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Post by mh on Nov 20, 2013 0:27:11 GMT -6
"now that is odd," says doc von quantum. "hey, where'd mh go?"
as the dark man speaks, mh, using his uncanny manhunter stealth, crawls up and gets taffy's attention. peeking around she quietly ducks behind monkey rock and sneaks over to mh's position behind some bushes.
"having a good time?" ole gregg asks gill.
"uh, sure, "gill replies nervously.
"this is our first date," old gregg whispers, smiling.
"mh!" exclaims taffy, quietly, and gives him a hug. "i'm so glad to see you!"
mh, turning red, replies, "i'm glad to see you too ... heh."
"steve & gill need your help!" she exclaims.
"oh yeah," says mh, sounding downcast, "steve & gill."
seconds later they are with babu & doc quantum.
"and he said," taffy tells them, "that the moon will turn blood red, the ground will quake, and the descendants of the inhabitants of perdition will roam the streets vampirized, eating raw meat and wearing leisure suits -- and lot's of other stuff."
"leisure suits, "says doc von quantum. "cool."
"and those college kids, "continues taffy, "they were creepy. a couple of them kept calling me a 'groovy lady'. and asking me if I like 'america'. i think they were talking about a band, not the country. oh, and asking me if I want to join them later for some raw meat. do they mean sushi?"
some lights come on below, and they can see it's an old-timey supermarket.
"look!" taffy whispers. "it's a market -- and the open sign is on! i'm starving! i'm going to run down & get one of those whole roasted chickens. i'll just be a second."
"taffy, no ...!" begins babu, but quickly she's gone, running down to the store's parking lot
"mh, "exclaims babu," you were the closest -- why didn't you grab her?"
"well, "mh explains, "on one hand I wanted to, but on the other hand I like watching her run. umm, I guess I made the wrong choice."
"well go get her!" says babu.
mh takes off quickly.
doc, looking a little frightened says, "babu, look. look at the moon."
entering & getting a grocery carrier, taffy heads for the deli. in the distance she sees the meat section. a bunch of people in 70's clothes are gathered around it, eating the raw meat. as she stares at them, they suddenly stop eating, and start running toward her
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 20, 2013 7:25:08 GMT -6
"Are we really going to let MH run in there after her by himself?" Doc says. "I mean, a 70s style grocery store just popped up out of nowhere. No telling what's in there."
"I'll go after him," Babu says. "You stay here and keep an eye on Steve and Gill, Sigmund the Sea Monster, and the creepy Scooby gang wanabees. Depending on what we're dealing with, you might want to get on your Monkey Communicator and call in the rest of the team."
In the distance, the dark stranger laughed an unnaturally deep, sinister laugh.
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Post by mh on Nov 25, 2013 2:42:12 GMT -6
mh enters the supermarket, thinking he might grab some mentos and maybe give himself a free sample spritz of one of them supermarket replica colognes, when he sees taffy running toward him with a horde of freaked out 1970's looking people chasing her who look kinda like mh's mom & dad (if he had a mom & dad) used to
hey what's going on taffy? "asks mh as taffy nears him. "did you shop-lift something? doing a little winona ryder 'girl interrupted' type thing?"
taffy runs by, grabbing his hand & pulling him along behind.
getting a better look mh says, "oh crap, they're monsters aren't they."
they run out of the automatic door hand & hand, and meet babu, walking past a 1975 Datsun in the dark parking lot.
taffy grabs babu's paw, and yells, "c'mon!"
"zombies?" asks babu running.
"no," says mh, "more like low-level cannibalistic vampires with no real will of their own. this has turned out to be one great camping trip!"
"the streets are full of them!" cries taffy. "look a movie theater! we could hide there!"
"there doesn't seem to be much choice, "says babu. "i'm vulnerable to all forms of magic, or the occult. and mh's weapons would be useless here. aside from his blessed arrows, which we should keep as a last resort."
paying for their tickets, they file in & sit to wait for the movie to start. the theater is deserted.
they sit quietly, and slowly people begin to file in. until the theater is practically full
"oh shoot, "says babu, "they're all vampiristic cannibal things, aren't they. any suggestions?"
"well," says mh, "i see you have doc Q's packpack. that was smart. he's got silver crosses in there, and dime store squirt guns full of holy water. whadoya want to try?"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 25, 2013 6:58:48 GMT -6
"I'm torn," Babu says. "On the one hand, I know we really need to get out of here. On the other, it's an old Russ Meyer fick and I really like boobs."
