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Post by mh on Jan 18, 2014 1:34:56 GMT -6
several hours later, they are walking back to monkey alliance HQ.
"the one in the the pink sweater was all over you mh, "says buddy.
"i know, "says mh. "i liked her -- she was liek a south korean taffy! tonite was the best time ever! no 50ish south korean man alive parties liek pyongyang! i'm pretty sure i had a popper! but look, we gotta straighten up here. we got to construct a complicated web of lies and deceit to explain why i didn't pick up mrs. mh at the pottery barn! this is serious. i'm skatin' on thin ice!"
"don't worry pal, "says kenny. "we're gunna done used all our brain power to fix things for you.
"omg, i'm doomed." says mh.
a limo screeches up beside them and pyongyang is inside. "homies, i over heard you! we will think of a falsehood later. come, there is an open bar in here & many hot ladies! let us 있다없으니까 it large!"
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Post by mh on Jan 18, 2014 14:21:57 GMT -6
later at 4 am, mh is at monkey alliance HQ drinking malt liquer & amp energy drink, and playing nintendo golf with long duck dong, on a threesome with fuzzy zoeler.
"fuzzy can not make this putt," says 'the donger', who came back the the HQ with them. "it is inconceivable! he is only a man, not a machine."
"jenjang!" cries the donger. "a curse on you ancestors, fuzzy zoeller!"
"well says kenny to buddy, "that ice-cream samwich had done got mh kicked out of the house again. the thing is done pure evil."
"we could stick it in the microwave, "says buddy. but it does got one more wish left."
"no!" squeaks a little voice in Kenny's pocket. "don't put me in the microwave!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 18, 2014 20:04:20 GMT -6
"What the?" Kenny exclaims in horror as he sees his pocket moving on its own.
Suddenly, something pops up from the top of his pocket and they see the ice cream sandwhich has sprouted legs like a scorpion. It climbs out the rest of the way, falls to the floor, and skitters across the linoleum.
"No microwave for me!" it squeaks, running away.
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Post by mh on Jan 18, 2014 23:33:56 GMT -6
it skitters into the break room & under the cola machine.
"come out!" says Kenny.
"no, stupid, I'm not going into no micro ... ahh! a dust bunny!"
it comes scurrying out & Kenny grabs it.
"damned dust bunnies!" cries the ice-cream sandwich. "listen fellas, don't microwave me! I'm not evil. mh just ain't no good at lyin'! listen kenny, if you wish it i could make that south-korean babe from the party love you like crazy. and fat! yeah, real fat!"
"hummm, "says kenny, thinking. "i ain't done married or nuthin' yet ..."
"well let's think about what we should do first," says buddy. "maybe we could use the wish to fix mh getting kicked outta the house again. we could stuck the samich in the freezer 'till we decide."
"no don't stuck -- er, stick me in the freezer! i'd hate that!"says the ice-cream sandwich, rolling it's little eyes mischievously, obviously lying.
"awww, ain't that cute," says buddy.
after they stick the thing in the freezer, they return to mh & the donger.
"we take tom kite this time, "says long duck dong, "that fuzzy practices too much gamesmanship! throws the donger's game off!"
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"and we play spyglass! no more pebble beach -- too many dog legs!"
the doorbell from the side door buzzes.
kenny opens it, and two asian girls burst in, the ones from the party. one has gained a lot of weight.
"i'm a blimp!" the big one yells, eating popcorn.
"i don't know what happened, "says the other one, wearing a gray sweatshirt. "suddenly she can't stop eating, and is getting much big! she insist we come here!"
"mh!" yells the big one, and runs over & jumps in his lap.
"hey, you messed up my putt!" complains mh.
"i have crazy urge to see you, "she exclaims. "can you love me even though i'm heavy?"
"dangit!" exclaims kenny. "he done made the wrong one in love & fat! that iced creamed samich is evil!"
"kenny, you made the wish!?" cries buddy.
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Post by mh on Jan 19, 2014 0:24:30 GMT -6
after a few moments talking to them in korean but not understanding the situation, the donger says, "sorry ladies, but we keeping tom kite waiting! mh has no time for yanky wanky right now!"
"buddy, take jang-mi & jang-seo to the kitchen, "exclaims mh.
"kitchen?" exclaims jang-mi, the big one.
as they leave mh says, "i don't remember her looking like that at the party."
