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Post by mh on Oct 3, 2024 23:01:32 GMT -6
the monkey alliance and the halloween buttload of spooky steries part deux!!! aka, the monkehouse that dripped blood one mo' time!!
a continuation of blood-curdling monkeyhouse tales of dread, intrigue, mh a sittin' on the toilet, and lounging pajamas starring the monkey alliance and even more politically incorrectly and uncomfortably portrayed racial stereotypes
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Post by mh on Oct 3, 2024 23:17:17 GMT -6
"so many frightening tales it's making my head spin!" exclaims doc quantum, eating a lemon square, and walking outside for some air. then noticing his chauffeur 'snake-eyes' benny wilson, who has been with him for hours, in his car doing a people magazine questionaire he says, "likes and dislikes huh? benny that's a lot of dislikes ... wait, is that my name! and ... humm. on likes all you have written in, is 'white women'!"
"i'm off the clock right now mr quantum", says benny jovally.
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Post by mh on Oct 9, 2024 0:27:10 GMT -6
meanwhile, the wind screeches outside, in the horrid old blustery windswept day, as guest enter the hated and dreaded piece of festering old dog doo doo known as the old monkey alliance headquarters. "i'd like to tell the story of, the monkey alliance and the black-eyed children!"
exclaims mh, eating a lemon square. everyone gasps.
"paydirt!" cries dakota.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 10, 2024 18:48:06 GMT -6
"Show 'em the scar! Show 'em the scar!" Dakota exclaims.
"MH rolls down his sleeve and shows a huge scar on his forearm.
"Jesus!" Doc Quantum exclaims. "What is that? A shark bite?"
"I'll get to it," MH says. "It all started when I and a few former members of the team were on a road trip. We were deep into the heartland of America when the Monkeymobile broke down. After waiting a while, it was towed to the nearest small town....
The mechanic, Zeke, puts it on the rack and takes a look. "Yep,... looks like yer cold fusion reactor's shot."
"Can you do anything about it?" Babu asks, wishing Kenny were there.
"I gots an extra reactor I should be able to fit in, but it ain't going to be a quick job, I tell you what."
"Why's that?" Babu asks with a groan.
"Well, Roy's really our cold fusion guy. Mah doctorate wuz hot fusion with a secondary degree in muon-catalyzed fusion, but Roy's really the best guy for these old Richards tech numbers."
"What do we do in the meantime while we're waiting on this Roy guy?" MH sighs.
"Well, my cousin runs the local inn in town. Just tell her Zeke sent you and she'll cut you a group rate."
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Post by mh on Oct 11, 2024 0:05:59 GMT -6
the m.a. members luckily secured a room. it seemed fortunate they were able to get a first floor room, but in retrospect, it was probably the worst thing that could have happened.
"we got a room with a double bed," says mh, "and with me was williscorto, reachchimp, and thatdamnbastard! we were tired as dirt.
"i'm so tired, i'm gonna sleep like i'm thatdamed rip van winkle!" said thatdamnedbastard. we all laughed."
"of course you did!" exclaims babu baboon. "thatdamnbastard was hilarious!"
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Post by mh on Oct 11, 2024 21:15:09 GMT -6
"as we'd slipped into out jammies, and was crawling into bed, "says mh, "there was a knock at the door!" i checked the peephole, and outside, in their pajamas covered in little monkeys, were our original monkey alliance interns, august, suzy, and brenda!"
"original interns?!!!" exclaims skye.
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Post by mh on Oct 11, 2024 21:25:41 GMT -6
"girls, what's going on?" says mh, letting them in.
"we can't get a room!" said brenda, the smart one.
"the smart one?!!" exclaims dakota.
"they're fulled up! the custodian said we could have his room, but ... that turned out to be a problem."
"okay gurls, make yerselves comfortable, "says mh. "guys, grab some floor!"
"dammit!" cries thatdamedbastard.
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Post by mh on Oct 12, 2024 0:10:00 GMT -6
"damn, august was three kinds of hot!" exclaims babu baboon.
"yes she was!" cries mh. "much like the month she was named for!"
"how'd we ever lose them?" queries babu.
seeing the monkey alliance interns glaring at him, mh says, "uhhh... their transcribing skills were below par ..."
mh has his fingers crossed behind his back. then he loses it and cries, "them gals transcribed their asses off! they were transcribing machines!!! i loved you august!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 13, 2024 13:29:10 GMT -6
"Feeling uneasy, Babu decided to call and check on his treasured Monkeymobile," MH continued.....
"Welp,... me 'n Roy got it up on the rack and decided to have a gander at its core," Zeke said.
"Yeah?" Babu asked, not liking where this was heading.
