|
|
Post by mh on Jan 19, 2014 0:47:49 GMT -6
"maybe a bit of bad weather would chase off them pesky laser wearin' invertebrates. opps, I think maybe they're really vertebrates," says finian. "that might be taking the wind outta their sails."
seeing the evil twinkle in finian's eye, sgt. baboon says, "oh no. wait, you don't mean ..."
"yes i do mean!" exclaims finian. "a baboonami!!!!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 20, 2014 12:01:50 GMT -6
"How can baboons take on sharks?" Babu asks. "Much less sharks with laser beams?"
"Ah, but these aren't ordinary sharks," Finian says. "They be enchanted sharks!"
The sharks are suddenly whipped up into the tsunami where the baboons attack them with teeth and claws. "I don't believe it," Doc says. "The baboons are holding their own!"
The tank continues until it reaches the other side. They find something waiting for them on the other side.
"Ah crap," Babu says.
Before them is a giant robot bearing an enormous swastika on its chest. Its clear dome head shoes Gerhardt Von Degaton working the controls. "Greetings, Amerikan scum. Prepare to die!"
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jan 22, 2014 17:54:30 GMT -6
the ghost of general stonewall Jackson suddenly appears outside on his horse, and begins flying around the nazi death bot. confused, degaton begins to fire missles at the general from the bot's chest.
"ya' caint kill a ghost, ya' idget!" cries jackson, swinging his sword.
"this won't stop him for long, "yells sgt. baboon. "what can we do."
"this thing needs a wee temporary upgrade," says finian. and with a flash of magic, the tank looks less like a 1940's tank, than a 2040's tank.
"look, there's some kind of -- I dunno what here, "says little dead shot, staring at the tank's readout from scanning the bot.
"aww, clovers!" says finian, "I forgot. although I upgraded the tank, you bunch is still as stupid as an irish wedding!"
he casts a second spell to smarten them up.
"quick, "says sgt baboon, "we have to find a weak spot!"
"got it!" says jesse, the banana split soldier. "they made a hasty repair on the upper joint of the right leg on this 'nazi-bot 15000', as the readout says. one good shot would ..."
"prepare to fire!" cries sgt. baboon.
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 23, 2014 14:34:46 GMT -6
Babu and his crew aim for the leg joint and it explodes. The large robot drops to one knee and then falls face forward.
A large cheer errupts from the crew. "Good job, men!" Sgt Baboon says.
"Uh oh," Little Dead shot says. Suddenly, the head and upper torso detach themslves from the robot, converting into another futuristic tank.
"We're not finished, schweinhunds!" Gerhardt Von Degaton shouts.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Jan 26, 2014 13:04:42 GMT -6
as degaton begins to blast, the haunted tank retreats.
"what's it doing," yells driv, "i can't control it!"
"it's taking defensive maneuvers!" yells stonewall jackson. "that thing the sauerkraut eater is drivin' is a few hunnert years more advanced than this bucket a bolts!"
the haunted tank rests behind a concrete bunker and waits.
"it's givin you yer shot! wait fot it ... wait for it ..."
"what're ya waitin' for ya wee gurl!?" finian yells at jesse, "blast the accursed shamrocks outta that thing!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 26, 2014 13:57:23 GMT -6
Jesse fires and scores a direct hit, knocking the right track from its frame. A loud cheer goes up from the group.
Their jubulation is short lives as the other track suddeny drops off and the tank rises into the air. A gasp escapes from everyone as wings sprout from the side and it transforms into a futuristic fighter jet.
"We're toast," MH says.
"Maybe not," Jesse says as the magical knowledge of their tank takes his hand to a large red button. The tracks drop off their own tank and it begins to rise in the air, sprouting wings.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Feb 4, 2014 11:12:15 GMT -6
"omg, this is not happening, "gasps sgt. baboon.
"finian, how ... hey where'd he go ... ?" exclaims babu.
"oh he's in the back," says little dead shot, "throwing up pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars & green clovers."
"BLAUAUAUAUauaaauuuuuauuuuu ...!!!" says finian.
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 5, 2014 19:09:02 GMT -6
Sgt. Baboon and his crew quickly find themselves in the midst of an air fight. Gerhardt Von Degaton has the advantage of higher technology, but it soon proves no match for the skills of the Howling Monkeys as a missile connects with Degaton's fighter.
"Direct hit!" Manny whoops. "We finished him off!"
"Wait..." Doc says. "He's hit the ejector seat. He's airborne."
"He's too dangerous to let get away," Sgt. Baboon says grimly. "Swing around and take him out."
The craft suddenly shakes violently as the right wing crumbles and the engine burst into flame. "What the hell did we hit?" Sgt Baboon shouts. They all look out to see a huge scorch mark against the blue sky.
"What the....?!!" Sgt Baboon shouts. "How the hell did we crash into the sky?"
"We're going down!" says Little Dead Shot.
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 15, 2014 16:31:31 GMT -6
Sgt Baboon and his men crawl out of the wreckage of their fighter. Finian and Stonewall Jackson are now nowhere to be seen.
"What the hell is going on here?" Sgt Baboon says, looking up at the smoking burn mark in the sky where they crashed.
He runs to try and look at it from the other side and suddenly sees stars as he smacks into an unseen barrier in front of him. He holds his hands in front of him and feels cold metal. He hits the space in front of him and hears a hollow thud.
"What's going on?" Manny asks.
"That's what I'd like to know," Sgt. Baboon asks. It's a big metal wall... painted to look like the sky and land beyond. He looks up and says, "I bet if we had flown far enough upward, the same thing would have happened. None of this is real."
