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Post by mh on Nov 2, 2013 0:44:18 GMT -6
the justice monkeyhouse project part 1: a horrifying monkeyhouse adventure
starring steve & gill, and co-starring a special surprise m.a. intern  
outside the beautiful & stately strip mall, known as 'the mall of justice', steve the monkey alliance's I.T. guy, and his roommate gill, are readying their backpacks and lacing their 'vans' tightly, for over the next several hours they must endure many punishing hardships.
"well. "says steve, "we are apparently all set. "gill, just run the camera no matter what. we're going to film any and all paranormal activity outside of the 'mall of justice' within a 2 mile radius. just keep rolling. this is after all considered, by "pseudo-experts" to be the 84th most haunted mall in all of the united states. we'll circle back thru this woodsy area and hopefully run into what babu calls 'monkey rock', and continue along 'itchy algae creek', what is now known as 'hot intern creek'."
"this'll be legendary, "says gill.
a female voice sounds behind them, making them jump. "well guys -- I guess this is it! I brought some sandwiches, bottled water, itch cream, and in case of trouble pepper spray -- let's see how a ghost stands up against that."
(which one will it be???) TAFFY 
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 3, 2013 9:16:30 GMT -6
"Taffy?!!" both Steve and Gill exclaim.
"What are you doing here?" Steve asks.
Gill says nothing. He just turns red and looks down at his shoes. Occasionally glancing up. If it looks like she sees him, he quickly looks down at his shoes again.
"You guys were talking about going ghost hunting. I want to go too! It sounds like fun!"
"How can I put it politely?" Steve says. "Ghost hunting is serious business. No place for girls!!"
"Is too! Is too!" taffy says. "I've seen just about every episode of Ghost Hunters there is!"
Gill mumbles something.
"What's that?" Steve asks.
"I think she should come," Gill coughs.
"Oh thank you!" Taffy says, grabbing Gill in a hug. Gill looks like he's going to faint.
"This was supposes to be a bro's day out," Steve grumbles.
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Post by mh on Nov 3, 2013 11:43:21 GMT -6
"okay, okay," says steve, cleaning his glasses, "if you'll quit jumping up & down ..."
"she doesn't have to quit jumping up & down if she doesn't want to, "mumbles gill.
20 minutes into the excursion they run into a freak downpour.
"gill, protect the camera!" cries steve. seconds later, it stops.
"that was weird, "says taffy, "my shirt is soaked!"
she looks around, "well nobody's here but us," and pulls off her t-shirt revealing a "hello kitty" sports bra, and grabs a dry shirt from her backpack.
steve, fidgeting with his paranormal equipment doesn't notice, but gill, keeping the camera trained on taffy, begins to shake & stagger. quickly, a fresh shirted taffy leaps over and grabs him before he falls into itchy algae (hot intern) creek
"you have to be more careful gill, "she exclaims. "you don't want antibacterial itch cream rubbed all over you, do you?"
"nuu nuu .. no, "replies gill.
"listen, "i'm going to run up that hill to see if i can spot monkey rock. when i get back i can take the camera for a while -- gill had some sort of shaky spell -- maybe he needs a sandwich!" with that she perkily begins running up the hill.
"doggone it gill, "says steve, "you're ruining the film! whenever she's not looking you keep pointing the camera at taffy!"
"ummm, I kind of like taffy, "gill says shyly.
"you like all the interns, "says steve.
"i'm not good with women like you, "replies gill.
"well, "says steve, "if some ladies want to party, than steve is ready to party. but business time is separate -- that's my rule! and y'know, mh has taken taffy under his wing much like babu has you."
"you don't think he likes her, do you steve, "gill asks.
"mh?" exclaims steve, "of course not! the monkey alliance members are as methodical & detached as scientists. they've reached a higher spiritual plane. and mh is married. plus the guy's old."
"old!" exclaims mh back at monkey alliance hq.
"I can't believe you put a bug in steve's backpack, "says babu shaking his head sadly.
"what else could I do?!" exclaims mh. "you said steve & gill, left to their own devices, would probably die of exposure before the day is up. that's what you said!"
