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Post by mh on Dec 23, 2013 0:07:05 GMT -6
the simian consortium of earth Q:
an exciting & mind jarring tale of
money-house infinite earths starring
the entire cast and crew of the monkey alliance
steve was in the hallowed halls of the old monkey alliance HQ with 3 young ladies from the sophomore math club of "Justice City U" (go fighting blue-fish!), playing up his somewhat precarious connection to the monkey-alliance.
"who's that?" asks bethany, in the hall of monkeys portrait section.
"oh that's monkey-mask jones," replies steve. "he was the very first leader of the monkey alliance. back when they called themselves 'the anthropoidal fraternization'."
"why is there a big X across his portrait, "asks patty.
"because he was a jerk!" exclaims steve.
seeing mh waving him to come, steve says, "excuse me ladies! steve has to check up on the m.a. to make sure they haven't got themselves into trouble."
going into the kitchenette steve says, "mh! what's the problem? these 3 gurls ain't all that, but they are by far the hottest ladies in the sophomore math club! and you're going to ruin it!"
"hey!" says mh, "calm down! our system picked up some sort of weird heat signature. it's probably nothing, but i gotta call it in."
"okay, fine!" whispers steve. "you were suppose to be preparing hot pockets .."
"here they are, "says mh. "you're a friend, but i'm only doing this because you hacked into UPS's database, and made that UPS guy who kept asking taffy out on dates look like he'd crashed into several baby carriages over the last couple of months. that's good work!"
"mh, you and the guys are way too protective of those interns, "says steve. "you're all too careful with the ladies! not steve. i don't roll that way!"
"i know, i know!" says mh. "anyway, i got to go to the control center ..."
mh leaves and steve returns to the sophomore math club semi-babes. but suddenly there's a flash, and a figure appears.
"it is i!" he exclaims. "my name is floyd boyd! in my secret identity i am, "floyd, the mighty boyd'! of the legendary simian consortium! the earth Q version of 'the monkey alliance' needs you! what are your powers?"
not wanting to disappoint the ladies, steve says, "i got crazy computer skills!"
"then let's go!" exclaims floyd, grabbing steve, and they take off in a flash of light.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Dec 23, 2013 20:10:14 GMT -6
With a flash of light, Steve finds himself sanding with Floyd in a satelite high above the earth. Steve walks over to the enormous glass window looking down on Earth-Q. "Woah," he exclaims.
"It's really something, isn't it?" Floyd says.
"Welcome to the satelite headquarters of the Simian Consortium," a voice says from behind them. Steve turns around to see the furry speaker. "I am Manny Macaque, leader of the Simian Consortium."
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Post by mh on Dec 25, 2013 1:14:38 GMT -6
"gosh! it's a pleasure sir, "says steve, shaking his hand.
"here have a nice hot whiskey beverage," says manny.
"thanks!" says steve.
"then strangely, manny says, "it ain't whiskey, unless it's mathers whiskey."
then after a tour of the station manny says, "the reason we brought you here, our two earths have begun to merge. and perhaps there are others. our civilization began 20,000 years before your own ..."
"that's awful! but you must be far more highly advanced than ourselves! right?" exclaims steve.
"you'd think so wouldn't you, "replies manny. "let's beam down to simian HQ."
as manny & steve step on a beam grid, floyd asks, "it this the right switch?"
"yes," says manny with a sigh," and they beam down.
"omg!" says steve as they re-appear on earth. "this is exactly like our own monkey alliance HQ today!"
back at monkey alliance HQ, mh and the math geeks are explaining to babu, the interns, doc quantum, and drivaan what happened.
"we need to go there now .." exclaims babu, "if doc can pick up a trace of their transport signature, he can .."
"hey!" breaks in mh who was putting on a jacket. he hold's the back of it for babu to see.
"look!" continues mh, "somebody wrote in marker, 'mh is gay'! dammit! but i gotta wear it. it's cold & it's the only jacket i got here!"
suddenly the jacket disappears, and appears on a chair in simian HQ.
"gasp!" says steve. "'mh is gay'! i wrote that on mh's jacket as a joke with disappearing marker!"
"yes, the worlds are merging," says manny. "and i don't believe it's natural -- i think it's man made. now meet some other members of our team."
"i'm 'car tossing lad'!" says a boy in a purple suit. "and as per my contract, i can only toss 'vogler szgholies'! i have to hide them all over the city!"
"and i'm 'blunt trauma boy'!" says a muscular young man in 'robin' type uniform, but green. "i was the boy 'beating with hands' champ before i became a hero. i have to say, "have an orange cola punch on me!" before i throw the old one-three or i don't get paid!"
