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Post by mh on Aug 8, 2024 23:36:56 GMT -6
"huh?" says babu. "anyway, a woman rushes up outside the mullet's cell and says, "crimson mullet! i need your help to track down buffalo bill!"
"agent clarice starling!" exclaims the mullet. "the one woman i cannot say no to! besides pat benatar."
"why do they call him buffalo bill? tell me clarice. tell me!"
"uhhh, his name is bill & he's from buffalo ...?" replies the agent.
"that is a bit of a letdown." says the crimson mullet.
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Post by mh on Aug 8, 2024 23:53:07 GMT -6
This portion of "the m.a.& the halloween buttload of spooky steries part 1!" was brought to you by the milwaukee tourism board.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 23, 2024 17:55:33 GMT -6
"I had tracked Buffalo Bill to his lair," Agent Starling says. "I confronted him, and we were in a standoff. Just before I could shoot him, he disappeared in a burst of light." A surprised gasp passes among the group. "At least I was able to save the poor fat girl he held captive. He had kept her in a pit making her constantly rub lotion on herself."
Kenny's ears perk up. "Tell us more about the fat girl."
"Never mind that," Doc says. "This is the same way the villains disappeared.
"There's got to be a connection," Babu says. "All these bad guys vanishing in a burst of light. Serial killers, too. Like someone is looking for the worst of the worst."
"Finally, a break," MH says.
"You still need me, though, right?" the Crimson Mullet says, looking around at all his swag. "I still get to keep all my stuff, right?"
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Post by mh on Aug 23, 2024 22:53:42 GMT -6
"yes mullet," says agent starling, but tell us about the the house in the pines! what is the connection?" "i can't agent ..." begins the mullet. "you don't know what you're asking!"
"the house in the pines?," queries babu.
a suited figure appears. "listen! i gave you permission to question the crimson mullet, not to badger him."
"warden adam ant, this is very important," says agent starking.
"adam ant!" cries babu.
"the feds enlisted me, the money was too good to turn down," adam ant whispers to babu. "i haven't gotten royalties from 'goody two-shoes' in years."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 31, 2024 19:28:00 GMT -6
"Ah, Warden Adam Ant," the Crimson Mullet says. "Have you come to sing me another round of 'Ant Music'?"
"That was a one-time deal," Warden Ant says. "The most I'll give you is 'Goody Two Shoes'."
"Bah!" the Crimson Mullet says. "Any 80s station has that on regular rotation. I want 'Ant Music'!"
Baabu and Agent Starling look at Warden Ant pleadingly.
"Very well," Warden Ant sighs. "Tell them about the House on the Pines and I'll give you 'Ant Music'."
"Huzzah!" the Crimson Mullet exclaims. "I don't suppose you could throw in 'Stand and Deliver'?"
"Don't push it," Warden Adam Ant says.
"It was worth a try," the Crimson Mullet says.
Warden Adam Ant starts to sing....
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Post by Babu Baboon on Sept 6, 2024 11:47:46 GMT -6
"Simply mesmerizing," the Crimson Mullet says.
"Now, the House on the Pines," Agent Starling says.
"You don't know what you're asking!" the Crimson Mullet says. "Dark forces are at work at the House on the Pines. Dark forces, I tell you!"
"Tell us!" Babu Baboon demands.
"You ask too much of me!" Crimson Mullet cries.
Babu turns to Warden Ant.
"Okay, Warden Adam Ant sighs. "Here's Stand and Deliver."
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Post by mh on Sept 20, 2024 22:30:59 GMT -6
"adam ant that was splendid," whispers the crimson mullet. "i was transported back to the 80's! i will tell everything. but the huntress diana, and adam ant, i won't explain further until you have both left!" and looking at the huntress, "i will not be a party to one so enchanting being caught up in this evil."
"thanks mullet, that's kind of you, "says warden adam ant. "if anyone needs me i'll be in my office!"
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Post by mh on Sept 20, 2024 22:48:58 GMT -6
"mullet, i'm a monkey alliance member, "says diana, "i insist you tell your story."
"sweet pat benetar!" exclaims the mullet. "fine."
agent starling switches on an ol' timey reel to reel tape recorder.