Elsewhere:
"Sir, I think we have a big problem."
"I think you're right," Professor Hasselhoff says. "I suspect we'll have company shortly. Let's be ready for them."
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Feb 15, 2014 16:57:10 GMT -6
the crash having torn most of their uniforms away, they can see the costumes underneath.
"what's this," says mh, looking at a fake owl camera on a tree
behind it in the foliage is a youngish be-speckled man in a lab-coat, who in fright says, "woody whoo! whoody whoo!"
"look," says mh dragging him out by the collar," sgt, is this a nazi?"
"no ummm, i'm a figment of you battle scarred imagination!" he exclaims.
"so if i put a couple of slugs from this 19-teens gun, that just fell outta my uniform, into yer pumpkin, it'll all be part of my imagination, right?"
"go ahead, "says sgt. baboon, "we're apparently all suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome because we see him too! everybody brace yourselves, if this turns out not to be our imaginations, this ain't gonna be pretty."
"stop!" screams the lab-coat guy. "i'm real! (crying) I'm too young to die! i've never even had a woman!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 15, 2014 18:37:05 GMT -6
"Nice to know something around here is real," Sgt Baboon says through gritted teeth. "What the hell did you do to us?"
"It wasn't me!" the lab tech squeaks. "I'm just a low level flunkie! I was just following orders! It's Professor Hasselhoff you want!"
"I don't know who that is, but I feel like I should. What the hell did you people do to us?" Sgt Baboon shouts.
"Don't worry. The conditioning will wear off once you leave the dome!" the tech says.
"Then by all means," Sgt Baboon gestures with his gun. "Lead us out of here."
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Feb 25, 2014 19:39:50 GMT -6
"wait, "says babu, "will we lose a lot of our ferocity?"
"well sure," says the flunky. "mh never would've nearly blasted my brains against the wall if ... well maybe he might'a, but you guys are superheroes! only in this economy would i have taken a low-level job involving torturing & destroying you guys! i'm really big fans. but my boyfriend chad got these pec implants! i'll be payin' for them until i'm 37! anyway, the longer you breathe this air, the more ferocious you'll stay."
little sure shot slips out & returns with some sandwich bags from the break-room, with hasselhoff inc. written on the bags.
"i heald my breath," said driv. "hold these bags at that vent, then when we go out, hold them to you faces."
"hey you can't use those!" says the flunky, "it against company policy and ..." begins the flunky, and mh holds his 1916 mauser to his head.
"uhhh! he's doing it again babu!" says the flunky.
"awww, "go ahead & shoot!" says a voice, and they turn around to see finian.
"how can you still be here," asks the tech/flunky.
"i be hardwired into the central brain!" says finian.
"oh that fat mikey Bledsoe, "says the tech. "if he hadn't been eating a greasy hot-pocket, he'd never have accidently hit the helpful leprechaun button."
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Mar 9, 2014 13:02:42 GMT -6
The tech takes them to a hidden door painted to look as if it were a part of the landscape around them. "Oh, I am so dead," the tech says.
"You would have been dead if you hadn't done as we said," Babu says. "Now you have a chance to walk away from this still breathing."
"I'll be glad when you guys go back to sounding like the old Monkey Alliance," the tech whines.
"What in the hell is a Monkey Alliance?" Babu says.
The door opens and the Howling Monkeys are bewildered to find themselves in a sterile looking white paneled hallway, having passed through a door that looked as if it were in midair. "What in the hell?" MH says.
They start to move down the hallway when an alarm suddenly goes off. They hear footsteps thundering down the hallway and they suddenly find themselve confronted by several men wearing full battle armor. The right breast pocket area bears the Hasselhoff Inc logo.
|
|
|
|
Post by mh on Mar 14, 2014 22:31:01 GMT -6
the howling monkeys immediately hurl grenades at them. the hasselhoff inc. soldiers begin to run. hampered by their armor, they don't get far and are blown up in the air.
"you could have killed them!" yells the geeky guy.
"that was the general idea, "says sgt. baboon. "and from now on you go in front! human shield style. what's yer name non-com."
"my name is steve!" yells the geeky guy. "and i'm not a non-com! i'm not in the army!"
"steve," says sgt. baboon shaking his head, looking confused. "why does that sound familiar?"
"listen sgt," says mh, "these soldiers are unconscious, but still alive. we should probably execute them. otherwise they're likely to machine gun us in the backs later."
mh pulls the helmet off one and points his mauser, but his hand is shaking & he can't pull the trigger.
"what the hell's the matter with me?!" he yells.
"omg, finally!" yells steve. "maybe i'll live to see chad again!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Babu Baboon on Mar 18, 2014 20:09:18 GMT -6
No sooner had the flunky said that when suddenly, lasers begin shooting from the walls. Babu snatches up the flunky and begins flying through the space between the lasers. "Holy crap! I can fly!" Babu exclaims when he realizes what he's doing.
Jesse walks through, blocking the lasers from Kenny and Buddy. By the end, the lasers have shredded the last of his army uniform, revealing the costume beneath.
MH does a series of acrobatics, bypassing the lasers with ease. "Didn't know I could do that," he says.
Drivtaan speeds through. The laser pass through his vibrating body harmlessly.
Doc simply transports through with a series of pops. The lasers narrowly miss him a few times.
"Oh God, I helped design that," the flunky wails. "I helped design that.
"Quit your whining," MH says. "We got past it.
"Yeah, but you don't know what's next," flunky Steve says.
|
|