"and i'm 'rock throwing miss'!" says a red costumed somewhat attractive young lady. "i like to chuck rocks at bad guys! but i have to say, 'glonk cigarettes rock my world' before ..."
"you're all a bunch of sell-outs!" exclaims steve.
a bald man rolls up in a chair carrying a newspaper.
"hello, i'm 'doctor brain'!" he exclaims. "i just did the york town times crossword puzzle -- in ink!"
"dr. brain is by far the most intelligent purely human being on our planet, "says manny.
looking at the crossword, steve says, "3 across says, 'spell the word cat'!"
"wow, that's tough," says 'rock throwing miss'.
"what's your IQ young man," dr. brain asks.
"why 143," says steve.
"sigh," says dr. brain. "i'm no longer the smartest man on the planet. drat."
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Post by mh on Dec 25, 2013 2:00:18 GMT -6
back at monkeyhouse HQ, doc quantum & drivaan were explaining about the existence of 'earth q'.
"drivaan and i discovered it while we were taking some 'head shots' of amber who hopes to get her own nickelodeon show."
amber looks down & blushes.
"in this 'flip book' drivaan & i created over three sleepless nights and countless pots of black coffee, you can see in one shot of amber, the 'quiznos' sign changes and becomes a place called 'long sandwich'. and as it continues, you can see our illustrations of how their world and ours seem to be merging. that's why mh's jacket disappeared."
"dammit!" says mh.
"in the ceiling above that tile, doc, kenny, buddy & i created a 'merge proof bubble', " says drivaan. "like a merge-proof 'safe room' that exists in another dimensional plane. it took us ... not quite as long as the 'flip book' to make. hmm, i'm not sure why. but i suggest the interns & students stay in there, in case the merge occurs."
"when did you do all this?!!" demands babu.
moments later, the m.a. members are using a ladder to get the interns & students inside.
"gosh," bethany says to patty, "the real monkey alliance can see up our skirts! this is like a dream."
as mh pushes trudy, who looks a little like rob schneider dressed as a girl into the bubble, she mutters, "mh, when you touch my fanny, it feels so right." the interns snicker and mh looks confused. the bubble, which appears more like a spacious disco-era apartment full of throw cushions than a bubble, has a fully stocked mini-fridge with boxes of wine and ham. there are even pictures on the walls.
"you did all that, but you didn't have time to build a staircase?" exclaims babu.
"hey, we all may have to live in there a while if the worst occurs, "says doc, "and with us the interns and assorted loved ones we'll have to stick in there, getting the chemical toilets installed seemed more important."
"agreed, "says babu." drivaan, i can't reach any other members, communications are all out. i guess due to the impending merge. while we go to the old HQ to track steve, take the monkeymobile and pick up everyone you can. things could get rough."
in the bubble bethany, says excitedly, "who wants to do math problems?!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 5, 2014 14:30:25 GMT -6
As the rest of the Monkey Alliance heads for the old MA headquarters, Drivtaan heads off in the Monkey Mobile to pick up MA loved ones. As he passes buildings, they flicker back and forth between their regular appearance and their Earth-Q equivalent.
The first house Drivtaan comes to is Babu Baboon's. He sees Baboon Girl in the back yard playing with the Baboon Hounds. She looks up in surprise as the Monkey Mobile comes in closer to the back yard.
"Quick!" Drivtaan calls down to her. "You need to get your mother and come with me! It's an emergency!"
"Okay, I'll go get her" Baboon Girl says, turning to the house.
Suddenly, there's a flash and a different house is in it's place. "Mom!" Baboon Girl cries out.
"She's been transported to Earth-Q," Drivtaan says. "Don't worry. We'll find her. But for right now, you need to come with me."
"Okay," Baboon Girl says, flying up to the Monkey Mobile followed by the Baboon Hounds.
"You can fly, too?" Drivtaan says.
"Of course," she says. "I have the same powers as my father." Up close, Drivtaan sees that her features are more human than Babu's and she has a full head of long hair.
"That's good. We don't know what we'll be facing," Drivtaan says. "fasten your seatbelt. We have a few more to pick up... if they're still on this earth."
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Post by mh on Jan 5, 2014 16:59:03 GMT -6
meanwhile, at the old monkey alliance HQ, doc quantum has managed to ascertain steve's whereabouts from the transport signature left behind.
"can you follow it," asks babu?
"yeah," says doc, "i think i can manage to get there and take one passenger along -- but i need power! juice. any kind would do ... ah."
picking up a lamp, doc rips the wires loose and sticks them in his mouth. "ghhh ... n-yeah, that's the stuff ..." he says.
meanwhile, circumnavigating justice city, drivaan has managed to pick up practically every m.a. spouse and loved one, including kenny's incredibly overweight fiancee.