"It was the dangdest thing," Zeke exclaimed. "The core just burns its way out and drops down to the floor... then whoosh.... it keeps on going! Right now yer Monkeymobile's core is burroughed five feet into the floor of our garage!"
"It looks like a big ol' glowing gopher!" Roy exclaimed in the background.
"We gots to figure out some way to get it out, fix it up, and get it back in safely. Else, we're gonna need a whole mess of plutonium to build a new core.'"
"Babu calmly sat the phone down and then began banging his head against the nightstand.
"'What's up with him?' August asked."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 13, 2024 21:50:39 GMT -6
"Meanwhile, as the old interns were watching Babu lose his shit, I was walking down the hallway looking for the ice machine," MH says. "I whistled innocently swinging the ice bucket, unaware of what was coming.
"What was coming?" exclaims Skye.
"Thundering footsteps and childish laughter filled the hall as two kids suddenly came barreling around the corner," MH says. "They weren't watching where they were going, so one of them headbutted me right in the nuts. As the pain crawled into my stomach, I slumped against the wall. The two kids turned and ran back the way they came."
"You little shits!' I choked. 'Why don't you watch where you're going!'" I ran around the corner after them and saw one of them with his back to me. He whipped round, staring at me with coal black eyes and hissed."
"'Gaahh!' I cried, backing up around the corner. Then I felt stupid because he was still a kid and wend back. When I rounded the corner again, though, he had vanished. 'What the hell?' I muttered followed by 'ouch my balls..."
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Post by mh on Oct 14, 2024 0:05:40 GMT -6
"you little sack of shit!" exclaims mh.
"little sack of shit? well, i love you too!" says brenda, helping him up.
"hah! i can always count on you brenda." said mh.
"brenda! dammit!" exclaims dakota.
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Post by mh on Oct 14, 2024 0:23:51 GMT -6
brenda gets mh back into the room, and mh begins telling the story about the evil kids.
"that sounds a little far fetched." says thatdamedbastard.
"no, maybe not." says reachchip," chosen as a m.a. member for his encyclopedic knowledge, and incredible intellect, "dark-eyed children stories have existed for decades! let's secure ourselves in this room and wait until dawn."
mh opens the door and yells out, "you fat little black-eyed turds!" then slams it back and locks it.
one of the dark-eyed children looked at another and said, " he called us fat."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 14, 2024 21:14:32 GMT -6
"'We can't barricade ourselves in here!' Wilscorto said. 'What will we do about food?' Lots of heads were shaking in agreement.
'We'll be fine!' Reachchimp said, waving his hand dismissively," MH remembers.
"'That's easy for you to say," Thatdamnbastard says. 'You stole all the bananas from the continental breakfast!"
"Steal?" Reachchimp laughs. "It's complimentary. You can't steal from it."
"We have six produce boxes full of bananas!' thatdamnbastard said. 'I think you might have abused the whole concept of complimentary!'
'If I see another banana I'm gonna hurl,' Wilscorto said sickly.
'Good!' Reachchimp snapped. 'Because I don't remember ever offering to share my bananas!' Reachchimp snapped.
'Guys!' MH said. 'No infighting! Fighting amongst ourselves is just what those little black eyed turds want!."
"Why do you keep referring to yourself in the third person?" Dakota asks.
"It's called artistic license!" MH says. "Do you want me to tell this story or what?"
"Okay! okay! Sorry!" exclaims Dakota.
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Post by mh on Oct 15, 2024 1:41:09 GMT -6
"what a bunch of big fat gay babies!" says mh. "well ... we put dressers and sh-t up against the door. "i guess it was just me and our former assistants against these devil spawn! the others were fighting over bananas. the black eyed children had apparently made them three all went crazy!" "except babu was there ... which i don't understand." says mh.
"hey, i snuck in behind the interns! i came to try to protect our priceless treasure, the monkey-mobile!" exclaims babu baboon.
"or were you just there because of august?" asks mh.
"shut up, shut up, shut up!" cries babu.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 15, 2024 18:35:56 GMT -6
"What the hell was I supposed to do? Sleep in the lobby?" Babu says.
"The way you were carrying on, I would have thought you'd have slept in the garage with the Monkeymobile," MH says.
"Don't think I didn't want to," Babu replied.
"Anyhoo, we were all glaring at Reachchimp for being a banana hoarder," MH says, "when we heard a thump against the door."
"'What the hell?' Wilscorto exclaimed.
"See who that is,' Babu said.
"MH peered through the peep hole and saw three black eyed kids. The middle, chubby one brought his middle finger up, shooting the bird to whoever he knew was looking at him.
"'Son of a... that little fat bastard!' MH exclaimed."
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