"that's before i knew taffy was going along," replies babu. "she'll make sure they're okay."
"well, let's keep listening in just to be sure," suggests mh. "there is something creepy about those woods around the mall. there's a lot of strange history. and besides, if taffy decides to confess to a couple of dorks that she's developed feelings for some fascinating older man who carries a 1916 mauser in a shoulder harness, I don't want to miss it."
taffy comes back down the hill and says breathlessly, "it looks like "monkey rock" is about a mile ahead that way", and she points north.
taking her canteen from around her neck, she unscrews it and takes a big long gulp. she holds it out to steve & gill.
"hey guys, "she says, "want some vodka?"
"let the confessions begin!" exclaims mh.
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Post by mh on Nov 4, 2013 23:31:34 GMT -6
"no, " cries steve, "no vodka! generally steve is all about partying with the ladies, but this is no normal stretch of woods, and gill & I have to stay on our toes!"
taffy shrugs and screws the top back on her canteen, and points again, "okay -- this way!"
"taffy, you're jumping up & down again, "sighs steve, as gill's camera begins to shake uncontrollably.
after a long arduous hike, they finally come upon monkey rock
"yowzers, "says taffy, "that's got to be monkey rock alright."
after they've had some water and a sandwich or two and have gotten settled, steve pulls a book from his backpack.
"okay, "he says opening it, "get ready to hear the somewhat creepy account of what happened at monkey rock 35 years ago! keep the camera on me gill."
taffy sits on a rock beside gill, takes his arm and squeals, "oooou! this is exciting! careful. if this gets too scary I might squeeze you tight gill!"
gills camera begins to shake uncontrollably.
"dammit!" cries mh back at monkey alliance hq. "i wish i'd known taffy was going! I could be gettin' squeezed like a fresh loaf of wonder bread right now!"
"dude, "says babu, not even looking up, "you are so close to 'divorce court', you don't even know."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 5, 2013 6:36:47 GMT -6
"They may be getting in over their heads," Babu says. "We should probably go out there so we can monitor them from a safe distance."
"You think so?" MH says.
"If things get out of hand, we might need to summon Desk-boy," Babu says.
"C'mon, Babu," MH says. "You know what brimstone does to my sinuses."
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Post by mh on Nov 5, 2013 8:42:43 GMT -6
"okay good, "says baboon, now in a flannel shirt & non-descript looking hiking clothes, "we'll just pass ourselves off as a couple of hikers. more than likely they'll wander around, gill will step into some poison oak, steve's asthma will kick in, and taffy will lead them back here before dark. either way, a hike ain't gonna hurt us. what're you putting in your backpack?"
"zipping the pack mh says, "a small cross-bow and some blessed arrows! a manhunter doesn't knowingly go into a potentially ghoulish sit-che-ation without them. oh, and a canned ham for taffy. unless she carried a pig's head or something with her, that girl's appetite will start kicking in pretty hard by the time we reach them."
"good idea, "says babu, "the indigenous wild-life could be in danger."
doc von quantum rushes in wearing long socks, sandals, cargo shorts, and a safari jacket.
"I wanna come, I wanna come! "he exclaims. "I got energy drinks, chips, sandwiches, itch-cream, bug spray, a lantern, and some silver crucifixes! and i watch 'paranormal state' all the time! i won't be any trouble, i promise -- can i please?"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 5, 2013 16:43:30 GMT -6
MH,Babu, and Doc Quantum begin their trek to save Gill, Steve, and Taffy. As they start to leave the strip mall to head for the woods, they pass an old man sitting on a bench by the sidewalk. At his feet is a hound dog who looks just as old as the old man.
"You aint a' goin' into those woods, are you?" the old man says.
"We were planning on it," Babu says. "Something wrong with that?"
"Ayuh," the old man nods. "Folks who go into them there woods don't always come out. Some reckon it might be cursed."
"Cursed?" Babu says. "All the more reason to go in and get our friends out."
"Your funeral." the old man says.
Meanwhile, at Monkey rock, Gill still has the camera trained on Steve. "So are you going to tell us the story about what happened on monkey Rock or not? You've spent the last twenty minutes telling us how spooky and ominous it's going to be. Get on with it!"