"try not to move around too much, karyn, "drivaan cautions her -- okay there's the pottery barn, it's thursday so mrs. mh and pauline should be there."
landing, drivaan sees them exiting the building, pauline wearing her red mh suit, then suddenly the sign changes to 'stuff that breaks real easy', and mrs. mh disappears along with the pottery barn.
"we'll find her honey, "says drivaan," you have to come with me."
later, returning in the crowded monkey-mobile to m.a. HQ, driv begins helping the loved ones into the pod.
"where's pop?!" exclaims pauline.
"he & the others are out fixing things, "drivaan replies, hurriedly getting them inside.
taffy grabs pauline and sits her down in her lap, next to amber & baboon girl. "look girls!" she exclaims. "she's so cute! like a little mh."
back at the old HQ as doc is charging up, babu gets a text. "it's drivaan -- babu exclaims, "he was able to get a text thru!" then sadness crosses his face as he adds, "looks like everyone is safe ... except for our spouses," babu says to mh. "they got transported. but driv is headed back ... oh, he wanted you to see this."
babu shows a pic of mh's daughter Pauline on his phone, sitting in taffy's lap. "good girl!" exclaims mh, "if the worst happens she's already lined herself up a new mommy! that's my girl! talk about a survivor -- get's that from her old man!"
meanwhile, as drivaan seals the pod, "things wink out and a chunk of the other m.a. HQ appears. the pod, to protect it's inhabitants winks out, becoming insubstantial in this world, and mostly transparent.
drivaan turns & sees four startled girls staring at him. "who're you?" they shriek.
"I'm drivaan of the monkey-alliance," he replies, astounded.
"we are the simian consortium without-pay trainees!" exclaims a blonde in a gray blouse. "i'm sandy, and this is candy, brandy, and mabel! randee was apparently left behind! please to make your acquaintance. we are among the most intelligent girls on our entire planet."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 14, 2014 20:08:45 GMT -6
"You sound like our interns," Drivtaan says. "What is it you do?"
"Mostly try to keep the Simian Consortium from accidently blowing up the world," Sandy says.
"Well, if you're as smart as you say you are, maybe you can help us figure out what's going on here," Drivtaan says.
Meanwhile, back at the old Monkey Alliance headquarters, they're trying to decide who will make the trip with Doc Quantum. Both babu and MH are eager to see what has happened to their spouses. After several rounds of rock, paper, scissorss and eanie-meanie-miney-moe, Doc finally says in exasperation, "Jeez! I'll make the jump and both of you run at me. Whoever reaches me first will get pulled along with me!"
Babu and MH both run at Doc as a flash suddenly fills the room.
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Post by mh on Jan 14, 2014 23:58:29 GMT -6
"omg, "we all three made it thru!" says babu.
"ungg, "says doc quantum, "that really took it outta me. i feel like I been on a month-long drinking binge."
"guys!!" yells steve who is with 'rock throwing miss', and he runs over & embraces the three.
"we've got big problems!" he exclaims. "come with me to meet manny macaque, the wise leader of the simian consortium. (and lowering his voice) a lot of the consortium ain't as bright as you might guess."
as they follow steve, 'rock throwing miss' whispers to babu, "hey, wanna go in the other room & bump uglies?"
"no," replies babu, a little dismayed, "i don't."
seconds later she whispers to doc quantum, "hey, wanna go in the other room & bump uglies?"
"umm, no." replies doc, looking a bit shocked.
then she looks at mh, who says, "yeah, but not with you!"
"hey!" says mh with a startled cry.
babu looks back & sees 'R-T miss' walking away angrily.
mh looks at babu & says, "that b-tch threw a rock at me!" |
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Post by mh on Jan 15, 2014 16:41:48 GMT -6
babu's wrist radio starts to crackle and it's drivaan, "omg, i can't believe this thing is picking up a message inter-dimensionally -- if that's the term. driv, I hear you! what's going on?"
"you & mh's misses' popped back thru and are securely in the pod! mh's wife wants him to find her 'pottery barn' bag, "says driv, "she left it in that dimension."
"listen, you tell her ..." begins an irritated mh.
"oh, "adds drivaan, "we have 4 simian consortium interns here -- and they're smart! maybe smarter than steve."
"no they're not!" cries steve, overhearing.
"before they got transported, they figured out the location of the source of the dimensional disturbance. 'floyd, the mighty boyd' has it in his pocket, on a sheet of paper."
they see floyd standing beside 'rock throwing miss' who, staring at them, is telling floyd angrily, "i think they're all homos."