"hah!" exclaims long duck dong, lining up his putt. "you had on beer goggles!"
calming the girls with malt liquer, and microwaving some hop pockets for jang-mi, "buddy says, i can't believe you used up the last wish."
pointing at his brain kenny says. "we done got two more wishes! i used the last one to wish for 3 more wishes! and the other one to make jang-mi big & falled in love with whoever she liked most at the party."
"but you done got 'em mixed up, "says buddy. "jang-seo is the one you liked!"
"oops." says Kenny. |
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 20, 2014 14:49:27 GMT -6
Buddy takes Jang-Seo's hand and says, "Okay, Asian Precious, lets get you to the Monkey Alliance gym so we can done get some of that weight back off you. Kenny's got a wish to make.
"Okee dokee, artichokee," Kenny says, holding up the ice cream sandwich. When Jang-Mi sees the ice cream sandwich with wiggly scorpion legs, she lets out a scream.
Meanwhile, at the front, Kenny's enormous fiance walks in and says, "Where's Kenny? He was supposed to take me to see 'Sack Lunch' tonight!"
She hears the scream from the break room and says, "What's that about?" then starts walking in the direction of the scream.
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Post by mh on Jan 21, 2014 0:58:59 GMT -6
the ice-cream sandwich jumps to the floor & runs under a sofa. jang-mi, terrified, runs over to kenny and jumps into his arms. just then, kenny's fiance walks in. "oh no you diant!" she screams.  "wait!" ways kenny. "you don't done understand!!" "you been messin' around with that bean-pole, "she screams. "i don't care! i can get lots of men! i been talkin' to a guy at jiffy lube!" and she runs out. "oh no, "says kenny, "my heart is done broke-ened. but bros before big women. what i'm gunna did is, i'm gunna done waste a wish on poor mh & his good pal the donger." the ringer buzzes again, and when the donger opens the door, fuzzy zoeller & tom kite walk in.   "GASP!!!" says mh, unable to speak. "looks like yer pretty good, "says fuzzy zoeller, looking at the score, and taking an nintendo control. "but let's see how u play when the pressure is on." "oh, yeah? we kick you butts," yells the donger. "you guys old! real old! older than mh even! let's do this thang!" |
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 23, 2014 15:14:58 GMT -6
Jang-Seo goes to join Jang-Mi in the gym. Once she's gone, Keny breaks down.
"Whut am I gonna did?" Kenny sobs. "My big beautiful tulip is gone forever!"
"If'n yah want her back, why'd you done waste a wish on MH and Donger?" Buddy asks.
"Cuz I don't want to use magic to make her love me again!" Kenny cries.
"You could use yer last wish to keep her from reaching that fancy boy at Jiffy Lube, Buddy says.
"But that won't stop her for long,' Kenny says. "He does transmissions at Jiffy Lube! How am I supposed to compete with a glamorous job like that?"
"Hmm. This might take more than one wish," Buddy says. "we might need to hand the ice cream sandwich to someone else."
"MH would just use it to gets a night of passion with Taffy," Kenny says. "Donger would want to get more partying in. The Jangs would want Jang-Mi skinny again."
Budd's eyes light up and he snaps his fingers. "fuzzy zoeller & tom kite haven't done made any wishes!"
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Post by mh on Jan 25, 2014 13:07:16 GMT -6
moments later, "okays guys lemme get this straight, "says fuzzy zoeller, "this crapified ice-cram sandwich will give me three wishes, right?"
"yes," says buddy, "I know that sounds impossible ..."
"no," exclaims fuzzy, "in the 70's I had a 5-iron that did the same thing! i wished for my own bar, season tickets to the new york knicks, and to bang ... somebody. farrah fawcett? no ... angie dickenson? the landers sisters?"
"it don't matter fuzzy!" says kenny. we need you to done fix all our messes."
"hey guys," says fuzzy, "if there's a wish left over i could start hittin' balls like i did 20 yrs ago & break some of tiger's records! get a few more masters under my belt!"
"oh no, "says buddy.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jan 30, 2014 21:09:09 GMT -6
Fuzzy Zoeller takes ahold of the ice cream sandwich, closes his eyes, and makes a wish. They suddenly find themselves transported across town staring at the Jiffy Lube from a distance.
"There's that dang fancy boy!" Kenny growls.