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Post by mh on Nov 9, 2013 9:26:54 GMT -6
"wait, "says taffy, "you're not going to say 5 men were bound hand to foot to this thing 70 years ago & disemboweled, are you?"
"no! you read too much nancy drew," says steve, rolling his eyes. "first off, a little history."
behind the camera gill groans loudly.
"you see, "continues steve, "justice borders on the towns of burkittsville and perdition (!)."
"oh no, "says taffy, "is this about the 'burkittsville haint'? I had a friend who said if you are near the town of burkittsville, and you look in a mirror and say her name three times, the 'burkittsville haint' will appear, and make fun of your outfit."
"gosh!" exclaims steve, exasperated from being interrupted. "no, it's not about that old urban legend!"
meanwhile, on a ridge that overlooks burkittsville, the three m.a. members have stopped for lunch. not one to do things halfway, doc Q had created a makeshift camp, built a fire, and was preparing his famous 'drifter's chilli'. "it'll be ready in a minute boys!" he calls to babu & mh who are several feet away having a discussion.
"so you're saying, "says babu skeptically, "if i look into this hand mirror & say her name three times, the 'burkittsville haint' will appear."
"yes," replies mh, "that's exactly what i'm saying."
"oklay, here goes! ... molly brown, molly brown, molly brown."
suddenly, babu notices an old lady standing in a dark clump of trees.
"i can't believe you're wearing those pants with that shirt, "she exclaims, somewhat viscously.
babu looks over at mh, and when he looks back, the old lady is gone.
"what in blazes?!" he exclaims.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 14, 2013 10:45:44 GMT -6
Steve continues. "Five students from Perdition Community College had come to these woods on a hiking trip. They stopped here at Monkey Rock to take a break when...."
"Stop right there!" a voice suddenly calls out.
Steve, Gill, and Taffy look in the direction of the voice. A strange old hermit was standing there, appearing seemingly out of nowhere. "The truth of those dark times cannot be revealed," he says.
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Post by mh on Nov 15, 2013 14:19:50 GMT -6
"why the heck not," demands steve.
"you can not, "begins the old hermit," tell how a dark stranger walked from the sea and came here, and how he told the students that the moon would turn blood red, how m'nagalah would awake, and how the town of perdition would be overrun with evil, and how the knowledge was too horrible and students all became insane. you must not! and you cannot reveal how the dark stranger swore to return in exactly 77 years, which is tomorrow, and again these events would .... well that's all i'm saying! i hope i made my point. reveal none of this! your knowledge can only aide these things again to come to pass!"
"okay, fine!" says steve.
the hermit starts to leave and taffy runs over and says, "mister, would you look into this hand mirror & say molly brown 3 times?"
the hemit looks her up & down appreciatively. "sure sugar. lessee ... molly brown. molly brown. molly brown."
they look around but nothing happens. the hermit shrugs & walks off. seconds later, turning he sees an old woman in a dark clump of trees.
"is that a burlap sack you're wearing?!" she rasps somewhat viciously, and vanishes.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 16, 2013 14:39:07 GMT -6
"We're not planning on camping out here over night are we?" Gill exclaimed.
"That was the plan. Why?" Steve asks.
"You heard that old hermit!" Gill cried. "The dark stranger is supposed to return here tommorrow! Being here would be insane!" he says, waving his arms. "Seriously! No good can come from just sitting around here waiting for some dark strange to show up!"
"That's racist," Taffy says.
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Post by mh on Nov 16, 2013 23:30:30 GMT -6
"well, well have have to stay in the same tent, "says steve.
gill starts hyperventilating.
"that's okay, "says taffy, "it'll be fun!"
two hours later, night has fallen & they've pitched their surprisingly roomy tent & are bedded down for the night.
"wow, it's cold." says taffy. "we may need to squeeze together for warmth."
"that a smart thing," begins gill, shaking with anticipation, then babu, mh and doc von Q enter the tent.
"hi guys!!" exclaims taffy excitedly. "we're glad to see you! a scary hermit showed up, and the world might end tomorrow."
"oh no!!" cries gill. "not you!!"
