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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 12, 2017 18:50:25 GMT -6
Meanwhile, Nev and Max are in a van outside the old Monkey Alliance Headquarters. "Okay, according to our research, the IP adress of the old Karen Cheung posts come from this location," Nev says.
"This isn't looking good," Max says. "The only female member they've ever had is the Huntress Diana. She only joined a few years ago."
Just then, a car pulls up and all the interns run out excitedly. "Yea!" Amber says. "Ms. Swan is here for our monthly mani-pedis!"
AN older Asian woman steps out of the car. "You girls ready? I gonna make you look so good. oookay!"
Nev spots her through his spy glasses. "Look, Max!"
Max looks through his own spy glasses. "I dunno. That doesn't look like any college student.
"Our client is all old and stuff," Nev says. "That was years ago! I'm phoning him with the good news!"
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Post by mh on Feb 12, 2017 20:13:59 GMT -6
unbeknownst to nev & max, babu was using a listening device developed by kenny & buddy and heard the whole thing.
"dammit baboon! it's not going to work!" says mh, having snuck out of the mall, and hiding in the bushes just outside marsten park, home of the legendary haunted picnic table,
www.latirnes.com/news/local/la-me-haunted30oct30/#
"sure it'll work!" says babu, hiding in the bushes, using his super baboon vision, "dakota tells me ms. swan is a lonely, lonely, woman.
"not it won't!" cries doc quartum, also hiding in the bushes, using his spyglasses. "she's fugly!"
"hey!" says babu.
"good locale," says 'the g-man', also watching thru spyglasses. "i can take out max & nev with my sniper rifle. no prob."
"dammit mh!" cries babu, why is ther g-man here!"
"he was put on 'questionable staus' a year ago! how did he even get thru our varied & strenuous personality tests?"
"oh, super-jesse liked his stash." says mh. "he went right thru! but he's a total psychopath!"
"dammit!" cries babu, and he jerks the g-man's rifle away from him and bents it it two.
"ghaaa!! i just had that sighted!" exclaims the g-man.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 13, 2017 9:01:16 GMT -6
Suddenly, the van starts up and leaves. Everyone stares in disbelief.
"I don't believe it," Doc Quantum says.
"I still say you shoulda let me shoot them," The G-Man says. "Just to be on the safe side."
"That's it. You're on double secret probation now," MH says.
"We just need to keep Ms. Swan here in case they show up again. Especially if they bring their boss.
Thirthy minutes later:
"Ms. Swan, you done got the hands of an angel," Kenny says, looking down at his feet.
"Hoookay, yuh..yuh.. you make a me work very hard. Pee-yew," Ms Swan says as Kenny gets up.
Babu Baboon then sits down to take his place, pulling off his boots.
"Oookay, yeah," she says looking down at his feet. "You gonna make a me break out the big guns." SHe reaches into her tool box and pulls out a power sander.
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Post by mh on Feb 13, 2017 11:51:29 GMT -6
an hour later ms. swan is busy sweeping up dead feet skin and toenail clippings.
"that was like buffing out dents at a body shop!" exclaims ms. swan. "i'm sweating like a chinese citizen working in an 'apple' factory!"
"ahhh. my tootsies needed that!" says babu, his feet in a gurgling foot-spa.
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Post by mh on Feb 13, 2017 11:57:06 GMT -6
babu explains the situation to ms. swan.
"so romantic," says ms. swan. "a beautiful chinese gurl working under the cruel oppression and tutelage of her parents, waiting for her dream man to take he away. if it was a nail salon instead of a restaurant, it's like the story of my life!"
"then you'll do it?" asks babu.
"i'm in!" she exclaims. and pointing to her body, "this is open for business!"
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Post by mh on Feb 13, 2017 17:00:06 GMT -6
nev and max, methodically planning the meeting of the former '38 y.o. male', and 'karen cheung', spend the day enjoying the many and various thrills of justice city, and return to their luxurious and spacious hotel
pale & shaken.
"this has got to be the most catfished place on the planet!" exclaims nev.
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Post by mh on Feb 13, 2017 17:06:19 GMT -6
as they wandered thru 'justice city', they were confronted by one catfish story after another.
"i couldn't belive a supermodel could love meat so much,"
says meaty mcgee, bursting to tears. "another 10 thousand bucks, and she'll be able to pay her way out of the ukraine, and her and I can be together!"