Suddenly, a VW Beetle pulls into the parking lot. Kenny's fiance starts to slowly squeeze out.
"Quick! Now's yor chance!" Buddy says. "You need to done get over there and stop her from getting to that Jiffy Lube!"
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Post by mh on Feb 1, 2014 2:10:00 GMT -6
deftly, Kenny gets a snickers 
out of a vending machine, ties a fishing line to it, ties the other end to the bumper of the VW and hotwires it. he, buddy and fuzzy zoeller jump in & kenny says, "gun it buddy! when my gurl sees that snickers, we'll need the biggest head start we can get!"
seeing the snickers dancing across the parking lot, Kenny's fiancé forgets about the transmission guy & makes chase.
"she's gainin'!" yells kenny. "step on the damn gas!"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 1, 2014 11:08:36 GMT -6
Once they're a good ways from the Jiffy Lube, they slow down enough for her to grab thesnickers. There's a sudden flash of light and the Beetle, Fuzzy, Kenny, Buddy, ad Kenny's fiance are transported to the parking lot of the Mall of Justice.
"Okay, Romeo. You're up," Fuzzy says.
Fuzzy steps out of the Beetle and walks around to where his fiance is eating the Snickers. "Um.. hello, love dumpling," he starts.
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Post by mh on Feb 1, 2014 16:21:37 GMT -6
Kenny, using the charm & personal magnetism he is known for, makes up with fiancée.
"well this has worked out perfect, "buddy says to fuzzy zoeller in the VW. "karyn is smooching on keeny & a getting chocolate all over him! but we got one wish left. we should ..."
a mini cooper screeches up with jang-mi & jang seo inside.
"jang-mi is getting on biggest loser!" yells jang seo. "we youtubed her & jeff probst call right away! make lots of money, look hot -- maybe get on a soap opera! she is also become president of mh's fanclub! love him from afar like i do skeet ulrich! so long!"
and they zoom off.
"what do we did with ther last wish now?" asks buddy.
"give it to me!" says a little voice.
"it's the ice-creame sandwich!" exclaims fuzzy.
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Post by Babu Baboon on Feb 1, 2014 19:14:29 GMT -6
"What should I do?" Fuzzy asks.
I guess let the ice cream sandwhich have the last wish," Kenny says.
The ice cream sandwhich begins to turn yellow and glow. It sprouts wings ad its body transforms into a long, S-shaped form. It has a long face with two very large eyes. "Thank you for freeing me. Imay now return to my home dimension." With a flash, it dissappears.
"I didn't think that was gonna happe," Buddy says.
"Oh well, what're ya gonna do," Fuzzy says. "Hey, you guys like malt liquor?"
"Does the pope shit in the woods?" Kenny says. Fuzzy laughs and slaps Kenny on the back and the three head out for a night of revelry.
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"What a riveting tale!" Dick the albino bowler says. "Buddy, don't be shy with the draft beer. Get yourself one of those cups we use for the jumbo sodas and fill it to the brim.... Now, who wants to go next?"
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Post by mh on Feb 1, 2014 21:23:17 GMT -6
"yes buddy," says dick, "that's it -- use the 48 ouncer! try the micholob! you won't be disappointed!"
"what, no bizarre twist ending this time?" ask drivaan.
"oh, excuse me!" cries dick. "i forgot to mention ... bazzlor, the ice cream sandwich, not only used the wish to transform himself, but his entire race! and using their new powers they returned the next day, and bazzlor became supreme ruler of earth! nasty business, i suppose you should not have given him that wish."
"but that didn't done happen," cries kenny. "did it?"
"that seems sort of far-fetched," says drivaan, throwing babu a look. "i mean, not even our greatest villains have managed to accomplish that! not even professor hasselhoff."
"hasslehoff!" cries dick as he drains another bud-lite draft. "bah! that guy is no super-villain! but you have other adversaries who ... !"
then regaining his composure dick throws another strike. the lights flash crazily, then that alley goes dark.
"he slipped a little," drivaan says to babu. "stay alert."
"ah, now what tale is next? it'll have to be a whopper to beat that one!!" exclaims dick, the albino bowler.
" mh ... build that burrito right! don't skimp on the sour cream & guacamole ... yer not at taco bell! and dump on lots of chopped onions and shredded cheese! that's real aged smoked mozzarella. go on, you only live once. pamper yerself!"
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