"It's so funny you should say that," MH replies. "I really like boobs, too!"
"Guys...." Taffy whines.
"Yeah, you're right," Babu says. "The lights are down, so we might be able to slip out without anybody noticing."
They get up and start to make it down the aisle without notice until they get to the end. Taffy notices an old woman who is munching on a popcorn tub filled with eyeballs. "Ooooooo, GROSS!"
"Blast! Lets get out of here!" babu yells as they break into a run.
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Post by mh on Nov 25, 2013 23:15:23 GMT -6
a girl jumps up and runs toward them "hey guys, "she exclaims, "wait! i don't like this movie either!"
they all burst from a theater side door and run down the street, as theater vampires and others shriek and run toward them.
"my name's heather, "says the girl. "my friends & i were on a day trip to research "the burkittsville haint' but got lost, then separated. if you see two guys with stocking caps, a camera & flashlights complaining about a map, those are my friends!"
"some of those things are wearin' 80's & 90's grunge clothes, "says mh, panting.
"these must be vampires that were in some sort of hibernation waiting for the dark stranger to return," says babu.
"i have an idea!" yells taffy.
taking out a hand mirror she looks into it & yells, "molly brown, molly, brown, molly brown!"
then throws it into the horde of vampires.
the vampires stop as the burkittesville haint" appears in front of them and yells cruelly, "you're clothes are all blood stained & and decades out of style! you look like rejects from the rocky horror picture show!"
then she disappears.
"no way!" exclaims heather, excitedly.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 26, 2013 23:04:55 GMT -6
The vampires all stare at each other self conciously, pulling at their clothes. They turn and head for the Stein Mart nearby.
"I don't believe that worked," MH says.
"A Stein Mart?" Babu says. "These were all woods. Where are all these places coming from?"
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Post by mh on Nov 27, 2013 0:35:26 GMT -6
"i don't know, "replies mh. "but the light from the stein mart has drawn a bunch of them away."
"i can see monkey rock, "exclaims taffy, "c'mon, let's run for it!"
back at monkey rock, the dark stranger, finishing his story, walks to a clearing bathed in the light of the red moon, and begins to chant.
"that was fun," old gregg says to gill.
"your friend looks delicious," one of the students says, approaching old gregg.
"yes he does!" replies gregg. "thank the young man gill."
"no i mean really delicious exclaims the student, "and they all run toward gill.
"oh yeah?" exclaims old gregg, "well i got somethin' to show ya!" and hurriedly old gregg lifts his tutu.
the students all scream & run away.
"that'll teach ya muther-lickers!" old gregg yells after them. "i'm old gregg!"
"you seen my privates gill, "old gregg says bashfully. "how'd it make you feel to see that?"
doc quantum, steve and a third figure rush up.
"we have to find the others & get out of here," exclaims doc.
"and quickly," says the third figure walking into the light of the red moon, turning out to be desk-boy.
"there are forces at work here that even i have no control over. all of you, aside from old gregg, are in terrible peril."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 28, 2013 8:28:42 GMT -6
"That dark stranger has been chantng all night," Gill says. "What the hell's he saying?"
"I've got a listening device in my backpack," Doc Quantum says. "That way, we can find out without getting too close."
Dock Quantum pulls the device out of his backpack. It basically looks like a box with an earphone on the end. He aims the earphone at the dark stranger and a raspy, deep voice comes through.
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn..." says the voice.
"Cthulhu!" Desk boy exclaims. "Oh crap! We're all in trouble!"
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Post by mh on Nov 28, 2013 12:08:09 GMT -6
rushing out of the the brush breathlessly, babu, mh, taffy, and their new friend heather hear desk-boy's exclamation.
"all of us? "asks babu, " -- but how can that be? you're an arch deamon!"
"yes, "replies deskboy, "and cthulhu -- I don't even like saying the name, could consume my soul like you might eat a potato chip."
deskboy puts out his hand and an old parchment appears in it.
"here's what we're dealing with .."
"a sketch by h.p. lovecraft, "continues deskboy, "who was nuts enough to summon the thing. like the dark stranger is doing now."
"can you stop him?" asks steve.
"the stranger is only a shadow, "says deskboy, "but with incredible mass -- like a black hole, but he can control it. approaching him closely would be a mistake."