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Post by mh on Feb 13, 2017 17:24:20 GMT -6
"me and all the other waitresses are online dating rich hard core rappers!" says a waitress at meaty mcgees.
"even my friend fat wanda met one! mine is dj dark horse!"
"those guys like us to film ourselves dressed up in skimpy little nazi uniforms and throwing bratwursts at each other! love makes you do crazy things."
and one and on it went.
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Post by mh on Feb 13, 2017 17:38:35 GMT -6
"i've been carrying on a seven year online relationship with delta burke!" says mel, of mel's waterbed shed.
"yeah, she's got a few years on me, but hey, she's got a fanny the size of a barn door -- and mel, he likes a big target! i hope she survives the honeymoon!"
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Post by mh on Feb 13, 2017 22:01:24 GMT -6
"this place has a catfish pandemic!" says nev, shaking. "we met what ... 70 people who are being catfished?!"
max, receiving a catfish overload, has gone almost completely mental, and speechlessly mutters to himself glassy eyed.
"but we need to focus on 38 ... i mean '53 year old male'!" says nev. "we took the case, we've go to settle this -- then we'll burn rubber and get out of here! and we'll never mention it again. this place is like where catfish victims go to die!" |
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 13, 2017 23:26:03 GMT -6
Later, Nev and Max set up a meeting with 53 Year Old Male and his assistant Ernie at 53 Year Old Male's luxury suite they have reserved at the Justice Arms Hotel. "So Ernie tells me you have news," 53 Year Old Male says eargerly.
"Uh, yeah..." Max says nervously.
"Well?"
"We think we've found her...." Nev says.
"Then why the faces?" 53 Year Old Male says. "This is great news!"
"You... you said she's supposed to be hot?" Nev gulps.
"Yeah... why?" 53 Year Old Male says.
Nev nervously haands him the picture they took. 53 Year old Male's hand begins to shake. "How can this be?"
"I believe I can help with that, sir," Ernie says. "I've prepared a diagram."
"As you can see, unlike other races that age gradually over time, Asian women seemingly hold off the aging process until it can be held back no longer and then *bam*, it hits them like a mac truck!" Ernie says. 53 Year old Male actually jumps and winces at the *bam*.
"I've come this far," 53 Year Old Male says miserably. "I've still got to see it through.
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Post by mh on Feb 14, 2017 20:04:56 GMT -6
after '53 yr old male' leaves, max says, why'd you set it for tomorrow? I want to get out of this hellhole!"
"well, our mission is clear," says nev. "we have to spend today unraveling as much justice city catfishing as we can! these people are in catfish purgatory!"
moments later, kenny and buddy are in nev and max's room.
"kenny! you're not dating a plus sized model! and buddy, you're not dating katey perry!"
"whuttt?!" they both cry.
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Post by mh on Feb 14, 2017 20:13:15 GMT -6
"yer both online dating the same person -- this guy!" says nev, bringing up a guy on snapchat. "he's a dog groomer from idaho!"
"he ain't done fat!" exclaims kenny.
"he ain't done no gurl!" exclaims buddy.
"man katy perry, you done broked my heart," says buddy. "i ain't done gunna send u no more pichurs of me in my underwears!"
"nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!" screams the dog groomer in a high-pitched voice, looking like he might go insane. |
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Post by mh on Feb 14, 2017 20:23:48 GMT -6
later, after a saddened Kenny & buddy leave, meaty mcgee is in nev & max's swank justice arms room.
"i've got good news," says nev, "meaty, you're really online dating a ukrainian supermodel, who wants to spend their life with you!"
"yes! i knew it!" cries meaty. "i knew my little милая wasn't lying to me!"
"but uh, it's a guy," say max.
"ghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" screams meaty mcgee, and he runs out of the hotel and across town, barely missing getting run down by traffic.
"poor aлександр," says max. "we'll have to break the news to him."
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Post by mh on Feb 14, 2017 20:50:25 GMT -6
meanwhile back in the hall of justice, mh says, "the people in justice city sure online date a lot of rappers, celebrities, and models."
"dog, that's because we're hard core!" says steve.
"i'm dating a rapper, model and a techno geek! boo-boo baby is all that! she's my soul mate!"
"not steve too," mutters babu. |
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