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Post by mh on Dec 4, 2014 2:18:00 GMT -6
skye give out a shriek as she notices a frightful old lady sitting beside her in in the ferryman's ferry.
"calm down dearie," she says, "i'm minerva! we must go back to the island. yer friends are in terrible peril!"
she explains about the perv-ship and steve exclaims," what can we do?!"
"they'll be okay for a while," says minerva, "i cast a confusion spell upon the crew! their limerick making skills should be impaired long enough for us to reach the scroll."
meanwhile back on the ship, captain morgan exclaims,"mh, he went to paris! he could not get enough carrots! he -- something, something, something ... and he wouldn't stop grooming my parrots! ahhhh! that ain't no proper limerick! what's wrong with me?!" |
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Post by mh on Dec 4, 2014 2:32:24 GMT -6
"that limerick sucked!" exclaims doc quantum.
"that's it!" cries captain morgan, "i'll stand for no insubordination on my vessel! once i change into my robe, doctor quantum, yer getting a hot oil rubdown!"
"no capn', not a hot oil rubdown!" sighs flatterin' mike, "he meant no harm. it be my fault, i should suffer the hot oil rubdown."
several other crewmen step forward and bravely explain why they should have the hot oil rubdown.
"c'mon mh," whispers babu, "i have a feeling that we may be receiving aid from unknown forces. and while morgan and the crew are busy, let's try and find the ship's wheel. maybe we can run this thing aground on the island and break this ship's spell. i don't plan on getting freaky with the likes of flatterin' mike if i can help it."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 18, 2015 16:45:12 GMT -6
In the confusion, Babu, MH, and Doc Quantum manage to find the wheelhouse. "There's the steering wheel. Let's run this thing aground and we'll all be out of here."
Suddenly, they all hear a cough from behind them. They turn around to see Flatterin' Mike.
"You boys look quite fetching in those robes," Flatterin' Mike says.
"AAAAAAA!!!!" they all exclaim at once.
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Post by mh on Feb 22, 2015 21:10:15 GMT -6
someone throws a burlap sack over 'flatterin' mike' and pushes him into a storeroom, bolting the door.
"lemme out!" cries flatterin' mike. "i can't make sweet love in 'ere! wait, maybe i can ..."
"who're you?!" yells baboon.
"i'm grady wilson!" exclaims the man.
"grady wilson?!" exclaims doc quantum. "the one who wrote "fifty and freaky?"
"the same!" says grady. "you guys read my book?"
"of course," replies baboon. "your books and dvds hold an honored place in the old monkey alliance HQ library!"
"yeah!" exclaims mh. "we all still wanna be getting freaky when we're fiddy too!"
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Post by mh on Feb 22, 2015 21:26:54 GMT -6
"how'd you end up here grady?" asks baboon.
"well," grady responds, "i was on p diddy's yacht, and diddy was havin' himself some love makin' problems! so i began showin' him and his celebrity guests how to take things from neighborly, to nasty! i was showin' them the james bond! now that's a license to freak!
"next thing i knowed, i slipped on a discarded bottle of cristal that jayzee dropped ...
... and fell off the boat! And I ended up here! and i been hidin' out ever since."
"but i thought you liked to get freaky." says doc quantum.
"not that kind of freaky!" exclaims grady. "but what the the pirates don't know is, there's actually a lady here! cabin boy kate!"
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Post by mh on Feb 22, 2015 21:38:32 GMT -6
"her and me got nasty!" says grady. "i got some moves for my next book! for example, 'the deep sea fisherman'! pull the rod ... pull the rod ... pull the rod!"
"grady, yer a national treasure!" exclaims baboon. "we gotta get you off this ship."
"well that sign says, "entrance to poop deck," says mh. "if we wreck this ship, maybe we can escape out it's bunghole."
"i knowed you hadn't got away grady, "says flatterin' mike thru the door, "my middle-aged mocha enchanter! flatterin' mike wants to learn some new moves!"
"ahhhh!" yells grady and the monkey alliance.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 24, 2015 19:34:54 GMT -6
Cabin Boy Kate bursts in and shoves Flatterin' Mike back in the closet. "No! You will not molest my beloved!" she cries.
"That's my girl!" Grady says.
"Girl?" Flatterin' Mike exclaims. "I thought he was simply poorly endowed!"
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Post by mh on Feb 25, 2015 23:24:44 GMT -6
"what yer asayin sounds like mutiny!" says flatterin' mike.
