|
|
Post by mh on Aug 13, 2022 15:26:29 GMT -6
"are my most loyal followers here as i demanded?" asks hubbard.
"yes my king!" cries tom cruise laughing uproariously. kneeling he kisses hubbard's hand, then he and xenu go into full lip-lock, a show of respect between two males on the planet teegeeack.
"yuck!" whispers doug, "he's not even cute to me now."
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Aug 13, 2022 15:40:27 GMT -6
watching the proceedings, a gray says, "sire, you and the human have a tie score."
"wej duj gock!!!" cries gorak.
"tish ... such language." says hubbard.
"hey, where'd travolta go?" asks babu.
the m.a. members and doug go out in the hallway and find him in an elevator pacing around.
"nope ... nope ... nope ... nope ..." says travolta over & over.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Aug 13, 2022 23:19:11 GMT -6
"travolta, we need yer help!" says babu shaking him.
"yeah, "says doc quantum, "xenu and the teegeeackians are hard core! interplanetary wars, shoving guys into volcanoes for billions of years -- and they love the earth! they own at least a third of hollywood, and the xenu merchandising alone has made them billions!"
"not spose to real," says travolta staring thru them, "nope! nope! ... listen, we'll all change into sweats ... help me get my rug off & we'll go to a gym at two in the morning and make some ... friends .... an that'll make zenu go away ...."
"nope ... nope ... nope ... nope ..."
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Aug 15, 2022 20:57:44 GMT -6
Tom Cruise suddenly spots Buddy's favorite Nerdette and squeals, "Who is that vision! I'm in love! I'm in love!"
"Just like that?" Xenu asks L.Ron.
"He... gets like that sometimes," Hubbard answers.
"I'm in love! I'm in love!" Cruise continues, finding the nearest sofa upon which to jump up and down."
He leaps off and grabs her by the shoulders. "We have to get married!"
"Now just a dang minute!" Buddy says. "You better done take yer hands off her!" He leaps and tackles Cruise and the two start to tussle.
Buddy grabs Tom Cruise's face and jerks. Suddenly, it slides off, revealing it to be a mask. The Nerdettes scream as the true face of cruise is revealed.
"No wonder he stayed young looking when he was pushing sixty," Doug says. "Well, there goes half my spank bank."
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Oct 4, 2022 0:07:27 GMT -6
"okay, i'm not the real cruise!" says the alien. "he's enjoying a holiday on trasnfrrkgleen -- or as you know it --pluto! pluto is to rich earthers what cuba was in the 1950's. gambling, prostitutes, whatever you want."
"but pluto can't sustain human life!" cries babu.
"seriously," says cruise, replacing his face and laughing. "it's like arizona! you people still listen to nasa? girl, are you in or out?" says fake cruise.
"i'm in!" screams the nerdette.
"i'm in love! i'm in love!" yells fake cruise, jumping on the couch again. but this time his alien energy kills oprah.
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 3, 2023 19:06:52 GMT -6
"Wht the hell was that?" Babu exclaims.
"It's bwrgwarg seaason," L Ron explains.
"...which meaans?" Babu asks.
"He needs to mate or he will explode," L Ron continues. "That's why Xenu is here."
"I don't waant to get exploded!" squeals the nerdette, running off.
"Come back, my love!" faux Cruise calls out in hot pursuit.
"You know, she will 'get exploded'," L Ron warns. "Only Xenu can handle what he's packing."
"I don't want my new gurl to done get exploded!" Buddy exclaims. "Even if she is a two-timing floozy!"
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Oct 18, 2023 0:23:02 GMT -6
"this is getting out of hand, "says mitt romney. "luckily chuck shumer is doing a deluge of pro "if they are real" alien interviews today!" he whispers to babu, "nobody kisses alien fanny like chuck! quick turn on the teevee."
babu complies & seconds later mitt croaks, "oh no. he's stinkin' drunk."
"fat gay air-borne bug-eyed homo little shit-bags are we?!!" sputters gorak.
"uhhh, i didn't notice gay or homo, "says babu.
"i heard space twinks," comments doc quantum.
"i stand corrected." says babu.
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 23, 2023 21:35:53 GMT -6
"Well, that didn't help at all!" Baabu exclaims, snatching the remote from Mitt Romney.
"waitaminnit," Babu exclaims, turning to L Ron. "You said only Xenu can handle what he's packing. Are you saying Xenu is gay?"
"Certainly not!" Xenu says, aghast.
"Xenu is female," L Ron says sheepishly. "I might have taken a few liberties with the message...."
"Who knew my chosen prophet would be so sexist," Xenu says, bringing her wrist to her forehead dramatically.
"Hey, it was 1952! I had to sell the thing to the public!" L Ron says defensively.
"Tell everyone you identify as a woman," Doc Quantum saays. "They'll eat that sh%t up in 2023!"
"I AM a woman!" Xenu exclaims.
"That's the spirit!" Doc says.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Oct 23, 2023 23:01:58 GMT -6
fake tom cruise returns weeping bitterly. "she's left me! my one true love. just like katy holmes, that big red haired psycho, and the others!"
"but wait ..." begins babu.
"i was lying!" yells tom cruise. "i'm the real tom cruise!" pulling off his masks. "to retard the aging process, myself and many other hollywood celebrities got injected with alien dna! but i suppose i am destined to die alone."
"come to me my love!" yells xenu, and they embrace. cruise yells, "i'm in love!" begins laughing & jumps on the couch again. the jarring restarts oprah's heart & she coughs, then begins laughing too.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Oct 23, 2023 23:25:41 GMT -6
"come my friends!" yells l. ron hubbard. "we'll off to pluto where i will perform your wedding ceremony!"
"you're done a justice of the peace?" asks buddy.