"picture it, fall of last year!" says the mullet. "i'd been double crossed by many of my old confederates. many had turned state's evidence on me. i was public enemy #1! i'd heard of a hidden landing field in justice city's old north woods. where for a price you'd be smuggled out of the country. instead of a landing field i found, the house in the pines!
"tell us about it mullet!" says agent starling.
"it was vast." says the mullet. "not a soul there. but these odd scary statues everyplace!"
"but wait, there was something there. a slim shadow. it spoke to me."
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Post by mh on Sept 21, 2024 22:31:49 GMT -6
"i managed to get freed with a hidden weapon in my arsenal, "my incredible charm! oh, and i told the shadow i'd spread the fake story about the hidden landing strip across all the the prisons if i were captured, if he'd let me go ...."
"omg mullet!" exclaims babu baboon, "so you are largely responsible for all these disappearances?!"
"guilty!" exclaims the crimson mullet.
"mullet, you are more vile than i ever believed, "says agent starking.
"i was terrified," says the mullet. "i'm still terrified! i should have never told you this. curse you adam ant!"
"how do we find the house," asks babu.
the mullet draws a map. "to gain entry you'll need a criminal with you." says the mullet. "joey faust happens to be here. the best safe cracker who has ever lived! something tells me he could be useful to you."
"oh, and watch out for the woman in white!"
"what is her connection to the house?" asks the huntress diana.
"i have no idea," says the mullet. "i have told you all i know!"
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Post by mh on Sept 21, 2024 22:58:15 GMT -6
barely an an hour later mh, babu and joey faust are careening down a dark dirt road in a 1978 pontiac phoenix driven by edna, their biggest fan. figuring her car would make them less conspicuous.
"i'm you biggest fan!" exclaims edna.
doc quantum and the huntress diana are tailing them a distance behind.
"you mugs better be on the level!" says joey faust. "you'll talk to the parole board?"
we'll do what we can," says babu.
babu looks over absently and sees an old woman all in white running beside their car. she has a horrible look on her face and is mouthing something.
"omg! the woman in white! -- just like the mullet said!" exclaims babu.
"gun it edna!!!" cries mh.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Sept 23, 2024 6:44:01 GMT -6
As a panicking Edna's driving became increasingly erratic, Babu internally debated the wisdom of bringing fan contest winners on actual cases. Joey Faust looked equally panicked. "We're all gonna die! You mooks have killed me!"
"Try driving in a straight line, Edna!" MH exclaimed.
Suddenly, Edna swerved and side-swiped the Woman in White who then fell into a ditch. "Omigid! Stop the car!" Babu exclaimed. Edna screeched to a halt.
"what just happened?" the Huntress Diana said from the other car.
"I dunno," Doc Quantum said. "I think we might be murderers."
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Post by mh on Sept 23, 2024 22:16:26 GMT -6
Joey Faust looked equally panicked. "We're all gonna die! You mooks have killed me!" |
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Post by mh on Sept 23, 2024 22:29:47 GMT -6
as they reach the ditch the woman crawls out. "you bunch stay away from the house in the pines!" she hisses. then hurling a rock she clocks mh in the forehead and runs off into the woods at an almost impossible speed. "ouch!" cries mh. "crazy old lady!" "well ... we did hit her with a car!" says babu. "could she be a ghost?"
"i don't like the creepy stuff!" exclaims joey faust.
"look, the house!"says mh pointing.
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Post by mh on Sept 23, 2024 22:44:56 GMT -6
the house in the pines part 2
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Post by Babu Baboon on Sept 25, 2024 4:47:30 GMT -6
As they get to the front door, they find it's locked. "Time for daddy to do his stuff," Joey Faust says, pulling out his lock picks.
When he goes to insert the first pick, though, the front porch turns into a trap door. They all scream in alarm as they plummet.
I could have broken a hip!" Edna exclaims. "Luckily, I landed on something soft."
"You're welcome," MH groans.
"Where the hell are we?" Baabu says.
"I've got a flashlight," the Huntress Diana says, switching it on. When she shines her light around, the group are strtled to see themselves surrounded by old timey huge computer banks.
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