"hay you guys, we're not babies, "exclaims steve angrily. "we don't need any help."
"you're our responsibility," replies babu. "we're here to make sure you're safe. it's the monkey alliance way."
"yeah," says mh. "gill, scrunch over. i'm going to sleep between u & taffy like a chaperone. make some room. yer lucky i showed up."
"isn't mh wonderful," exclaims taffy.
mh giggles shyly.
"yeah, "replies gill. "without him, who knows what might happen."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 17, 2013 9:42:44 GMT -6
Later that night, a disgruntled Gill gets up to go take a leak. He doesn't want Taffy to wake up and see him, so he walks a ways from the tent into the woods.
Suddenly, he hears the crunch of footsteps. At first, he thinks it could be someone from the tent. "Who's there?"
When no one answers, he grows alarmed, remembering the story of the dark stranger. "Who's there?" he squeaks."
"What're you doin' in ma woods, my fuzzy little man-peach?" a voice says.
"N-nothing?" Gill answers.
"It looks like you're making water."
"Uh yeah...."
"You like Baileys?"
"Uh, yeah?"
"You ever drink Bailey's from an old shoe? Nice and creamy and beige..."
"No, I can't say I have..." Gill answers. "Please don't hurt me."
"I like you. What do you think of me?"
"I don't even know you..." Gill says.
"I'm Ole Gregg," the voice says, stepping from the shadows.
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Post by mh on Nov 17, 2013 13:45:28 GMT -6
when ole gregg & gill get to monkey rock, taffy & steve are there holding a lantern and 5 college age kids are with them.
"this is ole gregg, "gill says to everyone.
"pleased ta meet'cha," says old gregg, nodding.
steve gasps, "you must be the dark stranger!"
ole gregg suddenly becomes angry. "you don't know me boy! you don't know what I got! yer sayin' to yourself 'there's ol' gregg, he's a scaly man-fish, he must be the dark stranger' -- well I ain't! matter of fact he's right over there!"
everyone jumps.
"c'mon everybody, sit down, sit down," says old gregg indicating ledges on monkey rock. "here gill, "he says patting a place to his right, "come sit by me."
gill gulps, and asks steve about the students.
"oh, they're from perdition community college," says steve. "the college has been there nearly 100 years. they only offer classes in bridle mending, cobbling, and animal husbandry. the only other thing there is a "Burger Chef". they all work there."
"what's your involvement in this, "steve ask ole gregg.
"i come every 77 years!" he exclaims. "it's a great holiday spot. like mardi gras! you'll like the dark stranger. he's a nice modern gentleman."
he takes out a bottle of baileys. "anybody care you a little drinkie?"
several feet away babu baboon, mh, and doc quantum are watching.
"did you hear that?" whispers babu, "Burger Chef! I worked there in high school! but then the chain closed down. there was a legend of a lost 'Burger Chef', still in operation. like the lost castle of the knights templar. I was the fastest burger maker they ever had! then I got promoted to fries. then I became asst. drive thru manager! nobody had ever moved up thru the company so fast ..."
"listen von quantum, "whispers mh. "I've heard baboon's 'burger chef' story about 826 times. i'm gunna a sneak up, snatch taffy, and see if that complex, fascinating woman can tell us what's going on."
ole greg whispers to gill, "once the dark stranger gets going with his stuff those students ain't gonna major in bridle mending no more, they're gonna major in crazy! burger chef is going need some more fry cooks."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Nov 19, 2013 14:24:28 GMT -6
"I'm telling you, something's not right about those kids," Babu sas.
"You've just got a thing about teenagers because of that kid who lives across from you with the loud bss ad even louder muffler," MH says.
"Yeah, he's annoying as crap," Babu muses. "But his has nothing to do with him. The last Burger Chf became a Hardees in 1996. How could they be fry cooks there? Somethin freaky is going on here. Look at that one guy, Keith. He's weaing bellbottoms and earth shoes. He's got David Cassidy hair!"
"I just figured he was really into retro clothing," Doc says.
Just then, they hear Keith ask Steve, "How come this funny looking radio of yours can't get any decent AM stations?"
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