"no i'm a sea captain!" cries hubbard. "and a lawyer! and a doctor! a showman! a shaman! and an indian chief! and a bartender!"
i can only perform nuptials on water. come! we'll take a plutonian tether boat to beautiful lake smuellgar -- we'll pick up many celebrity guests. only a-listers! price harry & meghan markle, justin trudeau ... the squad! whoopi goldberg! don lemon! jussie smollett! it'll be the event of the century!"
"omg that sounds amazing!" cries oprah. "can i come?"
"no pudgy! you're yesterday's news!" cries hubbard, and he xenu and cruise disappear.
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 27, 2023 7:26:57 GMT -6
"They can't do this to me! I'm Oprah Winfrey, dammit!" Oprah exclaims. "I'll buy Pluto and kick all their asses off!"
"Uh oh," Doc says. "This could lead to interstellar war!"
"Or it could be aa way to solve all our problems," Babu says.
"Whaadya mean?" MH sys dubiously.
"Hey Oprah!" Babu says. "How about a trade off?"
"What?" Oprah says, looking annoyed. "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"
"Trying to buy Pluto. I know," Baabu says. "How about instead of killing the wedding, you take these three alien sex slaves?" He points to the greys who are engrossed in another game.
"I dunno.... maaaybe," Oprah says, clearly considering it.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Oct 30, 2023 0:06:33 GMT -6
"flaarlork!" curses gorak and he draws a laser gun, blasting oprah.
"omg! what'd you do that for?!" cries babu.
"she was considering it!" shrieks gorak. "what are we, cubby chasers?! now ... unless you want the same fate come with us to the roof, and to our ship!"
babu gets on an elevator, and the three little men waddle behind him. the m.a. members, mitt romney and the others are too preoccupied to notice. gal godat, on skype, is singing a song about global warming.
"kenny, i think i done falled in love ..." begins buddy.
"shut up buddy!" cries doc quantum, overcome with wonder woman lust.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Oct 30, 2023 0:19:42 GMT -6
reaching the roof, babu wonders at the size of the massive ship. "it makes the monkey-mobile look like a frisbee!" he exclaims.
reaching it, they splash thru stagnant water. rats scurry.
"this is disgusting!" says babu, "yuck. you little jerks!"
suddenly gorak, angry, morphs. becoming much larger and more menacing.
"what the ..." begins babu, and gorak reaches out, grabs him by the neck and lifts him with incredible strenth.
"not my g-ddam planet!" he shrieks. "monkey buoy!!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Oct 31, 2023 16:02:20 GMT -6
Babu uses his enhanced baboon senses to tell him exactly where Gorak's alien nads are. He quickly brings his fists up and slams them into Gorak's armpits. The grey quickly drops to his knees, squeaaling in aa high pitched voice.
"Nyaaaah-aah-aaha!" Bbu exclaims, retreating down the stairs. Doc! MH! Lothar! We got trouble!"
"How did he know?" Gorak exclaims. His voice still several octaves than normal. By now, the other greys have transported to his side.
"How aare your blormlaaps?" one of them says.
"Forget my blormlaps!" Gork squeals. "Just get them!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Doc Quantum on Nov 23, 2023 2:42:01 GMT -6
As Babu rushes downstairs, he bumps into Doc, MH, and Lothar who are anxiously waiting for him along the main hotel staircase.
"What happened, Babu? Why are you running?" asks Doc.
"Gorak, he got big and angry!" Babu gasps, trying to catch his breath.
Suddenly, the greys appear before them, blocking their path. "You will not escape us!" one of them hisses.
"Quick, guys, we need a plan!" Doc exclaims.
Lothar cracks his knuckles and steps forward. "I've got an idea," he says with a mischievous grin. "Let's use our acting skills to confuse them!"
MH raises an eyebrow. "Acting skills? Are you sure about this, Lothar?"
Lothar nods confidently. "Trust me, MH. I've done my fair share of theater in my time."
With that, Lothar starts dramatically reciting lines from Shakespeare's Hamlet, playing out all the characters himself. He switches between Hamlet, Ophelia, Polonius, and even adds a touch of Macbeth for good measure.
The greys look at each other, clearly puzzled. "What is he doing?" one of them whispers.
Amidst the confusion, Doc manages to slip away to the roof, where he enters the spaceship and starts manipulating its controls.
Back in the hotel, MH grabs a nearby fire extinguisher and starts spraying it around in every direction, creating a thick cloud of foam that disorients the greys.
"What is this madness?!" one of them exclaims, wiping foam from their face.
Babu, still catching his breath, joins in the chaos by swinging from the overhead pipes and making loud monkey noises.
Meanwhile, Doc figures out how to activate the ship's anti-gravity feature, so he extends the anti-grav field through the roof and into the hotel. The greys, caught off guard, are sent floating in the weightless environment.
Lothar gracefully floats towards them while still reciting lines from Hamlet. "To be or not to be, that is the question..." he says, floating upside down.
The greys, now completely disoriented and baffled, retreat to a hotel ceiling, trying to hold on to each other for stability.
Back inside the ship, Doc deactivates the anti-gravity feature, causing the greys to fall back roughly to the ground. Doc returns a moment later to find them dazed and confused.
"A little warning would've been nice!" shouts Lothar, lying crumpled next to the greys. "Nearly broke my neck!"
"I would've caught you, but you were too far away to grab onto," says Babu, dangling from a banister. MH takes that moment to place the fire extinguisher back onto the wall.
"Now that we've had our fun, how about we have a little chat?" Doc says, crossing his arms and looking at the greys with a sly grin.
The greys, still shaken from the chaotic events, reluctantly nod in agreement.
"BTW, does anyone know what happened to Skye and the others?" Lothar asks.
|
|