"really!" says 'floyd the mighty boyd', looking at them with a big smile.
"hey you," says babu, "come here! you've got something we want!"
"yep," says 'R-T-miss', "they're homos alright."
giggling, floyd begins to run.
circling, mh yells, "i'll cut him off!"
"these guys are fun!" squeals floyd as he runs. |
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 15, 2014 19:43:10 GMT -6
MH heads Floyd off and Babu, Steve and Doc leap from behind as all three dog-pile him. "Weeeeeeee!" Floyd cries from the bottom ofthe pile-up.
"Okay, I've got it," Doc says. The three get off Floyd and get into a huddle.
"What? That's it?" Floyd exclaims. "Oh great. Get your jollies then just walk away! You're just like my ex-boyfriend!"
"What is it?" Babu asks as Doc Quantum unfolds the piece of paper.
"It's a formula," Doc says. "It's....." Doc recites the formula and reality suddenly seems to bend around them.
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Post by mh on Jan 18, 2014 20:36:15 GMT -6
"what just happened?" exclaims babu.
"speaking that formula must've somehow affected the rift," says manny macaque, who has just entered. "our without-pay trainees were working on something just before they vanished -- using the old data processing machines that the simian consortium uses as a -- pancake griddle. the top stays really hot! like the units are continually working on something."
randee comes up & says, "they kept pushing a lot of buttons and things on the pancake griddle! i don't know what they were trying to do. anybody in the mood for a pancake?"
"randee is nice girl," manny says to babu, "but she won't be a lot of help. of our 'without-pay trainees', she is the un-smart one."
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 20, 2014 15:09:11 GMT -6
"Do you have the notes they were working on?" Babu asks.
"Sure," Manny says. "They're in their work room. Follow me."
Manny leads them down a hallway to a door at the end of it. He opens the door to a room filled with stacked files, a large chalkboard filled with equations, and several computers and unfinished devices.
"Good luck sorting it out," Manny says. "I never know what half this stuff is. Or wht they're talking about for that matter."
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Post by mh on Jan 21, 2014 22:52:06 GMT -6
just then a guy enters and says, "hi i'm denny!"
"denny and luddy are our fix & make stuff guys, "says manny.
"luddy & i made a dimensional shift proof portal in case of an emergency!" says denny.
"that's just a friggin' tarp draped over some chairs." replies doc quantum.
"yeah? what do you know?" cries denny.
"where's luddy, "asks manny.
"he probably went in the other room to bump uglies with 'rock throwing girl!" replies mh, with a smirk.
"owwww!!" mh screams as he's hit by a rock right between the shoulder blades.
"watch yer mouth!! i got my standards, you big red fruit!" cries 'rock throwing girl'.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 23, 2014 15:29:51 GMT -6
"Try reciting the equation again," Babu says.
"I'm not sure thaat's wise," Doc Quantum says.
"Then throw your voice," babu says. "You're always trying to impress us with your ventriliquism. Do something useful with it."
"I thought you guys likes my ventriliqism!" Doc says.
"That dummy's hella creepy," MH says.
"Whatever," Doc grumbles. "Chicks dig Chuckles."
"Mrs Quantum has to say stuff like that. She's your wife," Babu says. "Now get to ventriliquating. And throw some random variable in there to see what happens."
Doc throws his voice five fet in front of them and says a variation of the formula. Hairbutt suddenly fals through.
"What the hell?" Hairbutt exclaims. "One second, I'm on a P.I. case watching a cheating husband. Now I'm here! You guys owe me $500 bucks!"
Back in the MA headquarters, a portal opens up and an anthropomorphic Rhino in a fancy suit falls through. "What the hell?" Drivtaan says.
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Post by mh on Jan 23, 2014 18:36:10 GMT -6
as drivaan stares in amazement, the figure says, "hello squire, i'm horatio the hippopotamus. I expected this!" he is dressed in formal evening clothes, speaks with a clipped british accent, and is holding a glass of sherry.
"as I see it, the time rift has purged me thru, and replaced me with my doppelganger! it was almost an certainty. come, we have not one moment to lose! we must find the correct position, and then speak the phrases on this card."
"ladies!" cries horatio, as he see's the 'without pay-trainees'. and the girls run up & embrace him. taking the card sandy says, "this is our one chance! if the people back in the real world are doing likewise, we may put the dimensional planes back in place."
"drat!" screams howard vegaton back on the other earth. "they're doing something to screw up our rift machine!"
"but that's impossible!" replies the blue pompadour. |
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