"my g-d, "says babu," what are our options?"
deskboy pauses to think. "as a last resort we might summon "hastur the unspeakable ..." saying the name seems to give deskboy a slight chill.
"hastur and he are bitter enemies -- the problem being, even if we somehow persuade him to attack cthulhu, and he wins, then we have hastur to deal with -- who is as bad, or worse."
"hey, "exclaims gill, "look -- "
they turn to see mh has strung a blessed arrow & is preparing to launch it at the stranger.
"this should be fun, "says old gregg, smiling.
"mh, no ...!" begins deskboy as mh fires the arrow at the dark chanting form. the stranger puts out a hand and inches from him the arrow drops harmlessly to the ground. the stranger seems to turn and look at mh for a few seconds, then turns back & begins chanting again.
"that could've been much much worse, "says deskboy, looking relieved.
deskboy walks over & takes mh by the arm like a disobedient child & walks him over to monkey rock.
"hey, it was worth a try, "mutters mh, "it might've worked."
"okay, sit down, "says deskboy.
then he takes taffy by the arm, "okay here, sit on his lap."
sitting she says, "but what will that ..."
"i'm a deamon, "says deskboy, "my methods are strange to you mortals."
deskboy goes back to the others. "that ought to keep him out of trouble for a while. somehow i sense that you steve, and gill, are in some way key to this."
old gregg goes & sits near mh & taffy.
smiling, he pats his lap & says, oh gill ...."
"go ahead gill, "says taffy. "if one is good, then two is better."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 29, 2013 12:57:43 GMT -6
Gill sits uneasily in Old Gregg's lap. "There ya go, my sweet dumpling," Old Gregg says.
Suddenly, a magic carpet swoops down, carrying a black man in fancy black clothes and a wide brimmed black hat with a large black feather. Next to him is a pink squid like creature with a bulbous head and a human face stuck in a wide grin.
"It's Saboo and Tony Harrison of the Board of Shamen," Desk-boy says. "I should have expected them to show up."
"We were DJing a party when the Board of Shamen sent us a message to be here," Saboo says.
"I was just about to do my big Fleetwood Mac melody! This is an outrage!" Tony Harrison says.
"Fleetwood Mac are bullshit munchers. The fate of the world is at stake here," Saboo says.
"What is your beef with the Mac?" Tony Harrison says.
"so I guess you know what's happening?' Desk-Boy interrupts.
"Indeed we do," Saboo replies. "The dark stranger is attempting to free Cthulhu by bringing the ancient city of R'lyeh through to our dimension.
"That didn't look like an ancient city," Babu says.
"They're totally modern now," Tony Harrison says. "They've even got an Arby's!"
"How are we to stop the dark stranger?" Doc Quantum asks. "MH tried shooting a blessed arrow at him but he stopped it like he was swatting a gnat."
"Only the sword of Hastur can hurt him," Saboo says.
"But no one has seen it in years," Tony Harrison adds.
"How are we supposed to find it?" Babu asks.
"It's somewhere in R'lyeh," Saboo says. He points to Old Gregg. "He could help us..."
Everyone looks at Old Gregg. "What? Did you think Old Gregg was just some scaly man-fish. I'm the child of Father Dagon and Mother Hydra. The deep ones. I'm a big shot. Old Gregg can help you, but there's gonna be a cost."
"What cost?" babu asks.
"A night of passion with my fuzzy little man-peach here," he says, hugging Gill to him ad resting his head on his shoulder. Gill lets out a horrified squeak.
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Post by mh on Nov 29, 2013 15:29:16 GMT -6
gill shrieks suddenly, jumps up and starts to run thru the woods.
"oh crap," says mh," and lifting taffy & sitting her down he chases after gill.
"that jerk, pants mh, "my poor lap hadn't been that happy in a very long time."
grabbing gill, mh exclaims, "gill wait! we'll handle this. we'll get him so full of bailey's that he won't know if he got freaky or not. or we'll make a gill cyborg -- we'll figure out something."
"really?" asks gill.
"walking back, as they approach, gill & mh hear taffy talking with old gregg.
"i could make gill happy if only he'd let me, "says old gregg.
"gill's probably afraid of love," says taffy. "guys are like that sometimes."
"my last boyfriend howard moon was like that, "says old gregg.
"don't come on so strong. make gill come to you," says taffy.
"you're right -- thank you taffy!" says old gregg, smiling. "so we'll work on my makeup and hair some more after this 'end of the human world' thing is over."
