, 2013 21:07:03 GMT -6
The Monkey Alliance members were led down a darkened corridor. At the end of the corridor was a coliseum. A metal gate shut behind them.
The stands were filled with the Crimson Mullet's henchmen and henchwomen. The Crimson Mullet sat in the vip area.
"Great. We have to fight something. Maybe a lion or some sort of monster" Babu Baboon said.
Suddenly, the air was filled with the sound of motorcycles. Out road several 80s concept post-apocalyptic mutants.
"Oh crap," MH said. 
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Post by mh on Oct 27, 2013 9:10:38 GMT -6
in the confusion the guards overlook steve, one of his superpowers apparently being that he's so bland he practically disappears.
he hears a "pssst!" and following the sound walks over to a cell full of nerds with glasses and lab coats.
"hey buddy," says a guy with a name tag reading 'delton'. "these jocks have run amok! we designed this whole place -- and as soon as we finished the software that runs the "virtual slaughter pit", they imprisoned us!"
"those mutants are holograms?!" exclaims steve.
"right -- but deadly! if you get on one of those terminals, you can use it against CM and his 80's fixated goons."
delton sticks his hand thru the bars and gives steve a fist bump. "nerd power!"
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