"and if i know the captain and his discipline, cabin boy kate will be thrown in the brigg, and you three will get pedicures and facials! then put in the dry sauna for several hours to think about what you've done! mutiny! halp! halp!" yells flatterin' mike.
baboon rips a page out of the "hot hunks of the atlantic sea" calendar, and shoves it into flatterin' mike's mouth. still mostly trapped in the burlap sack, mike falls over & passes out. |
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 28, 2015 22:43:02 GMT -6
"I've had enough of this," Babu says. "I'm running this ship aground. Maybe I'll smash it into the pier." He give a hard swig of the wheel.
As the ship makes a sharp turn, Captain Morgan and his crew go tumbling across the deck. "We've been shanghaid!" Captain Morgain exclaims. "They're in the wheelhouse!"
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Post by mh on Mar 3, 2015 21:36:23 GMT -6
babu bars the door with all manner of crap, so that the pirates cannot enter, but magda, the nicer of the three ghosts walks thru the wall & says, "my sisters are coming! you're only hope is to lay some pipe!"
"i have an idea! mh, doc, help me!" cries babu, grabbing up a discarded tarp and begins hanging it in front of the wheel.
"grady," says babu, "yer going to have to get freaky like you never have before!"
"damn! i got this!" cries grady wilson.
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Post by mh on Mar 3, 2015 22:32:13 GMT -6
the pirates begin banging on the door, and the other two ghosts walk thru the wall and ask, "what're you up to?"
babu, mh & doc quantum are standing behind the tarp and babu says, "we're waiting in line! we're waiting for our turns to do the nasty!"
behind the tarp they hear ....
grady: turn the wheel! we're in rough waters!
cabin boy kate: aye aye captain! permission to enter the poop deck!
grady: ha! ha!
"good!" exclaims zsa zsa, the lead ghost, "they're knockin' boots! you lot -- carry on!"
grady: check the fishin' rod!
cabin boy kate: we've hooked something!
grady: pull the rod!
cabin boy kate: i think this might be a whale!
grady: ha! ha! damn! we gonna make so much money!
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Post by mh on Mar 3, 2015 22:44:58 GMT -6
as the ship continues to barrel toward the dock ....
grady: land ho! i've spotted two buoys!
cabin boy kate: *giggle* i ain't a ho, and those aren't buoys!
"wait dammit!" cries eva, the other ghost, "i know that old joke! it means instead of buoys they are boobies! cabin boy kate is a gurl!"
just then the ship crashes into the dock.
"durn," says kenny, who has just arrived with the others in the ferry, overhearing kate as the north wall of the cursed ship shatters and they can see inside. "welcome to pirates of the carrabean 5," kenny sighs, "cabin boy kate's chest."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Mar 5, 2015 19:55:57 GMT -6
Suddenly, a hidden box falls from the bottom of the dock and starts to float away.
"What's that?" Skye says, pointing to it.
"Quick!" Minrva says, tugging on the ferryman's sleeve. "Get over there! That box contains the scroll!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Mar 5, 2015 20:00:02 GMT -6
Meanwhile, Babu, Doc, and MH attempt to escape through the hole created in the side of the boat. "Wait for us!" Cries Grady, holding Cabin Boy Kate's hand.
Suddenly, Captain Morgan bursts through the door along with his pervvy crewmen. "Not so fast. Ye'll not be escapin' that easily."
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Post by mh on Mar 24, 2015 21:55:48 GMT -6
to lighten the load, the ferryman drops amber, skye, kenny and buddy, and boy adventurers steve & gill, and he and minerva take off after the box. the group reaches the crashed perv ship, just as the pirates pull their cutlesses.
"you'll not be desertin' my ship!" they hear morgan cry.
just then an urgent message comes over their ancient-looking radio.
"mayday! mayday! this is p-diddy! my yaht just got rammed by 'ron jeremy' in his boat, 'the pants snake'! jeremy is drunk as hell and fell out of his boat & is hanging by the anchor chain! and we're both taking on water! mayday! mayday!"
"ron jeremy!" gasps flatterin' mike. "he's a dream!"
"we have no choice," moans captain morgan, stepping aside. "but former crewman babu, we'll need a push northeastward!" He grabs the radio, "hold on diddy! this be captain morgan! you, jeremy, and all your precious seamen will soon be safe!"
babu, doc, and mh step out thru the hole, shaking their heads in dismay, and the others greet them happily. skye tells them about the scroll.
"step on it monkeyman!" yells morgan from the hole in the ship, and trains a steely gaze into the distance. "we got precious cargo to dredge."
"everything that guy says sounds sexual," whispers doc quantum.
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