"oh boys," says old gregg, leaving & walking toward deskboy, "i'll help you now!"
"oh gosh, thanks for getting that freak off my back," gushes gill.
"gill, you're mean!" exclaims taffy. "old gregg is a sweet girl! she's just a little different."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 29, 2013 19:46:12 GMT -6
Later, the group has gathered to decide their next move. Heather looks none too pleased.
"We just got out of there and you want us to go back in?" she exclaims.
"No one is forcing you to go back," Babu says. "In fact, I'd rather you didn't. If I had my way, Steve, Gill, and Taffy would stay here with you, but Desk-boy says they're vital to this."
"Stay here by myself?" she squeaks, looking over in the direction of the dark stranger.
"Your friends are probably still down there, too," MH says. "If they're still alive."
"Okay, I'll go," Heather says.
"So where do we need to go, Old Gregg?" Babu asks.
"I don't know exactly," Old Gregg. "I won't know until we get there."
"What?" everyone exclaims.
"Old Gregg is a child of the elder gods," Old Gregg says. "The sword was forged by an elder god. When we get there, I'll feel it."
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Post by mh on Nov 30, 2013 1:14:14 GMT -6
"wait," says heather, "let me do one last video."
seconds later she is talking into the camera.
and after a few minutes of rambling. "anyway, i'm here with the monkey alliance, a deamon, a fish-man, a redhead, and some nerds. i'm sorry! i'm so sorry!"
"okay fine, can we go now?" asks babu.
"wait, one thing!" exclaims mh.
seconds later, they are in a clearing & babu has his back turned.
"i can't believe you're doing this, "says babu.
"molly brown, molly brown, molly brown," mh says looking into a hand mirror.
"the burkittsville haint' appears, and mh is standing there butt naked.
she stands there staring speechless in stunned silence for a half a minute, and disappears.
"ha!" says mh, putting on his uniform. "i got her! she couldn't insult my clothes! probably i'll die in a demon war tonite, but you know, i feel good."
"what the hell is the matter with you, "says babu, his back still turned.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 30, 2013 13:24:31 GMT -6
"So you guys are on the Board of Shamen?" Babu asks Saboo as they hike down the hill.
"Yes, we are," Saboo says.
"So that means you can do magic?"
"I can. The pink sod here is bloody useless," Saboo says, gesturing to Tony Harrison, who is struggling to move his tiny tentacles fast enough to keep up.
"How dare you!" Tony Harrison says indignantly through his permanent grin. "This, my friend, is an outrage! I'm a master strategist! I'll have you know my skills are second to none!"
"I hope he's telling the truth," Babu says. "because it's going to take a lot to get us through this."
As the lights of R'lyeh appear, Doc Quantum says, "How the heck can a city even be here? The woods aren't even that big!"
"It's another dimension leaking into ours," Saboo says. Distance doesn't matter."
"So you say they have an Arby's there, Tony?" MH asks. "I'm starving. I could really go for one of their beef & cheddars right now!"
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Post by mh on Nov 30, 2013 14:31:26 GMT -6
mh and tony harrison duck into an arbys they see suddenly appear to the north. mh is wearing his backpack backwards and carrying tony papoose style.
"i'm glad you are not against the papoose system, "says tony smiling. "mrs. Harrison runs a craft store & does yoga! she's visiting her sister in corwall, so i've taken the opportunity to do some partying! i see you have an ape in your group too. our ape is turning his mind to mush smoking that wacky tobaccy every night!"
a clerk walks up.
"oh hello my good man, "says tony, "give us six beef & cheddars and six large cokes!"
"wait, "says mh, "taffy's out there. let's make it 16 beef & cheddars."
"i think she was giving me the eye, "says tony. "her and the girl with the stocking cap both. i haven't done a threesome in a while, but being away from home i may as well cut loose."
"that'll be $48.61 sir," says the clerk, as the other arby's employees peer out." oh, and we'll take your friend there. he looks quite mouth watering."
"listen friend, "says tony, "even if i swung both ways -- and i'm not saying i don't occasionally -- i'm not a machine! there must be six high-schoolers back there! i'm on a mission, i've got to conserve me energy!"
mh grabs the arby's bag & runs out. "ha! we didn't pay -- hey wait you forgot the drinks!"
soon they catch up with the others, babu looks at mh & tony & exclaims, "where the heck have you been?"
mh hands him a beef & cheddar.
"yum!" says babu.
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